It wasn’t the sharp pricks in my arm
with dull needles in a wet alleyway.
It was never the alcohol I drank
when I just wanted to forget your face.
It wasn’t the lines that I snorted
in dirty punk rock club bathrooms.
It wasn’t the pills that I chewed
because I read somewhere that makes them work faster
and I didn’t want to live my days sober
It wasn’t the late night phone calls
Because I just wanted to hear your voice again
It wasn’t the sharp metal on flash
where I bled onto my bedroom floor
It wasn’t the taste of the barrel of a 9mm
that felt so heavy in my teeth
It wasn’t the strangers I brought home
or maybe followed off to theirs
It wasn’t sleeping under bridges
where rocks become mattress and pillow
It wasn’t the acid, alone on a bench
watching the lake’s horizon move and change shape
It wasn’t liquor poured into a sippy cup
that I have no idea where it came from
It wasn’t the abandoned buildings
where we slept ourselves off in
It wasn’t the first time I popped a vein
and soon was throwing up on the floor
It wasn’t the ritual in crushing pills
so we can spend our time waiting in lines
It wasn’t empty beer battles
that have managed to cover my entire floor
It wasn’t the sex and violence and drugs
some of us can’t let of good rock and roll
It wasn’t any of this that caused my downfall
It wasn’t the suicide attempts when summer was bright
It wasn’t the attempts when the moon vanished from the night sky
it wasn’t the reckless walks around the worst parts of town
It wasn’t the daring the world to just fucking come and take me
The cold hard and blunt truth?
My downfall came the day I met you
The day I fell in love instantly
the day that I KNEW exactly what you were
It was the love I poured upon
but I doubted I could ever keep it up
And you get angry because we never fight
and I just assumed that was a good thing
but it wasn’t and looked elsewhere
as you stood, reading off my hand
I wonder
Did you hand ever hold a knife
Go ahead, my love,
drive that blade through the center of my back
Let’s get this story right
Did you really believe I’d come out of this alive?
Baby, I showed you every single fiber that you used to make the fuse
You know you were dropping a nuclear bomb on that porch
That’s actually a super interesting question, because the obvious answer is Vanya. But due to the fact that season 1 is honestly pretty well written, it’s actually a lot more complicated than that.
I would say that the root of it all is Reginald. We could argue that it’s Leonard or Luther all day, but in the end it all goes back to Reginald. He’s the one that set the tone for the environment that ultimately led to the end. He bottled up Vanya’s powers and in doing so created the bomb. He humiliated Harold and sent him away, which ultimately created the fuse. Even in death, he contributed to the apocalypse. His death was the catalyst that brought them back together and ultimately resulted in Harold getting his hands on the book. By killing himself, he tipped over the first domino that inevitably sent the world crashing down.
But there’s more to it than that. There’s another piece of the equation that contributed, or rather the absence of a piece. It’s Five. It’s always Five.
In the same way that Vanya in essence is the bomb, Five by nature is the thing that holds the power to defuse it. I mean think about it, at every turn, Five’s presence could have prevented or derailed the events that lead to the apocalypse. It’s actually something that’s said and shown in the series several times.
“What’s different this time? What gives us a win?”
“Five.”
“This time you have me.” “This time I’m here.”
And it’s true, because canonically Five being there and his abilities are what saves them in the end and his absence always results in things going bad. Particularly with Vanya. That’s the irony of season 1, the true fatal flaw that leads to the apocalypse is the fact that between 1x02 and 1x10, Five doesn’t speak to Vanya or even see her. So let’s look at all the times that Five not being there set the apocalypse in motion.
For starters, one could argue that Five disappearing is ultimately what set the course for Vanya and the rest of his siblings. If Five had been there, Vanya would have had a friend and probably wouldn’t have felt so completely alienated. Five being there might have prevented Ben’s death and made the family’s split less harsh. And even if/when they did part ways, I think Five would’ve still been close to Vanya. Plus, he is in no way stupid, so he might have even eventually figured out that Vanya had powers.
But, might have beens aside, there’s a lot of other instances. So like I said, Five doesn’t speak to Vanya or see her after 1x02 and that’s when everything starts to go downhill. Because right after Five and Vanya speak for the last time and Five lets her believe he’s crazy...Vanya meets Leonard. And because Five is so busy chasing down leads and trying to stop the apocalypse, Five never does. And I’m sure that if Five had met Leonard early on (or even later), he would have immediately gotten Bad Vibes and that probably would’ve ultimately spelled doom/death or derailment of plans for Leonard. Because well...it’s Five.
The next instance is The Day That Wasn’t/Was. Because if Five had been there when Vanya walked in on their emergency family meeting, there wouldn’t have been a problem because Five had already looped her in on the apocalypse and would’ve happily welcomed her into the conversation. But he just missed her and that’s the horrible irony.
And the next is when Luther locks Vanya up. (Again, he just missed her.) Because if Five had been there there wouldn’t have been an argument about letting her out. Or if there was, it wouldn’t have been a very long one because well...it’s Five. Plus, he can just blink in and out wherever he wants. But Five doesn’t arrive until after Vanya destroys the academy. And, ironically, he’s not there in her flashbacks either, which means she didn’t have a strong negative memory associated with him. So basically, I truly think if anybody could’ve talked her down in those circumstances, it probably would’ve been him. (He understands loneliness and not belonging probably better than anyone else. “I don’t belong anywhere thanks to you, you made me a killer.”)
And finally, The Handler’s plan works, and he’s not there to see Vanya’s concert or when she smiles at Allison. He’s not there to offer any better plan than “let’s charge in and escalate this situation.” He never gets the chance to talk her down and by the time he sees her again, it’s already too late and she’s full White Violin.
Interestingly, this also carries over into season 2. Because really, it wouldn’t have been that much of a challenge for Five to get from one end of a hallway to another. That’s the irony. The self fulfilling prophecy. Vanya is the bomb. Five is the opposite. He holds the power to stop the apocalypse simply by being there. But he never is. Every time an apocalypse happens, it’s always because he’s missing from the equation.
In which a terrorist is murdered, and aaaalllll of Ralph's secrets are revealed…
RALPH’S MYSTERY SOLVED — AT LAST?!
Retirement beckons for Midway's oldest, crankiest Homicide detective! But before Klem can hang up her space boots, there's one final case to solve — and it will hit closer to home for her secretive young partner Ralph than he’d like, when what begins as a simple murder case soon entangles the detectives in a deadly terror plot! Ralph's secret mission is about to explode… and no-one will escape unscathed!
