I’ve been reading too many imagines on @theartofimagining13 and some from my own silly brain…We’re coming to a head here Kiddos…. If I forgot to Tag you I am sorry, my tag list is ll wonky. here we go Chapter Twenty-Eight!
chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five | chapter six | chapter seven | chapter eight | chapter nine | chapter ten | chapter eleven | chapter twelve | chapter thirteen | chapter fourteen | chapter fifteen | chapter sixteen | chapter seventeen | chapter eighteen | chapter nineteen | chapter twenty | chapter twenty-one |chapter twenty-two | twenty-three | chapter twenty-four | chapter twenty-five | chapter twenty-six | chapter twenty-seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight - Missed Calls
When you woke up the next morning, you here half pinned under Lou and you felt like you had a small team of elephants tap-dancing on your brain. Working out a crick in your neck, you slid from under Lou and headed to get some Advil and water. When your buzzer started going off repeatedly.
You hear Lou groan something that sounds like “Fuck off.” and laugh as you see her wrapped in a blanket, letting whoever was waking her know her exact feelings.
You lightly bump her aside and press the intercom again, “Sorry about that, Can I help you?”
“(Y/n), Thank God.” It was the last voice you expected to hear. “You weren’t answering your pho–”
Your finger springs back from the button. What the Fuck. Why was he here now? “What do you want Sebastian?” You try to keep your voice neutral, your pounding head making that far more of a challenge than you expect.
Lou growls a little and hits the button to let him in downstairs. “Let him up, I am the perfect amount of hungover to really have a good long talk with this jackass.”
You unlock the front door and point Lou to the kitchen, “Behave.”
As you move to stand in the open door, you see Sebastian coming up the stairs two at a time. He stopped short seeing you. You must look like hell. You stand in silence for a moment, just looking at each other, he looks better. The manic and frayed edge he’d had about him the last time you saw him was gone. Now he just looked sad and weary. He finally says, “We’re supposed to be talking.”
You run a hand over your face and step aside, motioning for him to come in, “It’s not the best time but, yeah, come in.”
He doesn’t move, a wave of awkward washing over the hall. “I can come back. Luke had just, well, he said he’d call ahead and it was better to not let things sit.”
You try to relax, your head still throbbing. “Right, no, he’s right, but he didn’t get a chance to let me know. I must have slept through the phone going off.” You step into the hall and head over to him. “Just, come inside and let me get some coffee.”
He follows you in finally, heading toward the living room as you turn to the kitchen. You hear a “Hello?” and know exactly what he has walked in on.
“Hey there, NASCAR, before you get any ideas, no, I won’t marry you.“
You come out with coffee on a tray, giving Lou the eye. “Sebastian, Lou, Lou Sebastian. Lou was just heading off to take a shower.”
Sebastian sits, still looking a bit perplexed by Lou’s greeting.
Lou took one of the coffees and settled deeper into the couch. “Changed my mind.”
You sigh and settle onto the couch next to her as Seb takes a coffee and sits in the chair. “I’ve heard a bit about you, Lou, nice to put a face to the name. How’s,” he pauses a moment, fishing for the name, “Max?”
She takes a deep sip of coffee, “Oh, he’s fucking a co-ed so I’m sure he’s fine.”
He leans forward and sits the mug back on the tray, “I should come back–”
“Yeah maybe–” You overlap.
Lou interrupts over both of you,“Shut up, I’m fine you two. My shit is not your shit. Work it out already.” She waves you off and busies herself with her phone. “I’ll give you a topic. Sebastian moves too fast and (y/n) moves so slowly that she had no idea that she was basically never going to be able to keep up you because she was already in love with someone else. Chat away.”
No one speaks, everyone focused on their coffee, or in Lou’s case, aggressively texting.
He finally breaks the silence, “I’m sorry I hit you. I was more than a bit out of control and felt really attacked that night, but I never wanted you to get hurt. Especially not like that.”
You absently run your hand over the last yellow streaks of your bruise. “It wasn’t intentional, and neither was Tom showing up. He had told me he would stay home.”
He nods, “Yeah, well, I was getting a bit out of hand. Frankie did the right thing really. I was in a bad place that night, I needed a good kick in the ass. I just didn’t see it then.”
