To His Excellency King Minos, our wise and most certainly thoughtful leader, Head Chamberlain Byrnes sends his apologies.
Whereas the climate of Greed is ill-suited for both the upkeep and usage of leatherwear, and whereas the Head Tailor has declined to surreptitiously take His Radiance's measurements during his visits, I must regretfully deny your plan to gift him a leather jacket.
(I agree that he would look beautiful, but please choose a less blatantly homosexual gift.)
To mine ever devoted Head Chamberlain, Sean Byrnes, I wouldst firstly and foremost prefer to express my endless gratitude towards thee and thy fine work. Naturally including the writing of this letter, in consideration of the required knowledge of this 'tumblr' application. Thine apologies are, then, immediately pardoned by thy majesty and lover, Minos of Crete. One admits it hast previously been rationalized by the unconsciousness of my own, of how irrealistic it wouldst be for the man to have a chance to experience the planned couture in the conditions of the layer in which he belongs to. Therefore, I shall be the one to implore for thy pardon. T'was foolish to involve such a number of skilled workers into mine trivialities. But, ah, couldst thou blame this hopeless soul, for merely desiring to see a man sculptued with the finest of constitutions adorned by the graceful ebony-colored leathers of a jacket? ...I shall attempt to design a new manner to endown him with a less... as thou hast described... blatantly homosexual gift.
Perhaps an adornment for his next visit, one he may always wear when he decides to grace us with his glorious, everbright presence...
I shall ponder further, and thou shalt be the first one informed, dear Byrnes. Thy Highness and Lover, King Minos, Judge of Hell
