#taffyroses

[totoroses]

good things and bad things

the bad- 

taffy, the beautiful, flower eating, chattery calico who i once had as my tumblr username for two years i believe (i was taffyroses instead of totoroses and continue to tag my personal posts as taffyroses) passed away a few weeks ago and i feel a big hole in my heart.

the good-

my love has decided to adopt a kitten and i will be picking her up tomorrow! i wanted her to be named chihiro but alas she is lynns first and foremost so she wins the name battle and the little orange girl is named 蛋饼/dan bing/ egg pancake/pancake

the bad-

my lil sis is lacking the long term motivation to live and i dont think we’ve connected for a year now. we used to connect and playing out our stories was a bridge but she is so absent that her characters are too and all of it is empty between us and feels so fake

the good-

we bought plane tickets to go to iceland together and i want this to help reconnect us, no one else but us and our characters and the vast emptiness of iceland to come back together and maybe get tattoos and i just hope it helps her feel more alive and happy

the bad-

i still think about my weight constantly and hating my body, despite how eating disoders have destroyed my sisters life and how i love bodies of all sizes but for some reason wont allow whichever size for myself. im torn between loving my body as lynn does and loving its flaws and unique qualities; and changing it so that i feel more comfortable and true to how i see myself and my shape and perservering

the good-

im decreasing my arthritis medicine slowly and doing ok so it may finally go dormant after this harrowing childhood and adolescnce of creaky knees and constant pain and weakness and doctors appointments, i may be able to really get strong and healthy and do more kung fu and hiking!

the bad-

i am still in a novel writing rut and feel like my worldbuilding for this new setting isnt complete enough and i just feel so horrible and want to just write and write

the good-

im at least practicing my chinese and korean regularly and have room to draw out worldbuilding plans and i just need to 加油

everything is a balance and i need to remember how important that is

[totoroses]

gratuitous picture of me n my sons

[totoroses]

other possible halloween ideas:

-hideko and sookhee from the handmaiden (the end scene where hideko is disguised as a man, played by lynn since she will die before wearing a dress)

-moomin and snorkmaiden (lynn is moomin i am snorkmaiden)

-marnie and anna form when marnie was there (im marnie she is anna)

-lesbian haku and chihiro (i am torn between who will be who)

-and of course the lesbian draco and harry, the only thing is lynn is 10000% a slytherin but has not yet agreed to being draco hhhhh

thoughts???

[totoroses]

Here is me being gay and Gay tonight at the red house taipei bar street

[totoroses]

ok goodnight that is all tomorrow i get to see her and im so happy i just hope i can finish her surprise in time and also not fail my test and also somehow get sleep and work? days need more than 24 hours??

[totoroses]

Pray for all Muslims and pray for trumps quick impeachment

[totoroses]

(when your mom is going through all of your mentally ill sisters things because she said she’s been drinking and hurting herself and now you’re just waiting for her to get home from the hospital and for hellfire to be finally unleashed and youre scared to death about how your family will hold together and scared to death your sister is going to just stay silent and do something horrible to herself and scared youre not going to hold it together and also scared to speak up and just scared so scared so scared and all you want is to hide in your girlfriends arms and cry and listen to music and not think but you cant you cant you cant do anything)

[totoroses]

it’s Totoro’s world; we just live in it