You swallow the ball of guilt in your throat, “I’m sorry, Sebastian, I’m so sorry about all of this. I messed up and I have no idea what I can say that will make you forgive me or be willing to talk to me ever again after this. It is all my fault here. Were you a little bit fast.” you hear Lou snort, her fingers still flying over her phone as you quickly jab her with your elbow, “It was a bit fast, but I should have talked to you and either slowed you down or ended it, much sooner. My feelings for Tom have always been there, and if I had slowed down, I might have realized that sooner and not have pulled away and I promise you, I never slept with Tom when we were together. I just didn’t see that I was giving him my heart while I was trying to give it to you.”
You watch his hands flex around his mug as you speak like it is taking everything in him to not interrupt or over react. When you are done he takes a deep breath and speaks, “I still love you, (y/n). It’s going to be awhile before I can be around you, see you with him, and not feel my heart being pulled apart, but I want to get to a point where it doesn’t because I don’t just love you, I like you and I miss you.” After another sip filled silence punctuated by Lou’s tapping and a deep breath he continues, “You guys don’t have to pretend Tom’s doing anything but missing you in London right now anymore. I’m not going to talk about it. I’m not going to stir up shit for you guys. Honestly, I’ve got a lot of respect for Tom, even more so after he cleaned my clock when he thought I was hurting you. If it can’t be me, I’m glad it’s him.”
You were shocked into silence. You had expected more tears, more yelling, more fighting between the desire to throw him out or hold him close until the pain and passion ebbed away. You hadn’t expected him to remain this cool and level-headed. “Thank you.”
“Yeah, it is what it is. I told Luke the same thing this morning, so yeah.” He sets the mug down again and stands. “You should call him.”
You walk with him to the door, stopping a moment before wrapping him in a hug. “Please don’t be a stranger.”
He smiles and holds you tight, “I’ll try,” He laughs lightly, “and can you clear my name with Frankie? I miss Sarah’s cookies.”
You join in the laughter, “I’ll see what I can do.”
He calls over your shoulder, “It was nice meeting you, Lou.”
“Same, NASCAR, stop by again sometime, bring treats.”
More laughter, “Sure thing, Snapdragon, Get my number from,(y/n), send me your order and I’ll bring it next time. Take care, (y/n).”
You watched him retreat down the stairs and felt Lou come up behind you, wrapping you in her arms from behind. “He is awfully pretty.” She hands you her phone. “But you’ve got a call to take.”
You look at her and put the phone to your ear, “Hello?”
“Tell, Lou she can have my room, I’m moving into yours as soon as I get back.”
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Chapter Twenty-Three - Shattered
He yanks his hands back, standing up and starting to pace. His hands scour over his scalp in frustration. He stops suddenly, pointing at you, eyes an unsettling mix of dark and confused. “You loved me less than a week ago. You loved me enough to sit here, right over there at THAT table and say that you would be mine. What changed?! How do you go from being in love with me to walking out in a matter of fucking DAYS!” His hands slam down on the table, making table shake. The sudden force and sway rocking the coffee mug off, shattering it on the floor at his feet, making him jump back.You see Frankie in the doorway and wave him off, putting your hands up, leaning back in your chair and trying to get a little distance. He resumes his pacing “Fuck, was it even a day before you were crawling into his lap to cry over how big a mistake you thought I was? Before you ran to him and decided I wasn’t enough for you?” He moved to lean close to you, his voice dropping to a growling whisper, “Before he slipped into your bed.” You try to interrupt but he’s having none of it. “You could have said you needed more time, you needed to wait. I would have waited for you.”
“Sebastian Stop! ” You lower your hands, willing them to not shake, “Please sit down. Take a breath for me.”
He ran his hand over his face, letting out something between a laugh and a sob. “Breathe, Fuck!” He takes a deep if shaky breath and sits down again, on the edge of his seat, pulling the chair closer to you, leaning in, crowding you, invading your space..”I’ll breathe, I’ll calm down, when you admit that all this” he waves a finger in a circle, then between the two of you, “all we were, all this ever was... was you biding time and making Tom jealous. That it was just the easiest way to get him to screw you.”
“Oh, Fuck you, Sebastian!” It’s your turn to stand, knocking your chair back as you march past him and toward the kitchen. He grabs your wrist before you can get too far, yanking you back to him as he stands, pulling you to his chest. “Let. Go.” You pull loose and slap him.
He blinks and rubs his cheek with a small laugh. “Just tell me the truth then.”
