One of the scenes from the movie Your Name. THIS WHOLE THING IS PROBABLY A BIT SPOILERY! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! (highly recommend the movie though!) It’s also probably more understood if you did see the movie though.
EDIT: The ending scenes of the movie with Fenris
Verse: Modern-AU / Your Name AU
Ship: Fenders
Misc: Minor angst, hopeful ending
This is it. This is it!
No matter how many times Anders repeated that to himself, his nerves refused to calm. There wasn’t anything to be nervous about after all! Maybe? This whole thing may just turn up with nothing. Kirkwall was a big place and he’s seen enough of it to know how much bigger it was than his simple smalltown home in the Anderfels.
He readjusted himself in his seat as the train passenger beside him got up and another took their place. Anders continued to sit with his thoughts, repeatedly telling himself that he didn’t have to be nervous about anything (maybe). His heart jumped upon hearing the district name the train had arrived upon. He turned to see them approaching the platform. His eyes carefully scanned the crowd. Anders could feel his nerves acting up again as his heart pounded heavily in his chest. Maybe the other won’t be here. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe this whole thing was just one big terrible-Ah! There!
Anders practically leapt from his seat. He tried to shuffle through the tight crowd. Quick mutters of ‘excuse me’ and ‘sorry’ left his mouth as he hurried to the end of his cart. Swiftly he opened the door to the next train cart over and was met with a similar sized crowd. His height, for once, Anders thanked as he was able to see most of the people on the train. And there it was: Hair as white as snow itself. Anders couldn’t help but smile in relief as he slowly made his way through the people. It was him...! It really was him!
With each step he could see it the intricate design on the other’s body and the pointed ears. Anders didn’t have to see the other’s eyes to know. He was sure this was the one. “Fenris...” he whispered ever so softly, as if it was the first time he heard the name and had to say it once more. Slowly, Fenris looked up from his phone and Anders was met with the shine of the elf’s eyes.
A brief silence fell over them. Nothing but the creaks from the tracks and the murmurs of the other people on the train. Anders has seen this exact face so many times in the mirror but it was different this time. It was, after all, Fenris who was looking back at him. The oh so serious Fenris, hiding his childish humor behind such a handsome face. Anders knew he must’ve been grinning ear to ear. He wondered how he must look to Fenris.
Fenris gave a few blinks in return, eying the man before him carefully. Finally, he replied to the call of his name. “Who are you?”
Anders was stunned into silence as the smile slowly fell. Suddenly it was as if his whole world fell apart. Everything that happened in the last few months...Was it truly a lie? A dream? Nothing but a fantasy? Was this the ugly truth that he denied for all this time?
“Sor...Sorry...” Anders forced out as he started backing away and ducked his head, trying to hide the tears threatening to spill. He never thought a single question could break his heart like this. It was a mistake to come here. He had to get away.
The opportunity came to his need when the next stop arrived. When the doors opened, he let the tears fall.
“Wait!”
Knowing the voice so well, even in the void of all the chatter around him, Anders whipped his head around to see Fenris look back and taking steps toward him, only to get caught in the incoming traffic. Anders himself was getting pushed out with the outgoing crowd.
“What’s your name...?!” the question was desperate, panicky even. As if he needed the answer then and now. Fenris still looked confused, possibly unsure to why he was asking, but it didn’t change how much he needed to know.
A breath was caught in his throat as Anders felt the hope return to him. No, it wasn’t a dream. Fenris felt it too, surely, he must have. With no time to waste as each step separated them more and more, Anders pulled on the braided cord in his ponytail. Letting his hair fall as the teal cord untangled itself, Anders flung his cord. “Please remember me! My name is...Anders!” He got to see Fenris’s hand grab the other end and only then did Anders let go of it. Anders looked from other’s hand and up to the elf’s face. Fenris still looked confused, still unfamiliar of who he was looking at or why he just reached out for a stranger’s hairtie. But Anders only felt reassured. He got to leave a part of himself with the other. Anders gave a tearful smile as the train door closed.
The ending scenes from the movie Your Name with Fenris.
Here’s a different scene but with Anders (mild spoilers, and you might not get it without the movie anyway).
CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS but I also feel you won’t get it without the movie’s context. I highly recommend the movie though.
Verse: Modern-AU / Your Name AU
Ship: Fenders
There was a time in my life when I was obsessed with a small village in the Anderfels. I can never remember why. I learned so much about it but I could never pinpoint the reason of my studies. I settled on myself being mildly curious to how the villagers survived the meteor that crashed into it a few years ago. It was a phenomenon everyone was talking about for a while. Still…there were sketches, notes that couldn’t comprehend yet were of my own writing, and newspaper articles that I kept tucked away neatly in my drawer. I never considered myself a hoarder but I couldn’t bring myself to be rid of anything that I collected regarding the place or the event.
Maybe those were the only clues I had. I feel like I am always searching for something…for someone? A feeling that lingers at the back of my mind…
Always…
Always…
Fenris almost drifted off while standing but the light bump from his head against the train window could only wake him up. He hated giving vulnerability of any kind when out, but lately it was hard to not just accept sleep. When he dreamt it was as if he got closer in his search. Even if the dreams produced no answers, it now tempted him in ways they never have before. After his head bumped the train’s window a second time, he shifted in his stance.
Feathers.
Fenris’s eyes widened as his hand pressed against the glass and he stared through parallel train’s own window. The black and gray feathers were at the end of a necklace. Fenris’s gaze drifted up and was met with a beautiful shade of honey brown eyes. It took another moment to sink in the rest of the other’s features: strawberry blond hair, a distinct nose, and the man was staring back in the same look of awe, surprise, and familiarity.
It was him.
Panic rose in him as the trains started parting directions and his view of the other man was suddenly blocked by passing signs. The last thing he saw was the same look of panic from the other man.
Wait. Who was ‘him’ though? Fenris knew he had to reach him. But why? Fenris eagerly waited for the next stop, no matter how many times he questioned why.
As Fenris dashed out onto that platform, he made a mental note of the general direction he should be looking. Did the other man even get off though? No, that is ridiculous to think so! And yet it didn’t stop Fenris from running through the streets of Kirkwall and looking frantically for that shade of strawberry blond hair. It was him. Whoever he was!
Down this street? Over this bridge?
No. Nothing. Not here. Not him.
The corner of his eyes caught a shade of reddish-yellow and he halted in his run. At the top of stone stairs Fenris took in the sight of familiarity as the man from the other train stared back at him between heavy breaths. Fenris slowly approached the bottom steps, continuing to eye the stranger.
“It’s you.” Fenris had to fight off saying such nonsense. He didn’t know this man. Yet, he felt like he did. Somehow. Yet no name or memory of this person came up. He bit down those words as he tore away his gaze. Fenris forced himself to walk up the steps, but didn’t look towards the stranger. Maybe he did see this man once. Maybe it was a friend of Hawke’s and Fenris just saw this person in passing.
Yet that wouldn’t explain this tug he felt when he passed the stranger on the steps who was on his way down. It was as if he was getting pulled back. To go to this stranger. Fenris peaked over his shoulder ever so slightly.
Teal.
He blinked in surprise, seeing a teal cord tied like a ribbon in the stranger’s ponytail. The pull within him was stronger now. Fenris realized he didn’t continue walking when he reached the top of the steps. He took a breath and turned his whole body around. “Wait!”
The man stopped in his steps.
“Hey...” Fenris repeated in a softer tone, “Have we...met before?”
Slowly, the stranger turned around. There were tears running down his face but Fenris saw the most hopeful look from the other. He felt his heart skip a beat when the stranger smiled at him. For some reason it warmed his heart up to see this man happy.
“I...thought so too...!” the stranger replied with glee. Fenris then realized he too had tears running down his face. What was this? Was he happy? Oh Maker, how silly of them...to be crying over such a thing. But Fenris found he did not care about this weird ‘nonsense’ anymore. He had found him.
“What’s your name...?” they asked each other in unison. Fenris never thought two voices could sound so good together.
Saw that you're taking prompts and if you want, what about 22) "Did you just hiss at me?" with Fenris and Anders? ;) (loved the one you wrote for tearsofwinter!)
Send Me Prompts!
First off, THANK YOU!!! Aaah @tearsofwinter was the first to prompt me so I feel like I didn’t do a good enough job on the first drabble. Like I was super rusty??? But I’m glad someone liked it enough to send me a prompt due to it!!! So thank you again!
Usual: “idk if this is what you’re looking for” (b/c I imagined it being funny before it…didn’t turn out funny) + “this is too long for a drabble”
No seriously, I kind of feel I should start posting these to AO3 at this rate.
Verse: Modern-AU with magic
Misc notes: Pre-fenders to potential fenders; mentions of tranquility (regarding Karl); Anders+insecurity issues/self-loathing/probs other things; Fenris gets beaten up by Pounce a few times (bites and scratches); everyone is an asshole (I’m watching someone play DA2 and I was kinda reminded that…everyone shits on Anders. A lot)
Link to ao3 chapter: here.
“I never hated you.”
All these years and the stupid mage decided to simply announce that tidbit of information (okay it wasn’t that simple but that would be another story)? Fenris found he was not only in disbelief but annoyed. All the wasted time spent hating on someone who did not even hate you in return! “Right, you never hated me.” He made sure to sound extra dry in his response.
“Believe whatever you wish. I already know the same can’t be said for you towards me.”
That part Fenris knew he could not argue with. The seething burning sensation he felt every time the mage spoke was proof enough. Except…
Maker, Anders did not seem so bad when you know he wasn’t hating you. Still annoying though. If Anders spoke the truth then everything that came out of his mouth sounded less like a personal attack.
What followed soon after for Fenris was guilt.
Why verbally attack someone who does not hate you? It suddenly seemed wrong to talk down to Anders when seeing the mage look away in hurt (along with anger), and retort with his own string of ugly words. Now the elf only felt like the bad guy. Say something mean and someone’s feelings gets hurt. Go figure. But it was how it always was. That’s just what they did. Why change it now?
Fenris sought comfort from the quips Anders received from the others. A little from Aveline, mostly regarding the amount of work Anders and other mages put on her and other cops with all the meet-ups and protests; and Isabela making light of said-protests. It didn’t make Fenris feel alone when he decided to give Anders a hard time. The guilt didn’t go away though. If anything it got worse and his friends, well, now they just seemed a little…too mean. Sure, Fenris knew no one here was an angel but you’re not supposed think everyone’s suddenly worse either. The look of shame and hurt on the mage’s face became hard not to notice every time someone took a jab at his plight. It was all in good fun wasn’t it? Anders took it too seriously anyway, and it only brought everyone’s mood down so they’re just changing topics…right? So Fenris didn’t stop. He’ll keep hating the mage like always (maybe with a little less intensity). It was better this way, to keep everything the same as it was.
Anders had confessed his feelings to Hawke. The news tightened something within Fenris, though the elf wasn’t sure what it was. A different tightening feeling occurred right after the first when it became evident Hawke did not return said-feelings. Everyone seemed to have understood that Anders needed some space and didn’t comment of his absence from game night.
That only seemed to apply for the first few times.
Now Anders needed to “get over it.” The mage missed so many nights since the whole thing with Hawke. It was only one excuse or another: “sorry, I have a rally to go to,” “sorry, I volunteered at the shelter,” “sorry, I volunteered at the downtown clinic,” “sorry I don’t have a lot of money right now.”
“I’ll go talk to him.” Hawke was either foolish or the only brave one here. But who could judge when no one opposed the decision?
Anders showed up to the next game night, and things seemingly went back to normal. Just as it should be, and just how Fenris liked it.
“My cousin’s in town for about a month,” Hawke announced one day in game night, after Anders left. “Probably won’t be seeing Anders for a bit.”
“What? And they don’t come to see little ol’ me?” Isabela feigned offense, “But I supposed they have always been fond of Anders. Oh well. I suppose that’s for the best though.”
“Mm? Why’s that, Izzy?” Merrill asked in curiosity.
“The two have always gotten along. Anders always seemed very happy around them. He seems…very down lately. He could use some cheering up.”
Fenris concluded there might’ve been some truth to that. He only met this Amell family member once, only for the sake of introductions. They were a mage though. It didn’t take long for them to show an obvious distaste for Fenris the moment he expressed his own strong opinions on mage matters. It was no wonder they got along with Anders. Whatever. It wasn’t his business. If anything, Fenris might feel his own form of distaste. This visit ruined the routine Fenris grew accustomed too. Game nights without Anders felt…different.
During the month’s stay, Fenris often saw Anders out at night with cousin-Amell in the streets of Hightown from his apartment window. Anders never goes to Hightown without good reason, and especially not doing so at night, while smiling and laughing as he walked. Hawke was never with them and no one seemed to see Anders at all during most of this month (alone at least). It was always a curious sight whenever Fenris caught Anders out and about during the busy night with someone that wasn’t part of their main group, looking as happy as he was. Has Anders never smile or laugh? Well of course he had! But it was…different here somehow. More joyous. More genuine…
The guilt still hasn’t left.The guilt also got worse (again) when Anders resumed his regular attendance to game night again, indicating Hawke’s cousin had left. Fenris never saw Anders smile and laugh like that since the last time he watched the pair pass his apartment window. Now every chuckle and grin Anders displayed only seemed to disconnect Fenris from the reality he was viewing. It seemed wrong. Was Anders not happy? Was he not having fun? After all, why bother coming at all if you’re so damn miserable?
Fenris could not bring himself to say anything when Anders showed up one night with a small cut on his forehead. Fenris knew he usually did say something, mostly along the lines of the mage being his usual foolish self. It wasn’t the first time, nor was it the last, that Anders would show up with minor injuries from his protests and rallies for mage rights, and sometimes even elf rights. Anders never seemed to have enough mana for himself. It seemed silly to ask, not that Fenris ever did, but if one was not healing yourself and you still run out of mana…then how much healing was required?
“You seem broodier than usual.”
Fenris sighed. Figured Varric would be the first to notice. At least the dwarf had some decency to bring it up after everyone left for the night. “Am I?”
“Sure. A bit quieter so it throws off your whole brooding thing a bit. Too depressing, not even charm. Did karma come around to bite you in the ass?”
Maybe. Perhaps. Fenris wasn’t sure. “It is just the mage. Why must he show up as rugged and disheveled as he is every time? If he is so tired he should just not come at all.”
“Well, you gotta remember he did not show up at all. You don’t just…not show up when Hawke prefers it.”
Ah. Right. Hawke dragged Anders back.
“Right…perhaps I am the tired one. I have had some difficulty sleeping recently.” Guilt apparently made it difficult to rest up well…
“Blondie may help you with that. Well, depends how professional you want of a diagnosis. I can give you sleeping pills if needed. Blondie just…advised I do not offer it as a first resort. But we all know how you are with him, so I just won’t mention this to him and let you get by without him breathing down your back over it. But just say the word and I can get you some!”
“Thank you, Varric. I will think about it.”
“Take it easy on him if you see him though. Blondie seems to be having it rough lately. Well, rougher, anyway.”
