I don’t have PTSD or panic attacks. Any feedback on how this is portrayed/handled below will be well appreciated.
Akaba Reira had an unfortunate habit of occasionally skipping school. Fortunately, when that happened, Yamashiro Tatsuya knew exactly what needed to be done.
He’d excuse himself to the restroom with “indigestion” first, so no one thought to wonder at his long absence for at least a few periods. Once free, he grabbed the stash of things he kept in his locker for truant days: chip bags, blankets, some cards and a portable CD player. These things would then bounce around his backpack as he snuck out the school’s side door, jogged across the park and found the coolest, quietest part of the city.
When Tatsuya made it to the undusted part of the library, Reira was there with his hands over his ears, breathing fast. Mournfully he thought, I’m right every time.
“Reira?”
The other boy cringed, still trembling and hyperventilating.
Exhaling slowly, Tatsuya sat down next to him. Getting out of school and finding his best friend was the easy part. Sometimes, knowing what to do next was what eluded him. Things that soothed Reira on a Monday might not work at all on a Thursday. The only guaranteed form of comfort was Reira’s brother Reiji, which was why he was number three on Tatsuya’s speed dial.
He always alerted the young president when his brother was having a traumatic episode, and today was no different; he’d done so on the way here. But until Reiji could cross town for them, Tatsuya was on his own.
One step at a time, he thought now, drawing on Ayu’s strength and intuitiveness.
“Reira–it’s Tatsuya. I don’t know what you’re remembering right now, but you aren’t there. You’re here–in Maiami–with me.”
The hands over the other boy’s ears didn’t clamp down quiet as tightly–but he was still breathing fast, fast, too fast. A bad sign. Tatsuya had to keep trying to ground him.
“You’re home. You’re in the city’s public library and you missed lunch. I did too, actually… are you as hungry as I am right now? If you wanted I could get you some udon or…”
Reira moaned something unfamiliar. A name. It sounded like Rei.
“Reiji’s coming soon,” Tatsuya said soothingly. “Your brother, you remember him? He always makes sure you don’t get hurt. Breathe–breathe in and out–breathe slower for me–”
It took time, but gradually Reira’s breathing slowed down and he stopped looking ready to faint. Tatsuya had to roll wildly between topics, like going from food to school, and school to movies, and movies to silly duels he’d had at You Show. The positive change in status for his friend came as a huge relief–but he still knew that nothing was near all right.
Now he ventured out of his head, to attempt conversation. “Reira…? Do–do you feel up to telling me what’s wrong?”
The other boy shuddered–a full-body one. But he spoke–he spoke!–too: “No.”
“Okay…. Do you want me to go?”
Reira flinched again, then reached out as Tatsuya got up to give him space, aborting his own grab before their hands could connect. But the no! he repeated whisper-soft in the quiet space got his point across–he didn’t want to be alone.
So instead they sat together, neither touching the other, but close enough together that Tatsuya couldn’t sense Reira’s head retreating into that dark war space it had, where whatever he had lived and seen did a trauma conga in his head that Tatsuya and his tangible presence were sometimes powerless to stop.
At some point, Tatsuya’s phone wiggled with a text from Reiji: Our ETA is ten minutes. I trust that Reira will be fine with you until then. He texted back, You can count on me, then relayed the update to his friend.
“Okay,” Reira said softly, nodding, saying nothing else for a bit. Then: “Thank you, Tatsuya.”
“It’s not–there’s no need to thank me, you’re my friend.”
“There is. You always–you always know what helps me. You spend time with me when no one else will. You’re always listening, even when you talk. There’s no pressure when I’m with you, and…”
He broke off, but this time not from any trouble breathing or finding his place in time. Instead he shrugged as if to say that’s it, that’s all I meant to say.
Tatsuya just nodded, and reached out to finally close the distance and hold Reira’s once-outstretched hand.
He figured he could guess what exactly might be plaguing Reira’s thoughts: bad dreams, his fear of abandonment, maybe whatever he had experienced while fighting so far away from home. But he never asked outright, and he never expected Reira to tell him.
Maybe one day he would, or he wouldn’t–regardless, Tatsuya knew he’d spend his life doing what helped if that was what Reira needed.
Reiji arrived incognito exactly ten minutes after his text, but Reira had dozed off by the time he found them in the back.
“Reiji-san,” Tatsuya said as he leaped up, startled anyway.
“Yes, it is I.” He looked amused; his eyes gleamed as he glanced between the boys. “Reira looks well…”
“He had a bad day,” Tatsuya admitted. “Panic attack, probably, before I got here. But I think as long as he has company–”
“He will. I’ll remain with him for the next few days, away from school until he adjusts to being back.”
“Good… that’s good.”
Reira sighed; his grip on Tatsuya’s hand tightened, but the latter didn’t flinch. It was an awkward climb to his feet with an extra sleeping arm attached, but he managed it somehow.
Reiji took the liberty of unwinding the boys’ hands and picking his younger brother up, holding him like a much smaller child. When he looked back at Tatsuya, he offered him a rare smile.
“Thank you for your support.”
“Of course!” Tatsuya stammered, floored but also bemused. “I mean, anytime, it’s not a problem. Reira’s my very important friend and I really just want to help him in every possible way.”
He blushed a little at how vehemently he’d said that, but it felt no less true, and it didn’t matter if anyone approved of it or not.
Reira smiled in his sleep. Seeing it, Reiji retrieved his younger brother’s school bag too, and nodded to Tatsuya, giving him a few parting words as he turned and left.
“Safe travels. I’ll have Reira contact you tonight.”
