#system.lore

[inkwellsys]

we were thinking about and subsequently trying to explain how we perceive these new identities that are forming in our headspace. this is As Accurate as we can describe the Feeling of who we are right now. extra thoughts under the cut

also:

lots of thoughts… but yeah we are all Separate Alters made up of other Separate Alters that are now Unseparate unless you look at canary and sage. I think we did a good job using paper and colors for this. It’s accurate to the feeling in headspace for each alter. Kind of a vibe/soul/body/thoughts depiction. I will probably go over this later when we have time to annotate things (it’s my favorite pastime…) and will reblog with my additions later.

[inkwellsys]

aaaaaa aaaaaaaaaa

[inkwellsys]

good lord. putting this here because I think it’s important to have somewhere else for my own reference… even though we have all of it in our brain anyway. erm

[inkwellsys]

I fear we want to be tangible. Played with, mentally. Our sense of self is tied to our affinity for colors, sorting things, learning, understanding. Maybe we could make more things, build more information that is physical and can be touched. Make diagrams, zines, toys… we enjoy making presentations and annotating our own works, making diagrams and different representations of our being… our need for self understanding and outside understanding go hand in hand and there are very few people willing to learn about US and understand and listen; it’s just all too much information to comprehend. Let alone give to someone else…

with our thoughts confined to our own head, we remain resilient and attempt to give all of our ideas and information to the outside. understand, view, confuse, turn away, ignore, whatever you wish- we will still be here, creating

[inkwellsys]

ok havent talked about this on here in depth but its our blog so i can do what i want. our system is restructuring in a way we are still learning about, figuring out, etc. its very confusing but it feels more Correct than how we were before. this is our new (hesitant) system map, with information we have Definitively decided on being in the boxes rather than the ellipses. the lines barely make sense though we did this late at night several weeks ago. we're still figuring this out so this could possibly change in the future. crazy stuff!

EDIT: I already posted this. whoops. don’t care

[inkwellsys]

figuring this out. very slowly. this also is overwhelming, scary, worrying, et cetera. We really aren’t sure where to go from here, or what to explore to figure it out.

[inkwellsys]

screenshotted rambly thoughts about what we’re going through at the moment. under a cut because it’s long

I hope these are in the right order. Really I’m just irritated at the term “system collapse” because it feels too dramatic for what’s going on in our head right now. this feels greatly more like a restructuring of how our system works, even if it’s functionally the same as a “collapse.”

What I believe is going on (from limited knowledge) is that we will finish forming/fusing alters together in around a month, and then sort our original “layer” of alters into the new categories we are currently making. It’s all annoying and very very slow but. At least things are happening.

[inkwellsys]

you can read it in my text but you can also certainly hear how my mental state is from my speech, my partners and roommates can attest to us masking hard around others, then when in good company, dropping the mask and being confusing, complicated, undefined, delusional