I came home in early spring. It was still cold, chilly, one would say. But it didn't matter. It could have been the dead of winter, it still wouldn't have mattered to me. I was home, and I would see her again.
I tried not to seem so eager to leave the company of my family right away. It took all my strength not to run from home, to her side, and see those warm eyes, that playful smile. Hear that light, airy laugh. Play with that shinny black hair.
Every summer I was away, all I could think about was spending time with her. Down by the lake. Gently push her on the old swing.
Every winter, I wanted to sit by her fireplace, and listen to her read poems from that book I got for her years ago.
Every spring, I wanted to hear her sing with the birds.
Every autumn, I wanted to play in the multicolored leaves with her.
I wanted to kiss her porcelain skin, make her happy.
I came home to a totally different person. Quite, shy, lost. Pale skin, cold eyes, no smile.
She stared blankly at nothing in particular, her lips partly parted. She just sat there, not saying a word.
Her parents might have noticed the tears streaming down my face, for they left us alone in the sitting room. I had not noticed they had left until I heard myself sobbing. I couldn't control myself, I just cried.
I had lost her, the only thing that was worth breathing for. The thing that was worth everything. It was all my fault. If only I had not let for school, or if I had just come back more often. I could have prevented this. I could have kept her innocence intact. I could have saved her.
I felt her sit next to me. She placed her hands in mine, and spoke, "I still love you."
Her eyes reflected the fire that casted showed on her face. She was ashamed. "Then please explain this to me." My voice was a mixture of anger and pain.
Her parents had been the ones to tell me of the events that had ensued sense my last visit, one year ago.
Judith's tutor, Mr. Esther, died shortly after falling ill. Her father hired Mr. Max Berger, a German gentleman, to tutor Judith. They had become romantically involved, and unfortunately, had engaged in primordial intercourse. Judith was with-chiled and Mr. Berger and her where to be married in a week.
A tear ran down her face as she spoke once more. "Mr. Berger, he..." her voice quivered and she broke into tears.
I held her, not caring that she was a woman to be married to another man. "You can tell me, what ever it maybe, I'll always be here for you. I'll always love you."
Looking away from me, she began her story once more.
"Mr. Berger was nice, at first. He said I was the best pupil he ever had. He, he was a true gentleman. Things where like that for a couple of months. And then he," Judith took in a deep breath and after a while she continued. "Mr. Berger started to ridicule me. He told me I was stupid and unpleasant to be around."
She suddenly looked at me, her eyes desperate."Please believe me when I say I didn't want him to..." She teared up. "I said no to him, begged him to stop, but he was stronger..." She cried. "I was so afraid, I didn't know who to tell. I'm so afraid. I'm just so afraid."
Judith covered her face with her hands and cried. Like the time she feel off the swing that spring. I tried to comfort her, hug her and say it was alright. We couldn't have been more than 5 at the time.
She always pushed me away. Even that time she fell into the lake. I dove right in and pulled her out of the water. I could see the look on her face, she was terrified, and yet, she pushed me away when I tried to pick her up and cary her home. She insisted on walking. Judith was only 10, but she was stubborn as her father ever was.
Judith didn't push me away this time. She buried her face in my chest and cried. I wrapped my arms around her, feeling her tears soak in to my coat. I would be lying if I said I had not wanted this countless other times. It was hard to focus on her pressed up against me when I had just learned the truth.
The women I loved with every fiver of my being was about to marry the man that had robed her of her innocence.
With every breath I took, the longing to put a bullet in that man grew stronger and stronger. I wanted to make him suffer, tear him limb by limb, watch him wither in agonizing pain and die a slow death. I couldn't contain my anger. It bobbled in me, deep, deep, down inside me. It threatened to consume me.
None of that mattered. Not my anger, her parents or even my own family. I knew exactly what I needed to do after she spoke again.
"Help me, Aaron. Please."
