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Akita and Zane talk after the battle in 'Awakenings'. The conversation... doesn't go as either of them expect.
Prompt: memories, from @ninjago-bingo‘s warm board:D
Trigger warnings: implied self harm (one or two characters dig their fingernails into their hands), discussion and introspection about most of the crimes the 'Emperor' committed, a lot of talk and introspection about murder.
Word count: 4682 (I've literally been writing this for like a month lol, kinda disappointed it ended up fairly short:/)
"We have to talk."
The girl with red markings on her face - Akita, he heard Lloyd call her - unsheathes her short dagger, eyes narrowed to slits.
He glances around the throne room, hands pressed to his head. The memories were still trickling through; strange islands and a forest of snow, a dungeon and... a noodle factory?
"Alright," he says quietly. She bears the same red marks of the bear he can remember Vex convincing him was a criminal, many winters ago. That could only mean-
It wasn't you, he reminds himself. It was the scroll, and the actions of a power hungry traitor.
You gave the order, his now infallible memory supplies, and, honestly, he has no rebuttal for that.
"Alright," he echoes meekly, trying to muster some emotion into his voice. "I know-"
"No," she cuts him off roughly, her eyes scanning the room. It is just the two of them now - the samurai had fled once they had recovered from the strange trance he had put them in. Vex had been locked in the dungeon by Lloyd, who was helping any of the samurai who could not quite remember their old lives.
He had ruled for sixty years. Some of their families might dead, some by their own hands.
They know this. He knows this.
Irrationally, he wishes there was some way to fix this. A spell, or a way to turn back the clock; some way to yell at a younger Zane to just scout the cave-
There is no way backward; only forward, out of this winter - and, possibly, into another one.
He stares at the girl in front of him, taking in her tattered clothing, the ease with which she holds her weapon. She's not afraid to fight.
"I don't owe you an explanation, Emperor," Akita says definitely, forcing out the words. "But you will give me one, or you shall never see the light of day again. My brother-"
His heart lurches, eyes widening. Brother.
"Knows that the dungeon has many empty cells," she finishes sharply, barely contained anger flashing in her eyes.
He keeps the facts brief, concise. Once this is all over, he can dwell on them - agonize over what he should have done; use it to be better next time. Atone for his mistakes, even if he can never truly make up for them.
"A snake capable of sorcery used a magic scepter to blast me and a vehicle to this realm. I was sent here sixty years into the past, which is why it took my friends so long to find me. I was also holding a similar magic scepter - one which amplifies the holder's power, but if held for too long, it corrupts one's mind."
"I know what happens next."
How-
"I watched your message to your friends," she replies curtly, by way of explanation. "I did not know that you and the Emperor were one and the same. Continue."
"Vex interrupted a process I was using to try and fix a- vehicle, which caused me to lose my memories. He told me that I was ill. He said that he was a great friend of mine, and that this realm belonged to me. He convinced me that Formlings were warmongers, and that the rightful king had overthrown me. Just before he almost killed Lloyd, he said something that caused my memories to return."
She frowns. "I do not understand. How does one lose their memories so easily?"
Akita stares at his metal skin, her eyes widening as if noticing it for the first time.
"I am not quite like you-"
"I know," she interjects, eyes brimming with anger. "I am not a murderer."
"I was... created," he replies, quietly. "Out of extra materials. I can act like others, but I do not always understand emotions in the same way."
Akita frowns again, raising her dagger. Her voice grows a dangerous edge; sharp and cold. "You never realized that your actions were wrong?"
They're entering dangerous territory. Some part of him wants to derail the conversation; stick to the facts and leave his emotions out of this.
But he owes her an explanation - he owes everyone an explanation. He owes them so much more, if only he could give it to them; erase the past and leave their quiet realm in peace.
"Before I came here, I would never have done such things - if I had my memories, I would never have done such things. Vex convinced me that they were the only way I could defend my throne. I did not know that they were wrong. The moment I realized what I had done, I tried to help your side. The right side," he finishes, ignoring the temptation to stare down at the floor instead of into her blazing eyes.
An indecipherable expression crosses her face. "You never talked to another? One of your... army, perhaps?" "Vex gave all the orders. He just asked me for approval. I never left this room." "And you approved them," she muttered, but it seemed to serve more as a reminder to herself than it did to him.
