So new to the area and only knowing one person out here putsme in such a vulnerable situation, especially because I am normally pretty shy at first. My friend really wanted me to come with him and his friends to a cabin they had rented for the weekend up in Flagstaff. Of course I took this as something fun to do and a good way to spend time with him as well as meet his friends.
Everyone had their I17 story …apparently..
We drove up with two of his friends, a couple, and as we got higher it started to sleet then eventually snow. At the beginning snow/ sleet fall the roads had just started building up and became slippery. We hadn't realized that until our back tires slowly slid and didn't really stop until he had to compensate with turning the wheel which drove us opposite in an almost complete circle. Then trying to retaliate that craziness we went back the other way in an entire circle and a half. It would have been much worse if we were going fast, all this happened in slow motion, and if there had been other cars on the road, only one of his friends following us slowed as he saw us slide and blocked both lanes driving in the middle.. Smart. We coasted off to an extremely small ditch, also very lucky considering how high on the mountains we were. His friend that was behind us got out in shorts! and a short sleeved shirt! to helped us maneuver out of the snow. The next cars to pass were plows of course but at least we had a good path to follow now.
And that is my I17 story.
When we got to the cabin, we were first to arrive; everyone else stopped to get food or went snowboarding. We couldn’t get in yet so my friend and his decided to stock pile snowballs and attack when everyone else showed up. It was hilarious.
We finally got in and claimed rooms/ bed which was not a concern of lack for choices. This place was insane and soo big. It could have probably slept 20 people or more, not even kidding. They had a huge kitchen, 3 living rooms, a Jacuzzi in the master bedroom, and backed up to endless forest. As the weekend went on it turned into an winter wonderland; I remember waking up the next day to it snowing so hard outside and the trees were already completely covered in heavy piles. The weekend was full of drinking, smoking, drugs, and games. I did acid for my second time, which I'm still not sure I like. It puts me very in my head and I should have done more than I had to fully enjoy myself.
The house was full of their 'rave family' probably about 15-20 people maybe more were circulating around the house, always some different groups with so many different things going on. Got to say I was pretty good at beer pong too, even beat j a few times like back in the day. He hated it haha.
Amazing that his friends were so wonderfully close, but it's so hard to come into that as a stranger, especially when the only person you really 'know' is not talking to you much either. I was at the point where I had just started really getting homesick, the snow barely helped, and I was thinking a lot. About Rex, About where I was going to live when I came back, About if I was even going to stay in Arizona, About what I was doing with my life… all of it. Probably the worst time for acid I know, but I wanted to have a good time and wanted to try it again. His friends were great and I would want them to know that even though it seemed like I didn't have a good time that weekend, it wasn't them. At all. I would tell them that things between me and j were weird and there wasn't anything they could have done, which they had most likely already seen from how we were that weekend. I don't know, I just felt bad and felt like they thought I was a bitch for most of the weekend but I really wasn’t trying to be. I was just really quite and didn’t know where to fit in. Most of his friends tried talking to me or playing games but it was always short lived. I didn't form any solid connections with anyone that weekend, including j. I remembered how much a truly hate you on drugs. I realized why we could never be together and hated the way you couldn't even treat me like a friend. Not like this was a test but you truly fucked up any surviving chance you did have.
Remember one night way back when we talked about how you find certain people you are attracted to but you don't know why, you are that person for me. I am terribly attracted to you but have no idea why, specifically when you treat me like this.
Found out you were no longer the person I knew 7 years ago, and that’s fine because I've probably changed too, but I hate the ways that you have changed. You seem so ashamed of how you were when we met but that is what I think of when I think of us, and that was how I truly liked you.
I guess that’s all over now.
The rest of the weekend and car ride back was silent. When I left the house we originally all met at he didn't even say bye. I didn't talk to him for a week, and then probably three or four days after that. That's ok.
