#tallyhasemotions

[tallyhasthoughts]

I sacrificed myself

To be liked.

It wasn't worth it.

[tallyhasthoughts]

I have a drawer full of art

Supposed to go on my wall

But I've been here 4 months

And have no drive at all

So I put them in frames

And I sit them aside

Until a time when I don't feel

So empty inside

[tallyhasthoughts]

[tallyhasthoughts]

Me: doesn't regularly drink caffeine for over a year

Me this morning: woke up with happy chemicals, decided to keep those going with energy drink

Me, at 12:30 am, after consuming 760 mg of caffeine in 14 hours: experiencing mild hallucinations and bitching loudly at the universe about my existence in my empty bedroom

[tallyhasthoughts]

Nightmares stirring every time my eyes close

Wake up sweating, gotta stay on my toes

Post traumatic stressing is probably a given

Anxiety surrounding every story that I’m living

Won’t go to sleep cuz I’m afraid of tomorrow

Every hour I live is one that I’ve borrowed

Got a debt to settle with the sleep that I’ve lost

But in a thousand years couldn’t cover the cost

[tallyhasthoughts]

I just wanna know that she's okay

I met her at a refugee camp in Greece I was there for a week, helping educate on human trafficking I didn't know Arabic but she knew English We were told not to give out our information Not to give the kids false hope that we would stay in contact It was best to just leave, let the next group take our place But now I, selfishly, wish I had broken that rule I want to know that she and her family escaped to Germany That she was able to get counseling and the safe place she deserved That she was able to be a normal kid She would be 15 now I just wanna know she's okay

[tallyhasthoughts]

Why don't you care?

How can you stand by with the means to help others? How can you not over tip? How do sleep while your coworker is homeless? How can you see someone in tears at a grocery store and leave without asking if they need anything? How can you let a mom leave without baby formula because her food stamps haven't kicked in yet? How can you support a system that kills your neighbors, your friends, your family?

How can you support genocide and oppression in other countries? How can you look a trans kid in the eyes and tell them they'd be better off dead? How is sexuality a choice but ignorance isn't? How do you justify war crimes against American citizens while calling Americans "heroes" overseas? How can you justify personal comfort over the lives of others? Profit over people? Theology over love?

How does Palestine not break your heart? How does the censorship and oppression in Hong Kong not keep you up at night? How do you function with the rising cases of Covid in India? How can you live with yourself while America is STILL bombing the homes of innocent people in Syria?

If you're so pro-life why do you call your daughter "son" while you refuse to where a mask in the grocery store? If you love traditional families so much why do you let them die in other countries? If freedom of religion is so important to you why are you so anti-islam and antisemitic? Where's your NRA when a black man is shot because police thought he was armed?

How do you read the news without crying? How do you not give everything you have to save people you've never met? How do you look into the eyes of another human and not feel their pain deep in your stomach? How are you so callused when the world is full of wounds to heal?

Why don't you care?