"What was your life like, before you entered our world?" Akita asks suddenly, suspicion still coating her voice. He blinks, the question unexpected.
"My friends and I can control and create different elements," he began, hesitantly. Carefully. "We were taught to fight. We protect our city from those-" "You were built to protect those who cannot protect themselves."
"Those who cannot protect themselves," Zane finishes, guilt making his vision hazy.
He quickly blinks away the tears, all too aware of her persistent gaze.
"Two more questions," she says quickly, glancing behind her. "This room makes me uncomfortable. And so do you." The accusation is clear, but her eyes are not quite as cold as they had been earlier.
"What do you feel now?" Akita asks roughly, taking a step back. "You mentioned earlier that you do not feel emotions the same way that we do. Explain."
I could lie, he thinks, fleetingly. What if my feelings convince her that I am the Emperor even more than I am Zane? A voice at the back of his mind points out that he is - was - the Emperor.
He knows this.
He knows that he will have to acknowledge it once they are back home.
He knows that he cannot dwell on it now, or the winter will go on - inside his mind instead of outside it.
"I feel... guilt," he begins. "For the terrible crimes I have committed. Horror, at my own actions. Anger, towards that traitor. Relief - that I am no longer under his influence." An eyebrow touches her forehead, ever so slightly.
"How guilty?" It is almost a challenge, her voice rising in pitch threateningly.
"I will spend the rest of my life working to atone for my mistakes," Zane answers sincerely, resisting the irrational urge to squeeze his eyes shut. "However, I know that nothing I can do will ever undo them. But I can help others from people who- who... seek to manipulate them," he finishes quietly, a remorseful sigh punctuating the confession.
Akita says nothing; lips pressed in a hard line. Her blank, steadfast gaze meets his. The dagger clatters to the ground.
He draws in a breath sharply.
Picking it up, she squares her shoulders defiantly. "My people will know that... that there were two prisoners within these walls," she sighs, the weariness in her voice all too evident.
Yet he does not miss her glare; a barely contained anger that lurks just beneath the surface.
Akita straightens her spine, frowning menacingly as her hand tightens on the dagger.
He resists the irrational urge to take a step back.
"My brother and I will never forgive you," she snarls.
You do not have to, he would like to say. But he suspects that she already knows this.
"Come near either of us again, and I will make you long for death."
She shifts to her wolf form, baring her teeth - but when she stalks closer, he does not back away.
Suddenly, he is all-too-aware of the fact that the throne room is currently empty - bar the two of them.
He does not move.
It is not as if she could harm him - titanium is not easily damaged (yet, some part of him wonders if that is a blessing or curse), but they have faced enough villains for him to know how it works.
The villains die at the end; rightfully so.
Why should this be any different?
"You will pay for your crimes," Akita growls, shifting between her forms as if it is second nature. It probably is. "Emperor."
Her dagger clatters to the ground once again.
He does not move.
Why should this be any different?
---
"What's taking her so long?"
"Who?" The Samurai asks, the confusion on his face only amplifying.
"No- nothing," he mumbles, wincing. The adrenaline is wearing off - and with it, the fleeting distraction from the pain coursing through his chest.
Broken ribs? Probably. But he's got bigger problems to worry about - his minor injuries don't really matter when there's a warrior (because after all that she's been through, he thinks that she deserves the title - even if it's one she would never have wanted) seeking vengeance, someone who could tear apart this castle, brick by brick if she wanted to, alone with his brother.
His brother - who'd taken hers; encased her village in a tomb of ice, leaving behind no one but a teenager consumed with blinding anger - rightfully so, he admits, a bit wearily.
What happened to you, Zane?
Are you even... there? The person who used to stay awake with me when all I saw was the building crumbling before my eyes, night after night? The one who swore to protect those who couldn't protect themselves?
Are you still there?
"Can I, er, go inside?" he asks no one, trying not to breathe too hard. The Ice Samurai he'd been trying to help had vanished, most probably to try and get answers from someone else.
He owes it to these people to help them - if he'd just been faster, stronger, better, Aspheera could never have-
Not now, Lloyd!
