Discover Top Posts Tagged with #teosincorrectquotes

Linda, at Starbucks: Can I get a venti vanilla latte with um, seven espresso shots.

Dave, in line behind her: Jesus Christ, just do cocaine.

Dave: Wow, they really hate us.

Matteo: Yeah, maybe they’re homophobic.

Dave: But we’re not gay, Matteo.

Matteo:

Dave:

Matteo: We’re not?

Matteo: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn’t see their reflection?

Dave: I’ve never considered it but you’re really shining light on what’s probably a very serious issue.

Dave: Katie, is that my mug you’re drinking out of?

Katie: No, it’s mine.

Dave: It... looks just like the one I have...

Katie: You don’t have one like this anymore.

Katie: I think I need a hug...

Dave: Good thing I'm hug shaped!

*45 minutes later*

Katie: You... you can let go now.

Dave: No, I absolutely cannot.

Dave: I drink to forget but I always remember.

Matteo: You're drinking orange juice.

Dave: I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Dave: Wow, I feel happy and I’m having so much fun!

Dave:

Dave: *narrows eyes* Something’s wrong here.

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