#taz graduation

[kaiju-emperor]

I was reminded of this other day. Say what you want about Taz Graduation. But the scene where the owl is trying to explain capitalism to Justin's Firbolg character. Is one of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen.

[kronoose]

What do you mean this isnt how that went

[katgametable]

TAZ Graduation Episode 13: Apple for Teacher

Written 27 Jun 2026, shortly after listening, before listening to Ep14.

The Thundermen wake the morning of their field assignment, and have levelled up. FitzRoy has taken a second level in Sorcerer and now has sorcery points. Argo has gained Uncanny Dodge. The Firbolg has some magic stuff. Before heading off on their assignment, they stop off at Barns and Nobles to pick up some more goodies. The Firbolg gets navigational yarn (leads you to a specific location), the pocket watch of second chances (allows a reroll of a saving throw) and a jar of bees (what it says on the label). FitzRoy gets the early bird 5000 (summons a spectral blackbird to bring a useful object, reflavoured to be Leon-the-hawk) and the ink eraser (removes ink ad stores it, and releases it to reveal hidden messages). Argo gets the Slapsidian (an obsidian dagger that transforms into a bracelet) and the monocle of misdirection (gives advantage on deception/insight).

In the Great Southern Meadow is an apple tree, the leaves perfect, that every year produces two perfect apples, on half red and one half gold. The tree is surrounded by a magical barrier two herds of centaurs maintain. Then at harvest time, both herds come, lower the barrier, and collect the fruit. The centaurs of the valley split their apple perfectly along the red/gold divide and read the future in the shape and placement of the seeds, so they can prepare for the year to come. The centaurs of the wood burn their apple in a ceremonial fire as an offering to the spirit of the woods, to give them good hunts and protection. But this year, there’s only one apple and both think they need it most. The Thundermen will be representing the centaurs of the forest, and must resolve the situation to their satisfaction, while Rhodes the ranger and her sidekicks Mimi (the Gnome artificer) and Moon will be representing the centaurs of the valley.

They travel towards the meadow to meet Malwyn the Strong, leader of the forest centaurs. As they go, they try to plan how to get the apple for Higglemist. As the Firbolg cannot lie, he blocks his ears, and Justin removes his headphones. Unfortunately, FitzRoy and Argo can’t come up with anything better than a pinecone illusioned to look like an apple and a quick switcheroo.

The journey is interrupted by a Satyr, who pleads poverty and asks for supplies. After giving him some rations, he reveals himself to be a bandit, and an Ogre appears to back him up. The short fight ends with the Satyr dead and the Ogre Charmed. (I think this is the second time Justin’s character has ended a fight by Charming a mini-boss, see Klarg in Balance: Here Be Gerblins.) They continue on, and meet Deanna, Malwyn’s number two. She leads them to the meadow, while explaining the theology behind their custom of sacrificing the apple to the spirit, how they’ve set additional traps around the tree, and their dislike for the valley centaurs.

They arrive at the two encampments, with banners flying. They meet Rhodes and his sidekicks – Moon is new, they haven’t seen him around before. They agree not to sabotage each other, and come up with a possible compromise for the two herds. After reading the future, the valley centaurs bury their apple by the tree, but perhaps they’d be willing give it to the forest centaurs to burn at that point, if the forest centaurs are willing to let them have it for a bit first. They go back to their respective herds to present this idea.

FitzRoy and Argo send the Firbolg off to talk to the tree, while they scheme (Justin’s headphones off again). They think they could swap out the apple for a substitute between reading the future and burning, or possibly grab it from the flames before it’s burned. They rejoin Deanna, who sends a sentinel after the Firbolg as part of the protections for the tree.

The Firbolg examines the tree, the magics, the roots, but he doesn’t get much. It seems to have been purposely created and planted, but it is a living tree, and there’s no way of knowing if it was created for the centaurs, or if they just found and adopted it. The magic is unlike any he’s seen before.

The other two are shown to Malwyn the Strong, who already has a visitor. Althea Song has decided to observe a field assignment.

Okay, I reckon what’s gonna happen is, the valley centaurs get their augury done, then by the time the forest centaurs go to burn the apple, they find it’s not the sacred apple, and blame the valley centaurs. Possibly with multiple layers of misdirection.

I don’t feel great about this mission. I’m a little suspicious about the idea that it really won’t harm the centaurs’ lives, and even if it doesn’t, it’s so incredibly disrespectful and risks causing so much emotional devastation, and possibly starting a war – although if the Thundermen are identified as the culprits, it might unite the herds against the school. But it’s also just a real nasty thing to do, take advantage of people needing help to rob them.

Now, here’s something interesting. I’m pretty sure that by level five, the Firbolg should have access to the spell Speak With Plants. But, Druids are prepared casters, so he might not have prepared it, but he could during a long rest…if Justin knows that. And as I mentioned last episode, he probably has Druidcraft. So it would be interesting if he could coax the tree into growing more apples.

