BRUH i just finished the beginner (2010) i'm actually BAWLING my eyes outtt the ending is so bittersweet

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BRUH i just finished the beginner (2010) i'm actually BAWLING my eyes outtt the ending is so bittersweet
you can't hear my voice
afraid the minute i open my mouth,
i’ll blurt out your name.
Here's to that "poor horse girl". The girl that is just starting out, the girl that is trying her best, the girl that is doing it by herself. And most of all to the girl that has been told she'll never be good enough. I wanted to share a little advice/ hope for you. Money isn't everything in this life. I know that it can be so intimidating at first when you look at others and see what they have. When I got my first horse we didn't have a farm so I boarded her at a stable. When we got her we were told she was a 20 year old quarter horse. She was just kinda left in the pasture and forgotten about. We paid $800 for her. Years later I found out she was so much more and wasn't even a qh but a younger, double registered, Appaloosa. I remember feeling so out of place sometimes because I was surrounded by other people that were big money barrel racers and fancy pleasure riders. Then there was me. A lot of them looked down on me because I was just the poor kid that didn’t come from the same life. I am only child but have grown up in a family that lived paycheck to paycheck for almost all of my life. Looking back I'm not even sure how my parents made it possible for me to have a horse, but they did. Mainly because that horse was and still is my whole life (yes I still have my first horse, she just turned 32 years young!❤). I didn't do sports or anything else that my friends did. Nope I was the one crazy horse girl out of the kids. Well... I guess not much has changed, I just got older and found the right group of people.
I started from the VERY bottom. My first saddle was a no name brand that was like $300, my first trailer was an old ugly blue stock trailer, she was safe and sturdy but she was no beauty. If you've shown enough you all know that one old truck and trailer that sits in the middle of the big fancy white ones. Well that was me for many years. I even had a couple of parents sit and talk crap about my rig right in front of me not knowing it was mine. I spoke up loud and proud and said "yup that ugly blue rig is mine". People will give you dirty looks, talk behind your back, and laugh at you for it but keep your head high girl, you'll have the last laugh if you work hard enough. Why? Because money doesn't buy skill. My tack didn't have silver, my horse wasn't thousands of dollars, and I didn't have the top trainers training me. I learned almost everything myself by going and watching clinics, watching other trainers, reading books and magazines, and training my own horse. It wasn't until I was in my last year of high school that I finally was able to start training for and under other well known trainers.
It was about 5 years after I got my first horse, Darlin, that we finally got a farm of our own so I was able to buy a few more horses and I trained them from the ground up. I wasn’t like the other girls that was lucky enough to go to trainers and get lessons all the time, I did it on my own. Well the other girls were out in the arena on expensive, well trained horses, I was just trying to get my horses to accomplish the basics. We made fools of ourselves a few times but we tried our best. But, mistakes happen. Your horse will forgive you. Eventually. Shit happens. Just learn from your mistakes and move on. Don't believe anyone that says that they haven't made stupid mistakes. They have.
When I started showing Finey it was... rough. I love this boy with all my heart but I will admit, he is not built the best. His conformation is not perfect. Due to his build people told me he basically he wouldn't be good at anything. It didn't help that because he's an Arabian, "he's supposed to be good at pleasure." We tried, he hated it. Going slow in a circle around an arena is NOT his cup of tea. So we started barrel racing and gaming and he loved it. He got to stretch his legs. But "he wasn't built for it" so they all said he'd never be good enough at it. But that's not the kind of horse he is, you tell him he can't and he'll prove you wrong every time. His heart is huge and his determination is never ending. He may not be the best at it but he'll keep up with the rest. After all, we did go to state a few times for gaming. We didn't win no ribbons or place in the top but we held our own. In the end we proved them all wrong because we never gave up and we worked nonstop to achieve our goals. Well others got to practice in an arena I ran in the back pasture on the grass. So I could never run full out or he’d slip on the grass.
Now let me tell you about the days of showing. The English and western pleasure, the halter classes, and the showmanship. These days still stick with me because my eyes were opened to a world I realized I didn't wanna be apart of it anymore. I showed my friends Appaloosa for a few years and we won many ribbons and trophies. We practiced almost everyday and thanks to my friend I learned more and got better. But some of the shows, the judges never even looked at us because my tack wasn’t covered in silver and we didn’t do tail extensions or any of that crap. Then the last year we went to state happened... The judges never looked at me in the pleasure classes, then in horsemanship we did our patterns perfectly and yet the girl with the shiny tack and expensive horse, that messed up the pattern, placed and we didn’t. I was devastated and mad. One of the other girls mom told "he will never be anything but an amateur show horse. He'll never make it to the next level". (Yet we were there showing on the same level as them and the other girls didn't make it any farther than us.) But then I realized something. It all came down to the option of a couple judges. The options of a few people didn’t determine our skill or capability. It make take many tries but eventually the right people will notice you and suddenly money doesn’t mean it all anymore. You will have to work your ass off, success will not come easy or fast. It takes time. But you are capable of so much.
The years have gone by and I finally have the nice truck and trailer, and the nice tack. But I have a barn that is old and falling apart, a round pen, and a back pasture to ride in. No fancy barn and no indoor arena. But I still succeed and I still have people that bring me their horses for me to train. I have found the harder you work for something, it makes the little achievements mean so much more. So here is to the that poor horse girl out there, don’t let anyone tell you can’t. If it means enough to you, you’ll find a way. I’ve been you, I have been through all the hurdles. It’s not always fun but it’s worth it in the end. Just keep working hard.
And one more tip girl, the horse world can be full of people that walk on a fine line. There is two types, the stuck up snooty ones that think they are better than everyone, and then the ones that know what it’s like to be you, they offer help instead of judging you. Sadly you’ll run into a lot of stuck up people but don’t pay them any mind. They just lose sight of the love of what they do and make it all about winning. Don’t ever lose your passion, don’t be there just to win. Be there to have fun and learn. You’ll get there someday girl, I promise. I believe you.
if I had to fight tears back in the office then SO DO YOU
The Beginner
🎄📺🛹
El conmovedor anuncio de navidad de John Lewis
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Titulado The Beginner, un videoclip de 90 segundos que muestra a un hombre desesperado por convertirse en un skater (patinador). Se puede ver al hombre en los parques de patinaje y en las calles cayendo una y otra vez. Todos los esfuerzos del hombre se vuelven claros cuando abre la puerta principal de su casa para encontrarse con una trabajadora social que está con una joven adolescente, Ellie,…
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I didn't mean to hurt you, I am / a beginner
from “The Beginner” in Shiner by Maggie Nelson