je te laisserai des mots | KTH Oneshot
Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader
Summary: You go back to where it all began...
Genre: Post-death, Angst, Fluff (it’s hard to explain but it’ll make sense)
Word Count: 4.8k
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mentions of major character death (It’s what it’s about)
A/N: I got all up in my feels listening to je te laisserai des mots and thus this fic was born....
Other: Masterlist
Kiss me
Whenever you want
Kiss me
Whenever you want
10 years later and standing beside his open casket of wood and dust was not the way you thought you would see him again. And he was so young. Only 28. The high arches of the wooden church taunted you, alluding to a higher place, one you may not reach, one where he was resting. Because Taehyung was always an angel.
The gray clouds outside were the only sign that one should be sad at this moment. The strangers passing by were not to know of your grief; the loss of a lover, the future plans slipping away.
10 years. You were supposed to meet him in 10 years and plan your lives together from there. They had cleaned him up well. His body smelled of roses, the blood was wiped from his forehead. You had met him 10 summers ago.
Ten Summers Ago
Under an oak wood tree you had rested, a leather bound book in hand. The hazy summer afternoon sky heated the air and your eyes were weary. The days of sitting, reading, and sleeping were just starting.
You had left your home in the big city of Seoul to reside in the country for a few months. It was always quiet. It felt like the slightest noise was a thunderous clap. So, you sat, still as a mouse, while you read. The wind running through the trees and rustling the wheat crops were your only company.
Peaceful. It was peaceful, perhaps a little boring, but relaxing nonetheless. You rested your back against the wood and pressed your book to your chest as you began drifting off. Your eyelids were heavy, the heat of the day taking over.
“Hey, don’t fall asleep yet! I haven’t been able to introduce myself!” A deep voice shouted, startling you out of your stupor.
You jolted upright, coming face to face with a boy hanging upside down above you. He twisted and landed on the ground with a light thump.
“H-how long have you been up there?!” You sputtered, standing and clutching your book. The boy grinned childishly, though you were sure he was your age.
“Long enough.” He said vaguely. “My family just came here this summer and I haven’t seen anyone my age. I was gonna ask if you wanted to hang out, but if you would rather nap, then be my guest.”
The boy had a twinkle in his eye, a youthful gleam that seemed to be lost on you. For the longest time, you’d had to be a grown up. Being an only child, your parents expected a lot from you, wanted you to be successful. It was this that resulted in you maturing a lot quicker than your peers. You turned away, tilting your nose slightly.
“I don’t know if I want to talk to a boy who hasn’t even introduced himself.” You declared, crossing your arms. “I mean, isn’t that how you’re supposed to woo a lady?”
“Who says I’m trying to woo you?” His expression softened.
“Every boy I’ve ever met just wants to get in my pants. What else do I need to know?”
“Well, I’m not like that.” The corners of his lips tilted into a soft smile.
The dark curls of his hair hung down and framed his face wonderfully. You found him to be quite handsome, actually. It had been a long while since anyone had made you nervous, or flustered.
“How am I supposed to believe that?” You asked, turning back to face him with a questioning look. “You were just watching me for god knows how long without introducing yourself.”
“You sat under my tree.”
“I’m sure I’ve been here longer, Mister.” You huffed.
“Right you are.” He relented. Then his lips lifted into a boxy smile. “I’m Taehyung.”
“Y/N.” You smiled back.
The grass shifted under the breeze and the shade of the tree covered yours and Taehyung’s hands as they shook.
“I can tell this is going to be a summer like no other already.”
You chuckled at his declaration and nodded along. “We’ll see about that.”
Present
You stood under the oak tree. It’s branches still hung overhead, tall and proud. A part of you was expecting him to pop out from above, swinging upside down, but that would never come to pass. The cold air blew through your hair, the sun covered by the gray of the sky. The tree was losing its leaves, the barren branches reminding you of what was gone.