Fenris vaguely recalled where Anders lived. He never had a reason to really go see him (and that goes for all the places Anders frequented). Maker, it was disgusting. The streets were littered, the buildings looked old and worn, the roads were unfixed, and Fenris could’ve sworn there was a dead animal somewhere with every corner he turned. He had known this man for years and he could never fathom how Anders could stand living in this part of Kirkwall. Last he checked, Anders was a bloody doctor. What kind of doctor earned less money than…literally everyone else in the group? That guilt feeling started coming back again…
Fenris eventually spotted the mage standing next to a bus stop. No time like the present. He swiftly approached and touched Anders’s shoulder for his attention. Fenris swore he barely touched the man, but just from mere brush against the hoodie he heard a terribly threatening hiss, and withdrew his hand immediately. Anders turned slightly and took out an earbud.
“Did you just hiss at me?” Fenris questioned before Anders could say anything.
Anders only looked at him in confusion. “Did I what?” Anders looked down before even waiting for Fenris to repeat the question. “Oh Pounce, what’s the matter?”
As Anders lifted the bottom portion of his hoodie up, Fenris spotted an orange ball of fluff. That hoodie was already ugly when he first saw it, but Fenris wasn’t sure if the little built-in pouch holding a cat made it better or worse…
“Are you scared? It’s alright, I won’t let Fenris hurt you~” Fenris had never heard Anders us such a childish tone to talk. Nor had he ever seen Anders nuzzle and kiss a cat with such love and affection. “There, there. That’s it, Pounce. It’s alright. No need to feel scared.” Maker, this man adored his cat…
Upon calming the cat down (though Anders still cuddled him), Anders finally paid his attention to Fenris again. “Is there a reason you’re waiting on me?”
“Erm…yes. Varric recommended I go to you for suggestions. I have had some trouble sleeping as of late.”
“Oh, now you seek out a mage’s help? Tch…”
“As I’ve stated before: magic has its uses. Now will you make use of it?”
“Right, right…” Anders muttered without looking at Fenris. He sighed as he gestured down the street they were on. “Come on, my place isn’t that far from here.”
As they walked, Fenris saw the bus pass them. Anders didn’t say anything.
Anders placed a small jar on the counter that held oddly colored leaves inside. “Take this before you sleep. Stay off your phone though. After a couple of days, tell me how it is and if you have any allergic reactions to them. You don’t need to chew it. Just drink down a leaf with water. It doesn’t have a taste so it shouldn’t be difficult.”
Fenris looked curiously at the item. “That’s it?” and no magic?
“Yeah. It’s natural. Nothing like those over the counter stuff. Which I guess are fine for the short term, but not if you need to rely on them. Hopefully it’s just a passing thing, but might as well get used to this stuff if it works for you. Just in case.”
“I see…” Fenris picked up the jar. The leaves looked thin and loose enough to just drink down. “You are not going to ask questions on my change of sleep problems?”
“I would, but I figured you don’t like telling me anything. So I decided to not waste both of our time and just give you what you wanted.”
“Right…and what are you charging?”
“Just take it. I can always get more.”
The guilt came back. “I do not wish to owe a mage anything.” Okay, that may have came out wrong.
“Tch, fine. Just throw in a few sovereigns to the clinic or animal shelter. Or both.”
The guilt got worse. Fenris resisted pointing out the ripping wallpaper, the table with a wobbly leg, the dripping sink, and the too-easily-to-break door. He was afraid to sit down or lean on anything in fear of breaking it.
“I…shall then…” It was the only response he could think of.
“Alright. Well if that’s all there is. You can go. Pounce and I are taking a stroll to the grocery store.”
And what? Buy bread and feed it to the geese? Okay Anders might actually do that…
Anders looked around for the cat. Fenris saw the orange tabby on the floor on his side of the counter licking his paws. He reached down to retrieve him for Anders, just out as an act of being nice. The cat hissed and without warning, the claws came down on the hand that reached for him. Fenris yelped as he pulled his hand back.
“Pounce! No!” Anders quickly picked up the tabby. “Bad, Pounce! You do not attack people like that!” he used a scolding tone, though it was probably as ineffective as scolding a child. Anders sighed as he readjusted his grip on Pounce while approaching Fenris. “I’m sorry about Pounce. He…doesn’t like most people. Do you need something for that?”
Fenris could see the claw marks on his fingers. “No. It is nothing.” he tucked his hand into his pocket and resisted the urge to hiss himself as it the pressure stung. “So you are to say that beast is picky with his company?”
“Well I guess so…I’m not sure what it is. Pounce seems to hate everyone. Except the Amell family. Well, Carver’s the exception. Oh but he adores Hawke.” Anders chuckled as he nuzzled Pounce. It was the first time Fenris recalled seeing such a warm smile since Hawke’s cousin was over. Was a cat always this effective for Anders?
“Oh yeah, Anders loves his cat,” Hawke said when Fenris approached them the next day. “The cat loves him too from what I can tell of cats. Which isn’t much I guess.”
“I was informed this…Ser Pounce…is rather fond of you.”
“Oh yeah,” Hawke laughed in-between drinks, “It’s really funny. Maybe I’m just good with animals. Pounce likes Bethany too though, and myself of course. And um…my cousin, and their lover. Pounce absolutely hates Carver though…and others I assume. Anders says we’re the only ones he recalled Pounce liked. Us and Karl.”
“Karl?”
“Oh, you remember. Anders’s old lover. The one who got turned Tranquil despite passing his Harrowing. That big case a few years ago.” The case that the mages lost, and justice was never served. Fenris never really thought much about it, but being reminded of that case only made him feel…bad.
“…And you are saying you never had to change the cat’s opinion of you?” Fenris asked instead of delving further into the negative feelings.
“I mean I guess? Well, Pounce didn’t like me right away. Probably because I’m a stranger. But he warmed up to me. Sort of around the same time Anders did.”
Fenris blinked curiously. “Anders was swift to like you though.”
“Yeah, and so was Pounce!”
There was no way. It can’t be.
“I wish to see your cat.” Fenris announced to Anders as he stood before the man’s apartment door.
“…Why?” Anders put himself before the door frame, guarding the entrance.
“I’m interested in cats.“
There was a flicker of interest in Anders’s eyes. “I…suppose you can come see him. I guess it’s not a bad sign if you want to see him even after he attacked you.”
Anders let Fenris in and the elf searched for the orange tabby. Pounce was laying in the sunlight coming in through the window. Fenris only got a chance to kneel down beside him before Pounce woke and immediately got his claws into Fenris’s jeans. He immediately felt the sting in his knees…
Fenris came by again later that same week. This time he brought a cat treat for Pounce. He offered the food on the floor and tried to push the little treat closer. Pounce sniffed it for a moment but promptly ignored it.
“Strange. He usually eats anything you give him,” Anders noted out loud, watching from behind the elf. Fenris tried pushing the treat in front of Pounce’s path again but before he could pull his hand away, Pounce, well, pounced. Well…at least he can make up a story to why his knuckles bled…
Fenris came by again by the start of the next week. This time, he handed Anders a box of pizza. “I had some from work. Brought it in case you were interested.” Fenris didn’t say more as he went to scan for the cat. Pounce was on the couch this time and watched the strange exchange between Anders and Fenris.
“Um…thanks…?” despite the confusion, Anders didn’t want to complain about the free food and happily hummed as he started getting out a plate for himself. Fenris went over and knelt before Pounce who eyed the elf with intent. Carefully, Fenris slipped the treat before the cat. Pounce sniffed it before taking the treat into his mouth. After Pounce finished, Fenris offered his (bandaged up) hand to the cat. Pounce didn’t look aggressive. Taking that as a good sign, Fenris tried to pet the head like how Anders would do it. Before he even touched the fur, Pounce bit his finger.
Fenris stopped by once again. This time, he handed Anders a new box of bandaids and a new bottle of disinfection. Both acting as a replacement for taking up all the supplies from Anders. Fenris found he was able to pet Pounce’s head today, but only for a moment. Pounce bit him again when he felt he was being pet for too long.
Another day Fenris came by with nothing. But he did mention the silly cat shirt Anders wore was charmingly funny…in its own way. He caught a small smile from the mage, and Fenris found he was able to pet the cat’s head a bit longer than five seconds before he started hearing a growling sort of noise and he retreated his hand before he got attacked again.
And that’s how it went. Fenris visited at the rate that it would be considered ‘often’ to a lot people. He would bring over food for himself and Anders sometimes. Anders seemed to always be hungry. One time he brought a movie that he felt Anders might enjoy (he did. It involved cats). Otherwise, he offered some words. Nothing too out there. Just a nice compliment here and there. “Why is your hair not up today? No, it is fine. But perhaps you should wear your hair down more often-if that is something you like,” “You make good cookies. The children would like them,” “No, keep the movie if you like it so much.”
Slowly, Pounce seemed to accept his presence. Not completely, as even at Pounce’s most patient days, Fenris had walked out with a new scratch on his skin. Anders always apologized for them, even when there was nothing Fenris felt that needed to be apologized for.
Finally, by the end of the month, Fenris was able to get his hand to start from the top of Pounce’s head and down his back without being attacked.
“Hmm, wow, I think Pounce is warming up to you. Your effort is pulling through! I’m so happy that Pounce gets a new friend!” Anders sounded proud, as if Pounce was a child…
Fenris stood and went over to the kitchen counter were Anders was pouring tea for the two of them. “Did Hawke have as much trouble?”
“Not really,” Anders flushed slightly, “Hawke is…Hawke. They’re a bit irresistible…”
“…why Hawke?” Fenris dared to ask and Anders froze in mid-pouring. He stopped and put down the hot water as he eyed Fenris suspiciously.
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. The cause of your temporary absence.”
Anders shrugged and went on to pour into the next cup. “What’s there to say? Hawke’s nice.”
“Nice…”
“Nice,” Anders stressed.
“…That’s it?”
“What else do I need?” Anders put down the water and took out the teabags.
Compassion, listening skills, supportive, probably at least likes cats, and appreciate each other’s interests, just to list a few.
“I assumed more than just…nice.” Fenris replied with instead.
Anders shrugged as he pushed a cup towards Fenris. “I can’t expect my lover to be perfect. No need to be picky. I don’t have much to offer anyway…and I know I’m annoying and such.”
Fenris swallowed, feeling more and more uncomfortable whenever Anders talked down on himself like that. “That is a dangerous mindset, Mage. Anyone can be nice. Many have for the sake of saving face.”
“Yeah but you can usually tell when they want something in return or not. You eventually start to pick up that stuff. Hawke…Hawke’s kind. They…really listen to me…”
Fenris felt his brow twitch. “Mage…has no one mentioned to you that you need to raise your standards?”
“Why would they tell me that?”
Fenris had to resist smacking himself in frustration. “That aside, Mage. If you are so good at telling when someone’s trying to trick you, then what is my purpose for feeding you?”
“You want to see Pounce, what else?” Anders gestured to the cat.
Fenris stared. “Why do you not assume I wish to see you?”
“Why would you want to see someone you hate?”
“…Maybe you are not so hatable.” Maker it shouldn’t have come out so easily. But it did become rather difficult to hate someone who eagerly wanted his cat, never mind himself, to make a new friend.
“Heh, right, sure. I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“…you do not believe me.” Fenris stated matter of factly.
Anders raised a brow. “You’re trying to convince me you do not hate me?”
“Should I try harder?”
“See!” Anders pointed with accusation, “You’re never serious with me! It’s always hatred or sarcasm!”
Fenris glanced over at Pounce. The cat looked like he was staring into his soul…
“I…did not mean offense. I apologize.”
“You…apologize…?” Anders looked away in discomfort. “I…that’s…nice of you…I guess…um…thanks…?”
Fenris just hoped that Anders (possibly) believed him. For now. Mostly because Fenris could not remember why he hated this man anymore.
Fenris wasn’t sure what to do. He had spent over a month seeing Anders and Pounce, most of that time spent trying to befriend the cat. It was meant to be an experiment, a way to put out the growing curiosity. He didn’t think Pounce would actually respond the way he did. Before he knew it, he got carried away with it.
But now Anders seemed almost content being in the elf’s presence, excited even, on some days. He expressed a similar shy smile that he used to have when around Hawke. Fenris froze in his thoughts. Oh no…
Fenris ran his hands through his hair. Okay, so maybe there is a possibility he accidentally made Anders have more-than-friendship-based-feelings for him now but…a part of him felt he should still be liked beyond just being nice! Did he even do anything especially nice? Sure he knew he fed Anders on some days. There was also the minor compliments of course. There was the time he brought over a used, but large, jacket for Anders upon noticing Anders’s current one was getting too worn down. Fenris could’ve sworn Anders used the same jacket during winter and he was fairly confident the one he owned was warmer. It got difficult to get Anders to (eventually) accept it.
Okay so that was one nice thing he went out of his way to do. ONE! Or maybe two if one counted the time he shared his wine with Anders one night at the Hanged Man.
This was trouble, and bad, and…probably something to be expected after all the acts he had done to appease Pounce. Or…appease Pounce for…Anders? Fenris wasn’t sure anymore.
If there was anything he was sure about now it was that Anders didn’t eat enough. The only time he’s ever caught Anders with food was when he was the one giving Anders the food! He also knew Anders didn’t splurge on many luxuries except for the cat. Pounce was spoiled rotten. It wasn’t hard to notice the soft cat bed looked a bit too new in comparison to Anders’s mattress that looked like it was sagging from the one time Fenris went into the mage’s bedroom. Fenris also knew Anders cared (too much in Fenris’s opinion). There was always someone to help, always something to fight for, and always some poor animal to save from the rain.
Just thinking about it felt like it was too much…But as Fenris felt his heart ache at the thought of Anders constantly moving through life like this, he knew he too cared a bit too much. Maybe he was more sure than he originally thought.
Game night came once again, and Fenris waited outside the Hanged Man for Anders to arrive. He almost expected Anders to give a look of suspicion but…not as of late. If Pounce approved a person, it somehow spelled ‘good’ in Anders’s mind. When Anders arrived, he looked surprised, and then looked away with a tint of red on his face. Fenris felt the insides of his chest getting particularly warm as well. Maybe not enough things were said between them, but avoiding it now wouldn’t do.
“Um…is there a reason you’re out here…?” Anders looked ready to enter, but Fenris didn’t budge from the entrance.
“I was waiting for you.”
“…oh. Um…I’m here? What’s going on? Am I in trouble for being a big bad mage?”
Fenris sighed and closed the distance between them. Anders stiffened as the other got closer. Fenris felt his heart pound a bit too loud for his liking, but he had a feeling Anders might be feeling it just as a bad. Or worse. With a shake of his head, Fenris tried to meet with Anders’s gaze. Anders only persisted to not look at him. Not wanting to push his discomfort, Fenris stopped and let a moment’s pause pass before speaking. “…Do you wish to have coffee with me sometime?”
Anders’s head snapped up. “…What?”
“Do you wish to have coffee with me sometime?” he repeated patiently.
