#takethisheart

[takethisheartofmine]

We Are the Clay

“But now, O LORD, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our potter; And all we are the work of Your hand.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭64:8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ I love this part of Scripture that illustrates how we were intentionally created, "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14) by a God and Creator who loves and cares for every last hair on each of our heads. In today's society, we often overly evaluate and compare ourselves to others, and when we don't "match up" or "live up" to certain ideals or standards, we begin to value ourselves less, or envy the characteristics and/or qualities that others have. We often look in the mirror to criticize, not praise, the parts of our body that don't quite please us or that we aren't quite proud of. What if you knew that you had a Father who adored and treasured every single part of you? What if you believed that there was some One out there who intentionally and skillfully shaped every last bone, muscle, cell, and fiber on your body? What if you realized that you are, in the true Artist's eyes, one of the greatest masterpieces to walk the planet? The next time you look into the mirror, I hope you realize what a treasure you are :) Not only to a God and Father who loves you, but to everyone who surrounds you. You're not a mistake; you're a gift.

[takethisheartofmine]

Perfect Peace

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength." Isaiah 26:3-4 NKJV Fall always seems to bring a certain level of excitement and/or stress into our lives...whether we're preparing for another school year, starting a new job, or moving to a new and unfamiliar place, many of us seem to feel a sense of pressure or anticipation that tends to come with each new season. As I approach my first year in graduate school, I've definitely been experiencing these mixed feelings of anxiety and enthusiasm: anxiety because of all the new responsibilities that comes with being in graduate school and being more heavily involved with ministry; enthusiasm because of the joy that comes from being able to learn, grow, and serve others around me. Maybe you're experiencing a mixture of these feelings, too...or maybe more anxiety than excitement. Whatever it is you're feeling, I encourage you to put your trust in God, who will fill you with an everlasting sense of peace and strength that only comes from Him. :) Open your heart to Him, and He will wash over you with His love, joy, and peace that is far greater than any of the fears, doubts, or concerns you may have as we approach this new season. God bless 🙏🏼

[takethisheartofmine]

"Old paint on canvas, as it ages, sometimes becomes transparent. When that happens, it is possible, in some pictures, to see the original lines: a tree will show through a woman's dress, a child makes way for a dog, a large boat is no longer on an open sea."

Lillian Hellman, Pentimento

[takethisheartofmine]

And It Was Very Good

I think all of us have been struggling to figure out how to respond to the series of truly tragic and heartbreaking events that have happened the past week. Many of us have experienced a crushing wave of emotions: grief, shock, sadness, devastation, frustration, discomfort, anger, bitterness, fury, disbelief, rage, sorrow…all tearing at our hearts and demanding us to respond to these feelings and these horrors in some way.

Some have chosen to respond with anger, organizing protests and fueling conversations across all sorts of social media outlets with a demand for justice; some have chosen to respond in sorrow, holding vigils or writing tributes in honor of the victims…whether one of these is better than the other is not for me to judge, but I'd like to share some of my own thoughts in the hopes that it might bring a different light to some of the things that people have been sharing and experiencing recently.

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I'm sure most of us (hopefully all of us) would agree that these recent events, particularly in Orlando, have been some of the most abhorrent and devastating tragedies…no human being should have to experience what so many victims and their families did this past weekend.

Upon hearing the news, my first reaction was shock, grief, and then anger and frustration—how could there be so much hatred, violence, and brutality? How could we let something so horrible and unthinkable happen? And what—WHAT—are we going to do about it? I wrestled and struggled with how to respond, and most of the feelings that initially stirred within me (and around me) felt negative and tense…I felt as if I was about to burst with all of these unsettling emotions, frustrated that I didn’t even know how to process it all.

And then…I took a deep breath. As I calmed myself, and as I forced myself out of this negative downward spiral of emotions, my head started to clear…and I felt an overwhelming sense of… love.

“Love? Sorry, did I hear you correctly? What was that word?” Yes. You heard me correctly. Love. L-O-V-E. The word you use with the people you care about the most. The word you use to describe the people you admire and look up to. The word that takes so many powerful forms, meanings, and expressions depending on the person and situation. The word that makes you feel warm and bright and beautiful when someone says it to you. The word that has the power to heal even to the worst of wounds. The word that inspires people to selflessly sacrifice and do things that seem superhuman at times. The word that rises above all evil. The word that every single human being has the desire to receive, and the capacity to give. The word that is in our nature because it is the very character and identity of our Creator, our God, and we are all made in His image.

So many times over the years, I've heard (and personally felt) that there is so much brokenness, hatred, and evil in this world…sometimes to the point where there seems to be no more hope or goodness in humanity to cling onto. We see, hear, and experience these events, and we cry in defeat: what reason is there to live in a world that is so full of terror, oppression, and injustice? I'll admit that was my initial response the past few weeks…that all of these tragedies and horrors were just TOO MUCH, and I was TIRED of seeing all of this evil and brokenness that I felt I could do nothing about…what more was there to hope for?