The interlude with the Satyr and Ogre was amusing. I did also like the shopping trip a fair bit, some interesting stuff there. Travis didn’t make a point of emphasising budgeting and accountancy this time, which may or may not be significant.

But overall, I’m just not feeling great about the mission.

TAZ Graduation: Pop Quiz

TAZ Graduation Masterpost

TAZ Graduation: Spirit Day

[katgametable]

TAZ Graduation Episode 12: Pop Quiz

Written 27 Jun 2026, shortly after listening, before listening to Ep13.

The Thundermen are heading out on real-world assignment early this term, and the night before, Argo makes dinner (it’s mostly inedible). As they argue about the food, Gary tells them a letter has arrived for Argo. After a bit more arguing, FitzRoy decides it must be from a secret lover.

Argo steps out to read the letter. It’s from FitzRoy’s mother Dendra. She’s delighted to hear he’s making friends, and she tells a little about his childhood. He never inherited the family’s illusion magic, so they were delighted when he received an invitation to become a knight of Goodcastle, and mortgaged the caravan business to send him to knight school. After his strange wild magic erupted, an anonymous benefactor paid for him to go to Wiggenstaff’s. She also sent several sticks of hot mint gum FitzRoy had mentioned previously.

Argo hides the letter and returns to the sitting room, where FitzRoy has ordered burgers. FitzRoy then smells the gum, and Argo claims he got it through the Garies. He then brings up that he’s dissatisfied with his position in the company, but FitzRoy doesn’t want to give him a title and implies he’s being paid less. While they are arguing, the Firbolg finds himself getting up and walking off.

Gary alerts FitzRoy after the Firbolg enters the Annexe. FitzRoy tells Argo about the Firbolg having compulsions, and they rush off to intercept him. By the time they reach Higglemist’s office, the corridor is empty and the door locked. Argo deactivates a ward around the lock, and FitzRoy sends his familiar Snippers the crab in to scout around. He deduces they won’t be able to sneak unseen, and starts to concoct a plan to claim there’s a fire, except the meeting ends and the Firbolg emerges.

Higglemist sees them and invites them into the office, as they try to cover for themselves. The Firbolg gets angry about the mental manipulation, until Higglemist speaks a command phrase. Then he agrees they all need to go in and hear Higglemist out.

Higglemist admits he has been mentally manipulating people, but only with their consent. He’s been hiding something. As Elves, he and his brother are hundreds of years old, and were active heroes when heroing truly was heroic, not just a form of entertainment. During that period, they fought a demon prince, and fifty years ago, the demon prince returned and cursed Hieronymus. Higglemist saved Hieronymus’ life, but at a cost; he himself was greatly weakened, and Hieronymus was turned into a dog. He and the dog have been unable to leave the heavily warded office ever since. But two other things happened at the same time. First, some sort of imposter Hieronymus turned up, the Hieronymus they’ve been interacting with so far. Second, the Godscar Chasm appeared, no lead-up, no period of splitting, just appeared, and everyone else in the world remembered it as being there all along. It’s been spewing wild magic for the last fifty years, and is likely connected to FitzRoy, as they have the same magic.

Higglemist has spent the decades trying to undo the transformation on Hieronymus, but he couldn’t get hold of the materials he needed. That’s where the Firbolg came in. Given Firbolgs cannot lie, Higglemist knew he could trust the Firbolg, and the Firbolg agreed to help, and to have his memory wiped and compulsions implanted so he couldn’t give away the secrets. The Firbolg confirms this; his code leads him to help. Leon had also been involved; he’s been scouting for Higglemist in the form of a hawk, but can’t be turned back until Higglemist completes the anti-transformation potion.

Argo easily agrees to join in, but FitzRoy is more reluctant. He gets Higglemist to agree to give him his diploma in exchange for his help, and Higglemist is more worried about the threat to the world than whether or not FitzRoy gets a piece of paper saying he passed his schooling. He also signs the form for FitzRoy to do his artificing project without paying much attention.

There’s only one ingredient still needed, and Higglemist had pulled strings to get them into proximity. There are two centaur herds who both have the same sacred tree, which grows two apples every year. To prevent war, each tribe gets one apple. This year, only one apple grew, and Higglemist needs that apple. He assures them that the centaurs don’t appreciate its power and it’s just symbolic to them.

They discuss whether or not to wipe the Firbolg’s memories again, and decide not, given the other two can shut him up if necessary. Higglemist warns them not to tell anyone about this, there’s no way to know who to trust. The Firbolg remembers and reveals the recording brooch on the inside of his shirt, and says Althea knows everything.