“You want the truth? Okay, fine, here we go.” You fold your arms over your chest, backing away from him a bit, needing distance but not getting it as he keeps pace with you.”When we started dating, Tom left and yes that freaked me out because he is a very big and very important part of my life. I missed him.He's been in my life for a lot longer than you have. We are close, we are comfortable, and we love each other. I didn’t think it was more than just that. Someone important that I cared deeply for. Then you came charging in and were so just… insistent… You were there, you stayed and you loved me and you made me feel like I was the world and I loved that, but I don't know if I loved you, not really…. Is that love, that crazy, insistent passion that just makes you want to hold on for dear life. That fire that you know is going to burn you alive but you just charge headlong into the flame with a fucking smile on your face?” You throw your hands up, pushing him back, feeling trapped between him and the tables. “Shit, Sebastian, I don’t know what love is supposed to be! Does that make this better? I am completely at a loss as to what it means to love someone and be loved. I am a fucking mess. Is that what you wanted to hear? That you were there when I missed someone dear to me and I ended up falling for you too hard and too fast?”
By the time you were done you couldn’t breathe, you bent, resting your hands on a nearby table, suddenly sobbing. You felt a hand on your back and shrugged it off. “Don't. Just don't touch me.”
He moved you to sit, kneeling in front of you, handing you a napkin. “But you did. You fell in love with me. You were mine.”
You can’t speak, afraid of what you might say right now. Too many things in your head at once. You had to get your thoughts in order before you fell into the same easy answer you had before under his consuming love.
He lifts your chin, looking into your eyes with a mix of fear and hope, stroking his thumb over your cheek to rid them of your tears. “Just say something, anything, please. You loved me and were mine. Yes or no?”
“Yes. I loved you. You made me feel so much, so intensely. God, it was so much, it was like I was drunk on you.”
He breathes a soft sigh of what sounded like relief, leaning forward, his forehead coming to rest on yours.
You shake your head and pull back. “Please, don't. I can’t think straight when you do that.”
His hands come to hold your face, not letting you hide. “Do you still love me?”
You can’t seem to stop shaking, it’s all just too much, you breath out, “Yes, but not like this. You’re scaring me.”
You try to pull back but he won't let go, stroking your face and moving in again, his lips so close, “Say you're mine.”
“Please, just stop.” You squeeze your eyes shut and feel his lips brush yours for a brief moment before they are gone and the sound of a crash makes your eyes shoot open.
When you look up, Sebastian’s face first against the wall, pressed to it., Tom pinning his arm into his back, growling into his ear, “The lady said stop.”
I’ve been reading too many imagines on @theartofimagining13 and some from my own silly brain… Luke is the best at his job, and the worst at making us happy hahaha... here we go Chapter Twenty-Six!
chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five | chapter six | chapter seven | chapter eight | chapter nine | chapter ten | chapter eleven | chapter twelve | chapter thirteen | chapter fourteen | chapter fifteen | chapter sixteen | chapter seventeen | chapter eighteen | chapter nineteen | chapter twenty | chapter twenty-one |chapter twenty-two | twenty-three | chapter twenty-four | chapter twenty-five
Chapter Twenty-Six - Stratagem
You were getting a headache. One of those, ‘Can we just call it a day and I'll disappear from reality for a few hours.’, kind of headaches. There was a plan of action. A good, solid plan to make everyone look, if not good, at least not like a troupe of hooligans and whores, but it involved someone getting in contact with Sebastian and his “people”. This felt like a messy divorce and you hadn’t even had the fun of a wedding. That was the so-called easy part.
The real crux of this plan was you lying low. It was fine, you were more than happy to remain private. The part that stung was that Luke was currently recommending Tom go home to London and, for now, give the appearance of distance from this, ‘Whole affair.’ until the heat on you and Sebastian died down.
You were completely against this idea and wanted Luke to leave now. Just leave and let you curl into your safe place and ignore the outside world.
Tom held your hand, trying to read your face as he addressed this new idea. “Is that really necessary? It's no secret that we live together. Can't we just,” he squeezed your hand, comforting you and looking for support. “play this all off for now as a best friend stepping up to defend their friend? We've weathered the rumors before, we can fall back into that old schtick for a while.”
