I havent seen any actual content from lman so once i rewatch toms pov this may change BUT I HC THAT NIKI COOKED HIM A LOT OF THINGS
THAT HC ALSO TRANSFERS OVER TO @ask-hermit-tommy AND THATS WHY SHES PINK FOR CARING IS BECAUSE HE LOOKS UP TO HER SLIGHTLY, EVEN AFTER THE NUKE THING (yet again havent watched, only really saw logsted clips and techno content now that i think about it)
its also why anyone who hermit!tom doesnt know that helps him *cough cough* doc *cough cough* is pink, as thst is the main color i associate with niki and in my au she took care of him before and during the independence war
Tubbo has autism.
Puffy knows that Tubbo has autism.
Tubbo does not know that he has autism.
TW: hints of PTSD? idk
The clock ticks like a bomb, set to explode the moment Tubbo takes his eyes off of it.
----
Technically, there's nothing wrong with Puffy's office.
----
Things stop being okay, at some point.
Tubbo starts to notice things more, after that first session with Puffy.
Puffy wants him to think more about how he feels. She gives him a journal and homework, telling him to log in it whenever he feels something bigger than usual.
He doesn't have to ask what "big" means. "Choking," she means. "Devastating."
It doesn't happen a lot, and never for very long.
Still, by the end of the week, he has three logs.
---
Sometimes, Tubbo doesn't behave correctly.
He knows this. It's been a problem since he was a kid, even if Ms Puffy assures him that no four-year-old really behaves correctly.
That isn't the point, though. For the first time, he's really not using 'behave' and 'obey' synonymously.
For whatever reason, Tubbo Underscore does not act the same as his peers.
It's trauma, Ms Puffy says.
Tubbo doesn't think she's wrong, necessarily. Loads of the things that he's done for years are deeply rooted in trauma.
Still, too many teachers have called him the odd one out for him to think that it's just trauma.
----
"Are you familiar with autism?"
Tubbo snaps his gaze away from his hands to meet Puffy's eyes, surprised.
It's not the question he expected her to ask, at the least.
"Autism," Tubbo repeats, letting his gaze drift around the room as he thinks. "It's a developmental disorder? It affects the function of the brain."
He looks back to Puffy. "Sorry. I don't know. Tommy's brother's autistic, I think?"
"That's Techno, right?" Puffy asks, like she isn't good friends with Philza outside of work. Tubbo's always admired her ability to keep her work and her life separate.
Tubbo agrees, "Yeah. He's weird with chairs."
Puffy hums, letting her pen tap against her clipboard. "He's weird with chairs?" she asks, "Could you elaborate? Maybe tell me what autistic behavior you've noticed."
"No, Tommy told me he was autistic," Tubbo defends, "I didn't just assume he was because he acted autistic."
Not that Technoblade doesn't act autistic. He definitely does.
"That's alright," Puffy says, "I wasn't really worried about that. Could you elaborate about the chairs and other behavior you saw?"
Tubbo nods. "He has a specific place you have to sit at the table. And he's not good with loud noises."
Tubbo thinks for a second. "Sometimes he hits his hands on his legs when he's excited."
He shows her the motion, tapping the heel of his palms against his thighs in a sequence of twos.
"He has headphones," Tubbo remembers, "He wore them at the park because it was too loud."
Puffy nods, waiting for him to continue.
"That's all I can think of," Tubbo says, "Sorry."
"Don't be," Puffy dismisses, "Those are some great observations. Why do you think Technoblade wears the headphones when it's loud?"
Technoblade wears the headphones because he's autistic, and loud things are worse for him. And when things feel bad or painful, people shouldn't make themselves do that bad or painful thing.
Tubbo knows what Puffy's doing.
Unless she hasn't read Schlatt's email yet, so she doesn't know about the dishes. Then, he has no idea what she's doing. Besides, it does seem a bit roundabout to use autism to make Tubbo realize he was being stupid.
Tubbo huffs. "Can you just tell me whatever it is I need to realize?"
Puffy quirks an eyebrow. Tubbo crosses his arms, the scrutiny digging under his skin.
"Sure," Puffy agrees after a moment, "I was going to point out that you share a lot of behaviors with Technoblade."
Tubbo's mind stutters to a stop.
What?
She can clearly see his skepticism, so she carries on.
"When you're nervous, you tap your hands or pull on your fingers. When you're excited or distressed, you shake out your hands like you got them wet."
Tommy noticed that one too.
He'd asked what Tubbo got on his hands, the last time he did that.
"So I have a nervous tic?" Tubbo asks.
Puffy clarifies, "Stimming. You don't only stim when you're nervous. You do it when you're excited or really happy, too. It's not exclusively an autistic behavior."
Tubbo wasn't exactly worried it was, considering he apparently does it too.
"You also have notable sensory differences," Puffy points out and Tubbo frowns.