He could’ve sworn Anders’s face changed color as he tried to get out a response. “Wh-What?! Wait, a-are you inferring something? Wait, is this a joke? Because if it is, it’s not a very funny one you know!”
“It is not a joke.”
Anders only folded his arms in disbelief.
Fenris continued. “I…know I am not the most ideal-”
“What?!” Anders exclaimed, cutting in, “Fenris, you’re like one of the most desirable bachelors in all of Kirkwall!”
Fenris blinked. This was news to him. Never less… “It does not change my question for you.”
“…But you can do better than me!”
“I fail to see how that relates to what you want in regards to my question.”
Anders fell silent, looking rather torn.
Fenris sighed again as his heart started to ache once more. “As I said…I know I may not be the most…ideal person. I have treated you badly, and I do not know if I ever truly apologized for it. I would not hold it against you for saying no. I am…prepared for it. You deserve someone who will treat you well.”
“Not really…” Anders let out an empty laugh as his hand wiped at his eyes. “Heh…wh…what am I supposed to say to that, Fenris? I…I don’t know, I just…”
“Say whatever you fe-”
“It’s not that simple!” Anders suddenly exclaimed. “Of course I want to! I just…don’t want to disappoint you…Heh, I mean, I hear that I’m rather good at that! Disappointment. Being a mage does that you know. I often disappoint people without even having to open my mouth usually.”
“Well whoever suggested such a thing is wrong,” Fenris stated harshly. Anders dropped the forceful smile he just put on. “This is not about everyone else and they will think. It’s about you and your happiness, and whether or not you feel I am capable of helping in providing some of it. This is not about Kirkwall, or Hawke, or mages, or any of whatever you think has to do with who ‘deserves’ what! Just once, can you do that? For yourself?”
Fenris wasn’t sure what kind of look Anders was giving him. He had never seen it before. The mage looked confused, and something else. Maybe he was in thought as he tried to decipher what was said. Fenris couldn’t blame him. He wasn’t sure if many people expressed such a thing to Anders before this moment.
Anders fiddled with his hands, and looked away again. “I can…try.” Anders finally replied quietly.
“That is all I ask from you. Regardless of how you wish to answer me. Just know that there is more to me than just simple acts of kindness. Believe me when I say: I may disappoint you before you could ever disappoint me.”
“Never,” Anders shook his head. Fenris could see how much the mage genuinely believed that. “I think…one cup of coffee wouldn’t hurt.” And Fenris saw a small smile on the other’s face.
It was almost a relief to Fenris. He never really saw himself as nice, but it was a rather good trait. And he could always show he had other qualities to like, at least, he had hoped he did. Like Anders, Fenris decided he had to at least try to bring those good qualities out. If not for his own sake, then for Anders’s.
@araglas1989: I could use something sweet. How about when Fenris sister comes, she brings fenris child with her (she doesn't betray him, danarius followed her) now fenris doesn't only have to care for a sister (a mage nonetheless) and a teenager.
I like the OC I ended up making. He’s pretty. Maybe I’ll draw him one day. And I tried to make this fluffy > 3<
Also, special thanks to this prompter for being the first to use my ko-fi button (located on both my blog+art blog!)!!! I’ll keep doing my best to deliver stories to the best of my ability! Thank you so much for your support!
Misc. notes: pre-fenders-but-everyone-knows-they-like-each-other-and-are-just-waiting-for-them-to-become-“official”-already (so it def ends “official” as fenders) / the term ‘abomination’ is used a few times for Anders in the beginning / no one here likes blood magic so minor (tho unified) lack of interest in Merrill
Link to ao3 chapter: here.
Fenris has learned that not many things go according to plan when living in Kirkwall. Everything from his adventures out with Hawke to...whatever his current interactions with the mage has become...
With that in mind, he knew things couldn’t go smoothly when he entered the Hanged Man the day he went to meet his supposed-sister (that turned out to be real), but he also didn’t expect...everything else that came after. Whatever this was.
Silence.
Nothing but the occasional sips he took from his bottle of wine, the clacking from utensils meeting a plate, and the complete and utter lack of conversation where constant chewing and drinking filled the air instead. Fenris always mused what it must feel like to have a family. To have the one thing Hawke has...or had. But when the Maker decided to be funny about it, Fenris found he wasn’t prepared for a family. This is considered a family right? His sister, Varania, was still a sister even if he had no clear memory of her. He learned he apparently fought for the sake of the people of his own blood. Even if the plan may have turned out for the worst for all of them, did that change their relationship? But now that he had a sister again, what does he do now?
“Please chew with your mouth closed,” Varania scolded, being the first to break the silence at the dinner table. At least, that’s what Fenris assumed this was: A table. In the mansion’s kitchen. With people eating around it. That’s a dinner table right? Fenris found he never needed to have company over for a meal, just for cards.
The loud chewing stopped as the young elf sitting beside Varania closed his mouth, tucked his strawberry blond locks over an ear, and continued to chew silently. Fenris found he much preferred noise over the awkward silence in the air though. But the boy that Varania brought with didn’t speak much, not to Fenris at least. The boy has openly spoke to his saviors that day at the Hanged Man, and later spoke in Tevene to Orana. Then he’d pretend he doesn’t hear Fenris when being addressed by him (until Varania scolds him into responding).
“I’m sorry, Leto.” Varania apologized on the younger elf’s behalf.
“It is...fine...” Fenris awkwardly replied as he eyed the boy staring blankly at his plate while chewing. Brown eyes looked back at him occasionally but otherwise the young elf seemed to enjoy pretending Fenris wasn’t here. His long hair fell over his face again but this time he did not fix it.
“I’m going out.” the teenager announced before standing from his seat.
“Put that in the sink!” Varania immediately pointing at plate. Fenris watched as the younger elf did it without complaint. “Yes, Aunt Varania,” being the only thing he said, and it was without the dripping sarcasm Fenris knew the boy was capable of. The young elf didn’t say another word as he swiftly left the room. Silence continued on until the siblings heard the front door of the mansion open and close.
“I am sorry about Hati...”
She must’ve apologized for him hundreds of times by now. Fenris almost felt guilty that she still felt so guilty. “It is not your fault,” he stated, trying to ease whatever he could of the situation. He found comforting wasn’t his strong point over the last couple of weeks. “I...I shall keep trying to talk with him. I do not wish to push him either but I shall remain patient.”
“Thank you, Leto...”
Leto...Fenris found he also had to get used being called that too. There were simply too many things to get used to since they killed Danarius: His sister, the discovery of his own son, the loss of the boy’s mother, Alina, at birth - another memory that Fenris grieved in losing, and his own hesitance at the fact that he now lives with two mages.
Anders was putting out the lantern early. He had to get moving while light was still out or risk getting attacked while carrying heavy supplies. With the flames out, Anders readjusted the currently empty bag over his shoulder and turned only to catch a pair of brown eyes looking at him from behind a pile of crates. Anders blinked a couple of times as he stared back. Upon realizing that fact, the eyes descended to hide. Anders made sure to make obvious noise in his steps as he slowly approached the stacks of crates. Hugging his knees on the floor was Hati, glaring at the ground. Anders knelt before him, but made sure to keep appropriate distance. “Hi Hati. What are you doing here?” he asked with curiosity. It was a genuine question as Anders found the young elf stopping by the clinic more often than he used to. Ever since day one when Anders helped take down Danarius, with Justice, the boy and Varania didn’t seem to think highly of him. Exclamations of “It’s an abomination!” being the biggest hint. Justice wasn’t pleased to hear that but what could they do in this situation?
It was unfortunate as Anders found he could no longer visit Fenris in his mansion as often as he used to now that both Varania and Hati has also taken up residence in it and the last thing he wanted was to make them more uneasy. Not only that, he saw less of Fenris in general with the amount of time the warrior spent fixing up parts of his mansion and getting to know his...family.
Despite the initial avoidance, Anders had spotted Hati around the clinic, often watching him work. He had tried reaching out to the youngster but the elf never reciprocated the attempts, and so Anders didn’t expect much of a response right here either.
“...why are you locking up the clinic at this time?” he asked quietly, as if afraid people will hear what he had to say.
Anders was taken back with surprise. “Oh, um, I have to go meet up with some of my patients. I’ve been neglecting on keeping my clinic stocked on some supplies so I’m going to go around to see if any of them have empty bottles and sacks for me to bring back. That way I can make more potions for Hawke and the others as well as for other patients.” Anders hoped his explanation was what Hati was looking for.
“Why don’t you just buy more? Or send someone to do it for you?”
“Um...well, the clinic runs on donations. Any money I make with Hawke I use to buy things I can’t get anywhere else. But if I can save a little bit by reusing things then that will go a long way. And I would ask those of Darktown to help but they don’t know everyone I see. Otherwise I would,” Anders offered a smile and lowered his voice into a whisper, “Because it’s easier to give the young ones coin than to their parents.”
Hati didn’t seem fazed at the suggestion. Maybe he didn’t understand what Anders was implying. Giving up, and not wanting to push Hati into any forms of discomfort, Anders offered a friendly grin again as he stood up to start on his way.
“Can I come with?”
Anders looked to his side as Hati stood. “...Of course you can!” he replied happily. It was a bit immature, and Anders would admit it, but to be potentially accepted by someone who initially rejected him (especially someone related to Fenris), well, it was more than he ever thought he’d get.
Kirkwall was a strange place. The south in general, supposedly, was just like Kirkwall. Mages everywhere are locked up in the Circles and at the mercy of the Templars, even the humans. The people in power are the non-mage humans of all things. Maybe Kirkwall isn’t so bad in comparison to Tevinter. Except the only thing that didn’t seem to change was that elves were still treated poorly.
Hati knew he didn’t want to ever go into the Alienage. It reminded him of Tevinter. That, and the blood mage lived there. It confused him just by the mere fact an elf was a blood mage. Maybe it was a Dalish thing? She seemed so nice otherwise...
Then there was the abomination. He was the most confusing out of all of them. He was merged with a ‘spirit’ as he calls it, is a human, and helped defeat a Magister. He was powerful. So why does he not rule Kirkwall with an iron fist? It was an answer Hati wasn’t sure if he’ll ever find. It was suspicious that Anders was closing the clinic early tonight though. Was he up to something? Was he going to secretly perform blood magic rituals with Merrill? Despite the possibility, Hati had a hard time believing it. He could always check, and run as fast as he could if things get out of hand. He did know a good stun spell.
Instead, the pair stayed in Darktown. Anders greeted the various residents and stalls. He does not enter one’s home without being invited in. Nor does he raise his voice to threaten or demand. Anders knelt down to talk to any children. He kindly asked if anyone’s finished using his supplies. Some have, and some haven’t. He thanked them regardless and would continue on his way. Sometimes the mage gets offered gifts of thanks. Anders always refused them. Sometimes he would cave if they were persistent enough, or if the gifts were from small children. The gifts have ranged from a single flower picked off the dirt nearby, to a copper, to a newly sewn tunic. If he was offered food, Anders would only take a portion of it, never the whole thing. Sometimes, Anders spotted a small injury on someone. A cut or bruise mostly, nothing serious as far as Hati could see. Anders would offer to heal it, most of the time with magic but occasionally he’d pull out a bandage roll and health potion.
Before Hati knew it, they had a bag of empty bottles, and Hati found himself back at the clinic with Anders. They were alone. It was now or never to settle his dying curiosity of this strange abomination.
“...why do you not just kill the Templars?” Hati asked as Anders carefully placed his bag onto a cot that already had other supplies lying around on top of it. With how much Anders complained about it, Hati was surprised this man didn’t just kill Templars on sight.
Anders stared back in surprise at such a question. “Trust me. I’d like to. But not all Templars are bad people. It would not be right.”
“But I’ve head you say they are.”
Anders sighed. He started sorting the bottle sizes on the cot before continuing. “Not all Templars are bad people, but all Templars are a danger to me and all mages. There’s a difference.”
“I do not understand. You’re free here. Why won’t you all rise like the Magisters in Tevinter? Why do you not just GO to Tevinter?!” Hati didn’t mean to express impatience, but none of this made sense! There had to be a lie here! A trick! Fenris, a slave that ran from Tevinter, was clearly a little closer to a mage than one from his situation should be. The two weren’t exactly hiding how often they eye each other and sit or stand comfortably close to one another. Did the mage manipulate and control Fenris?
“...It’s different here,” Anders eventually answered. “And I admit, I’ve considered going to Tevinter. But I do not wish to hurt people if I don’t have to. There is no reason to become something like a Magister. I don’t want to rule over people, I just want to live life without having to worry about death and hiding who I am from others. Tevinter is not the answer.”
“But you will kill people?”
“If I have to.” Anders repeated, his tone hardened.
Silence filled the air, save for the occasional clanging from the bottles that Anders set down. “...how come you’re friends with...Fenris?” Hati prompted instead. He dared to move a bit closer to the cot. Just a step. Anders tossed the now-empty bag to the side and moved himself over to the pot accompanied by various small jars filled with ingredients.
“Well...we surprisingly have a lot in common. We just had to shut up and talk about it. And come now, don’t speak of your father by name like that.”
Hati frowned. “He is not my father!”
Anders froze for a moment, but continued working. “I apologize, Hati.”
The elf blinked in confusion. He has heard Merrill apologize numerous times for some of her clumsiness. He has also heard Aunt Varania apologize to Fenris a lot. For them: for being a burden, invading the mansion, being mages... And he had heard Fenris apologize for not being in his family’s life. Not that it meant anything. It didn’t matter. They don’t know each other. Regardless, it wasn’t the same. To hear an apology from a human mage left him a bit dumbstruck.
“I understand how you feel.” Anders added as he started dumping ingredients into the pot.
Hati folded his arms. “No you don’t...!” he spat. How could he?! He’s an apostate from the south! His father didn’t put him into extreme poverty, left his mother and grandmother to die, left his Aunt to raise him for all these years! Alone. No one, just to two of them. The feeling of hunger became numb to him...
Hati became startled when Anders put down the ingredients he was fumbling with and looked straight into the boy’s eyes. Should he stun the man and run now? Anders, however, didn’t move from where he stood but he relaxed his posture. Hati found himself mimicking the relaxed state. “I also have no father. At least...I’ve personally disowned him as a father. He’s probably still alive. I wouldn’t know. I don’t plan to see him anytime son. He stopped being my father the day he turned me over to the Templars. I was a bit younger than you are though when it happened. I guess I wasn’t mad about it right away. I think I had hoped he’d come get me. Or my mother would. Obviously, it never happened. I know it’s not the same thing at all. But I understand not seeing your birth father as your father, and you’re in the right to do so. Sharing the same blood doesn’t always equal family. I...I think Fenris is a good person, and to me things were out of his hands. But...I should’ve considered your feelings on the matter. And I apologize for not being more considerate on that when I should’ve understood how you felt.”
