I don’t know, maybe it’s just because I’m listening to a great song and it’s giving me feels but I feel like waxing poetic about something. There’s something so alluring, so comforting, about the idea of temporary safety.
That thought that you’re just in the eye of the storm. That it’s not over, not yet, but you can rest now. Eventually you will have to leave, but for now, you’re safe.
I think it’s because of how I deal with trauma. Rather than focus on reaching some permanent sanctuary (though I do fantasize about that plenty), what really helps keep me going is getting to my next safe place. My next save room, the next eye in the storm. Maybe the bad things won’t be over any time soon, maybe they’ll never be over. Or maybe I just won’t live to see it; either way, eventually, I’ll find that eye. I’ll find that temporary safe haven. I’ll be able to lie down, hold my plushies close, and sleep. And know that nothing will be coming for me. That even though I’ll have to go back into the danger, even though eventually I’ll have to exit the safe haven, right now, I am safe. Nothing and no one can hurt me, not here, and not now.
I’m not out of the woods yet, but I have found a suitable clearing to make camp in. I can’t stay there forever, but I can make myself a cozy fire and get comfy in my sleeping bag. I can look up at the stars and feel one step closer to home. When I wake up in the morning, I’ll stamp out the flame and have to keep going, but right now, all that matters is the warmth of the fire and the twinkling of the stars.
