I write for one reason, F.K. @hellenlb - Tumblr Blog

Back to writing

OMG, I love writing so much, I don't care about language perfectionism or writing rules. I just love how it feels when I read what I wrote years ago, nothing motivates me more than my old words. I just read what I wrote back in 2017 about my graduation, and it is definitely what I was looking for to get encouraged to continue my university and graduate. I did this before and will do it again because I am HELLEN LB, not just Helen.

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My missing points

23-04-2019 12:44 am

again after months, got something to write. I always knew that I have some missing un-understandable points somewhere inside me. I have always wondered a lot about and tried so hard to discover. Today I think I finally start knowing or actually discovering my missing points. we always say in Arabic فاقد حنان, and that is exactly what I have always been missing ( tenderness ). How funny and painful, that whenever I feel bad the only people come in my mind are mom and dad and then the rest of the family (siblings and people in back home). I am just wishing to remember one good memory filled with love or some tenderness with my parents, sadly all the memories I have are very angerful and totally have nothing to do with love. If I try hard, I just think about how hard they fought with poorness. Like when my dad had to carry a very big and long heavy ladder plus other construction materials and walk with all the way to some reach people’s house to work overtime and earn some extra money. Or when my mom had to carry heavy jerrycan of water all the way from the Hospital across the street to her place under the tree where she used to work. She used the water for her work Shay in the street. ( One unbelievable thing is that this situation about my mom I never saw it happening, but one day Nima my mom’s best friend and my second mom, she told me “ohh Miskina umik lazim teshil moya min al mustesshfa le shuqula, jerekana kebira tegta beha al zelet). I was about 12 years old, I just imagined the situation as if I was there with my mom while she is crossing the busy road with the jerrycan, and I still feel like I was there and have seen her.

My bad memories are like all the bad and tough words I heard from my mom and all the bitten I had from my mom and dad, and all the hopes they gave me and broke it later. Or all the times I needed a hug from them and never had, all the love I spend my life with them looking for and never found, or all the trust I needed from them and never got it or all the emotional attention I wanted to have from them but never felt. I am very angry with my parents, I feel like I will never be able to forgive them. Even though they do a lot for us, but I feel like they are doing it just because they have to not because they want to. It like when you get a child and you have no way to send him back, so no matter how you are forced for the rest of your life to grow him up.

Tender, love, trust, and care are the missing points in my life, that I want to make sure to provide them all to my F.K.

#the_past

كتابتي لك وليست لي

واكثر من نصف منشوراتي اكتبها لك وليس لي.ا

لاحظت كثيرا اني اكتب وانا افكر ماذا ستقول او بماذا ستفكر إن صار وقرأت هذه المنشورات. وكانني اصارحك مع نفسي مع سطوري بكلماتي ولاكن بتفكرك ووجهة نطرك فيني. ا

لا ادري إن كان هذا شئ جميل او سيء ولا ادري ان كنت ستسعد لو علمت بهذا او ستغضب, ولاكنني اعرف اني اعشقك

التفكير اللا محدود

ولكل من حسدني على زكائي او نجاحي او اي شئ حصلت عليه بسبب ان عقلي اكبر من سني وان ثقتي في نفسي بلا حدود او اي شئ اخر.

اليوم اقول انني اعاني بسبب ثقتي في نفسي التي ارهغته , واشكي من عقلي الذي يفكر بطريقه ناضجة جدا. من صغري وانا كبيره, لم اعتمد على احد ولم احتاج احد في اتخاذ قراراتي او ما اريد فعله في حياتي

و دائماُ ظننت اني على حق, لاني لم اجرح ولم اغلط في حق شخص ابداُ. وعندما بداء عمري يكبر كان عقلي يكبر في السنه اكثر من خمس سنين, وكانت ثقتي في نفسي تذداد ايضاُ. بداء كل من حولي يشعرونني اني زكيه, واعية, صعبة و مميزة. احببت ذلك جداُ, حتى وقعت في حب شاب كان يكبرني بسنه في العمر. ولاكن في التفكير واستخدام العقل في الحياة وفي المسائل الفكرية وفي تحديد الصح من الغلط بطريقه دبلماسية, طبعاُ كنت انا اكبر منه بكثير.

انباء فشل العلاقة كانت واضحة جداُ لي من اول اسبوعين لنا, احبني وهو لم يعرفني, احببته وانا لم اقربه. وقعنا في لعنة الحب ونحن لم نكن ندري اننا نقع.

