#the columnist

[cathalbravecog]

i usually don't post early concepts (technically this is like my third?) but i FINALLY am getting some designs down for this guy. ai bro cog. thats it. thats funny right . nobody knows how he got accepted into the company but he's there now alongside the rest of the mgrs (who all also mostly got questionably hired)

he's The Columnist! but you can call him chat! or petey. his design isn't fully decided yet but i am happy where i am at currently.

bc ppl in this fandom lowkey dont have reading comprehension: he is a joke and satire on users of generative ai - specifically online journalists/columnists and those spam articles you find on google. i do not support it myself

[movie--posters]

[kristenbouchard]

the columnist (2019) / evil 2x10 

[bizarrecolumns]

2015 The Cosy Column / The Columnist FURNITURE COLUMNS

[movie--posters]

[bizarrecolumns]

2015 The Cosy Column / The Columnist FURNITURE COLUMNS

[scary-movies-on-netflix]

THE COLUMNIST (2019)

This is a Dutch movie about Femke, who writes for a Dutch newspaper, presumably in Dutch (Nederlands).  As a woman on the internet with opinions, she receives a fair amount of hate.  Femke’s boss wants her to work on her book, but Femke is so depressed/obsessed with reading all the negative messages that she’s stuck.  One day she discovers that her neighbor is writing nasty tweets about her, so whilst he is working on the roof she sneaks outside and shoves him off the building!  He lands on his head and dies, and then she cuts off one of his fingers.

Her next target is a man who made crude comments about her.  She sneaks into his dingy apartment in Amsterdam and confronts him.  She basically asks if he would say such things about his own girlfriend, but he says that his girlfriend “doesn’t write such fucking terrible columns.”  Femke beats him to death with a pan and cuts off a finger, which she puts into a box of peas in her freezer.  Her third victim is a guy sitting in his bathtub.  He says that he’s a nice guy, but she throws his laptop into the water and electrocutes him.  We then have a montage of more deaths.  After each death, Femke is inspired to continue working on her book. 

Femke’s boyfriend Steven is another writer.  Also, her daughter Anna is having trouble at school with the headmaster.  Femke almost kills the man, but she sees him with his family and leaves him alone.  The harassment around Femke shifts to accusing her of pedophilia, but the apparent ringleader uses a screen name that she cannot track down.  She eventually learns the first name, Tarik, when a policeman mentions it to her by accident. 

Femke’s daughter Anna eventually discovers Femke’s murder-bag!  Anna, however, suspects that Femke’s boyfriend Steven is the killer!  Anna has organized a benefit for free speech, and Femke is supposed to deliver a speech, but instead she heads out to murder another person.  The man lives in a nice hunting lodge, and Femke eventually grabs his shotgun and hunts him down.  At the benefit, Anna reads Femke’s speech, about the virtues of free speech.  Anna repeats that one can say whatever they want.  One can be criticized for their speech, “but they aren’t allowed to silence me.”  We then see Femke shoot the man in the back.  So much for the tolerant left!

Afterwards, Femke sits in her car and cries.  Anna is super pissed at her and says that she’s going to live with her dad.  Femke literally cuts her internet cable and then gets an old “dumb” cell phone.  On the last day, the final day, Femke puts on a nice white suit for her book launch party.  Anna comes to visit.  Whilst Steven is showering, Femke peeks at his smartphone and figures out who Tarik is, and she leaves.  Anna then accuses Steven of being the murderer!  Steven is flabbergasted, and he is also holding the box of peas, inside of which he discovers all of the severed fingers that Femke has collected.  Meanwhile, Femke has arrived at Tarik’s house with the shotgun.  She knocks on the door and immediately shoots the man who greets her.  She then hears someone upstairs and goes to confront Tarik, who is just a teenage boy.  He asks Femke not to shoot, but she says that he deserves it.  “That was just a joke,” he says.  “I didn’t think it was funny,” she says.  Femke yells at Tarik and explains that she’s a person and doesn’t deserve to be treated like a monster just because she has a different political opinion.  She apologizes for shooting Tarik’s dad and appears to be ready to leave, but then Steven arrives.  He surprises Femke and she blasts Tarik.  She tells Steven that “he deserved it.”  Steven says, “No one deserves this, Femke.”  Femke’s gaze hardens and she accuses Steven of taking his side.  She lifts the shotgun.  “He deserved it.”

Back at the house, Anna removes the fingers from the box of peas and we see at least 12.  She takes a picture with her DSLR, and as the shutter fires we also hear a shotgun.  In a great scene, Femke finally arrives at her book launch party.  Her face and white suit are splattered with blood.  Her book cover is white with a smear of red on it, so everyone assumes that she’s just making an artistic statement.  She takes a Bloody Mary and holds it up and says, “Op het leven!”  Everyone claps.

