#the hexstrap

[askviktor]

is the hex strap real?

Ah, it has been some time since I have been asked about the Hexstrap. Yes, it is, eh, real, and you can track its progress with the hashtag #hexstrap on this blog.

[all-eggs-one-basket]

Ominous music plays.

You’ll never guess what’s coming to Piltover.

Camera pushes in slowly on a pulsating Hexgate portal.

A new direction for the cold, hard science urging our city to greater and greater peaks of achievement.

Pan up the council tower, extreme forced perspective so it grows and grows on screen.

Experience the power of Hextech…

Snap back to the hexgate, pulsing faster, glowing brighter. Ominous music swells.

…In your own backyard.

Music turns upbeat and whimsical. Cut to a tight shot of a custodian in the public gardens, bent over away from camera. She notices the camera and stands up, wiping her cheek with a glove and smudging it with dirt. She smiles.

“I use mine outdoors. It’s perfect for getting dirty in the garden with a friend.”

An assistant hustles past with an armful of papers, and the camera follows. They walk and talk.

“I keep mine in my bag. The boss really likes to ride me hard at the drop of a hat, so I try to stay prepared.”

They enter a coffeeshop as a barista exits. The camera follows while he erects a sidewalk sign - it reads “Piltover’s favorite hole-in-the-wall! Come on in.”

“I get mine out in the morning. My partner is an early riser, so we always start our day with a hot, fresh grind.”

Sunlight flares off the shop window and the shot transitions to an even brighter hexgate thrumming fast and humming in warning.

Endorsed by the Rising Stars themselves…

Slow zoom in through an open door of the lab, Viktor working at a desk facing away. He notices the crew and turns, goggles still on, perplexed.

“What is this? Who let you in here, I told them absolutely no filming in the—“

Diligently pounding away at the Next. Big. Thing.

Cut to the forge kiln blazing away around a thick rod of steel, turning white hot. Tongs pull it out a little, then back in, then full out. Sensual jazz music backs the steady hammering sound of steel on steel. Slo-mo pan over sweating abs. Flexing back. Fist gripping a thick-handled hammer. 2/3 shot of Jayce sitting, shirtless, hammer in hand, full spread, swiping sweat off his brow and neck.

“Innovation has always been a give and take. You gave me a hard thrust into the spotlight, and I took it in stride…but Hextech has always been about the people of this city first and never the glory, whole stop. My partner and I want to remind you that Hextech isn’t about us. It’s about you. And where you want it.”

Councilwoman Medarda enters from the right and tucks his hair into a more perfect swoop. She rests her arm on his shoulder and looks at the camera.

“This next push for progress is going where Hextech has never gone before. He’s got my backing. And I’ll let you in on a little secret…”

Tight push in on just her. She raises a finger to her lips in a hushing motion.

“I’m wearing mine right now.”

Smash cut to the Hexgate exploding in a burst of light as The Hexstrap™ teleports into frame, gleaming and rotating to show off its features. A moan joins the music for emphasis. It sounds like Jayce.

The people of Piltover got behind Hextech. Now let Hextech get behind you.

Introducing The Hexstrap™, Piltover’s first and only publicly-available wearable to feature revolutionary technology.

Harness the power of Hextech to deliver 6 intense power settings sure to have you - and your partner - seeing stars.

Upgrade to the Hexstrap Pro and experience military-grade efficiency. With full exoskeletal augmentation and ergonomic comfort straps, you can put Hextech where you want it with ease - blow their back out, not yours.

The Hexstrap™.

You can’t spell Progress without peg. And you can’t drive them into the future without The Hexstrap™.

Find it at your local pleasure purveyor. Hextoys LTD is a privately-owned company existing separately from any state-sponsored initiatives. Views expressed here may not reflect the opinions of any official governmental bodies or institutes. For more information, visit our Bridgeside location, or consult with our distributors in Zaun for a thorough demonstration.

[clinicalinsamity]

Sad moment for AU ekko because the hexstrap doesn’t exist in his timeline, he’ll never know the magic 💔

[askviktor]

If youre taking suggestions for the hexstrap definitely add a extra phallus for the wearer, the more the merrier 😉

Yes, I believe there has been a misunderstanding. We are not taking requests for the Hexstrap at this time or, eh, perhaps ever, so I kindly ask that all such queries be held until the appropriate moment. Which is not now. Thank you.

[samwolfcos]

the moment your partner sends you a link to a small business actually making the hexstrap. But then you realize christmas is just over and your birthday won’t come up until seven months later 😭

@interstellardisaster you are cruel 😩😜 but I love you so much

[alibyactually]

God I love fandom