#heavy vent

[suicidal-l0s3r]

Really bad thoughts ahead

I’m so tired

Everything makes me frel like i’m going to cry

I’m useless and stupid and i can’t do anything right

I keep forgiving people who ruined my life

I’m such an idiot

I keep trying to make people laugh and smile and be happy, when i can’t even do that for myself

There are people that love me for who i am

But i don’t even know who i am anymore

Why can’t i just stop all of this

Why am i always tired

So tired i can’t even find the strength to take my medication or ask for help

I’m such a fucking idiot

I do nothing right

I hurt anyone who even thinks of me as their friend because my own thoughts betray me

I can’t even keep a single friend for more than three months

Because who would want to be friends with a loser like me

Who would want to even be near me

I deserved every little bit of bullying i got

I deserved it all

What i don’t deserve is friends, care, peace, or anything

I should just die

Then i wouldn’t hurt people

I wouldn’t be a bother

I wouldn’t be tired anymore

Maybe if i rid the world of the bother that is myself

Maybe i’ll deserve a slither of peace

Probably not

Not after

Hurting people

Or being accused of sexually assaulting my ex, of forcing them to do things

I don’t know what i did to make people hate me

But i deserve it

All of it

[fantasyturigirl]

“Aren’t you excited to be an adult?” “You’re close to drinking age!” “How was voting?” “Happy 19th birthday!” “You’re all grown up!” “Isn’t being an adult so freeing?” “You’re old now!”-

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

I DON’T CARE

I DON’T WANT THIS I NEVER WANTED THIS

I DON’T WANT TO CHOOSE A CAREER THAT WILL DICTATE THE REST OF MY LIFE

I DON’T WANT TO MOVE OUT

I DON’T WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE

I DON’T WANT TO BE A LEGAL ADULT

I DON’T WANT TO OWN A HOUSE

I DON’T WANT TO LIVE ALONE

I DON’T WANT TO BE A SINGLE ADULT

I DON’T WANT TO DO TAXES

I DON’T WANT TO BUY MYSELF FOOD

I DON’T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN MEDICAL NEEDS AS A MENTALLY ILL NEURODIVERGENT DISABLED ADULT

I DON’T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MYSELF

I DON’T WANT TO GET UP EARLY FOR A JOB

I DONT WANT TO CONSTANTLY FEEL HORRIBLE AND DYSPHORIC BECAUSE I FEEL TRAPPED IN A BODY OLDER THAN I SHOULD BE IN

I DON’T WANT TO CONSTANTLY FEEL GUILTY FOR STILL BEING ATTRACTED TO MINORS

I DON’T WANT TO BE AN ADULT IN A CAPITALIST, FACIST, DOOMED COUNTRY

I DON’T WANT TO FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR THE YOUNGER PEOPLE AROUND ME

I DON’T WANT TO GET RID OF MY STUFFIES

I DON’T WANT TO STOP COLORING

I DON’T WANT TO STOP WATCHING CARTOONS

I DON’T WANT TO BE SEEN AS IMMATURE FOR MY AGE

I DONT WANT TO BE LOOKED AT WEIRD FOR HAVING YOUNGER FRIENDS

I DON’T WANT TO BE EXPECTED TO ACT MATURE

I DON’T WANT TO BE EXPECTED TO HAVE IT FIGURED OUT

I DON’T WANT TO LIVE AS A SOCIALLY ANXIOUS ADULT IN A WORLD THAT EXPECTS YOU TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO PEOPLE BY THIS AGE

I DONT WANT TO BE SEEN AS A FETISHIST FOR BEING AN AGE REGGRESOR

I DON’T WANT TO BE PRESSURED TO GET MARRIED

I DON’T WANT TO HAVE KIDS

I DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THE HELL OF GETTING MY TUBES TIED

