Actually Romantic
Alex turner x singer!fem reader
Based on the request by the lovely @emmagoldrush13 from the song :)
Word count: 4.7k+
Warnings: angst (w happy end), mentions of drugs, age gap sort of, meltdowns not much cursing
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The seasons move later as they come from the previous years until they chase the initial years again. They tend to move farther until they are back the way they used to be which is like most things in life. But not the rifts between Alex and someone he was set to rue. It was the regret of slipping away, blowing away his chance when they first started out and he met her through Miles. That regret clothed itself as contempt in the familiarity he thought was there.
Which is why he was here at some award show party, bringing her up in almost every third conversation with nothing kind to say. Essentially behind her back but Alex was never one to mind saying something behind someone’s back he necessarily wouldn’t say to their face, especially when it’s her. He did say it in the recent most bazar editorial piece, the one most people skim through but it brewed up a controversy when there was no editorial cut and the article came out, Alex’s words were unfiltered. “She [y/l/n] makes good music, sure, but it’s nothing sensational or special when seen into account with the pedestal she’s been put on…and she can see that too. I just wish we all didn’t have to bear witness to her trying to find the footing of her genre you know what I mean? It’s so tacky! Are you a poet? A concept artist? A musician? Just a big time wannabe?” an exempt from the article. Which made most think just how much Alex gave his opinion on the newest singer he was barely seen out with…their inner circle knew the editor must have redacted half of the paragraphs of Alex talking about her given he always had the most off handed thing to say.
“Alex!” The voice chirped from behind him at the party when he was busy within a conversation and he with a sigh he turned his head to the voice he did recognise, apparently, “I’ve been looking all over for you!” She exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around his neck, as though long lost best friend. The person he was speaking with prior to her intrusion, in relief excused themselves congratulating her as they left.
“Have you now?” He tried to keep up the unbothered facade even though he was livid within from her happy go lucky act, the whole kill them with kindness was such a strong principle in her books and it showed.
“Yes!” She agreed pulling away without her smile faltering one bit, “I saw you leave during my acceptance speech, knew you’d end up here though.”
“I thought they wouldn’t let you in here” he said tilting his head as he wondered if the 21+ policy at these parties went less strict now.
“Turned 21 last month!” She quickly dismissed the notion of her not being rightfully allowed in here.
“Ah” he adhered, “Congrats on that account then” he said giving her a nod of acknowledgement.
“You’re seeing me in that account now?” She said with a small smirk referencing to what he said about her on the article, “when seen into account with the pedestal she’s been put on.”
Alex didn’t even figure what she was talking about, confused, “what?”
“The pedestal…” she trailed off reminding him, “that I’ve been put on.”
“Oh” he seemed to recollect, “Yes, that” the colour in his face did not seem to change by a bit because he was not at all ashamed to say it again, “You and your music may be a bit too try-hard for my liking, but you must be doing something right” he said to soften the blow but didn’t care as much.
“Try-hard?” She repeated bringing her eyebrows together, “I’ll have to add that to the list—Big time wannabe? Tacky!”
“What’s this list called?” He asked leaning against the counter, wanting to entertain this interaction.
“Strongly opinionated asshole on a roll” she replied with a courteous smile she did not mean. “Tell me, does it get you off Alex?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He replied smugly his question having a double entendre to what she asked of him.
It was an eye roll she couldn’t keep herself from giving away, “You are too old to act like this.” She said.
“Yeah?” He scoffed completely unfazed with her remark, “to answer your question it does get me off, drawing parallels, analysing shitty music-“
“Is that what you call it? Drawing parallels?” Despite the non surfacing rage she had about this entire issue she did not let it show on her face or on her words, she was more irked and surprised than ornery.
“You’re allowed to draw your own.” He shrugged offering her an easy way out of this conversation because he knew he was too prideful to back out himself and didn’t hold the same capacity as hers towards criticism of any kind.
“Parallels in music?” She thought out loud, “I mean there are already the pre existing ones…the Beatles were huge on elvis, the oasis were huge on Beatles, the oasis and well…my bad really that must be a touchy subject” trailing off in the implication.