As they disappeared through the front doors, Tatsuya got his own things together, and later headed back to school with a huge grin on his face.
Time Frame: it's probably post-canon at some point
Summary: Tatsuya can't believe that Reira's never celebrated any holidays, and is determined to introduce him to some new fun things that he does every year.
“Reira-kun! Reira-kun, come on!”
Reira shuffled along at the exact same pace as always, hugging his teddy bear tightly under his chin. He looked nervous—but then again, that seemed to be his near permanent expression. Tatsuya bounced on his heels, trying his hardest to be patient for Reira’s sake. But there was just so much he wanted to show Reira! So much that he wanted to do with him this year.
“You’ve never celebrated Christmas?” he had asked, incredulous. “Oh! Do you celebrate something else?”
Reira had just shook his head quietly.
“Never? You don’t celebrate anything at all?”
Another shake of the head.
Well, that was no good. Reira needed to have a little bit of fun once in a while! He was always cooped up in LDS Tower, and Tatsuya only saw him when Reiji brought him along to visit Yuya at You Show. Tatsuya had asked him then, if Reira would like to come along with him to look at Christmas lights—he and the others always went out to look at Christmas lights a few days before Christmas, it was kind of like their tradition. Ayu liked to take pictures of the prettiest houses and put them into a scrapbook along with pictures of all the other Christmas things they did, like their annual party at You Show (which Reira was certainly going to be invited to if they could just convince him to come. He had been so shy about it. Maybe if they got Yuya to convince him, he seemed to listen to Yuya).
“Reiraaaaaaa you’re so slooowwww!” Ayu whined from about ten feet down the street already. “I want to go see the lights!”
“Yeah, come on!! It’s gonna be really cool, Reira, we promise!” Futoshi shouted.
Reira ducked his head, hiding under the bill of his hat. Tatsuya’s shoulders slumped a bit. This wasn’t any good…he wanted Reira to have fun. He didn’t want him to feel like he was holding everyone back…
“All riiiiight, but don’t make us wait too long! I want to get a group photo in front of the Yamakage house again!”
“We won’t be too long,” Tatsuya promised.
Futoshi saluted them both and then the pair scurried down the street and round the corner. Tatsuya turned towards Reira, who had shuffled up to Tatsuya at this point. He was still hiding behind the bill of his hat.
“Reira-kun…do you want to do this? You really don’t have to. We didn’t mean to pressure you into it.”
Reira pulled his head in between his shoulders.
“I…” he said.
He stopped. Tatsuya waited patiently. Reira needed space, he was still figuring himself out outside of a warzone. Reira fumbled for a moment, his mouth opening and closing a few times.
“I…I don’t want to bother anyone,” he finally said. “Because I’m…not fun to be around.”
Tatsuya shook his head furiously.
“Reira-kun, no! You’re not a bother! We wouldn’t have asked you along if we thought that.”
Reira scuffed his shoe on the sidewalk.
“We just thought this might be fun for you,” Tatsuya said, rubbing the back of his neck, suddenly awkward. “We thought…since you’ve never done this before…it might be fun to join the tradition…but we don’t want to make you upset.”
Reira’s head snapped up and he shook his head, eyes wide.
“You—you’re not making me—sad,” he said. “I just—I’m nervous—cause this is—new.”
He flushed and drew his shoulders around his head, hugging his teddy bear tighter. Tatsuya reached out for a moment. Then he hesitated, fingers curling in on themselves.
“Well…” he started. He hesitated. Then he stretched his hand out again. “If you’re nervous…then just stay close to me, okay? Until you feel better.”
Reira glanced up at Tatsuya with those wide eyes of his, looking uncertain. He stared at Tatsuya’s hand. After a few beats of awkward silence, he shifted his bear into the other arm. He reached out, slowly, hesitating with his fingers just over Tatsuya’s hand. And then he very slowly put his hand on top of Tatsuya’s. Tatsuya’s fingers wrapped around Reira’s, and for a moment, Reira almost seemed to be about to flinch away. But he relaxed, then, and let Tatsuya’s hand stay where it was. Tatsuya smiled.
“All right,” he said. “Ready to go see the Christmas lights?”
Reira nodded. Tatsuya smiled once more, and squeezed Reira’s hand.
Then together, still holding hands, they walked quietly, slowly down the sidewalk, taking Reira’s pace.
As soon as they rounded the corner, Tatsuya heard Reira suck in a breath. Tatsuya couldn’t stop his smile from widening. This was the best decorated street every year—and he had hoped Reira would like it.
“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” he said.
“Yeah…” said Reira, staring at the rows and rows of twinkling lights strung between snowy trees, their lights scattering across the snow and sending diamond glitters over the ground.
“Reira! Tatsuya!” Ayu shouted. They hadn’t gotten far, it seemed, they were only a few houses down. “Come on, come on, come on, I want to get pictures!”
Tatsuya glanced at Reira. Reira glanced at Tatsuya.
“Well?” Tatsuya said. “Do you want to?”
Reira hesitated. And then he smiled. It was a tiny, tiny thing, but it seemed brighter somehow than the Christmas lights surrounding them.
“Uh-huh,” he said.
Tatsuya grinned.
“Let’s catch up, then!” he said.
He didn’t let go of Reira’s hand as they took off at a slow jog towards the other two. Tatsuya almost didn’t hear Reira’s whisper.
“Can we do this next year too?” he asked, so quietly that it might have been the snow speaking.
Tatsuya turned over his shoulder to smile.
“Of course we can,” he said. “It’ll be a tradition now!”
Reira’s smile got a little bit wider.
And Tatsuya thought, as long as I can make that smile bigger every time…we can have a hundred traditions.
