#taskmaster podcast transcript

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“I just wanna put things in my mouth, in order to know them with my heart.” - Desiree Burch

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Alex: ...but it’s another one where Mike sort of stole the show slightly, by doing a somersault in a bunker.

Ed: I mean it’s inc—I don’t know how—I’ve never seen anyone move like Mike moves. He’s like, like an Italian clown, you just imagine him, sort of a troubadour travelling around Europe doing an entertaining clown show for everyone.

Alex: He’s floppy and strong.

Ed: “Floppy and strong” that’s exactly what he is, he’s like a muscle man but also one of those toys you press at the bottom and he goes wuh-woo-wuh...

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Ed: And [Jamali’s bat] looked like it was going to win, until Mike popped off his big crown… Alex: So, did you know it was coming? Ed: No! Alex: So, did you, think, “What a silly hat”? Ed: Yes I thought “what a silly hat” and why’s he done this? But then also, like, I thought maybe he’s just chosen to do something silly for the last episode, and like something faux-arrogant, like wearing a crown because he was like “I’m definitely going to win”, erm… Alex: What he’d also done was he’d worn the same outfit throughout both series and studio—which no-one has done before- Ed: Yes-I didn’t even notice that… Alex: That’s classic Mike, isn’t it, you- [Ed laughs] Alex: Yeah, he wore the same thing in every, in every second he was in Taskmaster except for that hat, so that was sort of “Oh”, that last— Ed: Did Joe Wilkinson not do that…? […] Ed: So then Mike popped off his crown, and underneath had a punky haircut. Alex: A punk haircut, like from the ‘70s. Ed: A punk rock haircut, like from a postcard…erm… Alex: Yeah, and it suited him?! Ed: Yeah, well everything suits, everything suits him sort-of, it just looked like another big moustache on his head, didn’t it? Alex: I mean, afterwards, we all sort of…had a socially distanced goodbye to each other, we weren’t allowed a wrap party, but there was a lot of lusting after Wozniak from everyone in the crew, not just the women obviously, just everyone. He looked-I thought he looked incredible. Ed: Yeah, yeah, it’s annoying, isn’t it? Alex: [exclaims softly] Oh god, oh god… Ed: It is annoying, that guy… Alex: [still exclaiming / gasping in astonishment] Ed: …with us most of the emails we get are saying that Mike Wozniak’s fit, erm, yeah, so, going down that road again. Alex: It is going to kick off when this goes out, obviously we’re recording this before it goes out, I can’t wait to see the reaction. Ed: People are going to go mad, because I think there was a lot of— people had heard there was a moment, right, and I think a lot of that, a lot of the discussion was around the moment that happened in episode 6. Alex: Yeah… Ed: So I think that a lot of people now think that the Wozniak moment has happened, but, there’s another one— Alex: -but I don’t think that this moment will eclipse the other moment, but it will top it, it will be a lovely cherry- Ed:  -it’s a lovely haircut on top of the moment, isn’t it? Alex: Yeah, it’s a cherry on the haemorrhoid. Ed: [laughing] It’s a cherry on the haemorrhoid. Um, yeah, he looked amazing. I don’t think — erm, er — if I saw Mike wearing a hat - that hat - I would go “Why are you wearing that hat?” I would just think, oh Mike’s wear-, “Oh Mike’s got a hat on”, Mike’s doing one of his things. […] Ed: It was obviously five points for Mike, you can’t like - Jamali couldn’t argue with that, although Jamali wouldn’t have argued with that anyway, would he? […]

Taskmaster Podcast, Episode 33 

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TMP Ep. 29

Ed: ...You’re on best behaviour, Mike.

Mike: I am on best behaviour, I’ve got on- I’ve worn my best, my sort-of, my smartest, y’know party clothes, there I am-

Ed: [laughs]

Mike: -I’ve brushed my teeth, and I’ve ha-in some of them I’ve even had a hair cut, not all of them of course, cause y’know, we then, y’know, for some of the studio, for some of the tasks we were plunged into lockdown-

Ed: Yeah-

Mike: -they sort of dragged us back out again, from under our little rocks to try again and do some tasks.

Ed: Can you notice that then, ‘cause I don’t think I’ve noticed that yet, can you see what days were sort-of immediately post-lockdown, and what days…were a little bit fresher?

Mike: I can-I can-I can see it partly- partly because of the physical appearance and I can-I can-I can also detect a slight attitude change, as well, in myself…I mean every single one of those days was a little holiday for me anyway, right-

Ed: Of course, yeah.

Mike: -you work from home a lot, and, you know it’s an airing, it’s a good old fashioned airing, but, the- the sheer relief of the lockdown ones, when someone said: “Yes, you can leave your home, and it’s okay ‘cause its work, and come to this abandoned Air Force hanger in the middle of nowhere” and the purest thrill of, yeah, being somewhere else for the day and then-and doing, doing that- stuff, yeah, it was joyous, absolutely joyous.

Ed: Which is sort of what I imagine you do on a day off anyway, is to go to a disused aircraft hanger.

Mike: Oh, of course, yeah but normally there’s nobody else about, d’y’know what I mean? There’s just me and a couple of, couple of rabid voles, yeah, to hang out with-

Ed: [laughs]

Mike:-and we try and avoid the, uh, the Eagle Owl, that’s roosting there.

Ed: [wheezing]

Mike: -and we have a bit of a laugh, but one of us invariably gets caught, and it’s all very sad in the end.

Ed: But that’s the game, that’s the game isn’t it.

Mike: Don’t hate the player, is what I say to the Owl…

Ed: Don’t hate the Eagle…

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Ed: ...There’s a lot to be discussed about the definition of licking. [Mike laughs] Er, Sarah obviously going more, is a tongue-...I mean, you’re a Doctor. Is a tongue probe, does that still exist within the world of lick?

Mike: [Mike laughs] I think, I think licking can be a spectrum...I feel like in my time I have been licked softly and I have been licked more firmly, and vice versa...