I was talking to a friend today about his roommates. He was complaining about how their awful, selfish people, and he's not completely wrong. Ones manipulative and deceitful and the other is obsessed with women and sex in the unhealthiest way. I told this person that he has every right to be upset and that he needs to take care of himself. If it's a toxic situation, get out.
After the fact, I got thinking about the whole situation. The first guy, is from a household with a manipulative parent who never really grew up or became responsible. Their role as a parent was fickle, and sometimes it was hard to tell who was the parent; the child or the adult. The other has autism and is wicked smart. But he's rarely been in a nurturing environment. To give you an idea: he's studying to be a geologist and asked if I wanted to see his rock collection. When I said yes, you would think I'd just handed him a million dollar check. He barely contained his excitement and showed me way more rocks then I knew you could hide in a room (including his well cherished emeralds).
Now, does past experience excuse poor behavior? No. And my friend's frustration with them was completely valid. But it made me realize that showing kindness in the face of frustration...is often more useful. Letting the one guy show me his rock collection took 5, maybe 10 minutes. But I guarantee you I made him feel really good.
So I'm not saying to excuse bad behavior, and you definitely need to take care of yourself. But next time... try to consider the other person's side. A little compassion goes a long way.