ugh Technoblade whos so fucking stupid socially inept no matter how much you aggressivly flirt with him, making it painfully obvious you like him, he just thinks you're being friendly.
You've tried literally everything by this point, you've kissed him on the cheek, called him handsome, held his hand, and he'll just accept it but the implacations all frustratingly go way over his smooth piglin brain.
One day you're sat next to him, you wrap both your hands around his bicep.
"Oh wow, Techno," you say, squeezing the hard muscle slightly. You then lean over and rest your chin right in the crook of his arm, face practically squished between his bicep and forearm."You're huge. Bet you could crush my head with just this arm alone."
He glances down at you like you just asked about the weather. Then he tightens his bicep immediately, muscle swelling under your cheek. Your face gets very slightly squished between the bicep and forearm. You're is grinning like an idiot, while he thinks you're just curious.
“Nahhh,” he says calmly. “Well I mean, I could. Obviously. But I’d never hear the end of it from Phil if I hurt you, even on accident.”
You just stare at him, utterly deflated.
Meanwhile Techno thinks he just reassured you, and pats the top of your head. “Good defensive structure though,” he adds. “Neck’s a vulnerable area.”
Later on you try a diffrent tactic.
“Hey Techno,” you say sweetly, wrapping both arms around yourself shivering, “tonight's colder than the last…”
He looks up from his book. “…Mhm.”
“…So, I'm thinking maybe we could share the bed?”
Techno nods immediately. “Yeah, sure.”
Holy shit that worked?? Later on, night falls and you climb into the loft bed. Techno joins a moment later, completely normal about it. And because in his brain this is purely practical, he immediately wraps an arm around you and pulls you close so your tucked against his chest.
“Stay there,” he murmurs sleepily. “You’ll warm up faster.”
You're frozen.
His arm is heavy around your waist, his chest pressed to yours, his breath warm against your skin.
He then hooks one arm around your back and pulls your leg up over his hip, nudging his thigh between yours so you can’t slide away and freeze in the middle of the night. Your basically wrapped around him, your thigh resting against his side while his arm holds you there. Earnestly trying to keep you warm cause he knows your not built for winter like he is. Cause, obviously, cuddling is what friends do when they're cold, right?
“Better?” he asks.
“…mhm yeah,” you squeak.
He grunts in approval and falls asleep almost instantly.
You lay there staring into the darkness, burning up from more than just his body heat.
The next day, Techno’s sitting in his big chair by the fire with a thick, worn book open across his knee. One of those ancient mythology texts he’s been slowly chewing through, margins full of tiny notes in his handwriting.
You wander over, curious.
“What’re you reading now?” you ask, leaning over, your palms on the arm rest.
“Greek mythology,” he replies without looking up. Then, absentmindedly, he shifts his leg and pats his thigh once. “Come here. It’s easier if you can see the page.”
Like this is the most normal thing in the world.
So you sit sideways across his lap, your back partly against his chest so you can see the book. Immediately he adjusts, one arm settling around your waist so you don’t slide off. His hand rests there naturally, thumb lazily rubbing small circles against your side while he flips the page with the other hand. To him, this is just efficient seating.
You’re trying so hard to focus on the page while being acutely aware of his chest at your back, his arm around you, the slow absentminded motion of his thumb against your waist.
Meanwhile he’s completely calm, voice low and thoughtful as he explains,
“So anyways, this ones about Aphrodite. She's actually a pretty interesting character because she shows up in a lot of different traditions,” he says, tapping the page lightly. “Some versions say she was born from sea foam, others say she’s Zeus’s daughter.”
You nod quickly, cheeks warm. “Mhm.”
He continues, still completely focused on the book.“And she’s not just beauty, either. People reduce her to that, but she also represents persuasion, political influence—things like that.”
Your heart thumps a little harder.
His thumb keeps rubbing slow circles against your waist like he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.
Then he casually adds, “Y’know, I could see a few similarities between you and her.”
You blink.
“…What?”
He glances down at the page, thinking about it like he’s comparing battle strategies.
“Well,” he says thoughtfully, “people tend to underestimate her because they assume beauty is the only thing she has going for her. But a lot of myths show she’s actually very clever about getting what she wants.”
Your lips curl slowly.
Oh?
You lean a little closer, fingers sliding through his hair.
“So…” You says softly, that little cheshire grin forming. “You think Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, and I are similar?”
Techno glances down at the page.
“Yeah, sure.”