You sighed and pulled yourself from your thoughts, turning to search through the overgrown bramble. Your eyes caught onto a tattered red ribbon under the bushes. You fell to your hands and knees, hands reaching through to pull on the small square of fabric.
The old bush scraped at your hands, but you managed to get a hand on the ribbon. Then you pulled, the weathered material stretched and then up came an old shovel. The shovel was rusted, buried long ago. Dirt clung to the rotting wood handle.
You took a deep breath and turned back to the tree. The dirt was covered in grass and wildflowers. Your fingers traced the seams of the trunk, searching for the initials that were carved long ago. Frowning, you ran over it again. Your fingertips caught on the slightest of cracks, the unnatural curvatures catching your attention.
You bent and scanned your eyes over the mark. There it was. A heart with your initials and KTH. It brought a sad smile to your face. You gripped the shovel tighter, the old wood giving slightly under your touch.
Ten Summers Ago
“May I have this dance?”
You pushed him away with a laugh. “No way, weirdo.”
“Aw c’mon, Y/N, you’re no fun.” Taehyung cried, crossing his arms.
The local town was holding the annual summer festival. The roofs were connected through colorful streamers and red lanterns. The aroma was of baked goods and cooking meats. Children ran by with kites and there was a warm glow to the air as it fell to dark.
Loud music of drums and guitar floated down the street. In the center square, you stood with Taehyung. Your parents were exploring and left you with him to go off and shop around. There was somewhat of a dance party in the city center and Taehyung had dragged you along.
“I’m a lot of fun!” You protested. “Why else have you been hanging around me for the past month, lover boy?”
“Fine, fine. Where do you want to go?” He deflated, looking less than happy. Your stomach twisted uncomfortably.
You glanced between his disappointed gaze, the band playing, and the bright lights of the vendors down the street. With a small smile, you took his hand.
“Let’s dance.” You said softly, dragging him behind you to the dance floor.
There was a crush of people, some slow dancing, others grinding, and everything in between. You placed one hand on his shoulder and the other in his hand. Then he lifted his arm to your waist, tugging you closer.
“I love this song.” He murmured in your ear, before he was off.
The beat was lively and he started quickly maneuvering between the crowds of people, leaving you racing to keep up with his feet. You laughed, heart racing as the lights and people blurred around you.
He swooped you low and then threw you back up. The only person in focus was Taehyung, and you were drunk on his boxy smile. The boy spun you around and then clasped his hand back at your waist. The heat of his hand burned through your clothing.
“Taehyung, this is crazy.” You shrieked as he skirted around the poor couples who were moving slower.
“I know, isn’t it fun?” He chuckled, slowing slightly.
You stumbled, stepping harshly on his foot. He let out an oomph and lost his footing. You tripped over him, bringing you both to the ground. You rushed to place your hands on the concrete, halting your movement and wincing as the gravel dug into your palms. You heard him suck in a breath and you glanced down. Your heart raced, the music becoming muffled as the blood rushed to your ears.
You were hovering inches above him, his face a short distance away, his lips tantalizingly close. You cleared your throat, rolling to the side and standing up, dusting yourself off. Get a grip. There was an unreadable look in his eyes. Then he slowly stood as well.
“You alright?” He asked hesitantly.
“Yeah, I’m fine, are you...are you okay?”
“Perfectly,” He cleared his throat a couple times. “Perfectly fine.”
You nodded stiffly. Your cheeks were still rosy, the exhilaration and adrenaline still coursing through your veins.
“Wanna...wanna check out something else?”
Present
You were shaking. Your hands were shaking as you traced his initials in the tree with your fingertip. The memory of what once was, haunted you. With a shuddering breath in, you penetrated the dirt with the shovel. The metal creaked against the wood of the handle. You continued to dig, piles of dirt thrown over your shoulder.