He should probably open the doors - try and diffuse whatever fight they'd gotten into. Akita reminds him of Kai; both of them fiercely protective of those whom they care about, yet sometimes clouded by rage so thick they can barely see out of it.
But he's hesitating - there's always the possibility that her anger; prison of its own, might extend to him.
Not that he even has the right to condemn her for it, though.
Unwillingly, a fleeting thought presses itself to the forefront of his mind; beautiful white hair, a soft voice coated in honey-
Broken ribs, he reminds himself stubbornly, grimacing at the flare of pain as he draws in a breath sharply. She's gone, she's gone, and it's-
He bites his lip until the tang of iron fills his mouth, eyes fixed determinedly on the floor.
Not now, Lloyd!
Slowly, carefully, he pushes the door open. It creaks softly - but he doesn't think anyone hears it.
Oh, no.
---
"Akita?" a voice questions, hesitantly. He's half-leaning against the door, blonde hair almost completely hiding wary eyes all but squeezed shut in pain.
She stiffens, ignoring the part of her that learns to hunt, murder, the- the monster-
Blinking, quickly, she allows her mind to embrace the sharp, cold air on her fur, and her harsh, ragged breathing - until she can almost feel the shift in her heart, trading instinct for a different type of clarity, white fur for skin and hair.
Grabbing her dagger, she halfheartedly swipes it at the boy who makes her cheeks redder than they usually are, the boy who travelled across the ice seeking a murderer-
Well. He is in no condition to help anyone - they both know this.
But he does not have the right to interfere with this conversation - her feelings do not matter when his friend is-
"Leave us," she snarls, fingers digging into the hilt of her dagger. "What makes you think you have the right?"
Her voice grows colder, but she can't quite keep the tremor out of it.
"You did not find your village half-dead, or spend months mourning your brother," Akita snaps, frustration seeping into the words. Why does he always have to make everything so complicated?
"I know," he replies, hesitantly, eyes flitting between the room and the door. "But... this isn't the right thing to do, Akita."
"Do you think it was right for your friend to seize power from our rightful ruler? Do you think he was right when he imprisoned an innocent child for so many years?"
She doesn't bother to keep the venom out of her voice, ignoring the fact that the light brown of her skin has almost faded to white where she grips her weapon.
Taking a step closer, she bites her lip.
If he will make this his fight, so will she.
"The girl I told you about," Lloyd interjects. "H- Harumi." He forces out the name, as if the very mention of it ails him.
She raises her eyebrows. "What are you going to do? Distract me with stories about your girlfriend while he," Akita glares at the Emperor with a sigh, "escapes?"
"No," he replies softly. Brushing the hair out of his eyes, she doesn't miss his poorly concealed wince.
This is the friend he seeks?
There's a fragile silence, one of which she refuses to shatter. Nothing he can say will erase the horrific actions of this- this power-hungry ruler who has abused the gift he has been given; persecuted their lands, and forced innocents into lives ruled by fear and hatred.
"I- er-" Lloyd starts, visibly uncomfortable with saying... whatever it is he is trying to say.
She does not interrupt, but does not take her eyes off the Emperor, either. He has not moved or even contributed to their exchange yet.
Good, she thinks fervently. She does not need to force herself to try and feel sympathy for a man she has hated for so many long winters, one who has taken a piece of her heart and locked it away in a tiny prison cell.
"Did I ever tell you that- that... I watched her die?" he asks, aiming for a casual tone.
The hurt subconsciously laced into it makes something in her heart twist, as if it had been pierced by a shard of glass.
Outwardly, she does nothing more than raise an eyebrow.
For all the days they have spent trekking across the ice together, it suddenly dawns on her how little she actually knows about him.
"No," she replies carefully, dragging out the word. "Why?" "She-"
Akita can almost see his internal struggle - anger and fear and indecision and something she can't quite place her finger on meshing into another thing entirely.
"She- tried to murder," Lloyd flinches at the word, nails digging into his palms, "my friends. And I was forced to watch, helpless," he whispers, so softly that she has to strain to hear it.
"But when she- she died in a crumbling building, I- was... the one who caused it to fall."
