Anon Advice Asks - June 22
the anon, tabitha anon (new), masc girl anon (new), personal anon, greece anon
the anon
hey hey, the anon again :P (it’s seriously been months, why does my keyboard still try and change it to “thé”?? 😭😭)
Anyways, I wanna start this by saying your last response nearly made me cry. It’s not your fault, it’s just that I’ve had a handful of people now y’two me that this might end up in abuse. (Plus, I was also a week away from my period so emotions went haywire (and Jesus Christ my dysphoria))
But uh- there seems to be more problems regarding all my chaos. I might’ve realized I’m aroace…? I’ve been questioning that fact for probs the last two months now, and I’m literally so confused. I know I don’t have feelings for my partner, and I don’t think I ever did? All my crushes have seemed to be my brain wanting to be closer/similar to them, and I think I finally realized that. Only problem is how do I bring this up to my partner without them thinking that they’re the reason I’m aroace? And also, I’m not even certain I am aroace considering I enjoy both reading/writing romance and smut. But do I know what to do when the situation arises irl? Nope. Instead, I barely know how to act romantic and I feel like everything I do is wrong.
To top this all off, I think I have a platonic crush on my best friend. Like- I wanna be in a QPR with him. The other day in class, I had dyed my hair and he decided to start playing with it and I nearly melted. But I know it wasn’t cuz i romantically like him. I like the idea of cuddling him, holding his hand, all that. But in a romantic way? Nope, that seems too out there.
I’m just so confused now, and it’s all a mess. I feel like I barely have time to process all this too, cuz I’m leaving for a road trip in less than a week (my mom planned a sudden trip to Disneyland, and she wants to drive there) so I have barely any alone time to process all this. Instead, I’m gonna mask it all and pray I can keep my thoughts in control until I get back from my trip :/
Hi <3
Well if more than one person has said that to you, it's definitely something to take seriously. Trust me, I've been there before <3
As far as being aroace- plenty of aroace people love reading smut lol. But I think the thing is, whether or not you're aroace, it's clear you're not interested in your current partner and that's the thing you need to address first. And in this case, I think just saying "my feeling have changed, and I'm confused right now. I think it's better if we don't date" is enough. You don't have to give your partner a label if you're not sure or ready, and you don't have to have a huge explanation. They WILL be upset, but it's much better to just be clear and firm.
Once you do that, give yourself some time to sort out your feelings before you enter into another relationship - QPR or otherwise. Allow yourself to work through it and just BE. It's much better in the long run, trust me. You don't need to have a label and you don't need to know your exact identity, but it's good to know what you want.
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tabitha anon
Hi Cas! Sorry this is going to be super long lol and I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable! This is kinda time sensitive lol i’m just way overthinking right now!
So for context, i’m like, kind of disabled? ‘Kind of’ in the sense that I’m severely chronically ill, like can’t work, bedbound most days by my chronic pain, and on the rare occasions I DO go out, i tend to get pretty sick afterwards. Basically it feels like I have the flu, I get the symptoms of a fever (like shivering, sweating, supreme brain fog, bad fatigue, etc., but my body can’t actually produce one even when i’m hospital level ill, if that makes sense), I can feel every single bone and muscle in my body bc they’re all hurting, and all of my joints swell up and feel like they’re on fire. But i’m also not actually diagnosed bc I’m on the waitlists. We think I have Lupus and EDS and probably POTS, but again, i’m not actually diagnosed which is why I don’t feel comfortable saying i’m disabled lol :((
So I got a cane last year (her name is Tabitha💅) thanks to my friend’s insistence, and it really does help quite a bit. I don’t get as dizzy while i’m out, i’m able to do a lot more, and I don’t feel nearly as sick in the days after. The problem is, my mom doesn’t believe i’m sick, ans thinks that if I just [insert unhelpful advice here] then I wouldn’t be sick and i’d be totally normal. So when I got the cane, she was pissed. Whenever I use it, she makes a huge deal about me just being lazy, and not actually needing it (which ig is true; i physically can do things without it, it just makes everything so much easier). Like to the point where when we went on vacation a while ago, she told me that I wasn’t allowed to bring it, and if I did, I wouldn’t be allowed on another trip with her ever again. I spent the whole trip in Pain™, but at least she was happy? It’s to the point where it’s just easier to not use it than deal with the backlash (which my mom has taken as proof that I ‘don’t need it’😕)
So here’s the issue; I’m travelling across the country in 2 days to visit some family, who she’s already visiting. My friend is taking me to and from the airport, and i’m meeting my family there. The problem is that my family has a crazy amount of stairs—three full sets—which are always really hard for me; even doing one set of stairs more than 2x a day makes my knee swell like crazy, and is super painful, let alone my other joints. I’ve dislocated my knee before going up, and my knee has given out multiple times when I go down stairs, leading me to fall down the stairs if I can’t catch myself in time. I want to bring my cane, partly to help at the airport l, but mostly just for the stairs at my family’s place, to make it easier on me. But I know that my mom is going to be PISSED if I bring it. Thing is, she’s not here to explicitly tell me no?