You were sweating, but you continued to dig with a tenacity that could only be described as obsession. The brown dirt turned to mud as you dug deeper. You swiped at the sweat as it dripped down your temple. Then, you hit it. The familiar clang of metal on metal met your ears. You bent and pulled the box out, sharpied initials on the top.
Memories...Y/N & Tae
Were written on the metal cover. A wave of grief rolled over your body and as much as you shook, you still opened the lid. You pushed the heavy metal to the side, dusting the dirt off.
Inside were two neatly folded letters, one with the words, To Taehyung and another with the words To Y/N. You already knew what was written in the To Taehyung letter, after all, you had written it. And you had dreamed for many nights, of watching him open and read the words you had written on those cream colored pages. Sadly, fate would not have it that way.
Your fingers brushed the envelope entitled To Y/N. Your voice caught in your throat, afraid of making a further movement lest the tears watering your eyes were to fall. You took a breath, re-covering the box for a moment, and closed your eyes. You didn’t know if you could stand it anymore; the flood that threatened to overwhelm your body.
Ten Summers Ago
The cafe smelled like coffee and sugar. The small shop was almost empty despite it being the morning. You waited for Taehyung, the morning sun just gleaming over the horizon. The bell at the door rang and you glanced up to see Taehyung rushing in. His hair was windswept, curly bangs falling in a heap on his forehead.
You waved him over and his eyes lit up as he made his way to the table. He pulled out a chair, the legs scraping loudly against the ground. He winced at the screeching sound it made and you hid a chuckled behind your hand.
“What did you order?” He asked.
“Just a coffee and bagel. I ordered you a tea and cookie.” You answered, staring idly out the window. The street was quiet, barely anyone walking by.
“Ah, you always know what I like.”
“You talk like we’ve known each other for years.” You rolled your eyes.
“A couple months? A year? It’s all the same.” He waved it off with a shrug.
“I suppose so.” You smiled, turning to face him.
“Hey, there’s this place I wanted to show you today and it’s best if we go early.” He reached out and grasped your hand. You shivered at the way his palm caressed your skin.
“Is that the reason you got me up before the sun rose and then arrived late?”
He flushed a bright red, shaking his head fervently.
“No-no!” He stuttered.
Then he dropped your hand and you found yourself missing his skin on yours. The dark haired boy scratched the back of his head sheepishly.
“I just...I just needed to get some things ready.”
“Alright.” You shrugged. He stood and held his hand out.
“Let’s go, it’s not too far.”
-
The lake was serene, not a single breeze appearing to disturb it. Your eyes traced the water’s edge and then to the forest of trees lining it. There was an old wooden dock at one side, where you were standing. Your arms were crossed, the sun beating down.
“I wanted to come here because the water is still cold and it’s hot now.” He explained. Then he started to lift his shirt overhead.
“Oh my god, you can’t be serious!” You hissed.
“What? No one is around.” Taehyung shrugged and threw off his shirt to reveal his well shaped abdomen. You averted your eyes respectfully.
“I don’t know, Tae.” You murmured. “What if I don’t want you to see me in my bra, huh?” You complained.
“Whatever you want, Y/N, but know I wouldn’t mind.” He wiggled his eyebrows. You playfully shoved him.
“That’s the problem!”
He chuckled and turned around, placing his hands behind his back.
“I won’t look.”
After a moment of staring at his back incredulously, you sighed and stripped. First was your shirt, which revealed the black bra underneath, you kept your shorts on, however. Then you tugged his arm.
“Slow poke!” You shouted, racing to the edge of the dock and jumping in.
It was deeper than you thought, the cool water surrounding you instantly. The only warmth was your body and it was slowly being sucked away. The chill took your breath away, but you opened your eyes to look around. It was a murky blue, almost calming.
The kelp reached up from the bottom, the inky black of the depths drew you closer. Your eyes flicked upwards. The world was blurry from the water, but your eyes didn’t sting. The sunlight streamed through the waters.
