Seeing my closer friends' other, CLOSER friendships is kinda just like "I'll never have that" and like I guess sometimes I just feel left out??? Like??? I don't know if my friends know this, or will see this post but like honestly there's no reason to confront them cause this is just a really stupid thing to feel, and I tend to mask it as jealousy?? But it's not, it's a feeling of longing and of slight sadness and like idk i just really want the kind of friendships they have. The kind where you have millions of inside jokes and hundreds of fun or odd or silly stories to tell. The kind where you get together afterschool all the time, and just have this INTENSE PLATONICY and everyone knows it. No one really ships it romantically, but you two are practically dating but never would actually date cause like no??? That wouldn't work romantically??? But you'll be damned if that person isn't your platonic soul mate or even like your best friend
I furrow my brow at first, not wanting to be woken, but then he taps my butt softly and coos at me. “Come on, sugar.”
I smile as I recognize his voice and his pet name for me. I open one eye and he's beaming down at me, perched on the edge of my bed, still in his EMT uniform. “What time is it?” I ask sleepily.
“Just after eight.” Jonghyun answers, looking over at the alarm clock on my dresser.
“Anyone else up yet?” I ask.
“Just your mom, I think.” he says. He usually lets himself in, so he really wouldn't know unless he encountered someone on the short trip to my room. He's one of the only people allowed to do that at my house. If anyone else were to just walk in, we'd all have hissy fits, but Jonghyun basically belongs here, so it's okay for him.
“Have you slept yet?” I ask and scooch all the way over to the left so he can lay beside me.
“Nope.” he says, kicking off his boots and stretching out next to me.
“So we should take a nap before we do anything. It's still early.” I suggest, using his arm as a pillow, since he's taken my favorite.
“You mean you go back to sleep and I take a nap?” he chuckles.
“Yeah that's what I mean.” I say, nuzzling into him.
“Or you could take a shower and get dressed while I take a nap, that way when you're done we can go straight to breakfast.” he says with a smirk.
“Fuck you and your logic.” I pout.
He laughs and nudges my side. “Come on, sugar.”
“Fine.” I huff and crawl out of my bed to let him get more comfortable.
“Damn, daddy. Look at that ass.” he says as he watches me almost fall out of bed.
“Jelly?” I say as I straighten, wiggling my butt a bit.
“Kinda.” he chuckles and sits up.
“What are you doing?” I narrow my eyes at him. “You said you were gonna nap.”
“Can I change out of this first?” he asks as he untucks his thick, navy blue button up.
“Oh.” I giggle and start to gather my things in preparation to shower. “Okay. Just make sure you actually sleep.”
“I will.” he says.
“You'd better.” I threaten him as I leave the room, arms laden with clothes and toiletries.
I highly doubt he'll really sleep, though. He'll probably end up on his Kindle the whole time, watching Netflix or reading or playing solitaire. His excuse will be that he just couldn't fall asleep. I don't know how he can work an overnight shift like that and still function the next day.
I don't really understand much about him, really. Especially not these days, but we've been best friends for so long it's difficult to fall out of our rhythm even if our melodies have shifted. Nice metaphor. I know, right?
I take my sweet time in the shower, knowing that it'll extend Jonghyun's nap time and I sneak back into my room when I'm done to slap on some foundation because my skin has been a little less than perfect with all the stress I've been feeling. I'm surprised to find that he's actually sleeping, so I crawl in beside him to catch some extra sleep myself, even though I don't really need it.
“Hey, no.” he groans after a moment, once he realizes he doesn't have the entire bed to himself anymore. “Move, I gotta get up.”
“No, sleep.” I say and elbow his arm.
“No, I wanna shower, too.”
“You need one.”
“Fuck you.” he sings sleepily as he sits up and climbs over me to get off the bed. “You'd better be up when I get back.” he says as he collects his things and leaves the room.
“Okay.” I grumble.
I'm not up when he gets back, so he drops his backpack on my ass and whines something at me, but I'm too concerned trying to figure out what he could have in his bag that could poke me that badly.
“Jesus fucking Christ, what's in there?” I moan as I rub the spot.
“Did the book get, ya?” he laughs and pats my ass. “Sorry. Get up.”
“Fine.” I throw my blanket off and check my hair in the mirror. It could use some touching up, but fuck it, I'll just wear a beanie.
