I dont have any fantasies or desires anymore because people have proven over and over again that they will make life unsafe for me, that they will not allow me comfort, they say I don't deserve it because Im not capable of working, so I should just settle for the bare minimum. There is nothing that will comfort me anymore because it's all unattainable. I have no autonomy. I have no genuine reliable means of support to get my needs met available to me. Im fucking bordering on clinically malnourished from being unable to care for myself and my own parents wont feed me properly and im forced to rely on whatever I can grab off the shelf and not prepare at all. Which leaves me with. Very little nutritional balance. My doctors dont give a shit about my actual wellbeing enough to do their job. They can tell im not fixable but dont want to admit they cant fix me and help me get support for it instead they shove at me treatments that dont work.