So I guess my Question™ is this: do you think it’s worth it to bring Tabitha with me, and have my mom be mad, or should I just suck it up and deal with the pain/possible issues and not bring it? What would you do?
Sorry for how long this is! Also, as a side note, i’m over 18 (I just live with my parents because I can’t afford to move) so it’s not like she’s being abusive or anything lol so don’t worry about that!!
Also you can call me ‘Tabitha 💅’ anon, since i’m too awkward and scared to come off anonymous haha thank you in advance!!
Hi <3 first, I am SO sorry it took me so long to reply, this just randomly showed up in my inbox now. tumblr is so weird.
But YES. Bring your cane.
Here's the thing- you DO need it. Sure, you can function without it, but not well! And not comfortably! You Need the cane to be comfortable and to enjoy your time, so you NEED it!
I know it's hard, but try to ignore your mother's ableism. Unless she's threatening to kick you out or something, keep doing what gives you comfort. She doesn't know what it's like to be in YOUR body, and you deserve comfort.
I hope your trip goes well and you get a diagnosis soon <3
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masc girl anon
CAS CA S GUESS WAHT OHMY GOHS
the pretty masc girl shes so omg waved at me!! and i waved back without fucking it up and doing something weird like i did the last two times!!!! ajkfdsjfdsdsfjksjdkjgfljdfjlire;dslfs;ldaldakf im so happy like what
also like i cant fucking figure out if im like bi or like idk somethogn or whatbecause i dont think ive ever like really had a crush on anybody?? but also this is not a normal level of happiness?? but also i dont know send help i am crashing out bro how do i tell?? how do i tel???????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
anyways yeah i hope youre having a nice day <3 ty
hahahaha congratulations!!! I think maybe you should try talking to her and seeing how you feel interacting with her more that might be a clue? If you still feel all giddy and happy and like...wanting to sing, that's probably a crush, but if you just feel normal friendship stuff then you probably just liked getting the wave (which is totally valid and not bad at all!).
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personal anon
so summer started and i was so excited yk!! but my mom has been working and she doesnt finish work until 2pm so i need to stay w my siblings at home and its kind of bothering me... like not because i need to go oit with my friends (it is sometimes) but mostly because i cant handle them anymore its so tiring and i just dont want to... i feel so ungratful for complaining because she works because we neeed the money and idk..
Hi <3
I think it's okay to be sad about something you have to do, while still knowing that it's not really anyone's fault. Like your mom is working to afford stuff for the family, so she's doing something positive, but it also sucks that you have to stay home. Like you're allowed to be mad about it! I think if you like...told her she was horrible for going to work, that would be a different story. But yeah, you can be sad and grateful at the same time <3
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greece anon
Hey it's Greece anon - been a while lol
Anyway so basically I finished my GCSEs on Monday (and therefore year 11 and secondary school) and I'm 16 years old but I don't know I just kind of been thinking
I think I've failed being a teenager actually. I've had like two friends for the last five years - no drama or anything. I've never ever had a crush or partner or kissed anyone (I think I might be aromantic/asexual) and I feel really left out. Everyone has lots of friends and hangout all the time and had a boyfriend already. They're all so excited for the long summer before sixth form because they get to hangout with all their friends and do fun things but I have like two and they don't really invite me places. And I'm so antisocial and awkward I've never really been invited anywhere, no parties or even just hangouts. I guess I'm just feeling sad because even though I know I'm only 16 and like got like 4 more years of being a teenager - nothing is going to change. I'm not going to date anyone because I'm pretty sure I just can't do that no matter how much I like the idea of it. I'm going to a whole new sixth form in September and won't know anyone and thanks to autism probably won't make any friends either. I'm so forgettable the only two friends I currently have are probably going to forget about me the second we're not in the same school which is now pretty much. And everyone's talking about summer plans and I've spent the last two days in my room. I don't know how this stuff comes so easily to everyone else I'm basically killing myself trying to maintain the two friends and okay-family I have now.
So that's what's new I guess just pondering the purpose of my life and cursing the universe for making me like this lol
How are you?
Hi <3
I completely understand where you're coming from because I did NOT do like...normal teenage things lol. At least not most of them.
I think the thing is, all of those things aren't always as great as you think they are. Now I TEACH teenagers and trust me, being a teenager is kind of shitty no matter what.
So the question is, what do you WANT to experience? What would be fun for YOU? If you don't like the idea of a party, don't go. If you don't like the idea of having a relationship, don't have one! Do what feels right to YOU. Because the kids who are going to parties and in relationships are usually just doing that to fit in, and some of them aren't enjoying it at all.
Sending you love <3