#tarnished posting

[linaselandbasil]

So I met this sorcerer right? Sellen is her name, I must tell you, my motives were not entirely for education when I agreed to be her student. Her voice just awakened something in me, you know? So I was essentially in this toxic powerdinamic yuri situation and she didn't even care that i wasn't a mage, I've been walking around the lands between unga bunga-ing literally everything. So then it turns out she was gonna die, so I fisted her so she wouldn't die, and then she died anyway. BUT SHE CAME BACK! FUCK YES! I killed one of my friends because he wanted to dethrone my evil sorcerer queen. I'm not happy about him being dead but at this point id do anything for just her left pinkie toe in my mouth because miyazakis foot fetish is contagious. She sent me on my way and when I came back to see her she literally turned into a ball. Toxic workplace unhealthy powerdinamic doomed yuri.

[guidingmoonlight]

I’m sorry, but this item description is funny af

[linaselandbasil]

Just got to farum azula! Can't wait to meet penisballsax!

[linaselandbasil]

When I become elden lord, ill make every second gen albinauric drop 20k runes for how annoying they are to fight, I'll take the taxes off of leveling up, thus making unseen form way more accessible for the masses, Queen Renala will be relocated to Caria manor so she can be with her daughter, ill open a Starbucks in Leyndell so wandered nobles can take cute pictures for their Instagrams, godwyn the golden will receive a television so he can watch anime while he's down there, Miquella the kind will be going down in the sewers, him and dung eater will take part in mortal combat to see who lives, I'll put tariffs on shabriri grapes because what the fuck and lastly Dominula village will be renovated and they will be recieving a lot of railings to keep anyone from falling. Thats about it, im somewhat open to suggestions.

[linaselandbasil]

A few weeks ago I was in stormveil castle, theres these dry guys around who have boomboxes hanging around their long as fuck necks. One of them talked to me but the rest were throwing hands. Anyway I was walking through the castle, I saw one sitting on the ground, I thought to myself NUH UH, you will not be ambushing me and slapped the shit out of it. Anyway it was the same guy who talked to me at the gate, I panicked, jumped off the cliff hoping he would forgive me. He didn't, so I went around the map for some magic waturrr to have my sins forgiven for me by turtle pope. I died like 5 times getting to a merchant that sells them and after 2 hours of suffering, the dry guy didn't even give me a quest. Shucks. Anyway, after stormveil i went back to liurnia bc i really wanted to figure out how to get to the plateu above the albinaurics. I saw a vague humanoid figure by the roadside and because I didn't like the idea of an ambush via an albinaurics crypt keeper hands and because my eyesight is only slightly better than Malenias, I decked Nepheli Loux right in her face. I scrambled about the map like the blind mouse I am for another drop of magic waturr. I was forgiven but Nepheli never returned and now I can't talk to her. Fuck

I also almost slapped the shit out of coryn with a draconic tree sentinels club.

[linaselandbasil]

So I was fighting this giant right? Dude beat my ass real hard, word among the tarnished is that he's weak to the caelid clap, so I went to that hellhole, beat the fuck out of a chlamydia ridden dragon who's name i cant remember. It was full of those emo letters from the back of the alphabet, yk. Anyway I went back to this delapitated building out back to learn the art of burping stds onto people and made my merry way back to the giant. Let me tell you, he still beat my ass, chlamydia or not I'm just not that guy, apparently.

[hopepunkbutch]

first try godrick let's goooo

[morioh-killer]

the masculine urge to add Blaidd to my self ship list