Luke’s head dropped back against the back of the chair. He looked like he was catching your headache. “We are, but that means you need to really make it look like you are just friends. It’s going to be hard enough to convince his people that it will look better if we gloss over the whole break up being your fault, we need to make him look like it was just as much his idea, whatever way that is… exhaustion… the mutual realization that it was all too fast… I doubt that when I talk to his representation that they are going to agree to anything less than that. The goal here is to make everyone look like they made some questionable choices, but are reticent and not to make him the aggressor.”
“He was,” Tom mutters.
“Truth or no, we don't want to put them on the defensive and honestly, it would reflect back onto the both of you, this being jealous lovers battling over a girl. It would mostly land on (y/n), sadly. They always focus on the woman's indiscretions.” He gave Tom a knowing look and you felt him tense. You weren't one to talk about each other’s past, but you knew what Luke was referring to. “I just don't think being so casually, publicly affectionate with each other is a smart move this time.”
Tom’s jaw flexes and he rolls his neck, “That was an entirely different situation.” You rub his arm a bit and try to gently reassure him.
“I've known you long enough to see that, Tom, but I'm talking about public perception. You know all too well what this is like from the other side. Being rash is not the best way to handle any of this. Trust me, this is the best way navigate this. Give it a month or so to calm down. Heads down, getting to work, it will blow over and no one ends up the villain.”
After a deep breath, you remember how to speak. “He's right.” You turn Tom's hand over in yours and study the lines, tracing them as you continues, “If we give the illusion of everything being normal. Platonic. We can eventually ease into the “we just realized it was something more” story for everyone and it won't make this look as bad as it actually is. I screwed all of this up and this is the penance.”
Tom shook his head, ready to say again that it was not your fault, but it really was, the more you thought about it. You couldn't keep hiding in Tom’s loving insistence that you were not in the wrong.
“It's a month.” You nod, “It’s not exile, it's just perceived distance. It sucks, but it will be fine.”
He rests his head against your and finally relents. “Okay.”
“Good, now that we have that settled. I may need you to contact Sebastian for me (y/n), we need him on your side.”
“Whatever makes this all settle with as little damage as possible.”
He nods, “That's what I like to hear.”
Tom’s flight was scheduled for two days later. You had two days to properly say your goodbyes before your month apart and had planned to make use of them. The two of you barely left your bed.
Luke had managed to work it all out so that you didn't have to have another face to face with Sebastian right away. It could wait until after Tom was gone.
As you said your goodbyes before he left for the airport, you felt the first real pangs of regret for going through with this plan.
He felt it too. “I don’t want to go.”
You cry softly against his chest, trying to not leave tear stains on his shirt, “It's just a month, we'll talk every day.”
You kiss, slowly, gently at first, feeling every bit of longing to hold on in the meeting of your lips, growing into a hungry need to stay and an ache to not part. When he finally pulls back, you have to take a full step back to keep from clinging to him as he hefts his bag over his shoulder. “I love you.”
“I love you.”
Once he was out the door you curl up on the couch, taking deep breaths to keep from falling apart.
When your phone went off at noon, you were hopeful, but it was not what you expected. In that moment your heart skipped and sank at the same time. Why would he call now? But it wasn’t him.
You take a deep breath and hope you can speak, “Hey, Lou.” You don’t sound yourself.
“I’m coming to New York.” Lou sounds off.
“It’s okay, You don’t have to come, It’ll be fine.”
There is a long pause and eventually you hear a sniffle. “(y/n), I left Max.”
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Chapter Twenty-Five - Sleepless
After some evasive moves that took you out the back of Sarah’s, several blocks away and back again, before finally promising your apartment supervisor cookies to let you in the backdoor that was seldom used by workmen and never used by tenants, you were back in the relative safety of your apartment. You slumped on the couch exhausted while Tom continued to pace between the kitchen and living room, bringing you a bag of frozen berries for your face on one of his million trips.
“It's going to be okay.” You finally mutter, worried for the floorboards.
He settles in beside you, taking your hand. “I'm sorry.”
You pull him into your arms, feeling the tension in him, “You have nothing to be sorry about.” stroking his shoulders and wishing you had some answer that would make him stop looking like he had destroyed everything in one night. “You were protecting me. It was a little tense in there and you did what you had to do.”
He lightly brushed a finger over the bruise now on full blossom under your eye, “Yeah, I did a great job.”
You pull his hand away, leaning to kiss him softly. “This was an accident. You are not to blame for this.”