The mage seemed genuine in what he said. He even seemed nice a lot of time. Not all the time though, not with that demon thing inside him. But as Hati looked around the clinic, all he recalled seeing here were the poor from both humans and elves alike. This was all too confusing. How did he, a dirt poor elf, end up with more luxury than a human mage? He was fairly certain his own bed at the mansion was bigger than the space Anders slept inside of. But...Anders was still a powerful mage. He knew how to fight and kill a man, but he also knew how to put flesh back together. He wielded magic as if it was a child’s toy. Not even Aunt Varania seemed to understand magic the way this man does and never once had he seen Anders attempt blood magic. Maybe there was...something to him after all...
Hati slowly approached the cot and stood directly opposite of Anders. The man gave him his full attention, but didn’t say anything. Hati suddenly felt a sense of shame. Anders always seemed patient with him despite how he treated the man in return. Was it out of pity? Was it because he was still a kid in his eyes? But Anders wasn’t very condescending to him. Anders also seemed very experienced in life when he wasn’t making silly jokes. Hati sighed and looked up at the man. “I...know this might be strange to ask. And I know you might not like me very much...but can you train me in magic?”
What surprised him was the way Anders’s face lit up in excitement at the question before getting he got out an exclaimed “Yes!”
It was strange. Hati has run off multiple times but he usually came back, or was brought back, by this time of night. Fenris paid a visit to the Hanged Man, back to being bustling and filled with drunks as usual. Except the warrior found no one had seen his son. He next went to visit the Chantry. Sebastian found Hati there one time, but apparently not today. Fenris went up to Hawke’s estate only for Bohdan to tell him that Hati didn’t visit today. This was concerning...Fenris swiftly went to Darktown, skipping the Alienage and just hoped Hati was with Anders. Anders did mention Hati had visited at times, if only to watch. Even if Hati was not there, he hoped Anders would’ve at least seen him.
Fenris approached the clinic door and swiftly knocked. “It’s me!” The door was swift to unlock, and Fenris was rewarded with Anders opening the door with a bright smile on his face.
“Oh Love, I’m glad you’re here!”
Fenris couldn’t resist the grin from appear on his face. “’Love?’ he repeated.
Color briefly drained from Anders’s face before it was swiftly covered in feverish red. “Th-That just came out! Don’t you dare make fun of me for it!”
“Oh, why ever would you think I would do that?” Fenris asked only to get a playful shove from Anders.
“Oh shut it!” even with that, Anders tried to hide the laugh behind the comment. He let Fenris in and shut the door behind him. In the moment, Fenris temporarily forgot why he was here. He had spent so long trying to make conversation with Varania and Hati on top of adjusting to the overall changes of his living situation that he had missed just being with Anders. Sure, they have not had time lately to invite each other to bed, but even Fenris found himself missing nights where they share conversation over a nice meal or drink. Fenris had to resist a groan at the reminder that he wasn’t sure if Anders was eating much...
Before Fenris got to his question, he noticed Hati in the middle of the clinic. The boy was holding one of Anders’s staffs, observing its shape and design. He’d test the weight of it and tried swinging it around, though with far less grace than Anders had.
“Oh, that’s right,” Anders brought his voice down to a quieter tone. “Hati asked me to train him in magic!”
“Has he...?” That’s...good? Fenris wasn’t sure. Not to mention, he wasn’t sure if Varania would approve. Then again, does she have authority over him? This whole family thing is complicated. “How is he as a student?”
“Oh, well, we haven’t really started on anything. I’m letting him feel different staffs. I know Varania had one, but I don’t know if she ever had him use it. I wanted him to see if anything stood out to him; but no worries! I’ll teach him from the ground up!” Fenris saw Anders’s smile swiftly drain from his face. “Is it...weird?”
“Is what weird?” Fenris asked with a slightly raised brow.
“That...I’m teaching your son magic? I...know Tevinter brought you nothing but trauma and then two mages just moved into your place and now it’s topped off with me trying to help Hati hone his powers; it’s just...is this too much? Because...I feel like helping Hait would do some good. But Justice keeps nagging me that it might be unjust...to you. Someone who is intertwined with all of our lives, even just a little, and I didn’t even discuss it with you!”
Fenris noticed Hati had stopped twirling the staff and was eying them carefully now. He looked back to Anders. “I am fine with it. If I were to trust anyone to teach him magic I would entrust him to no one else.”
This brought a smile back to Anders’s face. Fenris couldn’t help but give one in return. “However, it is probably only right that we discuss the matter with Varania as well.” Fenris sighed upon saying that but continued to try and reassure the other. “Do not worry, Mage. If I can learn to understand Justice, then I think she has little room to complain. I’ll see to it that she understands.”
“You don’t have to...but just hearing that is really touching, Love. I mean-Fenris! Oh Andraste’s tits...!”
Fenris chuckled. He granted the mage some mercy as he resisted to tease him over it. “It is...unfortunately getting late. I feel I should bring Hati back to the mansion with me.”
“Ah, yes, of course...” Anders turned around and also finally saw Hati was (still) quietly observing the pair. “Fenris suggests that you both head back home. It is a bit late and that’s when everyone decides to be an asshole for the day. But you can come back anytime and I’ll try to train you. How does that sound?”
Hati nodded. He put the staff onto a cot before heading over to the pair who started opening the clinic door. “...Thank you, Ser Anders.” he said just above a whisper and headed out first without looking at Fenris.
As Fenris started exiting as well he ran his hand over the mage’s arm and held on until Anders looked at him. “For the record, Mage, I do not mind being called...that.”
“You....don’t?”
“No. I do not,” Fenris replied confidently. He looked to see Hati waiting for him by some stairs before looking back to Anders. “We...should have word. Alone. But you may still call me...whatever you’d like.”
Anders beamed. With hesitance, their hands held onto each other before Fenris had to part them. He didn’t look back as the temptation to just hold the mage in his arms again was too strong.
The walk back to the mansion held the same awkward silence Fenris found himself usually having back at home. “I am happy that Anders is helping you.” It was worth a shot to initiate a conversation. Silence only continued and Fenris sighed.
“Why do you like Ser Anders?” Hati asked after the initial pause. Fenris found himself startled that he was even asked a question but didn’t hesitate to grab onto the opportunity.
“He...well, we have discussed much of our lives. I am not sure what you rather hear. He is kind, rather humorous, very caring, and filled with...passion. I suppose that might be an alluring trait.”
“I agree.”
Fenris raised a brow, unsure if he wanted to question what part of his statement Hati was agreeing with.
“I...do not fully understand everything that Ser Anders says. Everything in Kirkwall is so different. Everything I knew of him is different. But...he is admirable.” Hati confessed. Fenris saw the boy’s face relax upon admitting his thoughts. “I feel like you aren’t so bad...if someone like him can like you.”
Fenris wasn’t sure if he was supposed to take that as a compliment or an insult.
Varania wasn’t pleased of the news of Hati running off almost every day to learn from Anders. In fact, she often ended up at the clinic herself just to ensure that no one started summoning demons and slicing their skins.
It was during this period that Fenris’s home routine started shifting. For one, Hati was more talkative. He showed off little tricks that Anders taught him, and talked about how Anders saved all those workers from the Bone Pit or that he helped a mother give birth. When he wasn’t speaking he was reading through notes that Anders gave him to study, even while at the dinner table. Well, Fenris later found Hati was looking at pictures. Varania didn’t have the chance to teach the boy to read. When Anders found out, he encouraged Fenris to help Hati in his studies; reminding him that everything in the notes were things Fenris already knew how to read. He was hesitant, but Fenris did just that and offered to help Hati. Now with more free time, Varania was also eager to assist in Hati’s learning. Hati started memorizing plants and their names, and went to Fenris to ask the names of said-plants if it became too hard for him (in which Fenris embarrassingly went to Varania when he also did not know how to read something...but they were longer words okay?). It was then, Fenris suggested to bring Hati along to Sundermont.
“Why? What if we’re attacked?” Hati questioned, his nose buried in the notebook a moment earlier.
Fenris picked up his sword that was leaning against the wall. “I will keep us protected. We shall help the mage gather some supplies. It might make it easier for you to memorize what to look for.”
What Fenris didn’t expect was the excitement and curiosity Hati expressed the moment he spotted his first elfroot. He’d open the book and looked between the eflroot in person and compared it to the sketchy illustration. He’d sit there and try to sound out words based on the letters and not from memory. When he finished he’d move on to the next thing he found.
The pair gathered an abundance of plants, herbs, and roots before returning to Kirkwall to seek out Anders. They both dropped off sacks of supplies before the mage. Upon seeing Anders’s surprised and grateful face was when Fenris saw Hati light up in pure glee. It the first time his son smiled in such a way since arriving to Kirkwall.
Between both reading and magic lessons, Fenris found Anders also was occasionally speaking about magic with Varania. While Hati laid on an unused cot to read through a new book, Fenris came upon Anders helping Varania on her postures and how to effectively use a staff. Fenris felt a strange warmth come up inside him. It was new, but a good kind of warmth.
It was family dinner time and Hati was retelling stories that Anders must’ve told him. Fenris found he already knew most of them, but it was a pleasant sight to see Hati be excited about Anders’s adventures. It was also pleasing to see Varania take an interest as well.
“That broodmother sounds absolutely vile...” Varania said with a shake of her head.
“Of course it was! That’s what made the fight so amazing!” Hati exclaimed, as if needing to defend Anders’s story.
“Oh I agree. I just pictured the broodmother as Hadriana.”
Fenris found himself chuckling at that. “And neither of you questioned about his cat bringing his companions back to life?”
“Well Ser Pounce was clearly a magic-cat!” Hati defended. “Or maybe it was Ser Anders’s own magic? Can he do that?”
“Oh I’m sure they weren’t really dead. He must’ve healed them swiftly enough in battle.” Varania pointed out. She turned to look at Fenris with a rather serious expression. He lifted his drink for a sip as he anticipated a question from her that he may need time to answer. “Leto, I understand you’ve been away from Tevinter for a long time, and I know the South must have some of their own traditions and cultures...But when are you going invite that man to live in your home?”
Fenris choked on his drink.
After a moment of coughing, Varania found he was fit enough for her to continue. “You cannot string him along like this. We’ve already burdened him with helping us. I was surprised to learn you never invited him to live with you. Even the poorest of those in Tevinter have made attempts to share burdens when courting and I have yet to see you put in such effort. Surely I do not need to remind you that he lives in a sewer!”
“Yeah!” Hati exclaimed in agreement. “I told him his passion was as bright as the sun itself. You know what he said to me? ‘Oh that’s a compliment if I’ve ever heard one. That is very sweet of you, Hati. Thank you.’”
Fenris glared. Hati smirked in response.
When Anders opened his clinic door, he knew it was Fenris on the other side. But he didn’t expect Fenris to be holding a handful of colorful flowers...flowers that Anders was pretty sure belonged in a garden from one of Hawke’s neighbors.
“Oh, well, this is a surprise.” Anders grinned and let the elf in before closing the doors behind him.
“I know it is late but...” Fenris didn’t finish the sentence and practically shoved the flowers into Anders’s hands.
The mage smiled. “They’re lovely, Fenris. Thank you. What did I do to earn such a lovely gift from my favorite elf?”
Anders noticed the flush that appeared on Fenris’s face as the warrior tensed up before he responded. “I...I am aware we have not spent as much time together since the incident with Danarius...” There was the complete and utter lack of sex for one. Okay, no, that was not the important part right now! “And...I wanted to ensure you that despite that, I do not want you to feel that I have neglected you.”
Anders felt fluttering in his chest, as if he was teenager all over again back in the Circle, and he knew his heart just melted. “Oh Love...that is-I...I’m touched. I’m very touched. Thank you! I felt I was the one neglecting you! And here you are, showing up on my doorstep with quite lovely, and expensive-looking, flowers. I do not know how to even match your gesture!”
“Youcouldlivewithme...”
“I’m sorry...what?” Anders leaned in a bit closer. Maybe it was the lack of lighting but Anders could’ve sworn the red only deepened on Fenris’s face.
“You could...live with me...”
“Oh...” Anders felt his own face get a smidge warmer than a moment ago.
“I...am fond of your company, Mage...Anders. I know that I do not have anyone to vouch for my experience as a parter nor can I say I know how to be one. Despite that, if you are willing, I wish to be yours if you wish to be mine.”
“Oh Maker...” Anders felt his eyes ready to tear up and he swiftly wiped them away. “Oh Love...I’m the one that always worried I can’t give you what you want and deserve. I have nothing to offer you. To hear you say those words to me...how can I say no? I would not blame you if you changed your mind but...how could I reject someone as considerate and understanding as you’ve been to me?”
“Do not be ridiculous, Mage...Anders. You have much to offer.”
“I hope that wasn’t a size joke,” Anders smirked.
“It could be.”
Anders let out a soft laugh, and felt more at ease when Fenris smiled in return. “In all seriousness, I...I’d love to live with you. Is...everyone else okay with it?”
Fenris sighed. “Varania gave me a lecture about how I’m rather poor at being someone suitable for courting. For one I should start using your name...” Fenris muttered the last part. “Hati then gave me a hard time about how I am not romantic enough........did he really say your passion was as bright as the sun?”
Anders had to resist letting out a laugh. “Um...yes, he did. It was rather sweet. Your son could probably write some amazing love letters. But don’t worry, Love. I think you’re perfect the way you are.”
“You flatter me, Mage...Anders. I am happy to hear you’d be willing to take up residence with me. However, I should remind that we will not be alone.”
“I think I’ll be fine, Love. I’ve had plenty of patients stay overnight here at the clinic and all those camping trips we’ve done when out with Hawke. And I like your family. They’re still adjusting, but...they seem like good people. Okay, I also appreciate that they seem to like me a little more than before.”
Fenris nodded, seemingly understanding. “As am I. Shall we leave then?”
“Wh-What? You mean starting now?!”
“Sooner the better. You do not need to move everything now of course. But you can share my bed again.”
Anders laughed again. “Love, is that really a good idea with your family there...?”
“If they complain, I will deal with it in the morning.”
“Fenris!” despite the initial protest, Anders had a hard time saying no to being wrapped up in Fenris’s arms, under his bedsheets, and falling asleep to soft kisses...
Despite attempts at being quiet, Anders had a feeling he might’ve been a bit too loud last night...
Varania wasn’t acting any different than usual, but didn’t seem surprised in the slightest that he showed up at breakfast the next morning. Unlike Hati, who was at least surprised when he saw the man. Then Anders overheard Varania saying something to Fenris about changing rooms. Oh Maker...
Anders felt a tug on his tunic as Hati scooted his chair closer to him. “Hey, Ser Anders, can you help me do my hair like yours? I can never do it right. I only know how to make my hair into a bun...but my bangs keep getting in the way regardless.”
Anders smiled and turned slightly to face him. “I can teach you, sure. But why don’t you just cut it? I can help with that too.”
“Maybe..."
“Have you ever had a braid?” Anders asked. Hati shook his head. Anders took out one of his hairbands from his wrist. “You should try it at least once. You have such long and gorgeous hair so it would look better on you than on someone like me. May I?”
Hati nodded and turned around. Anders did his best to straighten the hair with just his fingers before starting on a braid.
“Oh, Ser Anders, I remembered you like cats. Merrill mentioned something about a litter in the Alienage. You think you’ll get one?”
