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The Reality of Compulsions.

WARNING: THIS WILL BE TERRIFYING INFORMATION AND BE AWARE.

I became very curious as I was watching a well known tv show named Lucifer and someone had said, if people had a bad seed like compulsions in themselves that was triggered and finally bursted out.

I'm a Schizophrenic who has been through compulsions and I can honestly say that it's the hardest thing to go through.

You stand there as the voices tell you how to do it, when to do it and who too. It's disturbing that our minds can come up with these terrifying images and ideas to harm other people.

It has only happened to me twice, one, I wasn't even diagnosed at this point and my parents were out. They went down the street to pick up my nephew's. Nobody but my older sisters friend and I was there, home alone. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen because the voices told me to find the biggest knife possible and the sharpest. I was walking towards her room. I got to a baby gate that broke the hall from the main living room. My dog at the time Trouble saved me from committing a crime. He started barking and jumping I could barely hear him. I remember the voices getting louder. I slid down the wall and started crying , Trouble got under my arms and started wining and kissing me.

It was then I had realised something was happening to myself and my brain and I had no control.

Not all people suffer from compulsions when they have Schizophrenia. But if you do you know how terrifying it can be. It's like your mind has been on overdrive and you have no control over.

The second time this had happened I have not told anyone before.. the only person who knows is who it happened too. I was 12 and I was constantly stuck in a Psychotic Episode for 2 years at the time but it had gotten so bad I almost committed a crime at school.

Things like making comments on social media or even aloud to family or friends about an actor or a role they play in movies or TV shows doesn't help the situation of having compulsions. It can inhance your emotions to that person and cause your mind to go over drive and you'll notice that hallucinations and voices will use this against you.

The best way for yourself and others is to gain control. The best way of doing that is to not make comments aloud but to learn to be kind to yourself and others. It will be hard, I was in high school when I had a serious Psychotic Episode and it was difficult to not be sarcastic and rude to bullies but I ignored them and pretended that I couldn't see them. It got hard when things got pyshical but luckily I got through it without harming anyone. I soon learner that not speaking aloud to people like bullies helps you gain control over the voices and what they would say.

When you are trying to gain control over the voices it will take a long time to gain that type of control. I went through many different stages but it's been about 10 years and I can honestly admit that when I have a Psychotic Episode I don't give in as easy as I did when I was younger.

Keep a look out for a post following the last paragraph. :)