“I just wish it hadn't gotten to a point where something like that could even happen. I shouldn't have told you to go alone. If Frankie hadn’t-”
“If Frankie hadn’t called you, he would have been the one to intervene.” You inch closer, gently urging Tom to rest back, so exhausted and just needing to be in his arms. To feel at home. “Sebastian was, is, in a really bad place right now. That's on me. I just wish I knew how to help him. I didn't mean for it to be like this.”
His arms slip around you finally and you lean up to kiss his jaw. “I wish I would have just… been smarter. Lou told me. Lou has been telling me for a long time that you and I, what we have, is something more than just being good, best friends. But I didn't think you saw me that way until I saw how me being with someone else…”
He laughs finally, starting to relax a bit, “She was a bug in my ear about it too. Honestly, since we all were at the Globes. I got her number and we would talk about basically everything and when I would mention you she would just say,” He lets out a sigh that was so perfectly Lou’s sigh you had to laugh, “Christ, Hiddleston will you just realize you love her already and get it over with, but… it never really seemed the right time.”
You look up at him, resting your chin on his chest, just staring into his eyes. “Tom?”
“Hmm.” He brushes the hair back from your face and traced gentle circles on your back.
“This is going to all work out, right?”
He pressed his lips to yours, the worry evident in his every touch. “It’s going to be a rough go but if you will stay with me, we'll get through.”
You fell asleep on the couch, curled up against Tom’s chest, too worn to move to bed. He must have known you were out for the night because when you woke early the next morning, you were wrapped in a blanket and had one of your pillows tucked under your head. You could hear him moving around the apartment, trying to be quiet. You stretched out a kink in your hip from sleeping curled up on the couch and slowly sat up. “Tom?”
He was still in last night's clothes, dark circles under his eyes and just a bit of scruff starting to pepper his face. “Good Morning, my Darling. I couldn't bring myself to make you move, did you sleep alright?”
You stretched again, running a hand over your face with a slight wince. Having a shiner was not so fun. “I'm fine. Did you sleep at all?”
He ducked into the kitchen and brought out you a cup of coffee. “Luke called after you nodded off. He's coming over around nine.”
You keep a hold of his hand after you take and set down your coffee. “You didn’t answer me. Did you sleep at all? You look like hell.”
He laughed weakly, “I love you too. I slept in the chair for a little while.”
“So no, not really? What time is it?”
“Six thirty.”
You pull yourself to your feet with a groan and wrap your arms around his waist. “Then we have time for you to get some actual sleep before Luke gets here.”
He envelopes you in his arms, his head on in the crook of your neck. “Come with me?”
Neither of you got more rest.
You hadn’t expected this to be the first time you and Tom made love, it just happened, like some natural extension of holding one another.
As you took a shower now, knowing Luke would be here soon, you couldn't stop thinking about the softness of it all. How his hands never seemed to still yet never rushed. It was such a contrast to how it had been.
Where Sebastian had been rough and brash, nails and teeth, fingerprint bruises that you could glide your fingers over the next day and flash to the feel of his mouth and hands lighting your skin ablaze, Tom was soft and slow, savoring every curve and angle, mapping every inch of your body like he longed to paint you from memory. You felt cherished.
When you finally headed back into the living room, you could hear Luke speaking with an oddly calm tension. “It wasn't even twenty-four hours. All you had to do was lie low until I could set something up and let the press know about the broken engagement and then no one would have looked twice when you too seemed to get closer. Now we have to sort out a fist fight and” he stopped when he saw your face. “Lord! What happened to your face?”
I’ve been reading too many imagines on @theartofimagining13 and some from my own silly brain … Can anything be simple? We’ll see… here is Chapter Twenty-One!
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Chapter Twenty-One - Repercussions
You shake your head, “No, well maybe a little, yeah.”
He shifts to sit next to you, taking your hands on his and ghosting a kiss over the backs of them. “You’re not a bad person, (y/n).”
You whisper, “You may be the only person in the world who thinks that.” as you lean into his shoulder and close your eyes, just wanting to keep that world, the one that has rooted for your failure, the one that is about to feel so justified in their hate, out of this little safe zone for just awhile longer.
He traces small swirls and flourishes on your palm, “Why don’t we do this, you take a shower, I’ll go grab us some coffee and breakfast, and we’ll just spend the day here. Like old times, yeah? I won’t even tattle to Lou if you wear the gray pajamas. You’ll feel better.”
