PT should come 1 x week
Emily sat across from Lois who had a big smile on her face as she rocked a baby stroller and spoke in an almost whisper, “I mean I just couldn’t be happier, being a mother is the best feeling in the world.” Lois was a fairly new patient of Emily’s, she had seen her three or four times over the last couple of months and nothing ever stuck out about her, every time she came in for a session Emily had to review her chart to even remember which one she was, “Recent transplant from AZ, trust issues probably stemming from past relationships (parents divorced?) People pleasing tendencies, issues making new friends- no job- no hobbies, possible klepto (my stapler is missing) PT should come 1x week.” Notes from following sessions were as uneventful. “Textbook stuff” she thought when looking through the file. Emily was fairly new to the psycho analysis game, and she was eager to get a real nutter, however the clinic mostly referred her textbook cases: slight depression, slight mania, anxiety (people trying to get prescriptions for Xanax), inability to focus (people trying to get prescriptions for Adderal), inability to sleep (people trying to get prescriptions for Ambien) etc, she figured once she had proven herself with the boring ones things would change.
“How is everything? How are you adjusting?” Emily asked. “Oh yes...Adjustment” Lois laughed then took a deep breath and began to speak as if she had knocked back one of those energy drinks with a warning on the can about over consumption, “I was at this garage sale, or tag sale, or whatever you call it over here. For the record, where I’m from it’s always been called a garage sale OR yard sale, because well, it always takes place in someone’s yard or garage, or sometimes driveways... but anyhow it makes sense!” Lois laughed wildly and then began gently rocking the stroller again, and returned to speaking softly, “It makes sense to be called one of those things is all I’m trying to say... There were no tags on the items that were for sale at this sale, if sales are named based on description then this particular sale should’ve been called, slightly overweight hoarder tells you how much things cost sale... That’s all I’m saying. Let’s call things what they are. Not what they’re not. So that’s what I’m going to call it, Ok?” Emily watched Lois take a sip of water and thought to herself that perhaps there was a little more crazy to Lois than she had previously thought, but quickly followed that thought with a thought that this was probably a beginning to a totally normal story... She didn’t want to jinx it.
Lois continued, “So I was at this slightly overweight hoarder tells you how much things cost sale, when I saw this beautiful treasure. This little baby doll that was just the most precious thing, she reminded me of something I had as a girl. Propped on the edge of a folding table, little legs dangling over, wearing this beautiful handsewn bobbin lace dress...” Lois smiled big once again, “I looked into those little blue eyes and touched her smooth porcelain cheek and I knew I had to have her. There was something about the way she looked at me, it was as if we had know each other in a past life. I know this sounds crazy, but she was staring straight into my soul...” Lois looked at the stroller and then back to Emily and spoke in a hushed tone, “I should confess... I stole her. Which I know is terrible but the hoarder wanted $40 for her and I left my purse at home and leaving without her wasn’t an option... Abby and I couldn’t be happier.”
Emily sat for a moment, taking a mental note confirming kleptomaniac tendencies before asking, “I’m sorry, Abby is...?” Lois giggled waving her hand in front of her face, “Oh! Stinky baby” she said with a laugh, “Time for a little diapy change.” Lois pulled the shade back on the stroller, grabbing the baby from the blankets, “Abby is my little baby girl. My most special little girl.” She said in a high pitched voice meant only for babies and puppies, while holding in her arms a tiny porcelain body, Emily couldn’t help but smile. “Probable delusional disorder- raising porcelain doll as child (trauma?) Confirmed kleptomaniac tendencies (pen missing), marriage unconfirmed, trust issues possibly stemming from delusions or past relationships, check AZ medical board for records, commitments, previous RX records etc. PT should come 2-3 x week, top of schedule.”