You smiled and kicked upwards. Breaking the surface and peaceful quiet of the underwater, you saw Taehyung. He had backed up and ran off the dock with a shout. Water splashed over you and you let out a shriek, swimming away from him as the impact rippled the water. He resurfaced and shook out the wet locks on his head.
“Hah, nice try, Y/N, but you’re not getting rid of me that easily.” He chided.
“Maybe you should just keep up better.” You shot back.
The grin on his face widened. He remained silent, just watching you. Your hair floated around you. It was silent, the only noise being that of the swaying trees.
“Stop staring at me like that.” You giggled.
“Like what?” He answered dumbly, he moved ever so slightly closer to you.
“Like...like…” You studied his expression.
His features faded into something softer, more caressing. You’d only ever seen your father look at your mother like that. The realization hit you and you found the words slipping out of your mouth without a second thought.
“...Like you love me.”
His lips twitched upwards slightly. “Maybe I do.”
Present
You opened the box and grasped the cool pages into one hand. You fingered through the crisp paper, unsure if you should open it. With a deep breath, you pushed your fingernail through the old tape.
The familiar handwriting hit you, the ink still dry as if it were written yesterday. If yesterday was 10 years ago. You carefully read through the letter, letting his words pull you back to a hazy summer afternoon. To ink drying and melting popsicles.
My dearest, Y/N,
Wow, 10 years is a long time, huh? I wonder who I’ll be by then, I wonder what we will be. You know, I’m writing this, but I don’t really know what will happen; whether I’ll be with you, or without you. But I don’t think I’ll ever forget you, Y/N. Anyway, laugh now and pretend I’ve written something funny, because I got nothing. Haha. You know I’ll never forget this summer, or spending late nights with you out at the tree, I won’t forget your lips.
Oh, I was absolutely floored when you kissed me back! Seriously! You’re probably laughing now, I know it’s cringey. Okay, but hear me out, I have ZERO experience. Stop laughing! I know you’re laughing, stop it! Listen, it was like my world had opened and I could see the stars for the first time. It’s like the clouds split open and I could see the night sky; and in that galaxy of stars, I see you. You shine brighter than the rest. You’re my star, my galaxy, and I am, but the lonely Earth.
Love,
Kim Taehyung (Tae Bear)
Under the last page was a small note. You took the note out, the wind whistling in your ears.
“Follow the trail…” You murmured to yourself, reading the paper. “Stumbling feet and sugary air, here, is the place we had our true first dance.”
You turned the paper, brain turning as you searched your memories. If Taehyung was here, like he should have been, he would be able to help you out.
“The festival.” You whispered.
Ten Summers Ago
“You know that idea I had, last night?” Taehyung browsed the jewelry shop.
“I don’t recall, it was late.” You said, distracted as you felt the cool metal of a ring between your fingers.
“It was about a time capsule. We could write letters to each other for ten years in the future.”
“Ten years?” You set the ring down and turned to him, tilting your head slightly. “Ten years is a long time.”
“Then hopefully we’ll still be in touch.” He shrugged and looked through some necklaces.
“That’s assuring.” You grumbled, moving to look at the rack he was browsing.
“I like this one.” He held up a necklace with a dainty rose gold chain and an opal butterfly charm front and center.
You admired the piece of jewelry as it glimmered in the sunlight that streamed through the windows of the shop. The bored shopkeeper glanced up for a moment before returning to her phone.
“I don’t know, not my thing.” You said casually, but you did. You liked the shiny gold and pristine white stone.
He shot you a boxy smile, white teeth revealing themselves. “Well it’s not for you, is it?” He teased, marching up to the cash register and paying the ten dollars for it.
You flushed a bright red, sheepishly looking away.
“I wasn’t suggesting that.” You said quietly. His features softened.
“How about this, I’ll give it to you on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.”
“I don’t want it.” You frowned. “Anyway, I have some promise rings here.”
You picked up two metal bands. They were a shiny silver metal with a thin strip of gold that wrapped around them.