You reach up and pull him into a slow, deep kiss, letting your fingers trail over his scalp, moaning softly into the kiss when he pull you in closer, tighter, leaning you back into the bed, seemingly endless kiss.
When he finally lifts himself up and away from you, his hands in fists on either side of your head, hovering over you, he laughs softly, “Okay, a little better than old times.”
He moves to stand and you wrap a leg around his hip, holding him to you. He carefully grabs your leg, lifting it off his hip and placing a small bite on the inside of your knee as he pulls away. “Go shower.”
You pout and playfully kick him in the rear as he walks away, “You’re a tease.” You grumble.
He laughs and throws your gray pajamas at you as he heads out of the bedroom.
He wasn’t wrong, you did feel a bit better after your shower, you slipped on your comfy pants and a spaghetti strap tank and start toward the sound of his voice in the living room, unable to stop yourself from eavesdropping a little.
“Thank you, yes. I just feel like, if we can get out ahead of this… I just can’t stand to see her hurting because of all of it, and I worry about things getting vindictive. No really, thank you, I will forever owe you, Luke.”
You sneak up behind him as he talks, running your hands up his chest and resting your head against his back, he jumps a little at first and then pulls your hands in for a kiss before ringing off with Luke. “Yeah, just keep me updated. Bye for now.”
He sets the phone down and turns to you, letting his arms move around your waist as he blatantly, almost lecherously, stares at your breasts. “Did you have a good shower, Darling?”
You nod against his chest. “I don’t deserve you.”
He tilts his head, stroking your back, “I don’t see how that is true in the slightest.”
“Well, okay, you didn’t have to put Luke on the case to handle my public destruction. Yeah, it’s going to be horrible, but it is what it is. I am not innocent in this all this.”
“Innocent or no, he’s just going to… try to soften the blow.”
“Thank you.”
“Always my Darling.” He leans down to give you a soft kiss, but you pull back a bit, your thoughts still swimming. “What are we going to do when people find out about us? Will they?”
He steers you gently to sit in his lap on the couch. “Luke thinks it would be best to just resume as if nothing has changed. This. What we have. This is ours. We don’t need to use it to change minds or convince anyone of anything. I love you. I have loved you for quite some time now. I don’t know that people will notice a change because the only thing that has changed for me is that I can show you now just how much I love you.”
As he spoke, his hand slid up and down your thigh, squeezing lightly at your hip on each upward stroke. You snuggle in and kiss just below his ear, letting out a soft sigh when the hand moves from the outside side of your thigh to between them, tickling and stroking lightly as his lips find your collarbone. When you whimper, he stops and slides you off his lap onto the couch, reaching for his coffee and the bag of pastries he’d brought home for breakfast.
“I swear to God, Thomas, You are the devil.”
“But you love me anyway.”
“Damn right I do.”
Spending the day in solitude had been a wonderful idea, other than the constant push and pull that was you pawing at each other and then stopping just before anything got too out of hand. By the afternoon you were so high-strung and jittery with desire that Tom was lucky you didn’t tie him down and ride him like a prize bronco. His self-control was ridiculous.
When the buzzer went off around three in the afternoon, you were laying with your head in his lap and dozing quietly. He very gently shifted your head from his lap to a pillow and went to check.
When he came back, he had a dozen roses, wrapped in brown paper with a red bow, and a look that could kill a man at ten paces, you sat up.
“What is that?”
He handed you the note that had been attached to them and headed into the kitchen.
Please don’t hate me. I miss your smile. -S
Well, Fuck.
He comes back and sits on the arm of the couch next to you. “What does he have to say?”
You shake your head and feel tears starting to well. “Just enough to make me feel horrible again.” You hand him the note. “I don’t know what to do, Tom.”
He sets the note on the coffee table and picks up his phone, sending a text. “You let me handle it.”
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Chapter Fifteen - Choices
You are afraid to look at him, but you can’t look away, you love him, you really do, but you know that he’s not wrong. Everything with him has been so fast. A hot rush of lust and love that has popped and fizzled in you since he took your hand at Sarah’s that first date. You say the only thing you can think of, “I don’t know what to say other than I love you. I love you so much and I don’t know how to make that any clearer. I chose you.”
He slipped his hand out of your and looked away, leaning forward as he runs his hands over his face, laughs joylessly as he gets up off the couch and starts to pace, “Glad to know of the two, I was the option you chose.”