Jonghyun and I go out for breakfast at least once when he stays out here as a sort of tradition. Sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay, sometimes we split the bill. It's weird, but we're usually in sync on which way it goes. I take it this time and we sit at the nearly empty Denny's making lewd jokes about God's balls at a loud enough volume, so that our teenage waiter can hear and soon gets involved.
I think he's surprised to see that guys like us would talk like that in public, but he finds us entertaining enough that he checks in on us often, which is good because Jonghyun and I always forget what we want and have to ask for more things. Or new straws because we sword-fought with them and now they have holes in them. Or I need Splenda and yeah, I see the Equal, but that shit is gross, no thanks.
We sit and plan out our day as we origami our waiter's 7.25 tip into a heart and two ribbons. There isn't much to do in our city unless you want to see a movie, which we don't. Or go shopping, which we're too broke for. Or go drinking, which it's too early in the day for (and, you know, we're broke). Besides, Jonghyun has laundry to do at his dad's, so we decide to just bum around there, maybe make some food for his dad and watch the Law & Order: SVU marathon on USA.
Which is exactly what end up doing, except things feel off between us after breakfast, which means Jonghyun has a secret that he's thinking about telling me, but most likely deciding against it. Jonghyun tends to hide things from me. I have no idea why. They're the stupidest, littlest things that he knows I wouldn't be angry or judgmental over, but the fact that he doesn't tell me, drives me insane. I'm an honest person. I am honest to you, so I expect that same kind of honesty in return. Usually, with Jonghyun it takes a bit of time. I don't know whether it's his own guilt or trust issues (no doubt the seed of his fucked up relationship with his father), so I usually give him space until he's ready to come to me.
So that's what I'm doing. Waiting. And waiting. The whole time we've spent alone, doing the chores, making the pasta, watching TV, he's had the opportunity, but instead he makes his usual jokes about limp noodles and educated commentary on the show. I don't know what he could possibly be hiding and that just makes this whole thing more frustrating. I assume it has something to do with his roommate, though.
The guy who's totally into him, but Jonghyun can't like him back, you know, because he's not a fan of cock. I am, though. And I happen to have a crush on this guy, but he doesn't see me that way. Does that even make sense? I'm like a taller, nerdier Jonghyun with a nicer ass. And I would suck your dick. But no. I'm just the guy he bitches to when Jonghyun's “flirting” leads him on. Jonghyun isn't flirting. He's just a touchy-feely kind of guy. I get that. I let him grope me and sweet talk me and even make out with me, knowing full well that there are no romantic feelings. Why can't this guy?
I'm just about to ask Jonghyun what exactly is making him sit on the other couch when he could totally be cuddling with me (and telling me what's bothering him), when his dad comes in and ruins fucking everything.
“Hi, Dae!” I sing as I see him come through the back door.
“Hello, Key. How are you?” he says, setting his keys down on the kitchen table.
“I'm alright.” I shrug.
“What'd ya make me?” he asks, heading to the stove.
“We made chicken and broccoli alfredo.” Jonghyun answers. “And there are brownies in the oven.”
“No shit.”
“Yeah.” Jonghyun stands up to serve his father and I get up to help.
“Go sit down, we've got this.” I shoo him and he heads to the couch, taking my place.
Daejoon changes the channel, so marathon over and we sit and watch the Hallmark channel, of all things. The day only gets more and more boring, even though there are puppies to play with and a fat old cat who likes to sit on my lap and cuddle for all of ten seconds before scampering off and coming back a few minutes later. Jonghyun is distant with me and I've had just about enough, so I ask if we can go home. He nods and we clean up the kitchen a little before waving Daejoon goodbye and heading out the door.
“So, what's up with you?” I ask as he starts the car with a heavy sigh.
“Just stressed.” he says and I nod, waiting for an elaboration that never comes. He turns on the radio and we ride back, humming along to Jay Park.
“Are we picking up a bottle?” I ask as we enter my neighborhood, before we pass the packy at the bottom of the hill I live on.
Jonghyun turns the turn signal on and slows as he nears the parking lot. “You buying?”
“Sure.” I shrug. “What are you in the mood for?”
“Not sure.” he says. He's picky about his drinks. Well, pickier than me. I like mixed drinks, but they're too sweet, so I prefer rum and diet coke or something I can take straight shots of.
“Cake floats?” I suggest.
“Whatever.” I nod and step out of the car to get the cake flavored vodka and a couple bottles of root beer, one regular, one diet.
So this is how we're spending the evening. Should be interesting.
