Oct 5, 2012
the bullshit is overwhelming
why am i doing this to myself
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the bullshit is overwhelming
why am i doing this to myself
hey everyone remember me yea well i feel like shit
why can't i write songs
i performed in a karaoke thing on the night of my birthday and was asked by a producer to write a song with him - let's bring it, i said.
right now, my working title is 'the devil's little brother', but i am so stuck on the beat i got for it.. gosh why is it so hard.
maybe i want it too bad
oh well
going back to the song now
ps sorry for never being on anymore but this is actually taking quite a bit more of my time than i'd like to admit.
C was supposed to come back tonight before midnight, but he came back last night when i was still awake (because of the food, obvz - oh the delish energy >.<).
i was so so happy when i heard the key in the lock; it always sounds the same when he does it, and it feels like he comes home to me.
felt bad because i hadn't cleaned anything up (planned on doing that today, and so i will), nor showered in 2 days because well i didn't really have to or feel like it. so i basically took a shower as soon as C got home at like 3:45AM because i was all smelly and sticky loool.
gosh it felt so good to sleep in the same bed (: it felt...warm, ahah.
it's 2:22PM now and i turn 22 tomorrow wah dats a lil scary.. i'll go and take another shower now and then do some cleaning and tidying up before The Godfather comes to pick me up to go to his father's place for dinner tonight (:
i am in such a great mood today. where is all this positivity coming from?! i mean, i should probably just take it as its bein thrown at me, but i still wonder.. even my mother is being very, very sweet to me in her e-mails, telling me she misses me and hopes she gets to hear my voice on my birthday, and other stuff too.
my heart is smiling these days. it feels pretty fucking great, so i'm gonna try and stop questioning the reasons behind it happening (:
me: WHERE HAS MY FOOD GONE :'((((
me: oh ya my tummy
first me: oh ya yum yum in the tum tum
second me: shut up camila
i'm poor so i can literally not afford to buy food until the end of the month.
this morning i had a slice of creamy cheese, because i was hungry and knew that i should eat something, esp considering i lived off a tiny bag of crisps yesterday. the rest of the day i had nothing but black coffee and cigarettes though, which i am not happy with at all.
i spoke to trillpussy for a bit and she's really fucking amazing; sassy black girl with a massive heart who's into classical music. who would've thought.
um let's see. i am really tired from being on my period (the cramps and backaches kill me each month because of the 8 cysts that are nested within my ovaries, sigh) - i'll go to bed soon, and it's only 12:36AM now on a Sat night, kinda embarrassing but i regret nothing.
smoking my last cigarette of the day now and having 2 pieces of melba toast; one with 4 fruits jam from bonne maman (my fave!!) and one with the same creamy cheese as i had in the morning. i am SO excited about this :))
see ya tomorrow, tumblees.
um why do people suddenly wanna be friends on tumblr with me
like i don't get it, i even got an actual anon message (lol the fifth -or so- ever)
it's not like i started posting naked pictures of myself or anything
goodness
got a really sweet text from C
people are being so nice to me today holy shit :D