take your first step out
Day 8. This is the amount of inertia it took me to start journaling, I hope that my procrastination becomes better after finally flying to another country. But I don’t want to blame and instead, I am going to attempt to document what happened for me to live better, starting tomorrow. To write my imperfect self to serve a reminder of how not to be so, but also to be kind to myself. So shall we start with lessons then? Or maybe not, let’s do
One thing I’m definitely still learning is the difference between being open to the unplanned and sticking to what’s planned. Its 8:42pm and I’m finally physically settled down into the fact that I’m not going out today - a fact that is 6 hours delayed (seriously, Sarah?). The original plan was to finally (again) go get my piece of Lune, which I kept pushing back, and yoga at 430pm. I consoled myself with the fact while staying home to combat the day 2 cramps, I made 13 requests for inspection, in hope of saving on 3rd airbnb’s burn in time. I’ve also finished a spinach & ricotta cannelloni (is it my 3rd microwaved dinner here?), 4 pieces of Cadbury coated Oreo, 2 sticks of Kit Kat. God bless my waistline. Okay, I digress. But I really have to kick the habit of this last minute shit, more to planning and sticking to it.
Day 1 - 4 was pretty much spent being sick, although I must say I had more discipline to get out even if it was just for yoga, as compared to staying at home 2 days now that I’ve recovered. I absolutely love Good Vibes Yoga and how intuitive yoga is being taught here, and taking it in as a student as much as possible. When William mentioned on Friday night during Yin that pain in the stomach in the side bolster pose often is attributed to anxiety from the fear of unknown/uncertainty, I thought of how smart the body actually is - My concern of a hidden illness was unfounded, but was just another manifestation of how I worry too much, and a sign of how I’m adapting. We all adapt.
My heart tips between being scared of being alone, to scaling to getting comfortable of the idea of actually being and learning to live alone now. It is after all the right decision to cut contact completely; because through the nights of being scared of walking alone home, to realising the one thing that humans need is connection when I was so relieved of finding a support at lulu Emporium, to getting too comfortable with being a loner that Netflix was my friend for 1 entire night on Friday, and then the entire day on Saturday; I got reminded again, that if I am unable to live by myself, to love myself enough that I can lift myself up, I am not ready to let in the possibility of someone to have the ability to hurt me.
After a week and still living out of a suitcase, I am looking forward to finding a home and set a corner out. Apart of being fuelled by financial stress, I am looking forward to setting a new life. This moment is finally here. I have to make the full and present use of it.
Also, I’m finally jotting down the things I hope to achieve now that I’m finally here:
Find what is my personal brand that I want to create - freelance social media, baking, yoga instructor.
Getting back in touch with baking first.
Travel to another part of Oz by the 3rd month, in August. Or make a mini road trip within Melbourne next month.
Go for yoga 4 times a week. HIIT/cardio at least twice a week starting next month.
Go to the museum once a month.
Go for a picnic on my off day.
Start writing in pen, on my journal book. And this list can go on.