“Huh, right” he nodded trying to keep from tasting sour in his mouth from the nerve she hit felt like bleeding through his teeth, gritting them.
“Hit a nerve?” His discomfort was so evident she was almost grateful he said those things about her, gave her a platform to get back at him just for the fun of it. “Maybe you’re just too American for the Gallaghers and that’s okay” she put a faux sympathetic hand on his shoulder.
“It was just Noel.” He scoffed, heavily irritated as he had to be reminded of Noel Gallagher publicly calling his changed American accent fake. It felt more awful than she would have felt about his bazar interview because she did not idolise him or his band how he’d idealised the oasis growing up.
“Must sting no?” She exhaled a dramatic sigh by the time he was already down almost every ounce of patience that he had.
“Let me just tell this to you straight up” Alex said stiffening as he corrected his posture in a faux intimidating way but it sort of was so, “I loathe the concept of your music, downright hate it. Hate is a strong word and that’s just it, I strongly hate it. I hate your music, hate all of your work, hate your aspiring young artist facade, hate your aesthete and I hate that you keep running in my circles.”
“Okay Kat Stratford do you want a feature on Kendrick Lamar’s new hit?” It was that unbothered and collected attitude in the face of confrontation which unnerved Alex to no end, so livid he had nothing to say except angrily stride away, “hey come back here I was enjoying that monologue!”
Rest of the night went on with Alex actively trying to avoid her and she wasn’t actively trying to actively be sought out by him at all, in his head her orbit mattered so much to him. Even that little interaction sent his nervous system to do somersaults, it was all he could talk about. "Why are we always talking 'bout her?" Miles, finally had enough rolled his eyes as Alex went on over analysing that interaction as if he’d come out of it scathed. His pride definitely had but it was amusing to see that he happened to have zero self composition bringing her up, “This is relentless. You don’t even know her that well, not now anyways”
“I do know her” Alex deflected with a shrug bringing his brows together as to why Miles was being the devil’s advocate “I am allowed to have my opinion.”
“And most times it doesn’t sound like an opinion, you really sound like a radical politician with a schoolgirl crush.” Miles elaborated further with a question, “Is this about what happened between you two last year?”
“What do you mean” Alex feigned innocence as if he didn’t know what Miles was referring to.
“You know what I’m talking about” Miles huffed, finding his nonchalance amusing. “How she kissed you and then proceeded to run for the hills.”
Last year when the singer in question was just starting out, she would spend a lot of time hanging around the studio with Miles, learning relentlessly and as much as she could. Alex would just happen to linger and the two of them grew closer than company would warranty. But it was a welcome company, unwelcome distraction both of them wanted to afford nonetheless. Harmless fun until it isn’t, Alex sat rather closer to her teaching her a specific rift in the guitar, caging her between him and the guitar as they played the strings together, it wasn’t rare for them neither was the position they were in, they often situated one another like this when he would be teaching her a rift. Harmless..fun? It was just the two of them in the studio that day and when she finally got the hang of it she looked back at alex only to later realise their close proximity. Pausing in the elation of the moment and their closeness neither of them moves until the kiss brought them closer, Alex only leant a bit forward not wanting to overstep his boundaries but she took the leap forward kissing him. However he wasn’t the one to shy away from a moment that was seemingly long awaited on his side. In a swift moment he set the guitar aside and held her face without once breaking the kiss. But to breathe, the kiss eventually did break along with their bubble of indulgence. It was an answered prayer for Alex and an indulgence for y/n. She pulled away a bit further as the realisation dawned on her. This was never meant to be and never could be, Alex was a bit late to piece this as he was still in his ever lovely haze of the kiss. “I, I’m sorry…we can’t” she had reasoned and the words rung in his ears to this day. Before any further explanation he could give or demand she had left the studio in a hurried horror of a sense. The bitter understanding of comprehending the situation made her leave from his life in a way.
“Please” Alex scoffed shaking his head hoping it would shake the memory he just recollected from his head at the same time. “It’s hardly any of that.”
“Is it?” Miles wasn’t one to let it go as he inches his head forward to meet the eyes Alex wouldn’t meet.
“Fuck off” Alex put at end to that conversation pushing his friend’s face away from him as he glanced him an eye roll and a sigh before moving about the place.