“Oh, well, nothing would please me more really. Though I don’t think Darktown’s a safe place for a cat. Why, are you thinking of picking one up?”
“Maybe...I heard Merrill was having trouble getting interests for them. I do want one though. I want to name them Skoll!”
Anders almost grimaced. “What? No, they need a more dignified name!” He heard Hati chuckle, as if that comment was a joke. Then again, he did the same thing when Anders told of Ser Pounce-a-lot. Guess not everyone will appreciate his names. Anders finished braiding and let the braid rest over the boy’s shoulder. “Still need to cut your bangs. But I kept the braid loose and tied it to more the right so it’ll hang more naturally. Let me know how they feels for you.”
Hati felt the hair in front of him before looking back at Anders. “Thank you! I will!”
Soon, breakfast was laid out by Fenris and Varania. Hati immediately asked if they can bring home some cats. ‘Because Anders made them sound cool’ being one of the reasons. Fenris wanted to refuse. After all, who would look after an animal with him and Anders occasionally running around with Hawke? Varania will soon pick up work as well and Hati was originally meant to stay at the Hawke estate when no one was home. Though Hati was rather used to responsibility...and cats could always get some of the rats that were running around the place...
They ended up with two cats: Skoll and Lady Mooneviere. Varania also was swift in moving to the furthest room possible from her brother’s room. Hati ended up keeping the braid hairstyle. Anders found himself coming home every night to people he’s grown to care for. Fenris felt the same, a routine he hoped to never give up.
Except now Varania was now giving her brother a hard time on when the official engagement announcement was going to happen - Fenris didn’t realize an expensive gift (the bloody cats) was practically the equivalent of an engagement ring...
Fenders, Anders is seriously injured and needs help getting around.
Send Me Prompts!
Cue my usual: “idk if this is what you’re looking for but…” > ~< (and it’s longer than planned. Again!)
Misc. Notes: Hawke/Isabela mentions, pre-fenders to fenders, trauma/attack(s) implications but nothing described in detail, feelings of insecurity/self-hatred; also using game-mechanics to explain…you’ll see.
Link to Ao3 Chapter: here.
“This is simple. So simple. Why-oh why isn’t it working?! Why can’tI heal? Why can’t I do ANYTHING right?! I’m so weak and pathetic I can’t evendo the one thing I boast about being good at! Why can’t I heal?! Why am I souseless?! Why, why, why…it’s so dark…”
Anders gasped and his eyes snapped open. His gaze immediately went to theonly source of light he could find. There was a brightly lit fireplace on the right side of the room. Fromthere he slowly took in his surroundings: cobwebs, dust, a relatively comfybed…
Anders lookedbeside him and at the covers. It was a rather large bed. This wasn’t the AmellEstate though. Leandra and Bodahn would never let things get this bad. But the only otherbuilding Hightown he could have access to was…
He swallowed.Flashes of lyrium rushed by his memories. Templars.Or was it…Fenris? With a groan he rubbed his head, trying to remember the details, only then realizing hispounding headache. It didn’t stop him from trying to remember. He recalled they were in a cave. There was either a cave-in or an attack. He recalled using magic and feeling lyrium. Was there something that got burned? He kept pondering as he tried to heal away his headache. As he did, the door to the room opened up. Fenris stood there for a moment,noting Anders looking back, before coming in with the large bowl in hishands. “You areawake.”
“Evidently…”Anders mumbled before ceasing the spell. He groaned before attempting to pushhimself into a sitting position.
“Don’t!” Fenrislooked ready to drop the item in his hands as he immediately quickened hispace. Pain shot through Anders’s arm the moment he put weight on. It led to himfalling back on the pillows and wailing from the unexpected pain.
“Calm yourself,Mage.” Anders felt Fenris’s hands gently pressing down on the man’s upperarm to keep Anders from moving it. “You are injured. Do not pushyourself.”
Anders hissed, trying to still himself as he listened to the rather calming toneFenris was using. He looked down to his right arm and saw it thicker thanan arm should be and covered with a bag of - Anders guessed was -ice. “Wha…”
After Anders stopped attempted to move again, Fenris removed his touch. “Ah…Hawkethought ice would help. I do not know if they are correct but…none of us arereally knowledgeable in this area. I actually came to switch out the ice.”
While Fenris poke, Anders looked to the bowl on the stand beside the bed to see that it indeed held a block of ice.
“Your arm is broken. We…tried placing a caston it.” Fenris removed fabric to show the arm sloppily wrappedwith sticks and cloth.
“…I’ll um, I’ll fix it later.” Anders said, his tone coming off as if it was just like the time some of the children knock off some organized plants in his clinic. It was rather touching that his friends tried. As Anders stared at it, the more the reality slowly started to sink in: Hisarm was broken. Anders attempted to reach over without rolling onto hisinjury. His hand glowed and ran it over his arm. The magic stopped as Anderslaid flat on his back again with a huff. “Get Hawke!” He growled infrustration as he pressed his free hand to his face, trying to calm himself enough so that he doesn’t accidentally start tearing up. “Please.” He added,hoping it was enough for Fenris to listen to him without argument.
Fenris wasswift in leaving and retrieving the Champion. It gave Anders little time tocalm himself of the frustration but he tried to maintain his composure.
“Hey, how areyou feeling?” Hawke asked as they approached the bed.
“Peachy. Pleasetell me you were taught how to use Cleansing Aura.”
“…What?” theblank look on Hawke’s face gave away the answer but Anders still had to doublecheck. Maybe it was under a different name. Surely Malcolm would’ve taught animportant skill to his children. Assuming Malcolm even knew it to begin with…
“Can you healbones?” Anders asked instead.
“Uh…I can try?I mean, I did try but it wasn’tcoming together. And we figured we should get you safety first and foremost. Ican try again though if you can guide me though-”
Andersimmediately put his hand up when Hawke got closer. “No! Don’t attempt! If you don’t know how,don’t even try. You could make it worse.”
“Oh…Sorry.” Hawke immediately back away. “Can you…heal yourself then?”
Anders shook his head in frustration. “I would if I could.” He let out asigh. Silence fell in the room. The uncomfortable level started torise. “What happened?”
“Uh…stuff…”
Fenris steppedin front of Hawke, shushing him. “We do not need to discuss that. Youshould focus on resting and recovering. I can help you fix the cast if you needto.”
Anders mutteredto himself before looking up to his companions. “No, I’ll be fine. I needto help those at the clinic.”
“You shouldtake it easy. I mean, can you even stand yet?”
Fenris turned around to giveHawke a look. Anders saw Hawke give an inaudible ‘oh.’
“Why would youthink I can’t-” Anders didn’t finish his sentence when the aching in his legs, especially his right leg, became more obvious. After a moment’s pause he groaned. “…Is my anklesprained or broken?”
“I was hopingyou would know…” Hawke mumbled with regret, “We put a cast on that too though! Because we weren’t sure…”
Anders groanedeven louder.
Anders was visibly upset. How does one even confront a manwhen he is driven by strong emotions (well, stronger emotions)? Fenris left it at “you don’t.” Thefoolish mage often refused help even when he needed it the most. Even thenFenris found it difficult to hold it against him. He knew the feeling of beingstripped of your independence and lack of choice in a situation. He wishedAnders wouldn’t be so damn stubborn, but…who washe to judge?
He (and Hawke) had helped Anders make a better cast, only forhim to shoo them out right after to presumably sulk and adjust to his current dilemma. But that was hours ago. The mage surely mustbe hungry by now. If Fenris was lucky, maybe Anders was also calmer as well. Heentered the room with a small tray. Anders didn’t look to have changedpositions. He laid on his left, the ‘good,’ side, and faced away from the door.
“You should eat.” It was a recommendation, though he had afeeling Anders would not listen just out of spite.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You should still eat.” Fenris made obvious noise when he placedthe tray down on the side table drawer to indicate there was presence of food.
“Why am I in your mansion?” Anders asked instead and without moving.
“…we felt you would be safer here.” It wasn’t a complete lie.
“I see…what happened? I only remember…being in the cave…werethere Templars? I…can’t remember…”
“You do no need to.” Fenris admitted he may have spoken toohastily on that response.
“I feel like…you guys are hiding something.”
“There is nothing to hide. We can discuss it all you want as yourecover. Now, roll over so I can help you up. You need to eat.”
“I do not need your help.” Fenris had to resist rolling his eyesat the predictable response. He watched as Anders pushed himself on one arm, andused his one good leg to help him scoot until his back hit the headboard. “There,see? Perfectly capable!”
“I never said you weren’t.” Fenris stated as he pulled up achair to sit.
Anders mumbled something to himself and looked away awkwardly. The continued silence only increased the awkward feeling. When nothing else wassaid, Fenris passed over a plate from the tray. Just to avoid speaking, Anderspicked up the piece of bread.
“Do you wish to be left alone some more?”
“Yes!” Anders answered a bit too fast while chewing. “I mean uh…”he swallowed. “Yes…I would appreciate that.”
Fenris didn’t question it and stood up to leave. He could feelthe other eying him as he left.
Hawke came by the next day again. How was Anders doing, how ishe feeling, everything they knew the answer to but still felt the need to hearit.
“The mage was trying not to be angry at me as I helped him up.He does not like to be carried.” The morning was a fuss that Fenris wanted toforget.
“Really? I pegged him for the romantic type. Carried off by intothe sunset and all that!”
“Unfortunately for him there was no sunset. Just the bath.”
“That sucks. Is he moping right now? Cuz you’re evidently notinviting me up there,” Hawke pointed up, as the two still stood by the frontdoor.
“…I do not think I make him comfortable here.”
“Well, we could always move-”
“How do you make him so comfortable?” Fenris cut in. He foldedhis arms and watched as Hawke looked back curiously, and trying to decipher theseriousness of the question.
“Uh…I guess be his friend? Be nice?”
“I think I have been more than accommodating.”
“Yeah, but you also bitch at him more than any of us. He’s injured,but he doesn’t have amnesia ya know.”
“I suppose that is a fair point…” Fenris looked down in thought.He looked back to Hawke before they decided to wander off to see Anders. “How easy is itfor you and Isabela to…talk?”
“I almost want to say we don’t but that I would be a lie. I don’tknow, Fenris. It’s…hard.” Hawke found themselves mimicking Fenris’s pose. “We both got some baggage in our lives. She probablyhas more honestly. And sometimes we make light of it to cope but ya know how it is…whenit comes to serious talks it still can be hard. You don’t want to be vulnerableor weak. In the back of my mind I know she wouldn’t see me that way but…you stillget scared. Long story short: It’s not easy. But…I’m going to try looking past the pride if it can help make us work.”
Fenris nodded, seemingly understanding.
“Something you want to tell me?” Hawke asked. They sounded like they were going to put up a mischievous grin but when Fenris looked, Hawke only looked concerned.
“Perhaps later.”
“Alright, but I’m holding you to that!”
What was there to say though? Fenris replayed his conversation with Hawke multiple times throughout the day, especially when Anders was acting rather impatient with him while refusing help (not that it stopped him from getting the help he needed). He and Anders had a few scuffles in recent years, in the sexual kind, but there wasn’t anything that needed to be said to each other that they couldn’t say in the public eye. At least that was the idea, and Fenris was fairly certain Anders felt the same way. And yet even now, as Fenris would help Anders out of bed or bring him necessities, neither wanted to say anything they didn’t have to. Except…Fenris was fairly certain there were many unspoken things that needed to be said and neither wanted to make that first jump.
Fenris couldn’t help but feel that he was alone in that thought. Anders seemed persistent in keeping his thoughts to himself no matter how many not-so-secret glances they gave each other, or the lingering touches that long overstayed what a necessary touch should last. Fenris rather not make the first move but he knew Anders would never even dare to say a word about…more.
Anders dragged himself (mostly his one leg) across the room. His leg wasn’t completely better but it could handle some of his weight now. Maker how long has he been rotting away in here? Fenris opened the door to see Anders using the wall to lean on as he moved towards him. “Heh, see! Totally can stand and go clean myself up without your help! I can be ready to go to the clinic in no time!”
Fenris folded his arms over his chest and looked at him speculatively. “Mage, no one but your demon believes you are wasting time recovering. Stop pushing yourself and rest.”
“Oh shut up! He’s a spirit for the last time!” Anders kept sliding his leg across the floor until he was at the doorframe. “Also! It’s not Justice nagging me. I want to go back! I hate being confined to a bed doing nothing while people are suffering out there. I feel so…so useless. And let me tell you, that is not a fun feeling to have!”
Fenris didn’t respond and merely reached towards the mage’s chest to fix the sling that held his arm. “Why must you have such a martyr complex?”
“Call it what you want. You wouldn’t understand…”
Fenris stopped messing with the sling and looked up. “I want to understand. You owe them nothing. You owe us nothing. You speak of nothing but the mistreatment you have received in your life. So you can turn your back to the world and no one would fault you. I would not fault you. And instead you place trust in strangers that could harm you or abuse the use of your clinic. It is not logical and yet you persist in this.”
Anders looked away and eventually gave a light shrug. “What do you want me to say…? There is no…logic to it. It’s just…the right thing to do. I think about all the times people could’ve helped me and how it felt when no one was there. I don’t want others to feel that way when it can be avoided. And I don’t see how it’s wrong to be the one good thing in someone’s day or to help save someone’s life.”
No, there was nothing wrong with that. Fenris wondered if there would be anyone left in Darktown if it weren’t for Anders. But it came back to the obligation Anders didn’t need to give. However, he knew arguing for someone to stop helping people seemed to be a moot point. Fenris sighed. “If it means that much to you…I’ll discuss with the others to find a way to get the clinic up and running. However…” Ander’s face immediately dropped displeasure. “You are to remain here until you fully recover. I see you can stand and I can help you around the mansion; but unless there is an emergency in Darktown we all feel it is best for you to focus on your recovery.”
Anders let out a sigh in frustration. “You need magic to heal some injuries.”
“I think Hawke is rather capable of handling most that require a spell or two.”
“There are potions and supplies and-”
“I am sure the witch can figure some of it out. And Isabela and Varric can surely find ways to cover your inventory.”
“But you guys must have better things to do than to-”
“Than to what? Do the right thing?” Fenris threw the words back at Anders.
Anders fell silent.
Fenris waited for a response but when none came he continued on. “You realize they are your friends? You will not owe them for their services and they would never expect it from you.”
Anders only looked more defeated.
Fenris sighed. “I am not trying to berate you, Ma-…Anders.”
Anders shrugged, but didn’t respond or look back.
“…Let me ask you this then: Why do you think I offered to have you stay here?”
“You said…it was safer.”
“Yes. And?”
“I don’t know…? Did I save you back in that cave or something?”
Fenris sighed, seeing that going around the issue wasn’t going to work. He raised his arm and held it there beside Anders. Fenris waited for Anders to stare it long enough to understand he wanted the man to take it. Eventually Anders holds onto Fenris and leans into him as the elf slowly guided them back to the bed. “To answer your question, you did save me back in the cave.”
