(not) post-trauma (18)
Prompt: Day 6 - Wartime
Pairing: Finalistshipping (Yamashiro Tatsuya/Akaba Reira)
I don’t have PTSD or panic attacks. Any feedback on how this is portrayed/handled below will be well appreciated.
Akaba Reira had an unfortunate habit of occasionally skipping school. Fortunately, when that happened, Yamashiro Tatsuya knew exactly what needed to be done.
He’d excuse himself to the restroom with “indigestion” first, so no one thought to wonder at his long absence for at least a few periods. Once free, he grabbed the stash of things he kept in his locker for truant days: chip bags, blankets, some cards and a portable CD player. These things would then bounce around his backpack as he snuck out the school’s side door, jogged across the park and found the coolest, quietest part of the city.
When Tatsuya made it to the undusted part of the library, Reira was there with his hands over his ears, breathing fast. Mournfully he thought, I’m right every time.
“Reira?”
The other boy cringed, still trembling and hyperventilating.
Exhaling slowly, Tatsuya sat down next to him. Getting out of school and finding his best friend was the easy part. Sometimes, knowing what to do next was what eluded him. Things that soothed Reira on a Monday might not work at all on a Thursday. The only guaranteed form of comfort was Reira’s brother Reiji, which was why he was number three on Tatsuya’s speed dial.
He always alerted the young president when his brother was having a traumatic episode, and today was no different; he’d done so on the way here. But until Reiji could cross town for them, Tatsuya was on his own.
One step at a time, he thought now, drawing on Ayu’s strength and intuitiveness.
“Reira–it’s Tatsuya. I don’t know what you’re remembering right now, but you aren’t there. You’re here–in Maiami–with me.”
The hands over the other boy’s ears didn’t clamp down quiet as tightly–but he was still breathing fast, fast, too fast. A bad sign. Tatsuya had to keep trying to ground him.
“You’re home. You’re in the city’s public library and you missed lunch. I did too, actually… are you as hungry as I am right now? If you wanted I could get you some udon or…”
Reira moaned something unfamiliar. A name. It sounded like Rei.
“Reiji’s coming soon,” Tatsuya said soothingly. “Your brother, you remember him? He always makes sure you don’t get hurt. Breathe–breathe in and out–breathe slower for me–”
It took time, but gradually Reira’s breathing slowed down and he stopped looking ready to faint. Tatsuya had to roll wildly between topics, like going from food to school, and school to movies, and movies to silly duels he’d had at You Show. The positive change in status for his friend came as a huge relief–but he still knew that nothing was near all right.
Now he ventured out of his head, to attempt conversation. “Reira…? Do–do you feel up to telling me what’s wrong?”
The other boy shuddered–a full-body one. But he spoke–he spoke!–too: “No.”
“Okay…. Do you want me to go?”
Reira flinched again, then reached out as Tatsuya got up to give him space, aborting his own grab before their hands could connect. But the no! he repeated whisper-soft in the quiet space got his point across–he didn’t want to be alone.
So instead they sat together, neither touching the other, but close enough together that Tatsuya couldn’t sense Reira’s head retreating into that dark war space it had, where whatever he had lived and seen did a trauma conga in his head that Tatsuya and his tangible presence were sometimes powerless to stop.
At some point, Tatsuya’s phone wiggled with a text from Reiji: Our ETA is ten minutes. I trust that Reira will be fine with you until then. He texted back, You can count on me, then relayed the update to his friend.
“Okay,” Reira said softly, nodding, saying nothing else for a bit. Then: “Thank you, Tatsuya.”
“It’s not–there’s no need to thank me, you’re my friend.”
“There is. You always–you always know what helps me. You spend time with me when no one else will. You’re always listening, even when you talk. There’s no pressure when I’m with you, and…”
He broke off, but this time not from any trouble breathing or finding his place in time. Instead he shrugged as if to say that’s it, that’s all I meant to say.
Tatsuya just nodded, and reached out to finally close the distance and hold Reira’s once-outstretched hand.
He figured he could guess what exactly might be plaguing Reira’s thoughts: bad dreams, his fear of abandonment, maybe whatever he had experienced while fighting so far away from home. But he never asked outright, and he never expected Reira to tell him.
Maybe one day he would, or he wouldn’t–regardless, Tatsuya knew he’d spend his life doing what helped if that was what Reira needed.
Reiji arrived incognito exactly ten minutes after his text, but Reira had dozed off by the time he found them in the back.
“Reiji-san,” Tatsuya said as he leaped up, startled anyway.
“Yes, it is I.” He looked amused; his eyes gleamed as he glanced between the boys. “Reira looks well…”
“He had a bad day,” Tatsuya admitted. “Panic attack, probably, before I got here. But I think as long as he has company–”
“He will. I’ll remain with him for the next few days, away from school until he adjusts to being back.”
“Good… that’s good.”
Reira sighed; his grip on Tatsuya’s hand tightened, but the latter didn’t flinch. It was an awkward climb to his feet with an extra sleeping arm attached, but he managed it somehow.
Reiji took the liberty of unwinding the boys’ hands and picking his younger brother up, holding him like a much smaller child. When he looked back at Tatsuya, he offered him a rare smile.
“Thank you for your support.”
“Of course!” Tatsuya stammered, floored but also bemused. “I mean, anytime, it’s not a problem. Reira’s my very important friend and I really just want to help him in every possible way.”
He blushed a little at how vehemently he’d said that, but it felt no less true, and it didn’t matter if anyone approved of it or not.
Reira smiled in his sleep. Seeing it, Reiji retrieved his younger brother’s school bag too, and nodded to Tatsuya, giving him a few parting words as he turned and left.
“Safe travels. I’ll have Reira contact you tonight.”
As they disappeared through the front doors, Tatsuya got his own things together, and later headed back to school with a huge grin on his face.
Looking forward to it, he thought.