#talking about personal stuff

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

2x19 | 3x8 | 4x5

[david-is-my-king]

Hey guys,

I wanted to let you know that I am going through a lot right now (mainly emotional) and this is why I am not as active anymore since I‘ve lost my motivation and creativity. I am sure that I will be back and I am still around sometimes. You can still send asks or messages, but it may take a while for me to respond. You guys make me happy and to see that people actually like my drawings is super cool. There will be more content in the future, I promise!

[positively-patroclus]

Random update on my life that nobody asked for: My little sister (age 3) is getting tested for Coronavirus. The one good thing is she has the best immune system in my family.

[alliterativeaurantia]

my phone screen smashed today. it isn't that bad and I'm getting it looked at on the 27th hopefully. wigged me the fuck out and nearly made me have a panic attack in no less than 3 locations, which sucked. after our computer started breaking down I got a lot more dependent on my phone so the idea of not having it... it's deeply upsetting.

still, it'll be hopefully fixed soon enough. by then maybe my brain will stop screaming at me about it?

[xivu-arath]

under a cut bc this is personal and just me. getting thoughts out but a thing I have that... I've slowly begun to consider a trigger for me is caretaking? like permanent, personal caretaking - like chloe’s situation in life is strange after you change the present to keep her dad alive

there’s something deeply upsetting about confronting being permanently cared for, with the relatives and family’s lives changing to make room and manage and ugh idk it just brings up so much pain and guilt for me

and it’s... not really a mystery why, I spent like. almost an entire year at thirteen barely able to get up or do things because of migraines and my family tried so many things to help me, even discussed changing things around to get me into this special individualized school in toronto, and I still feel incredibly guilty for like. all the money spent and all the stuff they’ve done for me and there’s... a lot of associated issues there, like how awful I feel when I get headaches or feel bad for no reason instead of after actual work and progress bc I shouldn’t be feeling this way and maybe they’ll think I’m lying about it???

and we’re... in a more minor permanent caretaking position for my grandmother as well so that just. digs in ever so often 

idk it’s tough and laying out how it affects me is important I think

[inkfoxie]

Tbh I really miss being in a relationship. I miss having someone I could hug and text/talk to whenever about whatever, but I don't think I'll be finding someone anytime soon...

[thisisthsou]

You know what?

I’m angry. This counselling session did me good overall. I was like a bulldozer, just kept talking and talking until I broke down.

And I’m angry because, well it was only the first appointment, but my counselor (which is a nurse specialized in psychiatry) told me it looked like depression. I’m not angry because she said that, I had suspicions and I can accept it. What I’m angry about is the fact that everything for her seems to fall on depression and yet there are so many symptoms and things that have nothing to do with it. We didn't have time to discuss about all of them. I’m angry because I don’t want to be treated for depression alone. 

Hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue are way more fitting and thus depression would fall under hypothyroidism among all those other things that are fucking me up. 

She didn't say directly I’d be treated for depression but that’s the main thing that kept cropping up, and that’s how I left the room yesterday, crying out of relief and angry because of what I just said above.

[ijustwant2playthegame]

I only now realize how much work and effort comes into making friends. It’s the best and worst thing. Wanting to make a connection,  but at the same time not wanting to annoy them. It’s emotionally fucking taxing to make a new friend. I’m usually the social person,  but lately it has been just plain fucking difficult to even speak to potential friends without feeling like you’re a waste of time to them. It’s even worse when you’ve had experiences where friends you’ve made online started to slip away, life changing and making people distant. It’s a deep fear. One I’ve been struggling with lately. Being confident to talk to people who you want to befriend and not feel annoying or clingy to them, but yet it’s a perpetual cycle for me for most people. You befriend them, attempt goes either well or awry, you feel either good or feel like they have things better to do, so you talk to them less and less, and slowly lose the will and hope they want you to be their friend as much you want to be yours.  It. Sucks. It sucks even more is that it's just a personal problem. A "me" thing. Something that I don't even know if other people even experience or feel. I talk about this, but yet I do nothing about it. It's just a simple vent, emptying out feelings held for a long interval of time. I just want someone to get me..well more than just someone but..yeah.