Starting at the end. If Higglemist is right about  the tree and apples being purely symbolic to the herd, it might be possible to just take the apple and get them to do something else to symbolise equality or whatever, maybe say they’ll try to grow a sacred sapling at the school - I believe Druidcraft is good for that, not sure if the Firbolg has it yet. If the centaurs are aware of the power, if it has in fact been providing tangible benefits, that might be a lot harder.

I also reckon Argo should just go and tell Jackal everything. They’ve been studying the Chasm, so Higglemist’s information would be valuable, and it would just be better to form alliances rather than keep working around each other. Also, get someone who can deploy Zone of Truth to confirm people’s words. They made fun of Clint for it in Balance so much, but this is what you want it for.

I like Dendra. I’m also starting to think Goodcastle might be real, despite what was implied in an earlier episode. I suspect if she was indeed absent in FitzRoy’s childhood, she might’ve just been working on the caravan business. She also mentioned that he’d had trouble fitting in at knight school, so that could be why he’s self-aggrandising so much. And here’s a slightly wild thought. Maybe FitzRoy was conceived while Dendra and Jerry were caravaning next to the Chasm.

The whole plot with the demon prince and the dog and the imposter, it makes for a great set-up, but given we already have the Unbroken Chain, and Althea, it’s getting pretty convoluted. I’m also…I’ve already said I’ve seen reviews of this campaign. Something that almost universally got condemned was the stuff with the centaurs. So I’m worried, y’know? It’s been a lot better than I feared so far, but still.

Oh, and one more thought. When was Justin read in to Higglemist’s secrets? Because either there was some smooth editing, or he knew exactly what to do when the Firbolg’s memories were restored. The next TTAZZ isn’t until after episode twenty, I hope someone asked. Because it would be weird to interrupt a Royale-based TTAZZ six years later to ask.

TAZ Graduation: You Can Call Me Al(thea)

TAZ Graduation Masterpost

TAZ Graduation: Apple for Teacher

[katgametable]

TAZ Graduation Episode 11: You Can Call Me Al(thea)

Written 27 Jun 2026, shortly after listening, before listening to Ep12.

Althea Song has agreed to leave interviews until the morning, and they’re going to have separate interviews. FitzRoy is first.

FitzRoy starts by talking about his ambitions to learn to be the best knight, and claims his family are big in the hero/villain scene – Althea says the Heroic Oversight Guild has no record of them, and FitzRoy says there’s a shadow guild. He talks a bit about the Thundermen company, before they get down to business. Glancing at Gary, he says everything’s good. Althea explains her ring guarantees privacy, and FitzRoy says that she must have received a letter about the school, the he encouraged the student to send it, and now he thinks that student is no longer alive. He’s scared of being disappeared or brainwashed. Althea says brainwashing is very serious, and she’ll have to investigate that further.

Meanwhile, the Firbolg goes to talk to the Gary outside the Annexe. He asks Gary if he saw him enter and leave; Gary confirms, saying he looked out of it when leaving. After checking the Gary hivemind, it turns out that while the Firbolg was in Higglemist’s office, the Gary in the office was put to sleep, which must’ve taken a lot of powerful magic. Also, the Firbolg seems to have these meetings every other day or so. The Firbolg asks him to get the Gary network to alert FitzRoy if he sees him going in to stop him, and in exchange the Firbolg agrees to get Gary a hat or something to keep the sun out of his eyes.

It’s Argo’s interview. He tells Althea his ambition is to be a sidekick for a naval hero called The Commodore – his mother worked for him as a privateer after working on a narwhalling ship and leading a mutiny to change industry. Althea explains a bit about placements, and offers to put a word in with The Commodore, but Argo says he’d preferred to prove himself first. Then she asks how his experience at the school has been and if he’s seen anything strange. The only real problem he has is related to the Thundermen company – FitzRoy is the CEO, and the Firbolg the CFO (because he did accountancy), but he doesn’t have a position so feels left out. He acknowledges it’s a personal issue, and Althea suggest just talking to them. But overall, he feels he’s been treated fairly, and he says he hasn’t seen anything strange, given “normal” includes skeletons serving drinks and so on.

FitzRoy goes to see Festo, his magic tutor, to subtle probe about HOG. She’s sleeping off a night of partying – fairies party a lot. After asking for the goss, FitzRoy learns Althea is one of the most well-regarded inspectors, sent to the most important investigations, and that he can trust her, but she might put her job before the person.

It’s time for the session on the battlegrounds. Frostus “Crush” Crushman is a former arena champion, a silver Dragonborn who won every bout (which was always to the death), before he had to retire because no-one would fight him anymore. He’s married to fellow former arena champion Jimson (they were in different weight classes). As well as the former champions, an Elf woman Argo recognises as part of the Unbroken Chain is waiting for them.