وعلى مر السنين كبرنا سوين كبر حبه في داخلي, وجاء موعد الفراق في لحظة غدر, وابتعد هو ورحل. بعد فراقه وبعد محولات نسيان فاشله, بدات اراجع نفسي. واول سؤال طرحته على نفسي كان: ان كان هو المخطئ حقاُ, اذاُ لماذا يصعب علي النسيان؟

الاجابه كانت انه لم يكن مخطئ ابداُ, ولا انا. المشكله كانت اني لم اعرف ما معنى الطفوله من يوم ولدت. لم اعرف ما معنى المراهقة و اذا كنت دائما اكبر منه ومن سني ومن كل اصدقاء, وهو كرجل طبعاُ لن يرضى ان يكون مع امرأة تبدو دائماُ القائدة, المسيطرة او الاجراء و الانضج. احببته ولاكن لم استطع البقاء معه لاني كنت شئ يصعب على اي احد في سننا ان يفهمه.

بعد ان خسرته وبعد محولاتي في النسيان الفاشله, ادركت ان ان تكون شخض ذو عقل وتفكير انضج من سنك ليس له علاقه بالزكاء ابداُ. انما له علاقه بقتل طعم سن الطفوله و عدم راحة البال و يجعل كل من حولك غير مرتحين في التعامل معك, لانك دائماُ تشعرهم انك اكبر مما تبدو. والاسواء من كل هذا يفقدك الأنسان الذي علمك كيف تستخدم قلبك وكيف تؤمن في الحب والمشاعر و علمني كيف اكن صريحة وكيف اثق, علمني كيف احب و نسى ان يعلمني كيف احافظ عليه.

ومنذ سن الرابعة عشر حتى هذه اللحظة انا اعشقه, ولا باليد حيله. وان قال نزار امراة حمقاء للتي طالبت بالحريه في منطقة الرجال, اذا ماذا سيقول عن فتاة طالبة بالحظر من معشوقها كي تنسى؟؟ بلهاء؟

و عن تلك التي عشقت شخصٌ لم يلمس يدها يومٌ؟ او عن تلك التي تعشق رغم كل الإهانات التي راتها منه؟

Bergen

The city that I have been to, two times before yesterday! the city that whenever I go to, I used to admit my hidden emotions and cry on my own. The city that met me up with him yesterday, is the only city that I never want to visit again.

“Sometimes we want nothing more than forgetting someone because the memory of them hurts”. That is my feeling right now, yesterday he was harsh and serious, lost but confident… and I... as usual I was lost, weak, unable to look at his eyes. the moment when he said ( you didn’t try with him, as much as you did with me) at this moment I just wanted to die, for the first time I was about to cry in front of someone.. yesterday was the worst day in my life, I know in life i will be going through a lot of hard and rough times, but nothing on earth will hurt as yesterday.

we kept acting to each other until the reality appeared and we start talking about the past.. the past that I spend three years to hide it deep inside me, the past that made me cry many nights… the past that has nothing good or bad (simply the empty past).. It is actually funny, how we say it was empty but filled with love and pain (for me). Anyway, part of me didn’t want to meet him, because i knew that all those hidden emotions will show up and hurt me. But, I wanted to meet him, because part of me was missing him so much. So I followed my heart and we met up. He talked about various things that I was already expected, yet it was too much of pain in less than 10 minutes. he touched different things that he had the right to question. Although, he seemed to be mad at times, but he never insulted me for anything. Me.. I was just there! listening to him! which I never did before. Yesterday for the first time I listened to him, because I was in a shock, pain, love and I pretended as if I was fine, nothing was wrong. I had to stay strong and just listen and act carelessness. However, I couldn’t! As he had to leave, I saw the bus in front of me.. my heart was dying inside. I was so scared to missing him again, I didn’t want to let him go...when I hugged him, I just wanted to say please stay… but I knew it was impossible so just kept quit and I said take care… that was all what I was able to say. he said “ma tekhafi oki’’ that was his last word that made me feel a little bit encouraged for a minute, but then after he left until this moment I can’t stop crying. My tears are just like a river running as a heavy rain fall. I guess all these tears are not just because of yesterday, I think it is all what I have been hidden since years ago. Now was the time that I gave up and I showed my emotions, told the truth, heard all what I was refusing to hear, I faced my fears basically. Last thing I did to complete my honesty and to assure it. I admitted to myself and accepted the truth that I still love him (I don’t know why?) and I told him that I love him. But because he told me that he doesn’t have any hope on our un-exists relationship, so I just asked him to block me, what I really meant was ‘’help me to forget you’’!!