It was like any other and every other function of the industry, parties and awards and after parties. A perfect line up for a long night. Alex had his fair share of these nights to not find any of it anew. Wanting to call it an early one out he saw his way out of the party, a bit irked with the conversation about her. Always her.
Almost like a live action of his thoughts happening out and about he saw her in the corridor, he has to confirm it with himself internally if he was surely seeing her in real time. It couldn’t be otherwise because he knew he hadn’t done any stuff back in that party, one of the reasons he was leaving early. As her silhouette against the wall, leaning towards the edge he scanned the sign above to piece of she was waiting for someone outside the toilets but this wasn’t even that corridor. It was just an empty corridor she was leaning against, with her award in one hand leaning with her forehead against the wall. “Out here doing ritualistic practises?” He could never help himself. But she did not reply, she didn’t even look to the direction of his voice even as he approached rather close she didn’t even raise her head to look up at him. “No way, it’s an actual ritual.” He snickered and the only thing she let out was a deep breath audible enough for him to hear. However as relentless as he was he leant against the wall next to her in the same position, to mock her. “So what’s this? Is the wall speaking to us? Are we channelling brain dead energies—?” Before he finished the sentence she shoved him away with all her force and turned away from him. His stance didn’t change much but her distaste and enough-ness of him was evident.
“Leave me alone.” A voice meek and barely making it out of her voice box, she yet again looked away from him as if to hide her face.
Rather slowly and somewhat uncaringly Alex was picking up on something deeper being wrong, “come on it’s no fun if you don’t even look at me with that face on your face.” He joked nonetheless to see if she would take the bite, he tried to pull her to face him by her elbow.
“Stop-!” She said when she was finally made to see his face, her eyes were bloodshot. Crying relentlessly. As though caught in a trance which made it all worse she felt exposed now that he came upon her episode like this. Covering he face she sank to the floor, breathless.
“Hey hey-!” Alex was quick to follow her settling down upon the floor, her gown pooling around her on the floor as she at yet her distress didn’t cease to exist. “Hey it’s alright, what’s wrong-? What’s going on?” His heart sank to his chest thinking his words had something to do with this. “Y/n, love? What’s happening?” He asked again rubbing her arms to help soothe her but she couldn’t even get her words out wholly.
“I-I just want to go home!” She let out crying, placing her award next to her on the floor so she could hide her face in her hands properly. The night had finally taken its toll on her despite being a winner, “I feel like the biggest loser in there-!” The fresh 21 year old just had a cultural shock mixed with the Paris syndrome of what these parties would be like. She didn’t know a lot of people in there, a lot of them didn’t seem to care to know her. The age ranges were odd. It was almost like if high school was worse than it could be. “I don’t want do stay in there-I can’t withhold my opinions, I don’t want to talk about the geopolitical state of the world with coked up strangers whose news source is Instagram—I don’t drink all this much-I don’t do STUFF, I have had it. And my manager says I can’t leave before the afterparty because we have another outfit for me we need pictures in. I can’t go outside there’s paparazzi and I can’t stop crying—I’m all apart Alex. I have no friends in there and no way home.”
Goodness. For some all this fame and glory came so naturally to he would have never imaged this to be a state of distress, or anyone’s distress for that matter. But her world was so unshakably different from the rest of them, from his. Which is why it was easier to hold her with mislikeness than have her pass through him. What a ghastly concept it was to be rid of her in thoughts and feelings…Alex wondered and wiped her tears. “You are fine…” he said as she tried to move her face away from his hands. He held her in place and brought the sleeve of his shirt closer out of his jacket to wipe her tears. “Can you look at me?” He coaxed her into finally meeting his eyes. “Deep breaths, here” he said putting her hand over his chest so she could synchronise the rhythm of his breathing. “Come on…”
Feebly she followed but her distress wasn’t easy to subside, “I feel so lame…and I’m not. I know I’m not but why is this so hard-I won tonight and I feel like shit. I’m supposed to be old and cool but instead I’m out here-crying to YOU of all people!”