“God saw all that He had made, and it was very good.” Genesis 1:31

On Monday evening, at a Tisch Collaboratory meeting at St. Marks Church, a group of beautifully unique and talented artists joined hands in a circle to breathe into everything that had happened this past weekend…and as I stood there, intimately connected with each person in the sanctuary, I couldn't help but feel it wash over me. Love. Yes, everything that happened shouldn't have happened, and yes, there is too much evil and injustice in the world…but even in the midst of all of it, there was so much love…and there was so much good.

I promise that am not in any way trying to discount any of the tragedies that have happened, nor the suffering that so many have experienced because of them. I know there will never be words adequate enough to express how unjust and wrong and evil these acts were. What I am saying is that more than all the evils and brokenness in our world, more than all the suffering, I cannot help but realize that there is so much beauty, love, and GOOD in people. That when I look around, even when people are grieved and devastated and heartbroken, there is still so much light, love, and goodness that I cannot ignore.

I don't want to preach to you, nor do I dare to tell you how to grieve, react, and/or respond to all that has been happening in the world and in your life. I simply share these words in the hopes that even as we process, question, and wrestle with all of these, that we would be people who see the good in the world and in others, even as we struggle with the bad. That we would dare to see every person as worthy of love and with the capacity to love, not because we see them as perfect or harmless or “better”or “deserving” in any way, but because they are—just as you and I are—fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God and loved by God. 

For “We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) Let us be the first to cast the stone of love in a world that is in need of the healing and power His Love can bring.

With all my heart,

Kaitlyn

[takethisheartofmine]

Now, believe it or not, we are threatened by such a free God because it takes away all of our ability to control or engineer the process. It leaves us powerless, and changes the language from any language of performance or achievement to that of surrender, trust and vulnerability.

Richard Rohr

[takethisheartofmine]

Take a Breath

I apologize for the long gap between now and my latest post. I’ve been meaning to write, but the whirlwind of spring semester has hit me harder than expected...but after almost a month, here I am again :)

For the past week or so, I’ve been struggling to put together a long, emotionally-loaded post explaining what’s been on my mind so far during this busy season...I’ve stayed up almost every other night, wrestling and straining to find the right words to express what’s been on my heart.

However, it being my Sabbath and all (or at least, it WAS when I initially began writing this), I felt inspired to simply write exactly what’s on my heart at this moment...

Joy. I love that word. Although some use it interchangeably with “happiness,” joy to me has a very special meaning, in that it seems to be a deep-rooted emotion that springs from a heart full of contentment and delight. To me, true joy is the feeling I get when I experience the power of God’s love for me...when I’m surrounded by brothers and sisters and family members who inspire me...when I get to worship and sit in the Presence of God every morning...and honestly, whenever I am able to simply take a breath and think about just how blessed I am to be alive.

Sunday (usually my Sabbath day) was filled with many of those “breaths”...

Although I started my day pretty roughly, God gifted me with so many moments of unexpected joy and rest... like the moment I was able to enjoy a delightful breakfast with four other beautiful sisters from fellowship...or the moment I had the privilege of witnessing a dear, treasured sister accept Christ as her Savior, and I started tearing up in church because I was struck by how powerful, healing, and deeply personal God’s love is for us; when God blessed me with the company of a wonderful friend, who really encouraged and uplifted my spirits, even though we had such a short time to catch up; when I got to see my beautiful dancers perform my choreographic piece onstage for the first time...the entire evening I got to spend in New Jersey in the presence of some of my incredible friends (family, really)...

Throughout my Sabbath, I was amazed by how God continually (and graciously) surprised me with His love and blessings...even when my heart and mind weren’t in the right place to receive them! Everything I mentioned above seems delightful, pleasant, and wonderful now that I’ve taken the time to appreciate them...but they fail to capture the shadows behind the moments of light: the tightness I felt in my chest because of a certain conflict I was dealing with, the anxiety I experienced in having to direct my piece for the first time...the frustration I felt in not being able to observe a complete Sabbath (what with all of the rehearsals scattered in between). 

Had God not stepped in repeatedly to re-center my heart and my focus, I would’ve spent the entire day feeling distressed, uptight, and downcast; I would’ve spent the entirety of my Sabbath worrying and stressing...and not breathing.

The final semester of college always seems to be a time when we have the tendency to stress out about the future and the answer to the dreaded question “what’s next?” As I’ve wandered into this season, however, I’ve actually been more interested in answering the question “what's happened?” Rather than look ahead, I’ve spent quite a bit of time looking back, wondering where all the time has gone...

I remember my pastor back at home asking me once if, because I was always so busy, I felt like life was just flying furiously past me...thinking about it now, I realize I do feel that way most of the time: that my life is just whizzing past, and I can only fling myself after it in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, I can capture the bits and pieces of my life that I want to treasure.

