WHILE I’M HERE, STILL THE TUTOR, I’D LIKE TO TAKE A SECOND TO EDUCATE, SO TAKE A SEAT. LET’S TALK ABOUT:
D/S NEEDS, WITHDRAWALS, AND SUB/DOM DROP.
Let’s talk biology, folkx. Mark Leaders are beginning, or Mark Support Group Captains, and that seems like the perfect time to start posting helpful tips again. Remember, anyone can become a Mark Leader. All you need is a willingness to help and be the bridge to the information and assistance that your peers require. Everyone knows that we have basic needs that fuel the desire to live life in a way that aligns with our marks. That’s what they were made for, and despite the turmoil that they have caused they have also helped the general population live their life in harmony, with their biological needs fulfilled. Have you ever suppressed your desires and gone weeks without submitting or dominating? Or felt yourself relax after a scene with proper aftercare? Then you know what I mean. We all should. We might not all agree with or understand our marks, but they’re here for a reason and have meaning.
Some people choose to do little things every day to satisfy their needs without committing to full scenes; you can get a little bit out of anything that gives you a nice power/submission rush, be is using titles to address Switches and Doms, being addressed by title, leading clubs or other activities, volunteering to help out in vanilla activities, kneeling, or even just sitting down to talk to someone knowing that there is an obvious power exchange being given. That’s what you need, that power exchange. This isn’t about sex, and sex alone won’t satisfy you unless there is an exchange of power involved, even subtle.
You still with me? Good. So what happens when you vent those biological needs and indulge in your marks? Chemical reactions. When you’re pushing in a scene, all kinds of positive endorphins and adrenaline and hormones rush through your brain and body, making you feel almost high as the weight of satisfying your needs settles in. You’ll need proper aftercare to make sure that you come down peaceful and okay, and after all is said and done you will feel much better. Think of it like any other biological need, if you don’t eat you’ll be hungry too. And you’ll feel crummy until you eat, and when you do eat properly, you’ll feel better. Some people eat different food than others, some people eat more often, but everybody eats.
So what happens if you don’t feed those biological needs? That’s where withdrawals come in. Those biological needs will build and build until they take over your thoughts. You’ll start acting out, your emotions will suffer and you’ll feel out of balance and out of control. Moody is an understatement. If it gets bad enough, you’ll feel sick to your stomach too. First you’ll be wired, like you’ve got ants in your pants or just too much energy to spare. Then you’ll get tired, because mental treadmills are exhausting. It can go back and forth, more anger than sadness. Restlessness. This isn’t something that goes away completely until you find a way to satisfy some of your needs, though it won’t sit with you 24/7 it will come and go until you give yourself what you need.
But what happens after those chemicals finish their job and run out of juice? If you’re not immediately running into another scene, you’ll feel the difference, you’ll feel that sense of loss. That’s why aftercare is so important, because even if the Submissive seems fine and isn’t hurt physically from the scene, there is an emotional and mental toll that will catch up with them. There has to be something there to cushion the fall and take place of those endorphins. And Dom/mes are no different. You get a high from the power too, and when that power is gone you feel a loss too. If you do not take care of that, you’ll experience what is called a Sub/Dom Drop. Physical symptoms of a drop include fatigue, crying for no apparent reason, aches and pains, stomach aches, cold hands and/or feet, stiffness, or cravings for sweets. Emotional symptoms to look out for are sadness or melancholy, anxiety, agitation, depression, fear, confusion, guilt, or shame. They settle in like a BDSM hangover and can last anywhere from a few hours to the rest of the day. This will clear on its own and not return, unlike withdrawals, but why let it happen the hard way? If you can do a scene, you can do aftercare.