Anyway, the summary of all what happened yesterday is as such for me:

1. He was right about three points yesterday and I totally agree with him.

2. I really really really need to forget him and get over all this forever.

3. I have to get a life, I need to know what I really want to do with my life.

. do I want to try again? am i really ready for that? am i ready for a new experience, new pain ? am I strong enough to go through all this again?

. or should I just walk away from everyone and everything, and never love or trust or believe in emotions again?

. should I forget about myself and live for my family? or should I forget about them and live for myself?

. should I just focus on material things and forget about my feelings? or should I become more emotional?

. or should I just stop thinking and walk with the flow ???

I don’t know, all what I know is that I need to clam down, have some rest and relax, stop all the random projects I am doing, stop travelling and use the rest of the summer for myself, stop thinking… I need to do all this before I make any stupid decision..

17/06/2017 Saturday

#bergen

Rimon

Okay! i guess we will…

that was unexpected from him, but somehow he did it, am shocked and a bit happy! and i am so scared…

10/06/2k17

#rimon

Grad

still, remember how i kept counting down for a whole year to be done with school. just ten days ago I was done (20/05/2017) six days after my birthday I was so proud of myself to be able to graduate from one of the hardest schools in the world and in a foreign country. However, during the ceremony, my tears were about to run off after 12 years again. but I guess i was tough with myself, to just smile and keep hugging people and pretend as i don’t wish my dad to be next to me, or to get roses from mom, or just to see any blood standing somewhere besides me. unfortunately, I had to be HELLEN LB, and let it go.

I started the journey in a very early age and when I came to the Netherlands i faced so many hard and stressful times, and maybe more than others due to language and late coming. And I guess that had made me a harsher person, and don’t give a shit about anything. i saw all my close and far friends all with their families hugging their dads and moms and i was smiling and standing for myself by myself.

when i think back about everything happened in those two years, I feel like everything is dieted together as like a trend, poverty, immigration, hardness and soul toughness, sadness and Lowery…. they are all a result of one thing ………. that started years ago in 19.. until today.

anyway, grad is over and I actually achieved way much than i planned, even though I have lost many old friends, but it worth it.

to be continued after I leave the EU…

#achievements

Birthday

I had a special, different and unforgettable bday yesterday. As I got in a sensitive desiccation with a friend that doesn’t accept my opinion and then got ignored for that, as I ignored back then another friend came and blamed me for what happened. I got so frustrated of course and went crazy for few time. I just felt like am the weirdest person and for that I will never find a person who will accept me the way i am. Any way for a couple of hours it was my worst birthday ever, that I decided not to celebrate any bday again in my life.

However, in our life there is always one person who is the most carer but at times we don’t see him/her because we are busy by others who don’t give a shit about us. That one friend who tried super hard to make my day the best day, for a moment he just felt that he failed, and yet didn’t give up. 15 minutes before my day was over, he brought the two I fought with and he tried very hard to sing a song he never liked just to make me feel good. while he was singing i was observing how carer he is. I mean he didn’t have to do all that at all, as the problem from the beginning wasn’t his fault, but he did.

It was unforgettable because that one friend taught me an important lesson in life, I should look around, close by before I gave up on all people on earth. Because as the story says… some times we knock on a close door and we try very hard to open it, using all our strength and in the end we give up and we leave the door, while all the time the key was on the edge of the door, right under our feet, but we don’t see it, because we are humans #sadly.

