#that_night

[shoume77-blog]

#that_night 😍

[hellenlb]

that one night

He didn’t say a word… he just came forward me… he was then closer… even closer, his lips were on my lips. I didn’t know what he was doing but the worst I forgot to stop him…… I actually forgot myself. I kept remembering every single person I met in my life, i remembered every single word i heard from them about my asexuality, and he was getting closer and closer… a few seconds later, it felt like a whole year has passed already. my waist was tied by his arms, my eyes were closed I THINK cannot remember… I kept thinking about the future…..remembering the past and totally forgot about the present…

 now his lips and my lips are super wet, i felt my body getting softer and weaker. it is 12:00 am and I was about to have sex with him… suddenly looked at the clock and it was my birthday. gotta stop and start my new year, gotta think about the present and stop staring, gotta remember myself... ‘’Stop it… stop it’’ !! were my words ones I sobered up, stop it, it is my birthday now, and i run away…

I was so scared afterward, but that one night taught me, that i need to know my self first before any step in my life, i need to face and try everything in order to know my self, i need to give my self a chance to analyze the past, plan the future but most important to get all the best out of the present.

for the few minutes that i was absent at, during his touching…i thought i finally fall in love and that was him, but not really!  just by opening my eyes and looking at the watch… everything was not true... i was just impressed by his quietness, confidence and wanted to give my self a chance for one time, with a zero knowledge about him. but I am me… the only unchangeable thing we as human beings can make is our-selfs and everything else in life is changeable and uncertain.