You wince, feeling the sting of his tone. “You know that’s not what I mean, Sebastian.”
“Isn’t though? Could have been me, could have been him at some point, I’m sure. You’re supposed to marry the person you are in love with, the person who is your best friend in the world right? The person who means the most to you, that you want to be with so much it hurts to be away from them. That is how I feel about you (y/n), I want to be with you, all of you, fuck.” his hands run through his hair in frustration, his mind spinning and making him talk in circles.
“I love you, Seb, I don’t know how else to say it, I don’t know what you want me to say.”
He growls in frustration, throwing his hands in the air. “I don’t want you to say it I want you to mean it!”
His outburst makes you flinch, it takes all your energy to not curl up and shut down. You whisper, “I don’t say things I don’t mean.”
He moves back toward you, crowding you a bit. You curl back into the couch, bringing your knees to your chest. “Do you love me, (y/n)?”
You can’t look up at him, your mouth goes dry and tears start to sting in the corners of your eyes, you can barely whisper,“Yes.”
Leaning in, he reaches to tip your face up, looking down into your eyes. “Do you love him?”
“Yes.” There’s no point in lying, you do love Tom, you love both of them, and there is nothing wrong with that, you will not be ashamed for loving the people you love. “But it is different. You and I are new, and ”
Sebastian let out another aggressively frustrated groan, “I’m sorry, God, I just,” he turns again, heading toward the door and you shoot to your feet, worried he is just going to walk out, he stops by the door, seemingly unable to look at you, “Right now, I just feel like we’re not really in this. It’s crazy. Last night, when you ran out, I thought, I just thought that you were nervous because it’s fast, I know it’s fast, but god damn it (y/n) I love you and I just wish that right now it felt like you loved me as much as I do you.” His voice grew louder and louder, making your skin prickle and the tears that had been edging their way into your eyes finally started to fall.
You stand, turning to see Tom in the other doorway, looking concerned for your well-being and ready to step in. You shake your head to him and mouth, “Not now, please” and he goes back to his room. You wonder how much he has heard. You finally walk up behind Seb, letting your arms slide around him and up his chest. Resting your head on his back, his hands hold onto yours. “This has all gone so fast. It’s scary and still so new for me.I love you and it’s exciting, scary, and wonderful, and yes, I love Tom, but that love is just, comfortable and safe. He’s dear to me, but he is not you. Yes I am freaking out a little about how quickly this is all going, it may be too quickly, but--”
You almost don’t hear him, his voice has gone so quiet. “Why did you say yes?”
“Because it was the right answer.”
He lets go of your hands and pulled away, “It’s not the right answer if you are this scared. If you needed more time, your could have said you needed time, on the bench, we could have gone into Sarah’s eaten some cake, and had a lovely night. I could have ignored the ring in my pocket and we could have slowed down, really slowed down.” Again his volume was slowly escalating until the final statement was so loud you flinched away from him, “If you needed more time to think, you should have just told me you needed more time to think. I gave you that chance.” He shook his head and opened the door. “I… I think I just need to go home tonight. I’ll call you in the morning okay?”
“Okay,” You follow him out the door and grab his hand before he can get too far. “Wait.” You pull him to you and reach to bring his lips to yours. It’s rigid at first, but after a moment, his body slumps a bit and he returns the kiss softly. All of the anger and tension is lost in the kiss, all that is left is the slight edge of defeat. You whisper, “I love you.” into his mouth.
He holds your face for a moment, looking deeply into your eyes, flashing with a heady mix of fire and fear, “I love you so much, (y/n), I just need to go home.”
You nod and let him walk away.
Once you are back inside, you crumble to the floor, resting your back against the door. It shouldn’t be this hard, should it? Or is it this hard because it is real? You cry into your knees for a few minutes before you feel him slide down on the floor next to you, resting a hand on your back and setting a cup of tea at your feet. “It may not feel like it, but it’s going to be okay.”
I’ve been reading too many imagines on @theartofimagining13 and some from my own silly brain … I don’t even know what to say anymore… Sorry? but yeah… here’s Chapter Fouteen!:)
chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five | chapter six | chapter seven | chapter eight | chapter nine | chapter ten | chapter eleven | chapter twelve | chapter thirteen
Chapter Fourteen - Sin of Omission
After a good solid cry and cuddle, you had calmed down, eaten dinner and had taken an unnecessarily long shower. It was late when Sebastian finally got back to your place.
