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being a system is wild because I can watch something that makes me feel happy and excited but because its about content related to an alter's source I also feel and experience their emotions while I watch, even if they're not co-con. Like if it makes them sad or anxious I will also feel that mixed in with my own emotions and sometimes I don't even realize that its theirs and not mine and I'm like "hmm, why am I suddenly having an anxiety attack? Oh wait, thats not me"
screaming into the void because that's all I can do
host drew some vent art to cope with feelings about being host for as long as she has
having alters is like. Imagine a person inside your brain, or your favorite character or whatever. Anything. Put them in a situation. Say you want to imagine them on a beach, chilling out under an umbrella with a drink in their hand. Then you think "what if they got up and went to go for a swim in the ocean?" But when you try to imagine that, nothing happens. Like, they don't move. You're trying to picture it, but its not happening. Whatever you do to force the scene to change and the character to move, they don't You have no control over them. And instead they look over at you with this annoyed expression and they're like "I don't wanna get up and do that. I'm comfy right here. You can't make me do that." Or maybe something like "I don't like this actually. I'd prefer a hammock in the woods." Or "I don't want this drink, I'd rather have a sandwich." Because its not just a character in your head. Its a whole other person. A whole other conscious being able to make their own decisions and have their own thoughts and desires. You do not control anything they think or say or do, no matter how hard you may try.
Quick Intro
Hi, this is The Library in the Clouds. Collective nickname is The Skybrary. Adult OSDD-1b system. Just trying to live our life out and learn more about ourselves. We're pretty chill and mostly use this account for our system ramblings/art/memes whatever.
We prefer she/her & he/him pronouns when addressing us collectively, thank you!
If it matters to you, I'm what the younger crowd is calling 'endo-friendly.' Plurality is extremely nuanced cause every individuals experiences are different, and I'm too old to care about being cliquey and exclusive.
(Specifically Raph fictive heavy. Source for this one)
its truly incredible how actually addressing my mental health, giving myself the time, space, and patience to work through my trauma actually helped me when I went through a more recently traumatic situation. Because I actually knew what to do for myself. I couldn't stop the episodes but I could educate my loved ones on what best to do for me. I could predict when something might trigger me and be able to step away and recompose. I could take time to rest and not feel guilty about needing it, because I treated it like I would being sick. And because I did all that, the outcome was not as dire as it could have been.
I cannot undo the damage but I don't feel broken anymore, if that makes sense. I actually feel like...like I can still live and be happy.
we've been working on improving system communication and it has made such a difference in our daily life, like omg. If I can't find something or don't remember where things are, I simply ask through the right channels instead of attempting to force the memory and whoever has the memory will respond to let me know where the thing I'm looking for is. Because I acknowledge when emotions I'm feeling aren't mine, I don't get horrible headaches or breakdowns as easily, because I'm able to recognize who IS upset, and address them/the problem appropriately. It's actually kind of crazy how much better my mental health is getting now, not only because of medication, but also because I know the system better as a host.
had a moment the other day where I was trying to find my keys in the house and for the life of me couldn't cause they weren't in the usual places and I was getting really frustrated so I just asked out loud "where did we put our keys, guys??" and from somewhere in the back an alter instantly threw the memory up at me of where they put it when they were fronting last and I was like "GEEZ, omg, thank you" and I didn't realize until after I left how much of a System Moment that was. idk made me laugh.
some alters here have made artwork and idk if I should post it or not because like. its mostly the fictives... And we're afraid that people are gonna see it/find it and be like "omg is this some kind of AU with these characters? what's going on? why are they behaving that way? That's so OOC" like Yes It Is Because It's Not The Actual Character From The Show/Movie, It's An Alter In Our System That Just Looks And Maybe Acts A Little Like Them, And This Is A Very Personal Depiction Of Their Reaction To Something That Happened To Us In Real Life and/or Headspace.
But how do you casually explain that to someone who doesn't know DID/OSDD stuff without coming off as rude? like idk man