Crush has heard they nearly died to a bunch of imps, so he wants to go two rounds against them to see where their weak points are – the Elf, Marie, is the school physician, and will make sure they don’t get killed. The fight goes pretty well, including a laser of wild magic from FitzRoy and finishing with Crush bloodying him. He concludes that the three are actually pretty competent, and asks what happened. The Firbolg deduces that being outnumbered was a factor, and FitzRoy brings up the chain devil. Crush is impressed that they killed a chain devil.

Argo goes to the library to research the Maplecourt family. He meets Sabor, also of the Unbroken Chain, and in his office, tells Argo he’s already tried that, but if Argo has more details they can use that. Argo has picked up FitzRoy’s mother’s name, Dendra, and Sabor looks that up. Turns out she’s four times removed from the mainline, and married to a long-haul caravan driver. There’s also an address. Argo decides to send her a letter, and also read up on barbarians.

The Firbolg is meeting Althea. He puts on a “bad boy” show, but gives it up, saying Raynier told him to do it. Althea knows Firbolgs can’t really lie, and says she’ll be careful. She asks about him leaving his clan, and he says he’s in exile but doesn’t want to talk about it. She moves on to his experiences at the school. He enjoys studying, but he’s been compelled to do things and he doesn’t know why, and he doesn’t remember things. It’s important to him to live by a code, and he doesn’t know that he is any more. Althea gives him a brooch she uses to record meetings, so he can record his day and listen back if he has blanks, and assures him she’ll get to the bottom of it.

Argo write his letter to Dendra Maplecourt, introducing himself as FitzRoy’s roommate, assuring her of FitzRoy’s good progress, and asking her for details he can use for a roast, a good-natured ribbing, in FitzRoy’s honour.

I’d like to take a moment to explain what it means for FitzRoy’s family line to be fourth cousins of the mainline, by comparing it to the UK monarchy’s lines, because I like tracing the lines of descent of my own royal family. Currently, the mainline is Charles III, his sons, their kids. Then you’ve got the sibling lines, descendants of Elizabeth II; the Philips, York, and Edinburgh/Wessex lines. The first cousin lines would be descendants of George VI, that is, Margaret’s lines, Snowdon and Chatto. Second cousins, descendants of George V - Gloucester, Kent and Harewood. The third cousin lines are the descendants of Edward VII, which are Fife and the Norwegian Royal Family (and how that one happened is more interesting than you might think). The fourth cousin lines, therefore, are the descendants of Queen Victoria, and I haven’t memorised that layer yet but you get the picture. FitzRoy is as far from the Maplecourt mainline as, say, the heirs of the German Kaiser are from King Charles. Also, interesting fact, the name “FitzRoy” literally means “son of the king”, and was traditionally a surname given to royal bastards.

So, backing away from that side hobby to the technicalities of DnD combat. Justin/the Firbolg was completely correct when he said their problem with the imp clear out was numbers. This is called action economy; even the mightiest bosses rarely have more than three actions per turn (plus lair/legendary actions), but ten CR 1/2 imps still have ten actions per turn. In addition, it wasn’t a massed combat, it was a series of skirmishes. That meant they were constantly burning through resources, hit points and spell slots and once/twice a day abilities, even before they reached the Chain Demon, taking out one or two imps at a time. Yeah, finishing with a boss fight tipped it over into deadly, but it was still a rough slog.

What else was there? Argo’s mother probably isn’t a Water Genasi; he mentioned she can’t breathe water. I’d tentatively suggest we’ve now seen all the Unbroken Chain members at the school – if I was right about the artificing professor. HOG, which is cited in one of the episode titles, is confirmed as the Heroic Oversight Guild – I think I’d been calling them a council or committee earlier. The Garies aren’t necessarily on Higglemist’s side, if he’s been deactivating the one in his office, but that doesn’t automatically mean that Higglemist can’t get information from them. Argo, I’m not sure if he’s genuinely not picked up on anything strange or is afraid of giving away the Chain’s presence – that’ll be interesting, if Althea can find them.

But what this episode really brought to the table was fleshing out bits of character backstory and motivation. We have an answer as to why FitzRoy’s stories don’t quite ring true, what’s important to the Firbolg, why Argo chose this path. It’s making the story that bit richer.

TAZ Graduation: Dark Arts and Crafts

TAZ Graduation Masterpost

TAZ Graduation: Pop Quiz

[kronoose]

Fitzroy pitching any plans to npcs

[remaz0r]

hey, y’all! finally uploading something :D

i like this one! hope you do too >;3

[remaz0r]

just decided i wanted to write something a couple hours ago and then i did it. what is going on.

something is coming!!! probably tomorrow, gonna do a proof/'make it better' read and then my fiance is gonna beta it! hopefully it's good. i like the idea of it :D gettin' my mojo back i think. we will see.