This is the mindset I’ve kept for most of my life...but the older I’ve gotten (20, I know--so old!), and the “further along” in life I’ve come...the more I’ve come to believe that there’s an alternative...that perhaps there is some way to treasure life always, to not be forced to scramble frantically from one moment to the next...

Sabbath. Maybe observing the Sabbath isn’t just some religious practice for Christians to make time for church and Sunday worship. Maybe the Sabbath isn’t just a day full of fun, enjoyable, and pleasurable activities. Maybe the Sabbath is simply a gift, and invitation from God...to step back from the craziness of your life, embrace the life and the love in and around you, and to simply take a breath.

Wishing you a restful, peaceful, and breath-filled week. May the love, peace, and joy of the Lord be ever upon you!

In Christ’s Love,

Kaitlyn

[takethisheartofmine]

"God is not looking for spiritual giants, but rather those who carry spiritual torches that burn and shine for him"

Patrick Fung

[takethisheartofmine]

More (much more) than enough

Been feeling a bit lonely this past week...that tends to happen once you’re away from the busyness of the city, and you have so much free time you don’t really know what to do with yourself! (Hence the--apologies--incessant blogging/posting/messaging). 

At first, I was a little bummed...I missed spending time with my brothers and sisters at fellowship, dancing and being inspired by my incredibly gifted friends at Tisch, and strolling around the beautiful (some parts, at least hehe) city whenever I feel pensive (or restless). I also just missed being “productive,” and having a million things to do all the time (anyone relate?)

But I’ve come to realize that all the time and empty space in my life is actually a blessing. When you’re constantly busy (so busy that a good night’s rest seems laughable most days), it can be easy to get swallowed up in it all, to sort of distract yourself with everything and everyone surrounding you 24/7. You kind of forget to take care of yourself (physically, spiritually, and emotionally), and even if you do set aside some quiet time every morning, some days you’re so exhausted you can hardly keep from falling right back asleep.

Don’t get me wrong--I absolutely love all that I do in the city, and I feel blessed to be living this life (all-nighters, sore muscles and all). But I guess you could call this winter break a much-needed, extended quiet time, something that I probably should’ve allowed myself to have a long time ago. 

These past few weeks, I’ve been able to read for leisure for the first time in ages, write to my heart’s content (again, apologies), spend quality time with my family, dance because I want to (not just because I have scheduled classes or rehearsals) develop a deeper prayer life (still developing, mind you), and watch random movies in the middle of the night (oops--not so proud about that).

But most of all, I’ve finally had the time to REST. To be QUIET. To be completely ALONE with my thoughts (whether I like it or not). To finally begin to slowly (glacially) but surely discover who I am, and what is really at the center of my heart...

And to be completely honest with you: it’s been rough. Rough because suddenly I have time to...

think of all the doubts, insecurities, and imperfections in my heart

face my hopes, dreams, and fears about the future

realize how deeply I miss the company and comfort of my dearest friends

question who and where I am in my life (and where I’m headed) 

feel an emptiness in my heart I didn’t know was there

and...wrestle with God regarding all of the above (and more)

Perhaps some of you can relate to these thoughts, these burdens. Or maybe you’re dealing with a few of your own. Maybe you’ve gotten to the point where these thoughts/feelings/burdens can begin to overwhelm you, and isolate you...to make you feel alone and separated from the rest of the world (I know that sounds dramatic, but it can happen to the best of us!)...to make you begin to wonder if you are worthy, if you are loved...if you are enough. 

I don’t know if you can relate to any (or all) of this, but as I’ve wrestled with these thoughts and questions, the gentle, loving voice of our Father has responded to all that is in my heart:

I am greater than all your doubts, insecurities, and imperfections

All your hopes, dreams, and fears are in My hands

I am your dearest Friend; you are never alone, for I am always with you

You are My beloved daughter, and I will show you the way

I am enough to fill your emptiness

In other words, God was saying: Lean on Me. “Apart from Me you can do nothing.” But because of My love, I see you as worthy. Because of My grace, I love you even in your brokenness and imperfection. And because I am who I am, you do not need to be enough because I am enough--much more than enough--for you. All you need to do is trust me, and surrender all these to me, and I will take care of you.

No matter what you’re going through at this point in your life...whatever is on your heart...I hope that you’ll come to believe that there is a Father, Friend, and Lord who is more than enough to carry every (and any) burden you may hold, more than enough to cover your doubts, fears, and sins with His love, and more than enough to offer you a Peace, Joy, Hope, and Love that can only be received through His Son, Jesus Christ. 

I’ll leave you with one of my absolute favorite verses in the Bible, in the hopes that the Lord continue to reveal Himself to you and I, and that together we would learn how to wait and hope on our good good Father, who is more (much more) than enough. <3

“28 Do you not know?    Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God,    the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary,    and his understanding no one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary    and increases the power of the weak. 30 Even youths grow tired and weary,    and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the Lord    will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;    they will run and not grow weary,    they will walk and not be faint.”

--Isaiah 40:28-31 (NIV)

In Christ’s Love,

Kaitlyn