seen from Malaysia
seen from Canada
seen from Netherlands
seen from Germany
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from Indonesia
seen from Germany
seen from South Korea
seen from Germany
seen from South Korea
seen from Slovakia
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
I hate how things fall apart, slowly and then all at once.
99% of the time, it doesn’t work out. But Darling, what if we’re in the 1% that does, I thought. Turns out, I was wrong. We were in the 99%
When you fall in love and get your heart broken, an exerpt from a book I’ll never write.
Her
Lying down on the bed , you can feel her face lying softly on your chest. Your breathing is in sync with eachother. Her face rises and drops alongside the deep breaths of air you indulge in your lungs. Your fingers intertwine together and you trace circles on the tip of her thumb. You know she loves the feeling ...the tingles it sends throughout her body. You take in everything about her. The smile wrinkles you are glad are there because you know she led a happy life. The freckles scattered across her nose. Even the little scar on the top of her lip that she got as a kid jumping off a tree. You always admired her adventure like lifestyle. It's sad knowing your days together have due date. It saddens you knowing one day your gonna leave and she will be here by herself until she learns to love again. Life's a real bitch and you know it. It's unfair ...but it's fair because it's unfair to everyone. Lying here and right now you know you've never been this happy. You let out a small sigh and whisper sweet nothings into her ear. Her hold on you tightens and you feel her smiling against your body. " I hate you " I hate you more"
That's the thing about tumblr... once you see your dashboard, you never stop scrolling.
- a mi
TFIOS
Hi everyone, i have a good news.
The fault in our stars will inaugurate today in my coutry... brazil
i'm so happy with this ....
good news. for me!!!
40 Grit
No cartoon retching sounds for Kasey behind the bathroom door, only the slight glottal resistance before the whiskey splashes into the toilet. I sit cross-legged on her bed, gripping my feet in my hands as I hear her spit, flush, cough, water-wash, spit, and clear her throat, ready to open the door and reenter the bedroom. Kasey wobbles high in the doorway. I know she is looking at me but I won’t return the look. I know she is looking at me but I will not lock my eyes with the vessel-burst blues buried in her sunken head. I stare at the falling waistband of her jeans, where her hands hang, shaking. She won’t stop wearing her people clothes, her Kasey-clothes, her shadow, mascara, and winged liner now vague and wet around her eyes and cheeks-
“Shut the fuck up.” says Kasey to me. I’ve been looking back into her face for some seconds now. She holds my gaze for another shaky inhale before walking forward to the bed. My mentor, my sexual standard and idol, my tall, beautiful friend, is very sick. She reaches for the bed, and bends down to sit as if her skin were at risk for tearing. I take this opportunity to stare at her pale, bald head. She sits and breathes very carefully, mouth open. She glances at the picked-it-up-cheap bottle of sour mash on her bedside table passively before suddenly swiping it onto her carpeted floor. I start, but it doesn’t break; a solid bottle. She says, “I don’t care if I can’t keep food down. But fuck this.” She pushes the bottle away with her foot. “Fuck you.” she says to the whiskey.
We sit in silence for a minute. I cannot speak. Kasey allows herself to fall to her right, away from me. She stretches her legs out, depositing her right foot into my lap. Kasey grimaces and reaches blindly at her back with her left hand. She lifts her shirt up. She inhales sharply through her teeth, then shoots the air back out. “Look.” She says. Since I met her when I was 14, I dreamed about seeing Kasey’s breasts. Small, but as energetic as Kasey’s mind and mouth was. I didn’t masturbate to the marbled pink lines that stole her nipples and shape from her. Scarred and beautiful still, but not sexual.
“They burned me.” She points between her breasts, where the skin is cooked red. Kasey takes another loud, tired breath. Her arm hovers for another moment before dropping, her hand still stuck inside her shirt. Is she waiting for a response from me? What the fuck am I supposed to say here? I guess I take too long, as Kasey grunts and rolls onto her back, looking up, though the ceiling and our lives.
Her voice is sandpaper, 40 grit: “I never tan. Only burn. You know, with enough radiation you can get a tan. Did you know that? I spent all of last night on the ‘cause of death’ page of the Chernobyl site. A nuclear tan.” She lifts her perfect head slightly, folding her neck-skin around her chin to look at me. “And that’s from being wet- soaked with the irradiated water and steam.” She continues to look at me. She drops her head. “I don’t have it as bad as they did. The ones with the tans went quick. The ones that survived died soon after, in agony.” A pause. My face is stuck fast. I cannot look away but I cannot connect.
“I can’t stop thinking about the people who got the low dose, the slow death. It says one in four died before forty, and they all had to recover from the exposure. And here I am, exchanging their death for mine.” I don’t follow what she is saying, but every time she says “death” my eyes wet. Her foot has begun rubbing my knee. She is silent for a spell. “Now that I think about it more, it’s all cancer, so it’s probably the same death. And I’m not getting radiation poisoning.” I look at her eyes behind her sharp nose pointed up. They are wet too and getting worse. “I didn’t think that through all the way. It’s an incomplete metaphor. I don’t know what I was doing.” I can hear the fluid rushing to her nose as she talks. She sniffs once and punches the bed weakly. “Fuck.”
The floodgates of my mind and heart burst at that. I uncoil myself from my sitting position and lay myself down directly behind Kasey. I reach around her, holding on tight, connecting her to me through our bones and meat. She is full-on sobbing now. I can tell she’s trying to be quiet, but she is doing a bad job. I kiss her on the back of her sweet, bald head. She sniffs once, hard and says through her galloping voice, “Watch out for my tits.” I still cannot speak, so I press my forehead against the back of her skull and close my eyes.
I breathe big gulps of air so she feels my expanding diaphragm against her back. Eventually her shuddering lungs slow and accept the tempo of my own. I can still hear her breathing heavily through her mouth, but her energy is gone again. I swallowed it up. I feel her place my hand around my own atop her rib cage. She slides her fingers in easily through mine. Now I feel her eyes close and her body join mine together in the world. She’s swimming alone through the poison and dirt in her blood, but I am with her today.
I’m with her now.
Oblivion
I fear oblivion The state of being forgotten Cast down because you were not remarkable You were not exceptional You were not exceedingly brilliant
I fear oblivion But it is inevitable We will all be forgotten The remarkable The exceptional The exceedingly brilliant Time fades us all
Thoughts? I've recently starting writing again, and I would really love to get some feedback :)
Okayy, well... I've decided to change my url, it's not going to be yelllowbanana.tumblr.com anymore it will now be its-not-fucking-okay.tumblr.com - tfios inspired :)