This was good.  It was more a black comedy than a horror film.  The film is only half-grounded in reality, as there’s no way Femke wouldn’t have been caught quickly, but once one suspends their disbelief they can accept the movie as a simple revenge fantasy.  Femke (Katja Herbers) is certainly a relatable character, as it’s basically impossible to be online without dealing with trolls.  (Women, of course, receive the worst treatment by far.)  Who hasn’t dreamed of hunting down their tormentors and punishing them?  Yet, Femke also has a mean streak.  She’s riding in the car with her daughter and says, of another child, that he was “a real little fucker,” who “deserved” to have stones thrown at him.  She picks up her soon-to-be-boyfriend and says, “I really don’t care about anything at all,” which obviously isn’t true, but it might be what she wants to be.  She gives in to her rage.  Her murders are halting and clumsy.  The filmmaking is solid.  There’s one excellent sequence where the montage of deaths is mixed in with scenes of Femke’s daily life.  The camera rotates about the images, and all the while she places more severed fingers on a bed of peas.  As for the final message (“Be nice.  Why can’t we just have different opinions and be nice about it?”), I think that now, just a few years after the release of the film, the idea seems…somewhat naïve.  How are we supposed to “be nice” to those who devalue the very humanity of broad swatches of the population because they’re the wrong sexual orientation or skin color or religion?  These are more than just differences of “political opinion.”  These are fundamental disagreements on who counts as a human being.  “The Columnist” presents one fantasy of how to deal with the cesspool of the internet, and I have to admit that it’s compelling.

[lonespektr]

Oct 4th & 5th Double Whammy The Columist & Cuphead Day 18/19

Exhausted from Covid Booster but not down

A feminist jurno

Twitter dox threats bout her kid

Lil fake model cuuute

Omg that dude is giving pick up artist extrodanaire

She has to write a book

Omg why is there a poster of him in the office

Back to Twitter

If it's that's bad you should go to the police

Bb journo kicked off school paper

Black Pete! Extremely racist no prob with that

Advocating violence

Back to Twitter

Oh she did comment on black pete

A negative commentor looks like a construction worker

Is that her friend? Because she was saying shit things before

Her bike got jacked

Why did she break the fence?

Is that an orb weaver? They make webs in hallways its mad irritating

Grooosss why

Joy boiled egg

Rom com

Now he fucking stay there?

wtf

Now comments section of the egg post

Just murdering guys that probably aren't the commentors at all

Like literally none are confirmed

Now she wants to chat

At least this is confirmed

It's wild hearing older languages than yours and you're like damn we stole Hella your words

Full serial killer trophies and all

These just bug me because you can't just become a serial killer if you're pissy

Out to eat in public

It would piss me off a fake guy spewing fake violence irl has no anger

Now pizza gate shit

None of this is tracking

But what's her face is a great actor

Even still it's getting slow the character deviations aren't explained

The fact that she's doing all this out in the open is....

Pizza gate person is a punk

This is... Dozens

I would say it's writing but there was one on the news

19/16 is not cool though

Still making protest posters

It's lagging in the middle how can she be that good at murder with no practice

Principal way too far

What's the payoff if she's already around the bend?

Police

Just dropped a name and left

Dumb enough to leave bloody tools but smart enough to have a kit? 🙄🙄

The pizza gate is intense though

They going to bring up the writing eventually or nah?

The good guy stick doesn't play like they think it does because he is still peddling misogynistic violence and he never backs her about anything he just says ignore people saying all the things I do generally but to your face

You're not a good guy

They can't all be single yea

There's the model

What kinda writing call the police but not who or why

🙄🙄🙄

Too busy with murder to see the kid is the turning point?

Sigh That only makes narrative sense if she expressed.. Nm

Crying?

Sirens were heard she just chillin??

Boom living with dad

Cold turkey nature walk

Now he's fucking enabling

HOW CAN ANYONE BE THIS INEPT

Back at it

She love touching evidence

Pick up artist gone

Going to the event bloody

I mean good ending but not enough to justify the lag

Could have made it a tight hour also needed more messiness too clean a narrative

The Cuphead Show

I never watched the original

It was a game

Based on 36 Japanese animation

Well first off the theme song is a banger

In classic style of explaining the show in the intro

Come with me to the Inkwell Isles

It’s just off the coast, maybe twenty-nine miles

Where there’s good and there’s bad

And then there’s in between

With Cuphead and Mugman, you’ll see what I mean

Ice cream and rockets, trouble never ends!

Watch these ding-dongs as they make new friends (Zig-zag, zig-zag!)

They’ll need some help just to stay on track

Oh no, there’s that guy! You better watch your back

So, if you’rе lookin’ for fun (Yes, we’re lookin’ for fun!)

And a dash of heebiе-jeebies (We’ve got the heebie-jeebies)

Then pack your bags and let’s go!

Welcome to The Cuphead Show!

Welcome to The Cuphead Show!

Absolutely has the vintage feel

The main thing is two chuckle nugget brothers

One neurotic one chaotic get into shenanigans

And by the end it turns creepy

There's 2 seasons

It's only 10 min per sode

The cups live with their elder kettle

It's in that time frame

They run into the devil on day one

After that there are mobsters and adventures in babysitting but also ghosts pirates murder mystery and they get locked up meet a beastie girl ghost scammer and a monster candy town mayor

It's 80 slice of life 20 creepy

All while having near by brushes with the devil oh because one of the cups owes the devil his soul

I mean oh no that guy you betta watch your back

They don't try to update it the animation is retro

And the voice work

There are some fourth wall breaks

Some episodes are all horror and some are the horror of children misinterpreting things

The background is, - the painting uh landscape is creepy and set (old timey) and the animation is bright and incongruent like it used to be

They are bited sized and only a few episodes are flat