#14/05/17

بحبك

بحبك اكتر من اي شئ… بحبك وكان موناي اشوف نفس الحب دا في عيونك

مشتافه ليك اكتر من اهلي … وكان جد نفسي اشوف الشوق دا منك

يارب لو كنت شاعره كبيره … او حتى رسامه صغيره

كنت كملتى كل تعابير الدنياه في وصف ريدي

دا انا كنت كملتى كل الوان الكون فيك وخليت القمر ما يظهر تاني

جواي ريد بغير كل اجواء السنه جواي

فؤادي مرة بردان ومرات طاير في ربيع شوفتك

عليك الله خليك حنون علي و معاي.. ما اصل الحنيه ما ذادت إلا من جمالك

اووف ما عارفه قعد اكتب اقول في شنو … لى حاسه اني بهلوس ساي؟؟!ا

المهم…ا

بحبك ولله بحبك … خليك من كلام الافلام ونزار

اسمعني انا و عليك الله ما تخليني انتظر سااي

يلد بحبك… بحبك لى صعب تفهمه؟؟

كلام اي بت في سن ال14 الى 18 سنه … سن لا بنفهم فيه معنى الحب ولا معنى المعنى في الحياه

ما غباء ولا اي شئ , بس الموضوع ومافيه انو مافي اصلاٌ زول عارف معنى بحبك ولا اي شئ من الكلام الفوق دا

لو هي مشت وقالت ليه كده تبقى البت دي يا كدي ي كدي..

لو هو قال ليها الكلام دا يبقى هو … واحد لا عندو اخت ولا شئ

ولو الإتنين اتفقوا على الكلام الفوق دا يبقى هى جيبو … وهو جسمها

عندنا لا حب معروف ولا الكراهيه معترف فيها

اشرف شئ الزول ممكن يعملو.. يدس مشاعرو و يعمل نايم

ما اصلو هي ح تحبو حب مجنون بس عشان هي بت مستحيل تتنازل وتوريهو

و هو اكيد راجل و ح يتنازل …. بس هي بت ولازم تتاقل شويه عشان هي بت

وما دايره يقولوا عليها خفيفه … وهو ي بقى اهبل و لعب دور الصبور

او طفش ولحق صحبتها.,,, وكان صبر واكيد في الاخير الهانم ح تتكرم و توافق عليه

ح يبقوا مع بعض فتره… يتقابلوا , يتحاضنوا , يتباوسوا.. ويقيفوا

ما ح يواصوا, مستحيل!!! ا

لانوا بعد كل شئ.. ي هي قالت انا م بقدر استناه لامن يكون نفسو… ا

ي هو قال: انا ما بتجوز وحدي مرقت معاي .. لانوا اكيد مرقت مع غيري كمان

لا ولله, عندنا زكاء بنتحسد عليه

و المصيبه ازا حصلت بالصدفه و الإتنين اتجوزوا, اول شئ ح يجي في بال الناس

اكيد غلط فيها عشان كدي قعد يجوزوهم.ا

في مجتمعي الناس تكتب عن الحب كتير, ويستخدموا كلمة بحبك اكتر من استغفرلله

تلقى اي زول بيتعلم الرسم من خلال رسم القلوب في اي مكان واي زمان

والف بت ح تقول الكلام الفوق , والف ولد ح يقولو كمان

بس في الأخير الموضوع يتشقلب و يتمقلب لى موضوع تاني خاااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااااالص

و يجيك الشاب او الشابه يقولوا ليك “انت لسه في زمن الحبكانيه” ا

ولما انا اجي من عمر ال12 ولى الليله اقول انا ما بأمن بالحب .. معناتو انا ي كضابه, او غبيه,او قعد افوت احلى شئ في الدنياة .ا

ما لاكن حيرتوني معاكم؟؟؟

ارى اليابسه ولاكن... ا

كان يا مكان في يوماٌ من الأيام بنت اسمها هيلن, كانت مجنونه وظنت انها ناجحه . ولاكن في احد من الايام ادركت انها لا شئ. فقررت ان تركب خطاٌ استؤاي كي تعكس كل شئ, وتجعل من لا شئ , شئ لا ينسى ولا يفتكر

ادخلت نفسها في تحدي لم تعرف قوانينه ولا مخرجه. وبعد تحدي و اصرار كانت قادرة على دخول ذلك التحدي, الذي غير كل شئ في حياتها كما كانت تريد. ولاكن مع الاسف عدم معرفتها لقوانين التحدي. بعد دخولها بفتره قصيرة, شعرت كما لو كانها في كبد البحر. لم تفهم كيف انتهى بيها الأمر هناك. ولاكن لم يكن لديها وقت لتفكر بكل ما سبق ولا كيف حدث او لماذا؟

كان هناك شئ اهم يجب عليها ان توجه عليه كل الإهتمام, و هو كانت انفاسها, التي كانت تغرق سانيه تلو الاخره. هيلن كانت صغيرة جدا على السباحه, كانت صغيرة على ان تتحمل صفعات الامواج الهائجة. كانت الامواج و الهواء و الشمس اللامعه في السماء و البحر الغاضب و الحيتان الجائعه و اكثر ضد هيلن. ا

