#teamheuer

[andnowastory]

An Update...

...to say that there is no update.

Ha! Fooled you! Lots of folks have been asking if there’s any news on the adoption front, so I just thought I’d write a little post to say that, no, there’s not really any news yet. We are a waiting family, which means looooooooong stretches of time without any meetings or news or updates. It does feel odd to go from having a meeting or an interview nearly every week for months to just floating around in the nothingness, but that’s the nature of adoption - hurry up and wait.

I did touch base with our extremely kind and busy and overworked and yet somehow still very responsive social worker a couple of weeks ago and she let me know that, at the time, she was personally working with 3 expectant mothers who were considering adoption. What that means is that these women are still in counseling and that our social worker is working with them to make sure adoption really is the path they want to take, gathering info and medical histories to see who they will match with, etc. I don’t know when these women are due, I don’t know if we will be a match for them. I really don’t know much, and honestly, I’m 100% cool with that.

We’ve been surprisingly good at putting the whole adoption thing in the back of our minds since we were approved, and seriously, that’s where it should be. We have zero control over when we will be matched with a birthmom, so obsessing about it is a fool’s errand.

I don’t want to sound flippant. We want very very badly to be parents. We think about it and talk about it A LOT. But we’re also very happy with our lives as they are and we’re working toward other exciting things all the time. I’ve come to realize in this time after the craziness that was our home study that not having a child didn’t create some hole in our lives. We aren’t incomplete without a baby. We’re very much Team Heuer all on our own. We just think Team Heuer would be even more awesome with some more members! ;-) 

We can’t wait to get the call. That day will be super exciting. But, until then, we’re happy and we’re busy and we’re hopeful for many exciting futures. So, feel free to keep asking about news and talking to us about adoption, just know that we may not have the most exciting answers for a while. Believe me, you’ll know when we do! ;-) XOXO

Team Heuer

[andnowastory]

Lest Ye Be Judged...

And thus begins my first blog about adoption, nice and light. ;-) Sorry, didn't mean to get too biblical with that title, but we've been under the microscope so much lately it seems apropos. 

So for those family and friends who've been following our big adventure on Facebook for the last few months, you know that we've just completed the home study process of our adoption journey. For a refresher, the home study consists of a series of interviews with a social worker (for us it was 1 interview as a couple, 2 interviews each alone) where you talk about your relationship with your spouse, your family, what your childhood was like, your parenting philosophies, thoughts on discipline, what you think about birth moms, and oh so much more.

Those interviews are followed by a home visit where the social worker comes to your house, checks it out, and you go over paperwork to make sure everything is complete. It's like one great big job interview except instead of hoping they think you're right for a job, you're hoping they think you're fit to raise a baby. And those are some pretty high stakes.

Now, I should say, there was very little chance throughout the process that they would have said no to us. We have good jobs, a nice home, a good support system, no criminal records, and we're pretty solid as a couple. But even knowing all that, having your whole life and home up for review is a very stressful and emotional process. I've had several friends say how unfair it seems that so many "unqualified" people can just have babies without question while we have to jump through so many hoops, and believe me, thoughts of "This is so easy for everyone else, why us?" have crept in from time to time. But here's the thing: We're asking another person to entrust us with her child for life. While we celebrate becoming parents, she'll be suffering a huge loss; no matter how much she is counseled and prepared for it and knows it's the right thing, giving up a child is not something she'll just get over. So she deserves to know that we're good people and that we're ready for this. Having gone through all of this, we feel stronger and more prepared as well. Did you know how you both felt about discipline and what you want for your child's future before you gave birth? We do! Do you know who would take your child if something were to happen to you? We do!

So, while it's been a long and emotional process, (and some of us have cried in 3 out of her 4 interviews) we're both so happy with how it's gone so far. It's been nothing but good stuff since we made this decision, so don't worry about us in that respect.

OK, so, next steps. As I mentioned on Facebook, the home visit went great. Next, our social worker files our paperwork, which will take 1-2 weeks. Our cut off date for having the home study completed is March 16th, so that's our hard and fast date. At that point, we will be officially waiting for the call.

Now, what that call might be, can be any number of scenarios. Basically, our social worker will look at birth moms who match our criteria and figure out if we match the birth moms' criteria, and if the stars align, she'll tell us a little about the birth mom and ask us if we want our information to be presented to that birth mom, who will then get to say yes, I like these people or no, they're not what I'm looking for. This whole thing can go down when the birth mom is just a few months pregnant, at a later stage in her pregnancy, or it could all happen when she's in the hospital about to deliver or post-delivery. It could be a birth mom in NC or it could be anywhere in the US. It could happen within weeks of our profile being approved or it could take years.

That's the other thing I wanted to cover before I end this novel of a post - (seriously, how can I write a blog post this long and not have finished my novel yet? geez!) - time. Lots of you want to know how long it takes to get a baby, and sadly I don't have an answer for that. It could be very soon after our profile is approved or it could take months or years. It all depends on when a birth mom chooses us and how far along she is in her pregnancy. A very general timeline is 6-12 months if that helps.

Alrighty, I'm gonna wrap this up. Thanks for reading and being interested in our great adventure and for being so super sweet and supportive. All your comments have meant a lot to us. It was a bit intimidating to share our decision to adopt with the world, given that few people we know have gone down this road, but you've all been awesome and kind and you've made us feel so extremely lucky. So thank you.

-Team Heuer