What do you think you've gained the most from having a tumblr?
i think tumblr has actually helped me a lot with my confidence. It’s so easy to sit behind a computer screen and let words beat you up, but for me it was the opposite. I used to be awkward and not accept compliments and not like them. Then I realized, I don’t have to like myself for other people to appreciate my appearance. And while that’s odd, it helped me grow to appreciate myself more. Find the parts of my appearance I like in the mirror and play them up, and when I get to my uglier bits, shrug and tell myself, at least I’ve got *this feature* and it looks bangin’.
Sitting behind a computer screen, you can fake who you really are. You can come across as this crazy confident “you can’t touch me” badass type of person and no one would have any idea that you’re actually the hottest mess in your daily life. I think that’s how I started out. But then I got this hate, and I’m sitting here, like, what gives you the right to say these things about me? Like you think you know me? This is my internet persona who might not be 100% in line with my physical person. And that’s when I retaliated. i’d flip out on people. Go batshit crazy. “You don’t know me, don’t try to act like you do, don’t try to analyze me and tell me what’s wrong with me when I’m perfectly fine with the way I run my life.” And then I’d get these messages like, “babe. chill. it’s just the internet.” And those would piss me off too, but I came to realize that I really was striking out viciously at these people trying to put me down. If I truly didn’t care what they said, why was I denouncing them so hard? So i still retaliate, because there’s this part of me who can’t stand when people make assumptions about me. But I’m not as violent about it as I used to be. Or maybe I am. I still take down people who try to put words into my mouth I haven’t placed there, or meanings they created for themselves while reading something I wrote. I’m fierce online and I defend myself. I have time to react, and time to reply. You don’t really get that as much in your physical life. But receiving all this, the love and the hate and responding and realizing when I’ve gone too far, or been too mean, or that I really am a great advice giver, or that I really am inspiring people. it helps influence how I act in public. I can carry myself with more confidence because online I am able to state my opinion and fiercely stick beside it, even if it’s harder to do to someone’s face. Tumblr has given me many things to react and respond to, and it’s made me better equipped to handle them in face to face situations, and be able to tell myself, that yeah, you actually are that badass motherfucker you are online, in real life too.