Empty
Kyle or well known as Gaz in the base felt empty. He always watched as soldiers mingled with each other. How his team to fit perfectly; but him? He felt like an outsider watching them work and talk. Night outs in a pub were short, he couldn’t stand watching the team talk. Sure Price took him under his wing, but it wasn’t the same. He saw how differently everyone was treated, how Soap got the most praise. How Price stare at Ghost like a proud father, Price never really gave that look to him.
Did it sting? Of course it did, Gaz has been watching the team grow. Meeting people who hurt them or who team up well. He just didn’t understand why price took him under his wing, or why even try to keep him interested. Kyle didn’t speak his mind up, he could never. He could seem ungrateful, but it always nagged at him.
One night at a pub Kyle went alone, didn’t bother to tell anyone. He saw you, sitting there. Kyle saw you around the base before, you were a secretary floating around in a rush. He stare at you noticing the same look he felt. Your eyes displayed what he felt, exactly how he felt. Before Kyle knew it his body moved before he could think. He stare at you across from you, sliding a drink he order.
“Rough week?” Kyle asked looking at you. “I feel ya..”
You glance up and stare at him, meeting his gaze. You took note of his eyes, they reflected what you felt.
“You can say that again.” You replied with a weak smile. “You aren’t with the others?”
“Nah” Kyle said simply shaking his head. “I barely even try to be around them lately.”
“I seen that recently actually.” You remarked and watch as he took a seat. “Everything alright with them?”
Kyle pressed his lips into a thin line. He didn’t know what to say, unsure if you really wanted to listen.
“Just.. a lot.” He finally replied and sighed before turning to face the TV. “..A lot..”
“I know about a lot.” You replied and stare at him. “I been in a lot.”
Kyle chuckles and looks at you before shaking his head.
“You are here alone because?” He asked waving his right hand. “Normal I see you rushing around the base with papers.”
“Well maybe sometimes I need to rush to a pub.” You remarked and grin as Kyle returned a smile. “So why are you here really.”
“To think honestly..” Kyle replied and stare back at you. “Do you ever just need to get yourself together and try to remember it’s okay.”
You nodded slowly to his words, that’s what exactly is happening right now. You in a pub, staring into nothingness until he came along.
“Yeah at times i do that.” You answered honestly and looked at his hand. “Sometimes the feeling of being alone is too much. It drowns you, making you think no one is around you.” You pause letting out a shaky breath. “Even if there is people around you.”
Oh how Kyle knew what you meant, how the feeling drowns out everything. It consumes your lungs, throat and ears. Kyle looked down at his own hand, slowly he slid it over to yours. You looked up with him, now staring at each other.
“Ever think it goes away?” He asked as his hand gave yours a gentle squeeze. “The feeling of being out of place. Or even the gear of being replaced?”
“I don’t know..” You mumbled and squeezed his hand back. “What do you think Kyle?”
He stared at you for a long time, his hand on yours. The sound of people drinking and laughing in the background. He pulled his hand back and shook his head.
“I don’t have the answer myself, that’s why I asked you.” Kyle chuckled out, it was weak and sad. “Ever think to just leave and start over elsewhere?”
“Many times, the drowning is getting to that point I might do it.” You replied and stare at the drink. “You ever plan..”
“Even if I wanted to.. I can’t..” Kyle now mumbled and stare at you. “Team needs me for work, not for friendship.”
His words spoke for you as well, work. Work was the only thing holding you down to this miserable drowning. Kyle noticed how you reacted, the way you seem to lock onto each word.
“Same situation” He stated and sighed before rubbing his eyes. “It’s good to see.. im not alone. Well I mean it’s not good that we are like this b—“
“I get what you mean” You cut him off and smile. “At least we can bond over that.”
Kyle laughed and nodded slowly, he reached for his own drink and lifted it up.
“To drowning.” He joked but truth seeped through.
“To drowning..” You repeated lifting your drink.
Kyle took a sip of his drink, the mid-warm liquid sliding down his throat. He soon just looked at you, silence between the two of you. Finally Kyle started to make small talk, the long empty night now eventful with your presence.
When work came to place, you two became close there as well. Price took notice and watched as Kyle started to become more active with the team. One day during sparring Price pulled Kyle aside.
“They seem lovely.” Price said crossing his arms. “Never thought you would settle.”
“Settle?” Kyle uttered out wiping sweat. “Just friends.”
“Friends don’t go to a pub as an excuse to hang out. Friends don’t just stare at each other with longing looks.” Price replied handing Kyle a water bottle. “They seem ground you, like you do for them.”
Kyle stared at Price, he understood what Price meant. Yet he didn’t want to admit it, not yet at least. Kyle looked away from Price shaking his head. The emptiness he felt once before didn’t matter, you filled it up with your presence. He didn’t want to lose it, nether did you as you watched him from the double doors. You knew it was a dangerous game, love with the idea it healed.