You buzzed him into the building, noting that it may be time to get him a key since he got you a ring, unlocking the door before settling back into your spot on the couch next to Tom, no longer cuddling but still taking comfort in proximity.
Sebastian wandered in quietly, scooping you up into his arms, giving you an alarmingly deep kiss and just holding you for a few minutes before settling into the spot you had been in on the couch and pulling you into his lap, letting his head come to rest in the crook of your neck. “Are you mad?” he whispers.
You pull back and look at him, scrunching your nose in confusion, “Why would I be mad? It was actually pretty cute, your little slip-up.”
He pulls you in tightly again, not letting your get away from his affection. You want to pull back, to settle next to him instead of on him. You’re not mad at him, you just feel uncomfortable. Like somehow cuddling and whispering in your fiance’s lap is being unfair to Tom. You let him hold you a little longer as he says, “You never replied to my text.”
You pull back then, laughing awkwardly, realizing what had happened and trying to figure out the best way to explain yourself, “Oh shit. I’m so sorry, Baby, I… my day just kind of…” and there it was again the panic. You had been having more of those lately than you’d had in your life. What was it about now? You were in love. You had a wonderful boyfriend- no- fiance. You were working doing what you loved. You had great friends. You had Tom. Oh God, did you have Tom? You looked over to him then and pleaded for help with your eyes. You hadn’t called or sent a text to your fiance because you hadn't needed him, you had Tom. Fuck.
Tom looks over and comes to your rescue, “She googled herself. The internet was not very kind to our girl today.”
“Aw, Baby,” Seb kisses your cheek, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”
You settle your head on his shoulder, looking at Tom, trying to thank him for coming to your aid yet again, as he had done so many times before.
“I am the absolute worst, I know I should have gotten in touch with you somehow, I’m sorry,”
Sebastian laughs a little, petting your back, “You’re not the worst, but you are grounded, no more googling yourself.”
You giggle with him as he kisses your temple and rests his head on yours. When he looks over your head to Tom, he noticed that he had set down his book and was starting to get up, “Heading to bed?”
Scratching the back of his head again, his nervous tic, Tom nodded, “Yeah, I’ve got a bit of an early day tomorrow. You two crazy kids behave yourself.”
Once he was gone, you shifted on Sebastian’s lap to straddle him. “I’m sorry I worried you today. I just sort of… shut down when I read the things people were saying about us, about you, about me, about everything.”
He ran his hands down your back and sighed, “(Y/n), why didn’t you call me if it upset you that much?”
You lift your head then and try to read his expression. “I wasn’t thinking about calling anyone, I couldn’t even get off the couch. Sometimes when I get that upset, I can’t even talk.”
He pressed his forehead to yours, “Oh God, Love, I am so sorry I wasn’t here for you, but I mean it, honestly, you can tell me anything, good or bad. I want to know. If you are hurting I want to know, I want to be there for you. God, I hate to think of you being alone like that.”
“I wasn’t alone the whole time, Tom was here.” You feel his hands stop as he leans back and suddenly wish you had kept your mouth shut.
His hand comes to stroke your jaw, “Well it should have been me. I just, okay, I want to start this by saying I am not angry or jealous, I just…” He lets his hands fall from your body, his tension making him slightly rigid under you, He took a very deep breath, you could see him working through a wave of some emotion on his face. You don’t tell if it was anger or pain and that hurt you more than you would ever tell him, “I just wish that it didn’t feel like I was an afterthought when you were upset.”
“No, Darling, no, it’s not like that at all. I was--”
He cuts you off, “You were upset, I know, and I understand that when it gets that bad you can’t control it, and today you mentally and physically were not able to get to me, and you turned to your friend instead of your fiance, that’s not unheard of, Love, but,” he sighs, rubbing his face and letting his head drop back against the back of the couch, “God, how do I say this without sounding like a complete ass?”
“I should have called you.”
He moves you carefully off his lap, “It’s not even that, it’s on me here. Somewhere in this relationship, I haven’t been what you need, and that hurts me in ways I cannot begin to describe.” He took your hand in his as he started talking to the wall instead of you, “(y/n) I love you, dear God I love you so much it hurts, but I feel like there is this little bit of distance that I can’t seem to cover. Like I am just lacking something.” He turns his head then to finally look at you, “I don’t want to keep feeling like I am a stand-in for the things that Tom can’t or won’t give you.”