Just like that. No hesitation, no realization, definatly no romantic undertone. Just a casual confirmation.
You wait, because surely he’ll elaborate. Surely he’ll realize what he just said.
But he just flips the page.
Another failure...
The next night, Techno pushes open the loft trap door. Ready to turn in for the night.
The lantern is dim, the room quiet and you're already in bed laying on your side, propped up on one elbow, watching him with that little mischievous look you get when you're about to start something.
“Oh, Techno?” You say sweetly.
He unclasps his cloak, shrugging it off his shoulders. “Mm?”
You tilt your head, letting the silence stretch just a little.
“Y’know…” You say slowly, voice teasing, “I’ve been thinking maybe—” You stop yourself dramatically, then smirk “I could definatly take you right now…”
Techno blinks once. “…Like In a fight?”
You freeze. “…Huh?”
But he’s already stepping toward the bed, thoughtful.
“Well,” he says, cracking his knuckles lightly, rolling his shoulders, “I admire your confidence. Really.”
Your heart starts picking up a little.
He’s approaching the bed now.
Your smile grows a little smug, eyelids relaxing into a sultry bedroom look.
“Uh huh…” you murmur coyly. “…Yes sir…”
Finally, you think. Finally he gets it.
Then Techno grabs your ankles.
“Get over here.”
Before you can react he yanks you down the mattress toward the edge of the bed.
You squeek.
In one smooth movement he climbs onto the bed and pins your wrists to the mattress above your head with one massive hand.
The whole thing takes about three seconds.
He leans over you, calm as ever.
“Owned,” he says evenly, “So I counted two mistakes. You dropped your gaurd. Your worst mistake however was challenging me in the first place.”
You just stare up at him, because you're pinned, yes. He’s kneeling over you, yes. His hand has both your wrists trapped easily above your head.
But he’s looking at you like a training instructor, not a man who just tackled you onto a bed.
“You should’ve gone for surprise honestly,” he continues.
You squirm under him, face burning. “Techno—!”
“Also you rely too much on upper body strength,” he adds thoughtfully. “You should use your legs as you naturally have more raw power there.”
You wriggle again. “I wasn't trying to fight you!”
He pauses. “…You literally said you could take me?”
You sigh. “Idiot…”
The cabin is quiet the next morning.
Techno stands by his anvil, methodically wiping down his sword with an oil cloth. Calm, focused, the picture of a disciplined warrior.
Inside his head, however... pandemonium.
YOU IDIOT!! HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE THAT!? SHE WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU LAST NIGHT!!
Techno frowns slightly, still polishing the blade. “Chat, we talked about this.”
SHE WAS GIVING YOU THE EYES!!!
“Nah, not like that."
THE BEDROOM EYES!!
He shakes his head, utterly unconvinced. “She’s just friendly, chat. You know how she is.” The cloth slides down the length of the sword as he inspects the edge.
SHE LITERALLY SAID SHE COULD TAKE YOU!!
“Yeah,” Techno replies calmly. “In a fight.”
THAT IS NOT WHAT SHE MEANT.
He sighs like a man dealing with unreasonable children. “Chat. Listen. She was just being playful.”
SHE WAS LITERALLY WAITING FOR YOU IN BED!!
“It’s been getting colder recently,” he reasons. “Nothing wrong with her seeking warmth, she just gets cold easier than me.”
YOU PINNED HER TO THE BED.
“That was a sparring correction.”
YOU HAD HER WRISTS PINNED.
“Training.”
YOUR HIPS WERE PRESSING HERS!! YOU HAD HER UNDERNEATH YOU EXACTLY WHERE BABIES ARE MADE!!
He sighs deeply, sets the sword down with a quiet clink. “Listen. You guys make fun of me all the time saying I don’t know women—”
YOU DO NOT.
He ignores that. “—but shame on you for immediately jumping to those… acts.”
The voices are losing their minds.
SHE KISSES YOU! SHE SITS IN YOUR LAP! SHE WAITS FOR YOU IN THE BED!
Techno folds the cloth neatly.
“That’s just how friends behave. I'm sure.”
It's only then Phil has to step in and carefully explain to Techno what all those gesture's meant. Only then when Techno finally realizes you were actually flirting with him does he intend to make up for every moment he didn’t understand in full.
Judging by the way he later fucks you hard into his mattress that night, its safe to say your patience is thoroghly rewarded, and you learned from then on to definatly be more direct with him.