“Did I? Well you seem okay so I must’ve done an alright job!”
Fenris laughed softly. “You really did.”
“Well, if you can compliment me, then that certainly must’ve been something.”
“It was…something. Something I rather not happen again.” Fenris swallowed, his memories showing him the panic in Anders’s eyes and the words he murmured to himself. The mere look Anders was given when he saw the lyrium on Fenris’s skin made the warrior feel a discomfort he didn’t know he could feel. Anders had looked at Fenris in many ways, but never was it out of conditioned fear. That was never what he wanted Anders to feel, not from himself especially. He knew Anders wasn’t in his right mindset, but it didn’t ease his worries. Did Hawke know? Did any of their friends know what to do if Anders were to fall into a panicked state again?
When Anders looked at him with concern, Fenris realized his own tenseness. He shook the memory from his head and relaxed a bit before helping Anders down onto the bed. With a muttered consent from Anders, Fenris helped move the mage until his back was against the headboard and rested against the fluffy pillows.
“You feeling alright?” Anders finally asked after Fenris released him.
Sometimes Fenris hated hearing the seriousness in that question when it came from Anders. It gave the idea that Fenris needed help because he wasn’t alright at all. And it often came down to him not wanting Anders to be right so he would reject the genuine well-meaning question when they were asked. But maybe, sometimes, the mage was allowed to be right…because he often was…
“I am fine…” Fenris sat down on the bed. Anders only stared with concern and confusion, neither of them fully believing that answer. Finally, Fenris turned slightly to face Anders after a deep breah. “I know this is…probably the most inappropriate time…but I do not know when a good time would be anymore. So…” Another moment of silence passed as he took heavy breaths before continuing. “You are an insufferable mage sometimes.”
“Wow thanks for taking a minute to tell me that…”
“You are stubborn, idiotic, hypocritical at times, have terrible coping mechanism, and you hold unnecessarily long grudges.” Fenris watched Anders shake his head and looked away, seemingly heard all of this before. “But you are also kind, rather patient even, and an idealist to a fault. I know in doing so you bring people hope. You bring out the best in people that may lose that part of themselves for good. You believe in the good of people where no one would dare expect such a thing. Anyone who believes you are not worth the trouble to be with would be a fool. And so…I apologize for…all the times I have hurt you, even if I did not intend to. I know my own faults and I will do my best to work with you on them…if you would have me.”
As another pause came between them. Fenris can now say he has bragging rights for being able to silence Anders for an extended period of time. Anders could only stare back, trying to take in what was said to him and waiting for this cruel joke to end. But it never did.
“I…understand if you do not feel the same,” Fenris spoke again, knowing Anders was still having trouble sinking in the information out of pure disbelief, “I have already accepted that as a possibility. It…is ultimately selfish of me to do this to you. I just do not want you to believe that if you were to get hurt again, or worse, that you would think it would not matter. Because now…someone besides you will be hurt.”
“Heh…yeah, that…that’s a tad selfish…I mean…now I have to be more careful or risk feeling guilty all the time.” Anders felt the guilt rising in him now as they spoke.
“That is the plan.” Fenris kept the tone light, trying to coax Anders into lightening up if he could.
“How awful of you…” Anders almost laughed to himself. This was ridiculous. This had to be a joke! No one could ever be romantically attracted to him, let alone someone like Fenris. Fenris, who deserved more, and deserved better. “You know that…I have nothing to offer you right? Look at me, Fenris. I can’t even do the one thing I’m good at. I have no money or luxuries and my life is never going to be safe or fulfilling…”
“I am looking at you. I have looked at you for…longer than I originally believed. You offer more than you realize…” Fenris carefully reached up, and brushed aside the hair that Anders let loose to help hid his face the more he lowered his head. “As I have said…anyone who believes you are not worth the trouble to be with would be a fool.” As Fenris pulled his hand away, Anders’s reached up to grab ahold of it. He held on tightly, as if it’s a lifeline. His body tensed and he was unable to hold in the tears that finally spilled. Anders knew he couldn’t argue. How do you reject another’s view of yourself when the view isn’t your own?
Anders’s response screamed ‘I don’t deserve this.’ Fenris knew he couldn’t change the other’s mind nor make Anders see himself the way Fenris did. The warrior held on tightly in return, determined. He’ll tell Anders how much he meant to him, to their friends, and the people of Darktown. He won’t let the mage go another day believing there wasn’t someone out there that cared about him, even if it meant reminding him every single day.
@noirearrowshoot prompted: “Take your medicine.” Fenders, Fenris taking care of a stubborn Anders?
Verse: Modern-AU with Magic!
Random Notes: some nsfw text/implications. So rated PG? XD
Link to Ao3 chapter: here.
I hope this is to your liking! You know I think I’m missing the point of dabbles, b/c I keep making these longer than intended…
When Fenris found himself in a more romantic relationship with the mage, well, it was something he could admit as one of the best choices he’s ever made. Given, he’s only had a few years of making his own choices but of all things to fuck up on, it surprisingly wasn’t his love life. Maker, those movies made it look like it would be harder than it would be to accomplish! Okay to be fair, Fenris didn’t know if half of the couples he watched in movies even lasted more than a month after the movie ended. At least he and Anders passed that. It was a few months, half a year, then a full year. By a year and a half, they finally got around to moving in together. That year and a half was apparently ignorant bliss. Dating someone was one thing, but living with them was a completely different story.
Anders worked. A lot. It was easy to text and call each other around (or during) work hours, say something nice, and carry on your day. Sure they’ve spent the night at each other’s often, but it was still not the same as…living together.
Now there are fights over who gets access to the bathroom first, who was supposed to do dishes, who cleans what around the place, ‘that is mine’ that never even gets resolved half the time, who’s turn is it to do the dishes, who makes dinner today, and who was doing the dishes! Make up sex improved at least.
After their lease ended they found another place that had two bathrooms. The pair vouched their relationship improved. Less make-up sex and more sex. Neither still liked doing the dishes though. Otherwise, Fenris noted it’s been three years and they’re still going strong. Fenris has heard far too many statements on when relationships start changing around when, one of the being the three year mark. But with a lack of experience…well, he found he could ride through it and see what happens. Sure life got a bit routinely but it wasn’t so bad. In fact, it came with perks!
For one, living with Anders meant he got to make sure Anders slept. Or at least…more sleep than the mage used to. Fenris also got into the habit of laying out Anders’s medication for him every day on the kitchen counter. Anders used to miss them a lot as he often dashed out the door in a hurry. But upon being made aware of them, he rarely missed taking his pills. Fenris also found himself making sure Anders ate. The medication started being placed next to a sandwich or bagel.
In a strange twist, Fenris found he didn’t mind taking care of the mage. Someone had to. Maker knows Anders doesn’t. In fact, he rather enjoyed it. He waited for the first person to even attempt to tease him over it as it wasn’t a teasing matter: the choice to care for your loved one. If Fenris could find anything to pride himself in, it was that. Anders overall seemed to be improving in his health. He’d like to think that the comments and questions from their friends regarding the mage was a good sign. “He looks like he’s filled out his clothes!” “ Maker the bags under his eyes look a shade lighter.”
Anders’s health became a favorite thing to subtly gloat about at times. Then Anders sneezed. And coughed. Lots of coughing actually. Oh Maker…
Fenris didn’t hesitate to pull out medicine from their cabinet but Anders just waved it off. “I’m not getting sick, it’s just allergies! It’s spring!”
Fenris didn’t wish to doubt him. After all, Anders rarely gets sick (being a spirit mage helped in that area) and no one would know their own body as well as the individual that owns it, right? Fenris himself rarely got sick as well (dating a spirit mage helped in this area), but he knew he’s become bedridden a couple of times in the past. Anders somehow always dodged the bedridden part when he got sick. A passing cold, nothing a couple of days of soup couldn’t fix, and the man just never stopped moving.
Except Anders kept sneezing and coughing this time and it’s been three days now. He looked worn and acted as if he was tipsy with the way he tried to put his hand on the counter only to miss somehow. He used it to lean on while Fenris pressed his hand to his lover’s forehead.
“…You have a fever,” Fenris stated dryly.
“What, I do not,” Anders waved off but Fenris was already going to medicine cabinet. “Love, I’m not-ACHOO! Ugh…I’m not…I meant to say that you can’t tell with just the hand…!” Anders felt his throat. He put his hand down when Fenris returned with a small box in his hand. The elf reached up to feel Anders’s neck and pulled him down to touch his own forehead against the other’s. He released him before putting the container on the counter. “You’re not going to work today.”
“Love, I was called in,” Anders ignored the the obvious medicine on the kitchen counter and reached for the nearby tissue box instead to wipe his nose.
“Well call them back!”
“I ca-ACHOO! Ack…can’t…”
“Fine, then I shall call.” Fenris didn’t wait for a response or even tried to argue against the stubborn mage.
Anders barley registered what was said before he realized Fenris was on the phone. Fenris kept knocking his lover’s hands away as he spoke. He further noticed Anders moving sluggishly with the way he barely kept up with Fenris’s swift turns around just the kitchen area. With a click on his phone, Fenris turned to Anders coughing into his arm again. “It is done. Now bed.” Fenris commanded.
“Wh-ACHOO! What…about you? Don’t you have work?” Anders started into another string of coughs. Fenris folded his arms, waiting for Anders to just concede already.
“You forget, Mage: Working from home means I have my own schedule. And I’m officially off as of this moment. Now bed.”
Anders pouted as his arms dropped to his side. “Normally I like it when you command me to bed…”
Fenris didn’t look amused and just pointed down their narrow hallway. Anders groaned before finally giving up and doing what he was told.
“I don’t have an appetite…” Anders announced from the bed, though his back faced the entrance of their bedroom. Fenris only shook his head as he approached and put down a tray on the nearby desk.
“That is fine. I brought tea. And some medicine. I will also restock the minifridge in here with some water so you will have better access to them.”
Anders rolled over only to glare at the medicine box. “If I’m sick, I want to just heal naturally.”
Fenris rolled his eyes. “Not if you are sick, you are sick. And unfortunately for you, I do not wish to take that chance. So you will take it.”
“I hate the taste.”
“As we all. You’ll live.”
Anders pouted again and rolled away. He pulled the blankets around himself and up close to his face. “You can’t make me.”
“Mage…” Fenris rubbed his temple, “Just take the medicine.”
“No.”
“Take your medicine.”
“We can do this all day you know.”
“I am aware. And if our bed activities says anything, I think we both know which of us has more willpower.”
“What?!” Anders exclaimed and flung the blanket around just to roll back around. “That does no-ACHOO!” Anders sniffed only to immediately go into a short series of coughs again.
“That’s your body telling you to stop arguing with me.”
“Stupid body…it likes you too much,” Anders grumbled and his body fell limp. He groaned in pain as he laid unmoving.
“Just your body?” Fenris questioned as he fixed the covers and laid it over Anders again.
“Mmm…the rest of me does too. My head. My heart.” Anders smiled, slowly closing his eyes.
“As does mine for you.” Fenris sat at the edge, just within arms reach of the desk. “Now be brave for me and drink the medicine. Just chug this water bottle right after.”
Anders groaned but remained unmoving until he had to. “Fine, I’ll take the stupid medicine. But if I’m sick, that means you’re doing the dishes this week.”
Every time I thought I finished this I end up adding something new to it. = ~= Also, it took me so long to realize Fenders wasn’t even attached to this prompt.
Verse: Modern-AU with magic (tho surprisingly I don’t think any magic was used in this)
Misc info: Pre-Fenders / implied some depression / OC Kid / long-term pining / (past) unhealthy expression of said-pining / I know with how our culture is it sounds like I’m trying to shoehorn a moral in. No, there is no moral. / I had this whole idea for “the other side” of the story from Fen’s POV. but that’ll only double the length of this.
It was ruined. Mother said to not bring it to school in case it got dirty. And now it laid there on the ground, covered in mud, and missing an arm. Poor Mr. Meow. The plush was kicked around and stepped on and Anders couldn’t do anything to stop it. The boy did the only thing he knew how to do and started crying.
He knew he had to be in trouble. This was all his fault. What if he couldn’t hold Mr. Meow anymore when he goes to sleep? He never should’ve brought his best friend to school. It was too late now.
Surprisingly, his mother wasn’t as angry as he thought she’d be. She promised “we’ll get you a new one” but that didn’t matter. It wasn’t going be Mr. Meow.
Anders couldn’t help but think about Mr. Meow for the rest of the week. Going to bed at night was scary, but his parents wouldn’t let him sleep in their bed anymore. He got apologies from the boys who hurt Mr. Meow but Anders knew they didn’t mean it. Everyone knew that adults just make you do it. It was difficult going through the school without Mr. Meow. He didn’t seem to have an appetite. Eating lunch wasn’t supposed to be difficult was it? Anders at least tried. He was told that trying was all that mattered.
Anders slammed his hand around until it eventually hit his target and the annoying blaring sound stopped. He groaned to himself before forcing himself to sit up. After rubbing his eyes he immediately smiled upon seeing Pounce curled up beside him. He gave his cat a light pat he started shifting to get himself out of bed. Anders immediately stepped onto a pizza box. Oh Maker, this apartment needed to be cleaned. It took one glance at the clock before Anders decided he’d have to pick up clothes and put away books another time.
Anders made sure to keep himself on a schedule. Well, as close as he could get to one after being woken up at 2:30 in the afternoon. Maybe he should take up on Hawke’s advice on sleeping like a ‘normal’ person……nah.
By 3:28 pm, Anders expertly parked his bike beside the medal fence, not bothering to lock it up (as no one would steal this squeaky piece of junk). He rushed into the building and pulled an apron off the hook by the entrance. By 3:30, his bag was shoved into a cubby hole, his apron on, and he stepped into the colorful playroom.
“Anders!” Merrill exclaimed from her seat with a book in her hands. The children all circled around her on the storytime mat. The children mimicked her hand waving and enthusiasm upon seeing him.
Anders waved back. “Hi everyone! Don’t mind me. Go back to the nice story!” After the initial hellos passed, everyone’s attention went back to Merrill. And so Anders started picking up some of the toys. Trucks, dolls, fake food and utensils, books, and he shoved anything smaller into his apron’s pockets. He took his time, but had become rather efficient at collecting items and moving them all back to the correct containers on a timely manner. Unfortunately, the work didn't stop him from yawning occasionally. Maker, maybe he should’ve stopped for some coffee on the way over.
3:45 and the day was over (for the kids anyway).
Parents and caretakers started coming in to pick up their children. Anders stayed by the large window as he put away the big building blocks into their (bigger) toy chest. The view let him see the people coming in and out of the building. He wished he didn’t have to do this, but he must, or risk a confrontation that he rather not have.
