@terrifyingstories “it's like i was tourist in the waking world, never quite awake” / pairing: bellamy & clarke
he wants to apologize again, say he could have and should have done more to stop this from happening. he didn’t think anything of it when he saw her dancing with another guy ( ignoring the hint of jealousy he felt at their interaction ). someone had deserved happiness after everything. raven was drowning her sorrows, he was exploding on his family, and if he’s honest with himself, having a purpose ( saving clarke ) might have been the only thing keeping him together after losing monty and harper. it was hard to follow monty’s words, even harder to follow harper’s, when his family was falling apart.
casting out octavia had been the hardest thing he’s ever done, and he still wonders if it was the right choice or if he could ever forgive or love her again. she’s a distant presence now, and he hasn’t been able to confront what her being here means to him on top of clarke dying on the table in front of him. he’d deal with o later, but right now... clarke was alive.
they went from tragedy to tragedy; it was a part of the framework of their lives. he doesn’t know what they’ll be without an enemy to fight, but he’d like to find out. when there’s finally a moment to breathe, he looks around for clarke, surprised that he didn’t have eyes on her anymore. ever since she came back, it’s been hard for him to be away from her, thinking she’d slip back into a coma or worse.
the air returns to his lungs when he spots her, tapping her on the shoulder and inclining his head to notify her that he wanted to go into one of the tents for a break. throwing themselves into the next task was always what they did, but for once they did have time, and more things left unsaid than he would know how to tackle. he takes her hand in his when he asks her what it was like when josephine had taken her over, wanting to know himself what she went through and be in that with her.
tears fill his eyes when she begins to talk on it, and he knows that there’s more they’ll need to discuss about it, but for now he takes an opposite approach. one they’re far too used to in order to keep moving in this world, one he hasn’t broken out of yet. “you’re here now... you’re awake. this is you.” he squeezes her hand then, not knowing if anything he does will ever be enough to make her feel safe in her own skin again. all he knows is that.. she’s here. “kinda tired of losing you, you know? might want to work on that.” his teasing falls flat, but it was never a contest. he was always going to do everything he could to bring her back. he’d never give up on her.
when he looks back up at her, the weight of what losing her again would do to him comes rushing back. she might not be ready for this, and he’d understand that after everything they went through, but life was too short. harper and monty....jasper...fox..roma.. everyone they’ve lost sits on his conscience, but for some reason they’re still here. that could change at any moment, and he can’t spend any more time without acting on something that could bring them some sort of happiness. not after everything they’ve been through. “clarke...” their relationship plays across his mind, small thanks to josephine for forcing him to reflect on it, but he’s tired of the constant betrayals. it was time to move forward.
so he leans forward, taking her face in his hands and pressing his lips to hers. it occurs to him only briefly that it’s been over one hundred years since they’ve done this, that they’re both different people than they were then, and that they have a real shot at happiness now, something that was unheard of before. it doesn’t last long, just enough to show where he is and to hopefully ground her in their present “you’re here,” he repeats. “i got you. you’re safe.” promises to never let this happen again die on his lips ( for now ). “clarke...”
meme: rawest fucking florence and the machine lyrics in no particular order / status: accepting ig
