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SIX. TAFFET

The One She Called “Tanga”

“Don’t listen to her. She’s old and bitter, just like a pickled onion,” my mom said. She was comforting me after I had cried for what seemed like three hours. Her comment made me smile.

In April 2014, my cousin graduated from Quezon City Science High School with four certificates and three medals, all signifying her academic excellence. “QueSci” High School, as they call it, is one of the most prestigious public high schools in the country. It just so happens that my grandmother was an alumna and a former teacher of the same school.

Including myself, my grandmother has ten grandchildren; five girls and five boys. Among the firstborns, I am the youngest. I’m a high school student who has yet to find out what the future holds. The other three firstborns, the QueSci student included, are now young ladies who know what to do with their lives. The eldest firstborn already graduated from college. As for the other one, she studies in Switzerland while the other studies in University of the Philippines Diliman. They’re successful and they got what they wanted in life as of now. The question that bothered me the most came from my grandmother herself:

“Eh, ikaw? Ano na ang nagawa mo?”

I was never the one to hold a grudge against anyone. I know for a fact that I’m a kind and understanding person who is carefree and easygoing. If something bad happens within a circle of my closest friends, I would always be the initiator of peace and harmony, but for some reason, her question made me cry. It was a long time ago since my grandmother asked me that question, so I decided to bury it 10 ft. below the ground.

Back in 2012, I took the entrance exam from Quezon City Science High School, and to my surprise, I passed. I remember preparing for it by studying hard during the weekends, and it felt great to find out that my efforts were enough. Though I passed, I chose to stay at Miriam College. This is when in 2015, my grandmother asked me something worse:

“You didn’t pass the QueSci exam, right? You know, lahat ng babae kong apo, nakapasa naman sa exam. Ikaw lamang ang tanga. Kakahiya, babae ka pa naman.”

I wanted to tell her two things: One, I passed. Two, your other female grandchildren were also capable of failing had they not worked hard enough. Last time she offended me, I cried, but when she called me “tanga”, all I felt was anger. I hated the feeling, but it was out of my control.

“Lola,” I said. “I passed the exam. I just didn’t enroll because of K-12. They added 2 years to high school, and I didn’t want to spend my time there when I could go to college instead.” She was speechless after I said that.

“Ay, ang galing mo naman!” said my grandmother after a few moments of silence.

In a world full of tremors and faults, only the surface is displayed to cover the secrets buried below. My grandmother did not live a fabulous life filled with chandeliers and authentic pearl necklaces. Instead, she lived with rats and dirty rags in a dilapidated house. Both her parents died when she was 17-years old, but she stayed independent by doing well in school and striving for the best occupation. She had her first child at 19-years old, but it wasn’t too early to have a kid back in the days. She was strong and healthy and she was able to feed her kids and put them to school. All her children knew how difficult it was to be a working single mother, so they did excelled in school, as well, as a sign of respect towards their mom.

I’d like to think that doing well in school was her only way to make the most out of the miserable life she had. My mom told me that my grandmother expects so much from her female grandchildren because she wants to see us become as independent and strong as she was. I’ll admit it, I’m not the strongest and most courageous person, but I have my own definition of strong and smart, and that was exactly what my grandmother didn’t understand.

In the end, I hope she realizes that I am myself for myself, not for anyone else. I hope she realizes that I am a woman of my own abilities and choices, regardless of the fact that my cousins are more academically inclined. I have faith that she will change, and I have faith that people like her from around the world will do the same.

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