The Maker decided to be funny at that moment and that’s when it when it happened: He saw him. Hair was white as snow, markings that traveled all over the body, a handsome face, and perfect voice…oh how Anders hated how attractive he was to look at while simultaneously hating this man! The number of times this jerk of an elf made his days in school a living hell was a reason added to his regret for coming back to Kirkwal! Maybe he should return to school and get a Masters or something…
Still, if Anders was good at anything, it was avoiding this specific elf. Hawke still tried to get the pair to be in the same room as each other ever since Anders returned, but Anders has expertly avoided such a situation for months. He refused to cave no matter how much Hawke tried to paint the elf in a better light: “Just let him apologize to you, Anders,” “He really wants to get off on the right foot with you,” “Can you be willing to have an online conversation instead then?”, “Please give him a chance, Anders,” “Oh Makers breath Anders, you can’t avoid him forever!”
Maybe Hawke was right, mostly in the department of his ability to not avoid another person forever (especially if they’re in the same circle of friends). It already almost happened a few times ever since he got this job.
“Uh, Merrill, can you be here for another 10 more minutes?!” he swiftly rushed up to the elven woman as she was starting to leave the room.
“Oh, well, I don’t know if I can really-”
“Merrill, please! I’ll owe you! I swear!” he put his hands together and pleaded.
Merrill, unexpectedly, looked down in thought. Anders mentally cursed. He sensed an answer he didn’t want to hear coming…
“Oh, I suppose another 10 minutes shouldn’t-”
“N-No! It’s fine,” Anders cut her off and waved his hands in front of him. “I can handle this. I’m a grown up! You go do your thing.” She always covered for him whenever he asked in the past. Letting her go on time for once in her life was the least he should be doing to make up for all those past 10 minutes she helped him with.
With that response, Merrill beamed up at him. “Thank you, Anders!” she turned to skip away. At the door, she let out an audible. “Hello, Fenris!”
Anders froze and turned to look around the room. Was there anything new to clean up? Wait, there was no need to panic! He’s in a room with children! Surely even Fenris won’t make an ass of himself in front of children and passing adults would he? Okay, sure, Hawke has mentioned a lot how Fenris is not as tensed up or as snappy as he used to be about mages. But still! Hawke wasn’t the one that was picked on!
“Anders?” Fenris questioned upon walking in through the door.
Anders turned around, trying to pretend he definitely did not know the other was coming. “…Fenris.” he tried replying as casually as possible and leaned on the craft counter. Said-counter being the only thing between himself and Fenris. Luckily, Fenris didn’t make an attempt to go around it.
Fenris still raised a brow though. He looked away briefly towards the remaining children. “Hati!” he called out. A young elven boy with strawberry blond hair perked up from his puzzle. He got up to start collecting his belongings. Fenris returned his attention to Anders. “It must be my lucky day. I have always missed you whenever I come here.”
“Yeah, that’s some bad luck,” Anders replied as he folded his arms. “You know. Sometimes I’m late. Lucky me that Merrill doesn’t fire me but I try?”
With a backpack on, Hati only stared at Anders in confusion as he approached. “What? But I see you go into the toy closet sometimes when I leave.” Hati reminded as took Fenris’s hand.
“Oh? Mr. Anders likes to hide in closets?” Fenris questioned. Anders caught a light smirk when the question was asked.
“N-Not at all! I was just looking for things! Toys are everywhere you know?” Anders tried to wave off, hoping Fenris doesn’t bring up the inconsistency.
Fenris only blinked and continued staring with a straight face. Okay, so maybe he totally knows that Anders was avoiding him. “I suppose that is possible.” Fenris stated. Yeah. He, he totally knows. “Well Anders, I shall not keep you from your duties any longer. But now that I finally caught you during a shift…” Fenris dug around in his satchel briefly before pulling out a red apple and holding it out for Anders. “For Hati’s caretaker.”
Anders took the apple and looked at it curiously. “…Merrill?”
Fenris’s face scrunched up. “You!”
Oh. Anders wanted to ask why. He wasn’t even a teacher. He doesn’t handle the children for long periods of time (he was pretty sure he wasn’t even legally allowed to be by himself). Sure, maybe not everyone knew he wasn’t a teacher, but still. Why does he get an apple and not Merrill? While questioning it, Anders continued to inspect the item, wondering if Fenris somehow got a worm in there.
“…you do not remember.” Fenris stated quietly. Anders looked back at the other. He could’ve sworn Fenris sounded genuinely hurt by that.
“What am I supposed to remember?”
Fenris shook his head and offered a soft smile. “It is nothing. It…does not matter now.”
“What? Come on, you can’t just imply it means something and then not tell me.” Anders started to toss the apple up and down. It felt real at least. And it did look fresh.
“I could…or…”
Anders stopped his tossing and looked back at Fenris in worry. Oh no, can the apple explode or something?
“I could tell you next time I see you.”
Anders pouted. “Oh now you’re just up to something.” Well that’s disappointing. Though Fenris surprisingly didn’t sound very malicious about it for once.
“Yes. I am up to something,” Fenris replied dryly, “That something being I wish to see you next time. I, however, will have see whether or not you cease hiding in the toy closet.”
Anders wasn’t sure how to wiggle himself out of that. He could not tell if Fenris was giving a smile or a smirk though. But he didn’t stare long enough to tell.
“Come, Hati. I have taken up enough of Mr. Anders’s time.”
“Bye Mr. Anders,” Hati waved as Fenris gently led him out. Anders waved back with a smile. He immediately dropped his hand when Fenris looked back towards him.
When Hawke first informed Anders about Fenris wanting to see him again, Anders thought the whole thing would’ve been romantic (after all, who wouldn’t want to hear the hottest person in all of Kirkwall wanted to see you?) if their history throughout school wasn’t so damn awful. He didn’t expect Hawke to be persistent about it though. Usually, Hawke just let things be as they are.
Avoiding Fenris did have its downside though. It often left Anders to be a bit lonely as he would end up staying home alone with his video games and books. Well that’s not too bad. Though Anders reasoned it was better than facing Fenris.
Anders almost wanted to ask Hawke what was up with the apple he was given, but decided against it. He, begrudgingly, tried to dig up any memories in school that involved an apple. Did Fenris throw one at him once or something? A ball, mud, another ball, a stick…nope! No apples came to mind. Oh well.
After finishing up at the Day Care, Anders took a bite of the apple before getting on his bike. Tasted normal enough. Tasted really good actually. With a shrug, Anders went on to his next job, apple forgotten.
“Here Mr. Anders,” the young elf, Hati, went up to him the moment Anders walked in the next day. The boy held up a red apple. “It’s from Daddy.”
Anders froze in midst tying of his apron and stared. It wasn’t his business but he didn’t recall being told from anyone that Fenris was with child. Were they related or was Fenris just a father figure? He shook his head of those thoughts and knelt down to accept the gift.
“Well, that’s, um…very nice of him. Did he tell you why?”
“Oh, Daddy says-” Hati’s hands went up to his mouth in surprise, “I can’t! It’s a secret!” with that, Hati giggled to himself.
“Oh, is it a good secret?”
Hati nodded excitedly. “Daddy likes you! He says you are smart and you will find out all by yourself!” Anders wasn’t so sure about that. Were they both talking about Fenris here?
Anders let Hati return to storytime and he pocketed the apple in the apron.
Fenris arrived by 3:50. Anders didn’t even have time to go over to the window to watch for him. Ugh, maybe he should just get this whole thing over with; just hear what the elf had to say and just go back to your life. Simple as that.
Anders still rushed over to the craft counter though, still much preferred having something big and long between himself and the elf. For safety reasons. They still had social media, so Anders wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t know Fenris doesn’t go working out with Hawke every week (while Anders sits at home with boxes of pizza).
“Hello Anders.” Fenris greeted with a small nod his way.
“…Hi,” Anders replied, once again, leaning against the counter and awkwardly trying to find something on it to occupy his hands. He settled on trying to make something out of construction paper.
“Hati!” Fenris called out for the boy before turning his attention back to Anders. “You look more tired today.” Fenris noted out loud.
“Oh, you know. It was just…a rough night.” Yeah, anxious thoughts of why he was given an apple. Now he was going to go to bed wondering why he got another one from Hati, who apparently refers to Fenris as ‘Daddy’ and Anders was not sure what that entailed. “It’s fine! I can just…pick up coffee after work.”
“That is unfortunate.”
“Oh yeah, very…” Anders ended up with a paper airplane in his hands. Oh Maker, just end this moment before they get an awkward silence.
“Did you by chance remembered anything…about the apple…?”
Anders looked over to Fenris, who surprisingly was looking away from him, almost like he was…embarrassed? Shy? Anders wasn’t sure if he could pinpoint it. He doesn’t often see Fenris in either embarrassed or shy to know for sure. He saw Hati come up to them and took Fenris’s hand again.
“Um…no. I…haven’t. I’m sorry.”
Fenris sighed. “It is alright…” Before Anders could say any more, perhaps suggest that he should just be told, but Fenris finally lifted his head again. It was a strange moment for him…Anders wondered if he ever really looked back into the other’s eyes. “Anders. I know we…have not had the greatest relationship…in the past.”
Anders had to resist scoffing.
“I have no excuse, and I know it might be…years too late. Regardless…” Anders blinked back a look of surprise when he watched Fenris’s hand tighten around Hati’s. “So…I apologize for everything. You do not need to forgive me. But…it would mean a lot to me if we could…talk again.”
Anders found he could only stare dumbfounded. There was so much he could dismiss, so many questions he could ask only for nothing to come out. As if understanding exactly what he needed right now, Fenris and Hati said a swift goodbye and promptly left.
Anders went about the rest of the day in thought. Unsure if it mattered that Fenris apologized, or if it mattered if they could be on talking terms…well, of course it mattered. If it didn’t, the apology wouldn’t have thrown his entire world upside-down.
Maker, when was the last time they even spoke (minus yesterday)? Anders hated that actually remembered: It was the summer after graduation, on Facebook of all places. They had a fight: Mage this, mage that; Tranquil this and that. Anders never went back online after that. At least, not until he was safely away from Kirkwall.
He went to Ferelden for furthering his education, and in less than a week away from home, he suddenly had reasons to go back online. There were parties to plan with Sigrun, homework to discuss with Nate, and relationship talks with Hawke’s own cousin. Anders still stayed in touch with his Kirkwall friends - most of them any way. He and Fenris never spoke. Though Anders also never removed the other from his friends list. No, he just hid the other from the feed. He wondered if Fenris did the same. But the way Fenris looked at him the last couple of days only made Anders wondered if Fenris saw something different in him. Did he see everything Anders posted about on his social media? The relationship status changes, the rallies he had gone to, the photos he took, photos taken of him, him getting Ser Pounce, the rants, and all the times he’d post something and then delete it later. How much of all that has Fenris seen?
No, this was ridiculous. This was all just anxious thinking. Anders knew he didn’t have the most exciting life. Unless you found the fight for mage rights or relationship statuses changing being a form of entertainment. Maybe it was simply that Fenris changed.
But none of this explained the apples.
This led to Anders sitting at home, on his laptop, at 3 am in the morning. He stared at Facebook and wondered if he should start stalking Fenris’s page.
No. That’s wrong. This is none of his business.
Despite telling himself that for the past 10 minutes, Anders still hasn’t budged from the site.
“Just the last few days” he reasoned. Okay, just a little bit then.
Fenris’s profile photo was really cute. Dammit. Hati’s smiling face took up most of the photo, but Anders could see Fenris’s arm around the boy. His cover photo was of a nice graphical image of a wolf. He wondered if Fenris designed it himself…
Anders sighed and started scrolling through the page. Fenris didn’t seem to post very much as all the activity seemed to mostly be from the past couple of days.
Fenris: Hati says he wants a cat and name him Skoll. I would assume this was the mage’s influence if it was any other name but Skoll.
Hawke: GET HIM A DOG! :DD
Fenris: No.
Anders chuckled. He admitted he has spoken about cats a lot to the kids. Out of all the kids, Hati seemed one of the most interested in hearing about his amazing Ser Pounce-a-lot!
Isabela: I heard you finally saw Anders ;)
Fenris: I have.
Isabela: And??? >:[
Fenris: And what?
Isabela: You know what! >:U What happened?!
Fenris: I gave him a gift. He was working. I was was not planning to take up his time. Unlike some, I am not that rude.
Hawke: Why don’t you ever give me a gift when I return from trips?
Fenris: You don’t need them.
Hawke: :( meanieface
Anders only stared in confusion. What was that supposed to mean? Did he need an apple? Or was that just a simple jab at Hawke?
The next post down made Anders’s heart stop. There was a photo…of an old looking, worn, cat plush…with one of its arms sloppily sewn back on. Hati was in the photo too. He laid on the floor, having a staring contest with the old toy.
Fenris didn’t include a comment with the photo.
Anders wanted to go hide back in the toy closet again. He didn’t want to confront Fenris about it, nor Hati. Though it must be a bit immature to act like this over it. These past couple of days have been ridiculous! Sure, life wasn’t perfect. Living with a cat in a crappy apartment with inconsistent sleep and lack of social life kind of sucked. But at least he got used to it! Fenris just had to come in and throw a wrench in that routine!
So when Fenris walked in, Anders found himself behind the craft counter again. For protections sake. “Why do you have my old toy?” Anders blurted out before he could stop himself. Oh Maker, why?!
Fenris, however, didn’t seem fazed at the question. “I…held onto it. Well, I held onto it, then forgot I did until I found it again.”
“…Okay but why hold onto it to begin with?” It was old. Dirty. Broken. If he wanted to give it to Hati, surely Fenris could probably have found a toy for cheap and still be better looking and in better condition than that old thing.
Fenris rubbed his neck in discomfort. “I…originally meant to fix it and return it. Then I considered getting a replacement. But…you do not just simply find an old toy anywhere. When I found it again you also were not…here. So I could not ask what you wanted.”
“I…see…” Maker, was that really the only thing he could get out from his throat!? Anders could not believe it. He had practically forgotten most of his youth and just like that, it all came flooding back to him.
The apple. Anders blinked a few times. Was his memory deceiving him?
In mid-thought, Anders watched as Fenris presented a new apple for him. “I…apologize for keeping this information from you. I did not wish to ruin our conversation with…painful reminders. I did not think it would make for a good impression.”
Anders stared at the fruit. For some reason he felt he didn’t deserve it, while feeling a want to have it. It was a gift. It was his. Fenris remembered and thought of him. Fenris may even know him better than Anders knew himself. It only made Anders feel a bit awful about the whole ordeal. After all, he knew nothing about Fenris. Nothing. Despite that, Fenris still wanted to reach out to him and mend wounds that he caused years ago. Mending that Anders wasn’t even sure he really deserved.
Maybe…maybe he could try. Maybe they could get to know each other again. Maybe they’ve simply misunderstood each other all this time…
He wanted to keep thinking about it. There were a lot of factors to consider after all. But he found his body moving despite that. Anders put his hands over the apple with a whispered. “It’s okay…I forgive you.”
Anders found he still could not finish some of his lunch. A couple of days he even ‘forgets’ to bring it. Nothing was appetizing when you didn’t have something to make you feel protected. He didn’t speak to the kids at his lunch table, as they seemingly grew bored of him from being sad too long.
