okay, it’s been eight months since i’ve been here and i couldn’t have possibly imagined that this would become such a huge part of my life. anton has become more than a character to me, he’s practically a fuckin institution all on his own and i love him and i hope that you guys have good memories of him bc i really do. he’s been my fave child, he’s been my everything. so has dem tbh, bc i love my problem boy.
first off - to the german fam i started off with ( and the prussians as well tbh ) : dee, vivi, maya, rose, aria, lena, jess and god knows how many people i’m forgetting and how many other people have left. you guys were amazing and i will love my time with you guys more than i can ever say. other than that - luna, ali, britt, - if nothing else, you know that i’ll follow you over a fucking cliff because you have my support always. fucking always. you know that, i’m telling you that again, and i love you all so much.
otherwise, to every single person i have met here: never have i ever ( ever ) been nice to any of you for the sake of it or shut you out on purpose. that’s not me, and i have genuinely loved plotting and rp-ing with every single one of you. i’ve loved seeing you guys on the dash. i’ve loved hearing about your days. i’ve loved every single moment. i’ve always tried to plot with legit everyone ( which has backfired on me a lot, lbr. i’ve had thirty threads going at any given time but it’s always been fun. ) you guys are amazing, your writing is amazing and ily all.
i’m not gonna say i’ve had the same problems as everyone else, because i would be a hypocrite. minnie’s been incredibly nice to me when we’ve talked. jord - you know how i feel, i’ve told you enough.
but with that said, i’ve sat on my hands for a very long time and done nothing. that’s my fault, and i wish i’d said something earlier. i’ll be honest, it’s not easy to deal with being here if you’ve got anxiety, it’s REALLY not. i also don’t feel like there are any plots left for my characters because...honestly, there aren’t. i just no longer feel like my characters have any space to exist. there’s nothing for them here, tbh. modern au was a nice break from that, but seriously. i just feel like they’ve been boxed in and there’s no point to them anymore. i’m pretty much writing for the sake of writing and activity checks. there’s a bunch of reasons why, but that’s all i’ll say on the matter here.
worst of all, i cannot swallow people i genuinely, genuinely respect and care for being treated badly or made to feel like absolute shit. that’s one thing i cannot take. i do think of them as close friends, my day is never complete without talking to a lot of them or checking up on them to make sure they’re okay, and the fact that they have to go through this is something i’m not okay with. it’s not okay with me at all.
if anyone ever wants to talk, anyone ever wants to stay in touch, just drop me a message and i’ll give you my personal/discord. it’s been amazing. it’s been fucking fantastic. love you guys an incredible amount. xxx