"Your point?" she snaps; voice as sharp as her blade. He is the only thing standing between her and the Emperor; between the growing hatred she had allowed to fester for all this time, because one day she would finally make him pay-
Her friend visibly winces.
Too late does she realize her mistake, a fact that leaves her a bit sick to the stomach.
That's nothing compared to the bout of nausea that accompanies another realization, juts a second later.
How could I let my anger hurt another - one who did not deserve to receive it? Am I truly any better than the one whom I have condemned?
Well. The logical side of her mind points out that it is her choice to forgive, for such unforgivable acts; that the anger that had doused everything in its hue, every day, was to be expected-
"I apologize... for my conduct," she says quickly, forcing herself to meet his eyes. "You have never hurt me. I did not mean to hurt you." "It's okay- this- this isn't my fight anyway," Lloyd replies quickly, fingers wrapped around the door handle - but she doesn't even think he's aware of the fact. "I just- I just wanted to share something with you, something I wish someone would've shared with me, because-" He's rambling, words practically coated in a jumble of shaky nerves. "What is it?" Akita asks softly, losing a little of the stiffness in her tone.
"Murder- it isn't right," he repeats, hands pressed to his forehead. "But... it'll hurt you more than it will anyone else. I can't go a week without seeing her fall in my dreams, over and over again. I should've been glad, I guess... she'd hurt my friends and I so many times. But- but I'm the one with the nightmares, and all this- guilt. And I care- I care you, Akita. I know that I'll never understand how you've been hurt by- by the Emperor... just, think about how it'll affect you." Akita's eyes widen incredulously, but he's not done. "Just- don't let someone else make you hurt yourself." His voice is about a pitch higher than normal, but neither of them really register it. "Sometimes, the best kind of revenge is refusing..." Lloyd trails off, his eyes squeezed shut (a second later, he opens them again, blinking profusely), "to let anyone... make you hurt them."
Irrationally, she wants to break something.
That advice offers... an entirely new perspective. One that she had never thought of.
One that is- is unwanted, she insists fervently.
And now his fingers are pressing into his hands again, so tightly that she almost wants to yell - stop it, idiot, you're hurting yourself! - at him. "Because... it might haunt you lot more. And if they- they- really want to hurt you?" Both of them ignore the erratic, painful looking way his breathing starts to hitch just then.
"Don't give them... the satisfaction of it - by- your own hands."
Her mouth drops open.
No words come out.
What?
Out of the corner of her eye, she watches Lloyd slowly - a bit too carefully - push the door shut behind him. It creaks softly, but neither of the two left standing in the room really hear it.
She squeezes her eyes shut, far too many emotions almost crashing through her mind.
"You seek to rescue your friend. I seek revenge."
Blinking the world back into focus, her mind whirls and whirls; the storm unrelenting.
"I seek revenge."
What exactly did that mean to her?
She...
She did not quite know the answer now.
---
Akita does not speak for some time, her thoughtful expression plainly clashing with one of anger.
He does not speak, either, although it is for a different reason.
Lloyd's words have forced him to face the reality he has been avoiding ever since he smashed his scepter on the ground - ever since the decade-long winter had ended.
"And if they really want to hurt you? Don't give them the satisfaction of it - by your own hands."
"If they really want to hurt you."
There is only one whom Lloyd could have been referring to.
"You were built to protect those who cannot protect themselves."
Somewhere within his mind, he is aware of the fact that the second his memories returned, the staff lay in pieces on the floor; all of that corrupted ice shattering into nothing.
He is also aware of the fact that sixty years of tyranny will leave behind much more than an altered climate.
If they even get back to Ninjago, what will have become of his city? It took his friends decades to find him - what could have happened during all that time?
Friends. Does he even have a right to call them that?
He is not quite sure - or even sure if all of them will be as forgiving as Lloyd.
The Green Ninja had always strived to find the best in people - to believe that anyone could make up for their mistakes, that they would want to. It had been to his friend's detriment, once - yet Lloyd had never quite given up on the world, in the same way that many of them had. Maybe it was some sort of childish naivety - or maybe it was just in his nature to hope, even after all they had been through, that everyone had some good inside them.
Yet, he had never met anyone who shared his friend's mindset - or at least to that extent.
