Sep 8, 2023
Like what circle by seventeen says "It will be okay, like the hands of the clock. It will find its place again after going circles" Your time will come. What you struggle right now will pass too, like how the arms of a clock do.
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Like what circle by seventeen says "It will be okay, like the hands of the clock. It will find its place again after going circles" Your time will come. What you struggle right now will pass too, like how the arms of a clock do.
death.
i still can't wrap my mind around the death of Chadwick Boseman. what amazed me is that he was diagnosed in 2016, he was filming and doing surgeries and chemotherapy at the same time. he knows his purpose, he chose to embrace both, fighting his disease and lived up to his roles as an African-American actor to give inspiration to black community.
i think death is a part of life. we will never be certain of when will we succumb to it, but its inevitable. it still terrifies me. but what can we do to make our life worth living? do we have a choice of how we can be remembered in the eventuality of death? does knowing one's purpose and fulfilling it, make life worth living, and make us remembered?
August slipped away into a moment in time —
just like that we're onto the next month, and here i am still sulking over what happened with my employment. I've been struggling for months, i can't seem to find a decent job, ive been in a countless google meet interviews, answered exams, went to the companies in person, but all of it still a, no. I know for a fact that it's extra hard these days to find one because of the pandemic.
i wake up late almost every day, and i get up just to do the same routine. it's tiring, i can't seem to do anything. i can't find the will to look for another. i can't find the motivation. i feel defeated.
when will it get better?
you know, I wanna spoil my parents. I wanna give them all the things they deserve. For all the sacrifices they've done and still doing until now. I wanna be able to provide for them when they retire from work, i wanna be able to give them a better life than what we have right now. we are not a well off family, were just an average family that just knows how to handle finances that made us enjoy some of the things we want to do. I want it to be different, I wanna give them all the nicest, grandest things if that's isn't too much to ask. And it sucks that I'm still far from it. Too far. Patience, Dayanna. Patience.
this is a long overdue post. but forgive me it will be harsh and rude. okay, so I'm not the type who complains but who's very patient and tries to see the good in everyone. But when you're treated badly, doesn't recognize what you've been doing, been repeatedly ostracized by your boss and you can see how he tries to sexually harass verbally your workmate, you can't help but feel disgust with him. What a shame, he got his Ph.D at such a young age, got the highest position but doesn't have a moral compass. Then suddenly you lost all respect for this person like like I don't hate him and I don't feel the need to associate myself to him or say anything to him anymore but the problem is I'm directly reporting to him. I can't pretend to have a good relationship withh him and I try to avoid conversations with him but I'm not allowed to. I realize what I can tolerate and what I cannot tolerate. I'm go to work every day, doing things that's not on my job description such as campaign for a congressman I'm not supporting, bribe people to vote for him, walk to the streets of manila in the middle of the day under the scorching sun, stay in the office until 12 midnight just to finish my "actual job" and won't get even a tap on the back for doing my job and pulling off the event that was scheduled for that week despite of being away in the office most of time. It's not that he doesn't see my efforts but it's the way he treats me and every one else in the office that makes me feel disgusted with him. Days will come, let's see how it goes.
conversations with my siblings are somewhat liberating, I get to talk to them with maturity on different matters. I thank the universe for my sibs. I don't think I can be this comfortable and this much myself with anyone (besides a few people). They may not be the first people who I run to when I'm down but they're the first ones to notice and I'm grateful for that.
I just watched the movie Celeste and Jesse forever. The movie showed how a long term relationship could be when it ends. The other party is ready to move on but the other one seems to be not. There's this scene where Celeste pretends to be fine when Jesse told her that he will go on a date with another girl. For a time, she pretended to be okay, they still go out as friends but then when Jesse is having a baby with another girl that's when Celeste started to really get hurt. Maybe because she was used to Jesse hanging out only with their friends and her. You know, what I learned from other's experiences is that it will only sink in when you see your ex with someone new, when you start to realize that your ex is building a future without you in it. Well from my experience it will take a long long time, but when you really decide to move on with your life, it will happen. I swear. And I am really happy that I did, and eventually found someone that makes me really happy.
you know, when you're working from 8am to 5pm then you're stuck in fairview traffic you just wanna sleep when you get home. But somehow deep in your heart you wanna do something else, like your soul is in dire need of something like read a book, watch a movie, watch a gig or even write. These days I can't seem to do what I need, I'm always tired and need sleep, always rushing, always chasing the time, always consumed by work. I'm wondering is this the life in a corporate world or life in general? I find it hard to slow down and enjoy the little things, and I hate it. Friends been asking me to go out, go to mall, or out of town trips or even just for a cold beer but ditching all of them to just sleep but here I am complaining I'm not doing anything. Yeah, I'm a walking contradiction. So here I am, wanting to download movies so I could watch when I'm not particularly tired which is impossible, and also trying to write something, wanna read but too sick to start a book. I hope this doesn't go all year round, I swear I'm not gonna let this happen and I better start working on it.