#taran talks

[iamtaran]

Probably no one really around but - thank you everyone who has ever kudo’d and commented on any of my fics, on here or on AO3. It’s been a really hard two years, and after all this time being able to go back and reread some of the encouragement and love, or to still see it come in, really has meant so much to me. In the times when I was writing just for me, just to keep me alive; or going months without producing a single word and wondering if I ever would again; or trying a half dozen times to write just one paragraph, edit just one scene, for ATTBTA or The Seal and failing again and again. I’m still struggling to get on after another hard blow this past month with the passing of my mother, and I probably will be for a while. I don’t know when, but I look forward to one day being able to return to these stories I love. In the mean time, I just hope that everyone out there knows despite my long silence that I so appreciate all the positivity and heartfelt responses, and I hope you’re all well, and living well.

[iamtaran]

( hello everyone i know i’ve been very very quiet the past couple months. i know i don’t need to tell you that the world is weird and hard right now. i already have trouble keeping afloat when things are as average. suffice to say, i’ve been badly, and neutral, and grey, and occasional... actually quite well.

but as an autistic author with some other neurodivergency thrown in there, i have a pretty weird and unsteady relationship with language. and i think that’s pretty great a lot of the time! i play around with language and ideas in a lot of ways that are fun and strange and weird, and i like that it makes me feel so many things and makes yall feel things, too. but sometimes i just lose the ability to produce it regularly, to focus, or ‘zoom in’. this happened pretty badly the past few months, and so i’ve been trying to spend time pursuing my interests and taking care to give my sad brain a break.

i don’t know when i’ll actually be back to writing and posting regularly. if it was up to me, i would have been doing it all along-- nothing gets you more stir crazy than wanting to do something but being physically unable to do it.

but i can at least say i don’t intend on abandoning any projects, and I’m currently in the middle of rereading A Tale Told Before, Told Again with the intentions of trying to get back on track again (albeit with training wheels and very slowly). i love these characters and this story, and i want to get back to this big journey and all its twists to share. so please keep your fingers crossed with me, and i hope no one is too mad that it’s taking so long. 

thanks everyone who has left positive feedback and reached out to me to share how you’re feeling and what has you fired up and excited and scared and impassioned. i wish i could sit down with every single one of yall and have tea and just yell about how excited we are! but at least, until then-- i’m still here, i read through comments so often it’s a little embarrassing, and i’m hoping all of you are well. take care! i hope to be able to post another chapter before long. )

[iamtaran]

I hope you’re all doing well out there, denizens of the internet. I know this blog has had such slow and let’s say meager posting as of late. Life sure does like to throw curve balls and watch you scrabble to adapt. But I hope whatever curveball you’re being pitched, that you’re taking care and still swinging even if you sometimes miss. 

I know nothing of sports why am I using this analogy

anyway.  Be well, friends, and if you’re not, I hope you’ll take care. 

[iamtaran]

I don’t have tons of followers here, but I want so badly to tell everyone and let it be known-- thank you thank you thank you every single one of you who has left any kind of comment on any of the fic I have written. It means so much to me in a gut-punch way I don’t think I will ever explain fully. I’ve been writing since I was 9-10, hundreds of stories that have never seen the light. I’ve always been too embarrassed or afraid of teasing to show anything I write, even to family. Especially to family! Having any kind of feedback is startling, uncommon, unbelievable; to have positive feedback? I had never imagined it. Its reality is inexplicable. There are no words to say what it feels like.

I’ve been going through a period of burnout and depression with the state of the world as it is and financial worries. I’ve been unemployed for the greater part of a year, stressing and feeling like no one will want to hire me with my incumbent disabilities and chronic pain and all the restrictions or difficulties they introduce. Reading through the comments I’ve received has bolstered me-- when I feel useless, or hopeless, on hard nights when I feel like I will never create or produce ever again.

Thank you, friends, for seeing something good in what I’ve made. Thank you even more for taking the time to tell me. I don’t think I’ve ever been told such kind, encouraging things. Those words can’t begin to contain the goodness I’ve received, but I can’t think of any others. Thank you. Please take care, for you’re all dear and wonderful.

[iamtaran]

I’m back!!

Finally!!! I had to buy a usb keyboard to be able to log on to my laptop again, which is a tragedy and a half, but at least now I can finally access my computer and get back to writing and hanging out with folks! hello everyone!! I’m sorry if you left a comment or sent a message and I haven’t been able to get to it! I should be able to start replying today or tomorrow C”: how you’re all well <3

[iamtaran]

me, some unknown number of days ago: haha I’m gonna write just some fun little one-shots about this fun silly idea of Geralt being the least handsy of friends up to and until Jaskier is in danger and then is All Manhandling All The Time. Ha! Ha! Who isn’t weak for a little physical closeness and comfort? some high quality CaringTM but, like, under a veneer of brusqueness? this will be fun and lighthearted and not at all teach me anything about myself. also me, looking over all 10k of collected oneshots written so far: do I have Geralt stick his fingers into Jaskier’s mouth too much? 

[iamtaran]

hello everyone i spilled a drink on my computer keyboard and some of the keys have shorted out, including some i need to type in my password to unlock the computer itself. so i won’t be on for the next few days if not longer until I can get things sorted out. Cross your fingers for my laptops hopeful recovery ;-; 

[iamtaran]

I’m working on the next chapter of A Tale and hooooooooooooooh my god i just wrote the tenderest moment and it’s KILLING ME y’aaall. when i said this to my partner, whining pathetically and clutching my chest like a southern belle, their response was: “is this the [writer’s] equivalent of laughing at your own joking?” .......................yes.