على تلك الطفله لم يكن هناك اي شئ مهم, غير تعلم السباحه بينما كانت تغرق, وكان يجب عليها ان تتعلم المقاومه كي تتحمل ضربات الموج و تتجنب الحيتان. ا

بعد صراع طويل في عمق البحر, اخيراٌ تمكنت هيلن من السباحة و المقاومه. و ما انتهت من كل ذاك, وان ادركت انها لا تعرف وجهة اليابسه… كانت في كبد البحر, كل ما تراه هو الماء والماء ولا اكثر. في تلك اللحظه تمنت لو انها ماتت قبلي تعلمها للسباحه او اي شئ. ا

تلك الصدمه اتلفت قوتها و جعلت دموعها تزيد مياه البحر , كانت تعرف طريق الرجوع إلى من حيث اتت. ولاكنها كانت عنيدة جدا , و بدل النجات والرجوع, قررت ان تواصل السباحه الى الابد. ا

مرت اشهر وهي ما تذال تسبح, اتى الشتاء العنيف و اهلك مفاصلها و هي ما تذال تسبح… اتى الصيف و احرق اكتافها وهي ما تذال تسبح… عاد الشتاء من جديد ثم الصيف… هي كانت ما تذال تسبح. في ليلة من ليالي الربيع, نظرت إلى السماء و لاحظت النجمه الحيراء (الشماليه)التي كانت دائماٌ فوقها وهي لم تراها . ا

في تلك الليلة ادركت هيلن وجهتها, وبدات السباحه نحو الجنوب الشرقي, مع الاسف الصغيرة كان متعبه من السباحه الطويله التي التهمت عمرها في عرض البحر. واصلت وجهتها وهي تسبح مسافه و توشك على الغرق مسافه اخرة… كان اخذ راحةٌ او غيلوله شئ مستحيل . ا

واصلت السباحه, و بعد ان كان لليابسه 365 متراٌ … تعبت جداٌ ولم تكن قادره على رفع يدها. فاستسلمت وبدات تغرق بعد رويتها لليابسه بعينيها. بينما كانت تغرق اخذت هيلن شئ من الراحه, وندفعت للأعلى من جديد… وهي الأن تسبح نحو اليابسه, ولا تدري ماذا سيحدث في خلال الامتار المتبقيه. من الممكن ان يلغدي الحوتا عليها اوان ترمي بيها الامواج بعيداٌ …ا

حقاٌ هو صعب التخمين, تبقى لها 90 مترا كي تصل إلى اليابسه. فهل ستتمكن من الوصول؟ سنعرف بعد ثلاثه اشهر… ا

scared but happy

It started in February 2014 when I got dumped for the first time in my life. I hit in sadness super hard, that I became stronger, harsher, tougher, more careful, trust-less and always scared but always ready for it. However, in the same year, I decided to kill all the emotions inside me and become rationally. I did it, to the extent that I reached a point which I never thought about, or even dreamed about.

Anyway, as usual, I was unlucky at all. I faced so many obstacles much more than my energy, much more than any teen could bear. but by that time (2015) was still weaker than 2014. and so I got to pass 2015 as well and changed all the bad luck to what I wanted.

2016 came and fucked me so hard that at times thought 2014 was nothing comparing to it. times, I wanted to go back to 2014 and handle that pain again instead. times, I was looking just for a small corner that I could hide myself in and cry, maybe tears could have helped me to pass. times, I got forced by my own emotions that I thought were dead, to do things that I never imagined my self-doing it. times, I was about to give UP.

Anyway, as time passed I start flying like a lovely bird in the sky of freedom, but in reality, I was just lost and trying to find the way. I seemed to be happy but I was dying inside, I was helping everyone who needed help, but I was in need of help more than anyone.

2017 I start becoming addicted to all the pain and hard path, I liked everything surrounding me. I start not feeling anything when I supposed to feel, I start becoming emotional when I shouldn’t be. I start choosing and doing all that I want in a painful way.