Anders blinked in surprise when a juicy red apple was placed before him. He looked up to see the gifter running off to the hallway. At least, Anders guessed it was the gifter. Not many other kids were running off like that, especially during lunchtime. Anders picked up the apple and followed. He didn’t need to go far as just from standing by the door he easily spotted one kid sitting down on the floor against the wall. Anders slowly went down the corridor to him.
It hasn’t been long since school started, and he wasn’t familiar with everyone’s names yet. He still recognized this kid, an elf, as one of the boys who picked on Mr. Meow. So why was he given an apple by him? Maybe it was a mistake. “I think you dropped this.” Anders held the apple before him until the other boy looked up. He didn’t look long as his gaze went back back down to the ground, as if ashamed.
“…its for you…” he muttered quietly, still not looking at Anders.
Anders only stared back in confusion. Why was he given food? Out of all the kids in his class, even he can see the elf boy before him didn’t have a lot of it. He’s seen other kids sometimes even share their own lunch.
“…I’m not hungry,” Anders eventually answered. He had a feeling maybe the elf boy was though.
“I can’t take it.” the other boy replied matter of factly.
“Why not?”
“It’s a gift. So it’s yours now.”
Anders looked at the apple, again, confused. But what if he didn’t want it? Can you give gifts back? “It’s a gift…?” he asked. It wasn’t his birthday after all.
The other boy went quiet again and returned to staring at the floor. Anders didn’t say anything but he sat before the other. The elf didn’t seem to like it when you looked down at him. Anders tried to present the apple again but the attention wasn’t given to it.
Finally, the other boy started speaking again. “I’m sorry about your toy…”
Anders froze up. This was about Mr. Meow?
“I didn’t mean to make you sad. I wanted you to stop being sad…”
For some reason, Anders felt something good inside him. He didn’t know what it meant but it was a good feeling and that was all that mattered.
Anders offered the apple again. “Can we share it?”
The look Anders got was of surprise, but even he could see the eager yes in those green eyes before the words were even said.
He never got a new Mr. Meow, but things seemed okay now even without him.
For the prompt thing, something with Anders, Fenris, and Zevran, based around "I was mistaken, it seems. I was under the impression you were... Close"?
Send Me Prompts!
This turned a bit longer than intended…Idk if this is what you were looking for but here we go!
Link to Ao3 Chapter: here.
Misc notes: Pre-Fenders, feelings of jealousy, Zevran/Warden mentions
Stupid, ignorant elf who thinks he knows so much! Ugh!
“Anders…!” The man didn’t stop walking or respond to his name. In fact, he hurried more in his steps. No, this day was over. He planned to go home, clean up, take a 5 minute nap before Justice kicks him back to work, and no more of…everything else! With all those days they spent in Sundermont Anders was just surprised he and Fenris didn’t snap at each other sooner. Guess it was too soon to hope that they’d make a trip out and back without feelings getting hurt…
Anders just reached the lift to Darktown when he heard his name again. He entered the lift and turned around just as Hawke approached. He could see Fenris and Varric taking their time in the distance.
“I’m not apologizing!” Anders snapped before Hawke could open their mouth. Anders activated the lift without waiting for the others, not that Fenris would want to be near him anyway.
“I’m not asking you to apologize. I’m…apologizing on behalf of Fenris,” Hawke muttered the second half as the lift made a loud creak and started moving.
“You’ve apologized for him enough!” Anders argued in frustration.
“Mage!”
“Heads up you two!”
Their attention snapped to their companions who were running towards them. A shadowy figure swooped in from the top and through the narrow space above before they were underground. An unfamiliar thud was heard above them but the mages paid it no mind as they both reached for their staffs. The magic in their hands sizzled when the figure swiftly removed his black hood. “Peace my friends! It is only I, the harmless Zevr-AH!”
The lift stopped without warning, catching them all off guard and sending the mages off balance as they hit the ground.
“…That was not part of my plan before you either of you decide to blame ol’ Zevran,” the elf stated when everything grew quiet.
“Andraste’s Knickerweasels, did this stop moving?!” Anders looked up and patted the wall. There was barely any light coming into the lift. They were surrounded by the metal most of the ride was made out of as well as the earth mixed in with decaying wood. Anders always did figure some of this had to be replaced at some point before they lose an entrance - but not this soon!
“Maker, you didn’t have to scare us like that,” Hawke stated, finally addressing Zevran after standing up.
“I got bored waiting. I had a delivery to make in-person; and I traveled all this way back to Kirkwall only to find who I was looking for was out with the Champion. I figured I might as well make a memorable entrance when the time came. Not exactly like this of course. I believe your friends may have mistaken me as an enemy.”
“I wonder why…” Hawke replied sarcastically, noting Zevran covered in all black with light armor. Though Hawke couldn’t help but give a tilt in confusion upon noticing a small basket covered with fabric dangling from the assassin’s arm. Was Zevran delivering a picnic basket to (Hawke assumed was) Anders?
Zevran only replied with a laugh, “That is fair. You have loyal friends, Champion. The dwarf almost shot me…but no harm done. To me anyway.” Despite the playful tone, Hawke could see Zevran’s eyes travel, examining their little boxed in situation. He eventually focused in at edge of the ceiling, where the little cracks of light from above barely came in. Hawke followed the other’s line of sight and saw a small dent at the roof of the lift.
“Oh for Maker’s sake. Is that a bolt from Bianca?!”
“Bianca’s one strong woman.”
“Don’t tell Varric that. He’ll never stop reminding us then.” Hawke immediately warned.
“Mage! Hawke!”
“Fenris! Varric!” Hawke shouted back. Their barely lit space showed movement with constant moving shadows before it stilled again and Hawke could barely make out the silhouettes of their friends through the tiny gap.
“Are you two hurt?” Varric shouted.
“We’re fine! You gotta remove the bolt! We’re stuck!”
“And the enemy?” Fenris asked.
“It’s just Zevran!”
“Just? You could not throw in a bit of flair?”
“On it! You guys sit tight!” The silhouettes started moving again and Hawke looked back towards Zevran once they heard some creaking above them.
“I guess they’ll finish with that soon. You know, if you were looking for Isabela, I’m pretty sure she’s still hanging around the Hanged Man. No pun intended.”
“I shall pay her a visit before I leave, naturally. However, I was sent here to see Mi Amor’s old friend, Warden Anders…” Zevran’s amused face dropped as his eyes glanced towards the mage in question. Hawke turned around to find Anders curled up in the corner.
“Hey…Anders!” Hawke immediately dropped to their knees and reached out, gently touching Anders’s shoulder.
“I’mfine,” Anders muttered quickly between heavy breaths, his face buried in his knees. Anders flinched when they heard another loud creak and the lift dropped for a moment. “I’m…fine,” he repeated when everything stilled again. “It’ll over soon…right? It…it’s only a moment before we go down far enough to Darktown…”
Hawke was ready to smack themselves upon realizing their surroundings a tad too late. They immediately summoned fire in one hand and their other hand softly caressed Anders’s back. “That’s right. They’ll get this moving soon, and we’ll be in Darktown. You’ll see.” Hawke had to resist rolling their eyes at the irony of seeking light in Darktown.
Anders could only nod in reply. The lift jostled again and the only noise for a moment were of Varric and Fenris above them.
“Meow…”
Anders lifted his head. Was that…a hallucination?
“Mew~” Soft fur, cute paws, and beautiful eyes. Zevran was knelt before Anders, holding out the basket he had. Underneath the small blanket was a cat staring curiously at Anders. Blocking out the world around him Anders reached out and lifted the cat and swiftly shifted himself to gain a better hold on the magnificent creature.
“Am I dreaming? Pounce, is that you?!” Anders gave the tabby a scratch on his stomach, and Pounce curled into the touch like he always did. Anders let out laugh and suddenly felt some tears about to run down his face. “Oh Pounce! It is you! Pounce…My little warrior! Who is the bravest cat in all of Thedas?~” Anders brought the cat to his chest and he could hear the soft purrs as Pounce rubbed against his face.
The lift shook again before going into a brief drop followed by more creaking. But this time it moved at a regular pace, annoying screeches and all. Before long, light fluttered in as they finally reached Darktown, much to Anders’s relief.
Fenris tapped the wall impatiently. By the time this lift goes down and back up, he could walk over to another entrance and probably still find his friends before he would get down there waiting on this entrance.
“Calm yourself now, ya Broody Elf. You heard it was just that flirtatious assassin down with them. They’re fine. Isabela knows him, remember?” Varric reassured but it only had Fenris tapping faster.
“It is dark in there. And regardless if this Zevran is friends with Isabela or not, he is still an assassin.”
“I suppose that could be something worry about,” Varric rubbed his chin in thought, “But at least we’ll know who to kill if worst comes to worst.”
Fenris grumbled to himself.
The lift eventually came back up and the two made their way to Darktown only to find none of their companions were waiting for them at the bottom.
“Rude,” Varric stated as he started walking. Fenris didn’t have to be told as the two hurried towards the clinic.
The lantern was out, but it didn’t stop the two as they continued until they pushed on the door. It opened easily and the two stepped inside before shutting it behind him. Fenris glared as he immediately spotted Zevran snooping around Anders’s desk - and Hawke stood by letting him do it! Sure, he wasn’t moving anything, but the nimble fingers were still touching and poking things!
“I cannot believe you guys just left us! You realize were going to come right down didn’t you?” Varric was the first to speak as he walked up to the pair with Fenris silently behind him.
“Sorry, we wanted to get Anders back to the clinic as soon as possible. The dark,” Hawke gestured vaguely at the clinic entrance and Varric gave an ‘ah’ in understanding. Fenris took that as a reason to check up on the mage. Without word he took a step towards the back of the clinic but Hawke’s hand reached out in front of him. “I think we should let him be for a bit.”
Fenris stared, partially confused, but was quick to look away. He didn’t argue but his gaze dropped to the floor as a feeling of helplessness washed over him.
Zevran turned to face the rest of the group, curious to what just occurred. He couldn’t, shouldn’t, but his lack of a guilty conscious regarding this particular situation didn’t cease the amusement he was feeling as he leaned back on the desk to watch how it will unfold.
“Anders is fine, don’t worry. If you were worried I mean. I can’t tell sometimes.” Hawke stated, mostly for reassurance. Fenris only folded his arms but didn’t answer and continued to glare at the ground. “If it helps, I did get to telling him that I said sorry on your behalf before the whole thing went down!”
“I do not need you apologizing on my behalf, Hawke…” Fenris had to force himself to speak slower, if for the sake not to sound angry.
What is this? Has something occurred since the last time Zevran was in Kirkwall? He couldn’t help but do some more poking. Surely this something involved Anders, and when it involved Anders, it involved his dear Warden. That is reason enough to investigate the matter! He stopped leaning on the desk and started pacing around as he spoke. “Do not worry, my friend. Your favorite mage will be fine now that he has his favorite loved one in his arms again.” Zevran eyes didn’t miss the small twitch on the other elf’s face.
“…What.” He could hear the shift in the pitch and saw the tenseness go up in the warrior. The dwarf must’ve noticed too with him pulling back from the group in silence while scribbling on a parchment.
“Yeah, I suppose his cat is a loved one with the way he always talked about Pounce,” Hawke stated while scratching their head. “Oh yeah! Zevran here brought back Anders’s old cat! The one with the cute name? Ser Pounce-a-lot! Ah how do I even top that?”
The tenseness in Fenris significantly decreased. Zevran watched the way Fenris tried to regain control of his breathing to avoid letting out a sigh of relief - an obvious sign that even Hawke could pick up on if it had occurred.
“Champion, perhaps we should leave. Fenris here clearly wishes to spend time with his own Amor.” There was a look of confusion on Fenris. That won’t do. So Zevran continued: “Amor. It comes in many names. My dove. My swan. My sun. Lover.”
Hawke snickered, “Oh, yeah, because Anders means so much to Fenris.” Oh dear Champion. If only you knew.
Fenris’s eyes widened and his body froze over. Those mere moments of vulnerability felt like ages to Fenris when finally, he regained control and shook his head furiously. “Do not be ridiculous and insinuate such a thing!”
Zevran could only shrug in response. He could see how Fenris didn’t like how the grin never left. “Oh? My apologies then, my friend. I was mistaken, it seems. I was under the impression you were…Close? Perhaps it was someone else that Warden Anders spoke of in his letters to his former Commander.”
Zevran felt he had to be rewarded for not laughing right then and there. In just seconds he watched Fenris try to silently decipher what was just said. The warrior’s emotions would then jump all the over the place. Zevran could pick up a hint of hurt and confusion in the other, and then Fenris would try to get his body to act as neutral as possible to the untrained eye.
“Are you guys talking behind my back again?” Everyone’s attention drifted to the back of the clinic where Anders pushed aside the fabric that blocked the entrance to his ‘room’ and started approaching. Anders still cuddled Pounce in his arms.
“Not at all,” Zevran waved off, “I simply mentioned you still spoke with Mi Amor.”
“Ah, well, we do-” Anders didn’t even get to finish when Fenris swiftly walked up to him and grabbed one of the man’s arm. He effectively stopped Anders in his tracks and attempted to turn him around to pull him back to the room but Anders stubbornly refused to move (not unless Fenris wanted to start dragging him). Fenris stopped pulling and looked back to Anders who was effectively glaring him down.
“I need word,” Fenris stated as if that was enough to convince Anders.
“Yeah and? I’m still pissed at you.” Anders pulled his hand back and properly cuddled his cat closer.
Fenris sighed. “I apologize for my behavior earlier. I wish to properly mend what happened with you if you let me. But I still need word with you. Alone.”
Anders looked back to the others in confusion. Varric seemed keen to keep writing on his parchment while sitting on a cot. Hawke just shrugged, looking as confused as Anders was.
“Go on, we shall be right here. No harm, yes?” Zevran encouraged, trying to wave the two off.
“Alright but if I die, you guys all know the culprit right?” with that agreement, Anders followed Fenris back to his room while snuggling his cat to his face. “It’s okay, Pounce. I won’t let meanie-Fenris treat you badly. If Daddy dies, you run though, okay?”
“Meow?” Anders’s soft laugh was the last thing heard before he and Fenris disappeared behind the cloth.
Zevran clasped his hands together to give himself a feeling of accomplishment. He swiftly started heading towards the door and putting on his headgear while doing so. Hawke seemed to follow his example as they picked up their staff.
“What, you’re both leaving? Not going to stay for the show?” Varric gestured to the back of the clinic. Hawke only blinked in confusion.
“The what? I mean if you want to make sure they don’t kill each other, that would be great. I need to get home and see if my dog’s okay! He’s been alone for days!”
“Alright, but if you pass Isabela, send her down here. You staying?” Varric asked Zevran as he fixed up his cloak.
“I regretfully cannot,” Zevran answered. “I will stop by again to see you though, Champion. I seem to have misplaced a letter in my robe somewhere…I shall find it, no worries. I will keep an eye on Isabela if I pass her. For now, I have other matters to attend to.” One of them being to escape from here before Fenris learns that Anders hasn’t spoken of any lover in his letters to his former Commander.