“Did you know that cool is not even a real word?” He kept wiping her tears, as an excuse to caress her face hold her a bit longer than this circumstance warranted. “Cool is just something that is, like the weather. The only thing that determines, the only thing that stays and that’s you. You are the weather my love what’s in there is just…a bunch of people with second hand air conditioners.”
His sentence structure was so poor to her because she couldn’t fathom he would purposely be sweet to console her, what was somewhat heartwarming became funny because it came from him. “That doesn’t even make any sense.” She let out a small chuckle through the tears and he didn’t know if he was glad he didn’t have to wipe more away or the fact that she laughed. Regardless his didn’t move his hand away from her face.
“I’m a second hand air conditioner trust me I would know what’s cool.” He said and fixed a hair strand behind her ear. “You are overwhelmed and tired..in there—it wasn’t what you expected and that’s okay.” He shrugged, given her personhood he knew she would have a hard time getting a hang of this life sooner or later. The reality set her but it was untimely that it just came crushing down in one night. “These agents and managers, they are in business because of you not the other way around…you’re not supposed to take their word as gospel alright? You want to go home we’re going home.” He explained. It was very textbook for someone overly polite and fairly young to be pushed and paraded by suits like this.
“We?” Was the only word she took into consideration enough to respond to in surprise. “There is no way I can afford being seen with you out there like this.”
“I know another exit.” He said helping her up through her arms despite the hesitation in her body language. Without much debate further she followed him nonetheless and the exit he knew was rather quiet, he gave her his jacket too, just in case some cameras made their way out here even though it was highly unlikely he just didn’t wanted her to be paranoid about it any more than she already was. With a hand at the small of her back he guided her to his car, her driver was an agency lent out guy with fixed timimgs, “what will I tell my manager-? My other outfit was like already collaborated for-“
“Do you want to wear that outfit?” He asked stopping for a second midway to his car.
“No. Not really.” She replied with a deep sigh, it was too much work as it is. To wear it, hair and makeup, attend another carpet. None of which aligned with her headspace at the moment and Alex gave her this false sense of groundness. A truthful one she just assumed to be false because at the end of the day…it was Alex.
“Then there we have it.” He said continuing to guide her to the car and opened the passenger door leaving her side for a moment. Being ever so bent to these execs jerks barely did much good.
“But I have to call at least-“ she hesitated reaching for her phone but he stopped her regardless.
“A text and DND would do. You’re a winner for crying out loud and get in the car.” He told her firmly and his voice carried too much faith and a sense of experienced clarity for her to doubt him. So she complied, drafting a text for nearly 10 minutes until he finally had enough at the signal. “Oh give that here…” he sighed and pressed sent to whatever she had written.
“Alex-!” She exclaimed and tried to reached for her phone he had pressed power off on already. He raised it high against the opposite direction to and held her away from it.
“It’s not the end of the world! Just let it be!” He told her yet she kept struggling for her phone but the signal turned green so she caved in and stopped going at him for her phone, since he was driving and she didn’t mean to get them into a fender bender or worse.
“I don’t know about this…” she said shaking her head and felt worse about the situation. “I never should have left.” The stress seeped back in as the bubble of everything-will-be-fine that Alex had created burst in her head.
“It’s alright we’re almost at your place…” he told her as he tried focusing on the road but kept looking at her through the corner of his eyes. With her fingers fidgeting in her lap and her staring out the window, away from him. “Y/n it’s going to be just fine, it’s just one award function’s stupid after party and your manager isn’t Godzilla alright?”
His words once again made no sense to her as her thoughts spiralled into nothingness staring out the window that she didn’t even recognise they had reached her place, until the car stoped. The tears had blurred her vision. “I really just a big time wannabe-!” She choked on her words as the car came to a stop.
“Hey hey no don’t do that-don’t—“ that one felt like a gut punch because those were his words. And she played it cool, she mocked him for it, for even saying it in the first place and laughed about it like it was really funny. However in this moment, she looked so fragile and broken in spirits repeating his words like the knives they must have felt like to her. God what was he even thinking? What he said were meticulously carved out insults from what he knew of her. What he knew would get at her the post, it was a sick satisfaction for her running away from him. A poor and seemingly small road to exit from her life with his dignity but here he was, feeling like the biggest jerk in the world because perhaps he was. “Let’s just go inside okay?”