AND now I am planning to enter 2018 with a new hard pain, but it will be different than all the others. because this one is chosen by me not by the time scale nor by the luck or any other invisible power. YES, I am scared but am also happy, no matter how painful my path might seem, as long as I am addicted to it, then it is a happiness. I also believe that fear makes us stronger, more ready, it also expands our expectations ( mostly negatively) which just make us who we are actually.

#futre_plan

Africa

In geography and economics, they always talk about AFRICA ….. ‘’The poorest content is africa, the slaves are African, the third world is Africa, the NGO, UN, MIF, WB, are trying to help Africa to develop, to become rich, to reduce HIV, to reduce diseases, to achieve peace, to reduce immigration, to be independence, to stop borrowing, to increase GDP, to start caring about green GDP, to get access to clean water/fresh water, to reduce HUNGER, Africa is the most hungry COUNTRY, to reduce CBR and CDR, most LEDCs are African countries, to improve their access to RESOURCES, use of renewable resources, ….etc, Africa has the lowest income per person, people in Africa leave by less than one dollar per a day, huge percentage of African people live under the level of poverty, low level of education, low percentage of educated women, a low percentage of involved women, Africa has petroleum but they don’t have educated people to use it, African countries are the fastest empty countries, Africa is very dirty, weak, unsustainable, unsafe, corrupt, ……………..

some might argue that I should not get mad, cause Africa is a continent like others and it is normal to learn about and talk about it. But, the way how they teach about it and all the things they tell about it… is just makes someone feel uncomfortable or feel bad for it... I don’t know, but I just don’t like the way how they determine it

#africano

that one night

He didn’t say a word… he just came forward me… he was then closer… even closer, his lips were on my lips. I didn’t know what he was doing but the worst I forgot to stop him…… I actually forgot myself. I kept remembering every single person I met in my life, i remembered every single word i heard from them about my asexuality, and he was getting closer and closer… a few seconds later, it felt like a whole year has passed already. my waist was tied by his arms, my eyes were closed I THINK cannot remember… I kept thinking about the future…..remembering the past and totally forgot about the present…

now his lips and my lips are super wet, i felt my body getting softer and weaker. it is 12:00 am and I was about to have sex with him… suddenly looked at the clock and it was my birthday. gotta stop and start my new year, gotta think about the present and stop staring, gotta remember myself... ‘’Stop it… stop it’’ !! were my words ones I sobered up, stop it, it is my birthday now, and i run away…

I was so scared afterward, but that one night taught me, that i need to know my self first before any step in my life, i need to face and try everything in order to know my self, i need to give my self a chance to analyze the past, plan the future but most important to get all the best out of the present.

for the few minutes that i was absent at, during his touching…i thought i finally fall in love and that was him, but not really! just by opening my eyes and looking at the watch… everything was not true... i was just impressed by his quietness, confidence and wanted to give my self a chance for one time, with a zero knowledge about him. but I am me… the only unchangeable thing we as human beings can make is our-selfs and everything else in life is changeable and uncertain.

#that_night

The only thing that I have and nobody has is ME, here I found the way to ME

Neil_lb

#uwcm

Sad City like woman’s tear

She was my dream city, that I have always wanted to hug, and after I did, I wished if that dream has never come true. just like me she was pretended that she was fine. just like my mom, she was bearing all the pressure for others to survive, Just like any woman, she was trying to hide her sadness by random nice views at some places. she welcomed me, she hugged me strongly, she protected me even though she was not safe, she taught me about love, myself, politics, humans and their rights and honesty, but she forgot to mention about her tears that never stopped until I left.

The mother of LOVE was sad because she was a nice mom, they killed her, they destroyed her, they took the hell out of her and still don’t want to leave her alone. All was because she tried to protect them from people who were trying to kill them, destroy them, take the hell out f them and didn’t want to leave them alone…. HUMANS will never learn how to appreciate Because it is very easy to bite the hand of the feeder instead of feeding back….

So they are killing the MOTHER OF LOVE and expecting PEACE to be achieved, OKAY but HOW?

#paris

Velentine day

I always write about important days and celebrations, or about anything in my life… except this day, I have never been able to write about it, or to feel it, or come closer to it…

It is just a small shiny love ray, that I don’t want to pollute it by faking my emotions and act as I know it… I hear so many people say valentine day is just for Mohammed or Jesus or Buddha, but I also don’t feel that one as well. I guess I am quite far from love in general..

Whatever, I just wanted to write about it what I really feel for it, regardless to to the type of writing…

#14_2_2017

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