"I do?" he asks. He's never noticed any sensory issues before.
"There are several types of foods you don't eat because of textures," she notes, reading off her clipboard, "You don't wear denim because of the texture. You listen to music on full volume to destress, but are easily overwhelmed by the noise in public spaces. You have a fascination with multi-textured fidgets, especially ones that click. You hate fluorescents because they buzz and you keep a fan running in your room constantly for the noise."
Tubbo's kind of surprised those things he mentioned offhandedly were important enough for her to write them down, but he supposes he kind of does have sensory issues.
"Is that it?" he asks, surprisingly curious, "Or is there more stuff?"
Puffy smiles reassuringly and says, "There's a bit more."
Tubbo nods interestedly and listens.
"Well, you have fixated and restricted interests that you've mentioned you focus on at least multiple times a day," Puffy notes.
Tubbo's eyebrows pinch together, a bit. "Everyone has things they like."
"Sure," Puffy agrees, "but not everyone has things they think about for years and care about intensely."
Tubbo considers her. "Like Greek Mythology, for Techno?"
Puffy nods eagerly. "Exactly like that. For you, it's bees."
---
And Tubbo loves bees.
In his room at Schlatt's apartment, he has bees all over. He's got a bee blanket, bee legos, bee books, and a handful of different bee plushies.
And he has pretty much always loved bees.
He remembers when he was a kid, that he would pretend that he was a bee, buzzing and buzzing and buzzing inside his closet he pretended was a hive.
i love how in lifesteal everyone just pushes planet around like some toy (im not caught up with season 4 lore so don’t blame me if he had some like revival arc where he went completely batshit)
his upload schedule being no where existent is just reminding me of when i watched technoblade non stop and had to patiently wait for a new upload or stream (cough dsmp NEVER going back to that phase, excuse me)
i love how he’s constantly the one dying then comes up with some insane video idea to just go “hehe i’m silly :3″ then back to dying over and over again. it’s peak enjoyment ... NOW i know i’m not caught up with szn 4 lore so idk if he did go batshit BUT if he does go batshit ever, i would be fully into it. GO WILD MAN EAT UP EVERYTHING LIKE A RABID DOG RAHHHH
Michael McChill has kickstarted my lore analysis corner of my brain, so now I have a lot of thoughts on the general lore again.
S/O to @inniting for making a post that gave me a way to phrase this idea. (Their post about C!Dream and the myth of King Midas.)
C!Dream cannot get anything right. No, literally. Let me elaborate: absolutely none of his plans work out.
1. Stop L’manbergs independence
2. Make George King
3. Gain control over C!Tommy
4. That whole thing about him telling Punz that the whole server would be against him/ etc. (people speculated there was some deal he made with Punz about pretending to be against him, right?)
5. His connection with Ranboo
6. The Prison
7. Technically his plans with Techno
8. Destroy L’manberg to gain control back of the server (essentially no country like L’manberg again)
What do they all have in common? They all initially worked, but blew up in Dreams face. L’manberg got its independence, George was put in danger, Tommy still goes against him, he’s stuck in the prison conditions he planned for Tommy. Ranboo is barred from the prison. Etc….
Everything Dream “touches” (plans) seems great at first (gold) but ends up ruined in the end, just like King Midas.
If C!Dream would be aware of this pattern, how disappointed do you think he’d be- he’d probably assume Techno wouldn’t come back. Another destroyed plan.
c!tubbo was given power at a young age. he was raw, and angry. is it any surprise that the butcher army formed? even children with no sustained trauma and pressure have violent daydreams about hurting people who make them angry, especially when they feel they don’t have control over a situation (mental, emotional, or physical). c!tubbo got rid of his friend, the one closest to him that had similar trauma (as opposed to c!fundy who, while had trauma from l’manberg’s revolution, had a whole other layer via his relationship to his father and the supposed age/involvement difference). and the reason that c!tubbo feels alone and panicked is because he was in a terrible spot and chose to exile c!tommy. and now he’s angry at c!technoblade because he was part of his trauma. both the withers AND the firework death, which is the only time he’s died via someone he trusted (or someone who wasn’t supposed to hurt him and was trusted by someone c!tubbo trusted, anyways). he’s angry at c!techno and so he makes this army. and he hurts c!philza because he’s in the way, and he isn’t totally cruel to him. c!phil raised him. and he thought that his father figure was with im but he turned on their nation for the person who hurt it-- AFTER he killed its founder and c!tubbo’s friend/mentor.
we’re falling into the speech i gave once before, the idea that c!tubbo is loud with his trauma just as much as c!tommy, but does it via actions rather than primarily words. i will stand by this
Glad Ranboo left Twitter when he did, so many people are breaking his boundaries over Technoblade being in MCC and it’s really sad… he would not be happy today to see all of that