“We should get those, and let’s get two boxes, waterproof.”
“Why two?”
“Just cuz.” He said vaguely, paying what he owed. You eyed him.
“Okay, Mr. Mysterious.” The corners of your lips tipped upwards.
You couldn’t help it, every time you saw him, it was like the room lit up.
-
You swiped the sweat from your brow and felt it trickle down your temple. The droplet traced its way down your cheek and fell to the dirt.
“Was this really necessary?” You complained, as you stuck your shovel into the ground.
“Just trust me, it’ll all be worth it.” Taehyung huffed, shoveling one last scoop of dirt behind him. He then turned and dragged the metal box into the hole.
“I hope so, Tae bear.” You sighed, collapsing onto the ground as the sunlight poked through the thick leaves of the oak tree. He patted the remaining box next to him and sat next to you, leaning against the trunk.
“What’re you going to do with that?” You nodded towards the other metal box.
“Something.” He answered, again, vaguely.
“Mysterious once again.” You frowned. You glanced to his neck, noting the missing necklace.
“I guess, but you just have to trust me.” He shrugged and you just sighed and nodded to his words.
“Fine.” You huffed, letting yourself relax. Taehyung wrapped an arm around your shoulder and you leaned into his hold.
“One sec.” He murmured into your ear, pulling away a little. In his hand was a rock and he leaned in between the two of you. The boy slowly started to carve your initials and his into the tree.
“There, now we’ll always know where to find it.” He whispered. You watched him.
The shadow of the leaves covered his face, but he still shined bright. His skin was a golden hue from the days spent running around in the sun with you. His hair was wild, curly bangs splaying across his forward and spread on the tree trunk behind him.
You admired him. He, who was so vibrant and lively, so beautiful and so...human, had fallen for you. You, a faulty human being, a disgruntled girl, someone seemingly so plain, yet here you were. It was like comparing the sun to the dirt of the earth, but between the two, there was...life.
Present
You stood at the town center. But this time there was no celebration, no festival, and you were alone. You stood, watching the fall leaves skitter across the gravel. You dropped to your knees, searching the ground for some sort of sign.
After finding no sign of a note in the loose gravel, you searched the fountain. You ran your fingers gently along the edges of the fountain. Each tile was a different piece of art made by local artists and anyone who wanted to join the contest at the time. You admired the art as you continued along.
An hour passed and you were at an impasse. You just kept thinking about how if he was here with you, you would have found it. You groaned, lying down on the ground and staring up at the gray sky. It was overcast, looking like a blank canvas in the air.
You’re my star, my galaxy, and I am, but the lonely Earth. You turned over, eyes spotting a tile. There. It was of an Earth, the carefully crafted lines making a neat and simple design. At the side, there was a neat scribble of handwriting. The paint was faded, but the glaze had kept it mostly intact. You crawled over, tilting your head to get a better look.
The cafe of tea and coffee cake. What a small world.
You chuckled at his clue and then sighed melancholically. He isn’t here anymore. You made your way across town to visit the coffee shop. You took the table that you had always sat at. It was still quiet. The hum of coffee machines and ovens whirred in the background. You ordered a coffee and searched the table.
The bell rang and the door opened. On instinct, you glanced upwards. The flash of black hair set your heart alight, but alas, it was not him. No, he was never going to walk through those doors again.
You bit your lip and went back to surveying the table. You found this one quite easily this time. There, scratched underneath the table, were a few words.
“And to the lake we go, under the dock, you will find my hidden treasure chest.” You whispered as you read over the note.
You squeezed your eyes shut, just taking in the moment. You would need to retrace your steps all the way to the beginning...and you didn’t know if you wanted to feel the same pain all over again.
You gasped to the surface, choking on water and clinging desperately onto the dock. You threw the metal box, which was sealed with a massive amount of plastic encasing it, onto the old wood. You summoned the last of your energy and pulled yourself onto the rotting wood. God, did Tae want you to drown to try and get this box?