I DON’T WANT TO LOSE MY FRIENDS

I DONT TO BE SEEN AS A CREEPY ADULT WHEN JUST BECAUSE I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY

I DON’T WANT IT TO BECOME HARDER AND HARDER TO GET DIAGNOSED

I DON’T WANT TO BE TOLD TO JUST GROW UP

I DON’T WANT TO STOP PLAYING VIDEOGAMES

I DON’T WANT MY DOG TO DIE

I DON’T WANT TO BE AN ADULT VIRGIN

I DON’T WANT TO BE EXPECTED TO DATE

I DON’T WANT TO MAKE MY OWN DECISION

I DON’T WANT TO SPEAK FOR MYSELF

I DON’T WANT THE THINGS I LOVE NOW TO BECOME DEAD FANDOMS IN A FEW YEARS

WHAT ABOUT THIS SEEMS EXCITING TO YOU? WHY ARE YOU CELEBRATING THIS? I FEEL LIKE CRYING AND YOU’RE CONGRATULATING ME? YOURE JUST RUBBING IT IN MY FACE. I’LL NEVER BE WHO I WANTED TO BE. IT’S ALL GONE. ITLL NEVER BE THE SAME. WHATEVER CHANCES I HAD ARE ALL GONE. THE LIFE I WANTED TO HAVE IS SLIPPPING AWAY.

I always try to have a positive outlook but I just can’t do it when it comes to aging. It’s never been a positive experience for me. It’s not beautiful. It’s not freeing. It’s not exciting. It’s depressing. It’s sad. It’s excruciating. It’s painful.

I’m scared.

[100percentevil]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEE

I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANY MORE

I HATE BEING FORCED TO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE WITH THIS PEOCE OF SHIT

HES NOT MY FUCKING DAD AND NEVER WILL BE

I feel like I'm losing my MARBLES

What is wrong with me?

Why can't I stop crying? I don't care what this stupid motherfucker thinks!

I WANT TO LEAVE!!!!!

why won't anyone treat me like a person? Are my grades the only thing that matter about me?

Of course it is! It makes them looks like "bad parents" and that's the only thing they FUCKING care about! Not my mental health, not my isolation, just how THEY look.

I can't fucking BREATHE I am crying so hard

WHY CANT I LIVE WITH PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY LOVE ME?!?! I KNOW THEYRE OUT THERE, THEY'RE PROBABLY READING THIS POST

It hurts and it hurts and it hurts and I shouldn't even care but I do and I can't stop it.

MOTHER FUCKER SHIT PISS FUCK

AAAAUUGH

What do I do? Am I being unreasonable? Fuck, I need help! Please. Please. Please.

[s1llyl0g1cl0v3r]

Hmmm. Maybe I should stop triple dosing my thyroid meds in a shitty attempt to get high. Maybe that's a bad idea

Too late I already love doing it </3

[piloting-boofer]

You poor thing, sweet mourning lamb... there is nothing you can do.

It's already been done.

[sufferworld]

Super super heavy vent. tw for self harm, blackmail, abusive parents, isolation, and threats.

I feel like I’m gonna have a panic attack I wanna cry my mom said that this is super serious and that if I don’t stop cutting she will have to take me to a facility and they’ll force me to show them my body so they can make sure I’m not cutting and that if they find anything, ANYTHING, even if it’s something I didn’t know was there, in my room or anywhere in the house that seems like a stash of sharp things I could cut myself with, that I’ll be banned from stuff like tumblr and any social media platform or website that I can message people on, unless I’m messaging my two irl friends. And she said that I need to stop telling my friends when my parents punish me because they are afraid it could lead to the police getting called and my mom said they will take me away without even hearing the story and there will be a big trial and I wont be able to see my family for several months if that happens. And my moms saying the facilities are expensive and like 1000$ a night or something and that she will miss work and lose a ton of money and that her job might get mad at her and that she doesn’t wanna do this but she said she will have to if I don’t stop

[galactic-credentials]

yeah no im like on the verge of blocking every tadc post i see

because of some mental health shit its no ones fault it just makes me wanna die

[gutz-for-garterz]

Someone close 2 me is most probably dead.

I can't tell my family for reasons.

I just gotta deal with it I guess.

Never really had anyone close to me die b4.

Might take a break idk.

I mean I don't even know for sure yet, she's probably still alive.

But the chance is low.

I'm so fucking scared.