She barely said anything more and dared look up at him as if she was the one who should be ashamed. Even after years in this business and an upper had at experience in all segments he acted out so immature and uncouth. Seating her on her couch, he went to her kitchen to get her a glass of water. “You don’t have to talk right now just take a moment. You are just having a hard time. You are not the first neither the last person to feel like this and it’s okay but you have to realise you’re not your thoughts and neither my words.” He reminded her, are there even any words to say sorry for calling someone’s music awful repeatedly in every news article or podcast which would take his opinion?
“I just—I can’t get it out of my head” she sniffled wiping her tears because it was getting exhausting being the human chernobyl for the entire night. “And it hurts…that you probably didn’t even mean what you said about me!”
Her anguish, confused him. Almost like everything with her, this would probably take the cake as he stared at her blinking, “what?” It would had made sense if her hurt came from a place of un clarification of where his disdain had originated from. “No, but I didn’t. I didn’t mean-“
“Yes exactly!” She affirmed “You are so good at what you do-your music, your career and your life it’s all so compelling! What you said about me was so random and critique like to you, it probably never even mattered that much to you just saying stuff like that, it didn’t even come from heart. A-and it’s so pathetic that I wish that it had because at least then you would have thought about me the way I do…because I-“ she hesitated going any further but he was looking at her as if he could already see through her. That’s always how it was with him, even this entire night as if he was heading a call. “Because I really like you. I’ve liked you for so long-and we could never because you’re so much older and wiser and better and you don’t even hate me well enough to actually hate me beyond my music.” It was all around in her head that he would never mention her beyond her music as if the months they shared as ‘friends’ before the kiss and never tell, meant little to nothing to him to even talk about her.
“That’s what you think?” He was dumbfounded to her hear side of everything and not only did it made his heart drop to his stomach the feeling of dread that he had twisted this angel’s mind like this. “That’s what you’ve thought this entire time?” He asked rubbing his eyes leaning back on the couch.
“What?” Utterly confused, unmoving from her place she asked.
“My god” he muttered in disbelief and absurdity of it all before sitting up again “That’s not the point at all…” he continued, “when you left me in the studio that day after we kissed, I was devastated and to be honest humiliated. I knew just as much as you that we could never be, but the way you ran and proceeded to avoid being in my radar for weeks it made me feel like the world had collapsed on me. Not only did I have to deal with the weight of your absence I wanted to get you back so desperately…even for a word. Hell, even a text would have done. But you were so unbothered I crossed the line of getting you back to getting back at you I badmouthed your music thinking maybe you would reach out then. And you are right, I was just saying anything I didn’t mean and it didn’t come from my heart or a place of hate because I could never hate anything with a bit of your sprit in it y/n! And your music is a whole lot of you I felt like I was being blasphemous…you are ever so wrong about everything. I’m neither wise nor better perhaps older and that’s gotten me nowhere because even after all that here you are and here I am. And I still love you. I love you. I just do.” That is what came natural to him. Stupidly natural. Loving her was a second nature now, even in everything. Actually it was everything, everything defining that is. Just like the weather and the weather within him finally felt like the clouds had cleared because the sun that she was, finally knew things for what they were. And even if he couldn’t have her, the stir within him, the weather had its sun. It was her and loving the sun burns at times. He truly loved the way it burnt.
Or so he thought, until she derailed his train of thoughts by kissing him. Leaning forward trying to hold him in place and after registration he didn’t miss a beat to kiss her back even more passionately. All the burns were healing away as her kiss showered upon him. Smiling into the kiss he grabbed her by the waist bringing her onto his lap as if he was afraid she would cease to exist if he didn’t hold her in his arms, it happened the last time…in a way. “You won’t run this time will you?” He asked softly as they broke their kiss after a really long moment to catch a breath.
“Never!” She giggled…and kissed him again. “It’s sealed with a kiss.” And oh how he held her true to it.
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It’s crazy how long it took me to finish this but it’s one of my favourite reqs!!! We are soooo back I can’t wait to write more for Alex
Reqs open + let me know how you liked this one aaaaa love u