You sat up, ringing out your hair, and shivering. Your clothes were soaked through, the wetness gathering in a puddle around where you sat. The metal box looked so clean, it was like it was taunting you. With a deep breath, you began to unpack the box.
“Oh...tae.” You sighed to yourself. Inside were three familiar items.
The first two were metal circles, metal rings with a faded golden strip twisting around the band. You held them up to the sky and then slowly slipped one onto your finger. You felt yourself choking up, unsure of whether to continue, but you forged onwards. You held the other ring tightly in your hands.
The next item was a rose gold chain with an opal butterfly at the end. If you held it close enough, you could almost feel his beating heart still resting against the cool metal.
You smiled at the necklace, the piece of jewelry that was so close to your heart.
“You know, Tae, I was lying before.” You said out loud, loud enough for the quiet lake to hear. “I really love this necklace.” You managed, your voice softer, before your vision started blurring.
The tears fell, rolling in waves down your cheeks and glistening like diamonds. It was at this moment that the aching cavity in your chest grew. The hollowness felt like it was about to swallow you whole. With shaking fingers, you unclasped the necklace and placed it around your neck, the piece of him now resting above your heart.
You gathered the box and papers together, your clothes soaked, and unsure if the wetness on your cheeks was because of the water or your tears. You made your way to the car and, shivering, started to drive. You knew where you needed to go.
“Dear dummy, best friend, and of course, Tae Bear.” You began.
The yellowed pages of your letter rested in your hands as you sat next to his gravestone. You weren’t much of a spiritual person, but you could feel a presence. You hoped it was him.
You cleared your throat once more. You had changed clothes and pulled your hair up as the breeze had kicked in. Still, baby wisps of hair floated across your forehead every so often.
Dear dummy, best friend, and of course, Tae Bear.
Ten years, huh? It’s been ten years since we’ve met. I wish I could say how I’ve seen you grown, but the truth is, I’m writing this in the past. Crazy, right? I hope you’re still the same goofy kid I know now, and I want you to know that...you’ll always have a place in my heart. When I first saw you, I thought you were some creepy kid watching me from a tree, hah! It turns out...you’re so much more than that. You are...my inspiration. Tae, you’re so good natured and fun loving it hurts. Also, you’re just waaaaay too beautiful, it’s intimidating, please...my heart…
I wish I could stay in this summer afternoon forever. I wish I could hold onto this moment, with you, with this little village in the middle of nowhere. Because what happens here, between us, no one else will know or understand. I want to stay with you, Tae. In the span of a few months, you’ve consumed my thoughts. I can’t think of spending my time with anyone else. And yet...reality is a cruel master, and all good things must come to an end.
Love,
Y/N (Y/N-ie)
You read him the letter, the letter you had dreamed of reading to him 10 years ago. You took in a deep breath of crisp autumn air. The cold ground didn’t bother you. Instead, you just sat, letter in hand, metal ring on your finger, and opal necklace around your neck.
You couldn’t cry, you didn’t have it in you, but it wasn’t because you were too sad to cry, no. No, you felt a sense of relief. This letter hadn’t been written as a goodbye, it had been written to signal the beginning of something new, something you wanted to explore with him by your side. Him being in the ground and you above it, kept you apart.
It’s like the clouds split open and I could see the night sky; and in that galaxy of stars, I see you. You inhaled, feeling his words washing over you, letting them consume you, the mementos of everything you knew of him. The pieces were slowly pulling together. You pulled him in close, you whispered words of love, and then you let him go.
You stood, placing your letter to him under a rock on his grave, then you gently placed his promise ring on top. You bent down and kissed the ring.
“Thank you, Taehyung.”
I’ll leave you words Underneath your door
Underneath the singing moon Near the place where your feet pass by
Hidden in the holes of wintertime And when you’re alone for a moment