Had another poignant conversation in-sys the other day, you know what that means:
Below cut is the transcript since that’s the only really important part of it all(apologies for the low effort on the imagery, it turned out longer than we had expected)
Jester: Hey…you’ve not been around much
Beast: Isn’t that a good thing? I know many of you feel relieved at least a little. We share the same brain
Jester: Well. Yeah. But it feels wrong
Beast: …
Jester: I miss my partner in crime, I guess
Beast: Well. Yeah. But you’re the real go-getter here. To be honest I’m not all that sure where you end and I begin. You’re the one selfish enough to get what we need just as much as I am. I’m redundant. A bitterness that doesn’t serve us
Jester: Thats not..you know that cooperation isnt exactly the same as being one and the same. Besides, I….I need you to ground me. I repress all thats bad to maintain happiness but someone needs to keep tabs on the reasons we’re like this, you know?
Beast: Yeah well, Mold has taken up that role lately haven’t they? Better them than someone like me. I just. Cause guilt
Jester: Well Mold is made from guilt. And yeah maybe they do let us feel and process the bad stuff but equally so they make us just. Accept it. You actually DO something about it
Beast: So do you.
Jester: … well…..yeah….god! You’re really just gonna make me say it aren't you? I dont do it well!! All I do is hold onto delusional hope because what else is there??!
Beast: I don't do it well either??? Void could easily replace me. They’re objective. And less violent than I am.
Jester: But they’re not personal. At the end of the day it’s our life. It’s…it’s NORMAL for us to be so volatile
Beast: Its not safe-
Jester: NOTHING is safe! None of us are perfect! We all just. Do what we can with the dysfunctional hand that we’ve been given
Beast: …
Jester: I know what you’re thinking. Let yourself feel it. Let yourself be selfish. Nemo isnt here to hold you back
Beast: But it feels different when its about your whole…you know…purpose. God you’re right. I just. I’m just looking to shoulder off the parts of me that I share with y'all and disappear. I dont like this life. And no amount of grandiose little magic could make me truly happy. Not in this body. Not in this context.
Jester: You’re not the only one here who gets species dysphoria you know?
Beast: So even that see??!? Not even that makes me special. We truly wouldn’t loose anything significant of ourselves if I just fade away.
Jester: Someone needs to hold the anger. The cruelty.
Beast: I don’t want that to be all that I am.
Jester: And it doesn't have to be. At the end of the day we’re all…us, you know? Branching off like split ends but we all come from the same trunk. We’re all made of the same wood. We’re going to overlap. Hell, you don’t think I’ve had my fair share of existential crises?? Do you know how much of MYSELF I share with a lot of you? Crow’s creature-ish whimsy could easily replace me. Your ability to just DO what needs to be done regardless of the cost. All I DO is borrow Void’s magic and Mold’s disconnect from the body. If we were our unique features all I would be is…a mask. All I’d be is whatever those around me liked. We work because we work together.