Kai knows what it is like to have a sibling kidnapped, taken from them for no rhyme or reason - other than the fact that a cruel ruler who seeks power and exploits those around them for it will stop at nothing to get what they want.
Cole knows what it is like to die (well, almost, his logic points out) - to be imprisoned within yourself; a husk of a person, unable to live your life to the fullest.
His mind flashes to the thousands of innocent villagers he had frozen in icy prisons, practically caskets-
Irrationally, his hands begin to shake.
He chooses not to focus on that.
Nya used to hunt down those who hurt others, he recalls - and then squeezes his eyes shut.
Is she not quite similar to Akita in that regard?
The realization leaves him more gutted than he thought was possible. Had he really become the very person his friends worked so hard to stop?
He clenches his fists, the titanium covering his fingers grating together.
At least I am no longer holding the scroll, he thinks, fervently. Before long, the memory of a clear, quiet night pulls itself to the forefront of his mind.
The echo of a whispered confession; a brief explanation mixed with tears and shaking hands. A voice usually so bright, silenced to the shaky murmur of "I watched her die, Zane, and it was all my fault, it's all my fault-"
It was then when he had learned of- of an alternate timeline, his processor had inputted seamlessly. Another reality, wiped from their minds and the press of time. One that only existed in the memories of two of his best friends.
One that resulted in poorly concealed winces, seemingly arbitrary flinches, Nya throwing out any dresses she owned and Jay practically shaking with fear when he was asked to do certain chores. One that resulted in scars that ran far deeper than those of venom or sword. His memories had been useless then, too, his mind points out. How could he have let two of his best friends suffer for weeks on end, when he was able to upgrade or encrypt his memory drive at any time? When he was a n- robot, and should be able to recover memories that had been deleted or erased? The others could never be afforded that opportunity - yet, he had let the team down when it mattered most. If he could not be there for others, try to help them protect them from a force unable to ever be completely defeated, would he ever even halfway fulfill his purpose? He had pondered all of those questions - had ignored the pang in his heart when many pieces of the figurative puzzle clicked into place, for many weeks afterward. He had almost immediately vowed to be better - to ensure that his purpose did not go unfulfilled.
His purpose, he thought bitterly, as he squeezed his eyes shut. What had become of it now?
Another question to ponder, he supposed. And the realization that Jay - one of his brothers, one who was always equipped with a weapon and a joke too - would forever know what it was like to be kidnapped, held hostage, simply because a power-hungry figure cared less for another than anyone ever should.
Akita's brother had been scarcely less than a child - after his imprisonment. How could he have strayed so far from his original goals - how could he have strayed so far from what he had supposedly fervently stood for?
---
Lloyd's words still ring in her ears, his weary tone not quite matching their crazy implications.
She rubs her temples, frustrated. This was definitely not what she had come here for! She had come for vengeance - vengeance for the terrible crimes the Ice Emperor had committed, against her village, her brother, even her-
But what was the point of revenge if she was the one left scarred? a small voice in the back of her mind points out, doing nothing but adding to her indecision.
I cannot do this, she insists fervently, thinking of her brother's worn face - and the years he had spent imprisoned; a lone figure silently mourning a sister he did not know still trekked the ice.
Just as she had been mourning him, she thinks sadly. The pang in her heart may have lessened since she had realized that he was still alive, but it was still horrifying to think that he had lost decades of his life - she had lost decades of hers, too, in a different way, she muses - saddened, alone, imprisoned.
But is this what he would have wanted? For her?
He had always been the calmer, logic-based one. She was always running into fights, the one fueled by emotion and anger.
Well. She spares a moment for the future.
The Emperor would leave their world - possibly, to haunt another. She would remain here - with her brother and her village, the woods and the towering peaks of the mountains.
I only have this one chance, she reminds herself firmly. She fixes her eyes on the strange blue ones of the Emperor, and sees a future ruled by that one decision.
Her gaze flits towards the doorway, and she sees a future there, too.
She sighs, dropping her eyes to the ground.
But Katuru would want me to- to-
Be happy, she realizes, jarringly.
Taking a deep breath, she bites her lip.
"Will taking your life make me happy? Will it make up for the years of pain we have endured at your hands?"
Her voice rings out, hesitant yet determined.
"I wish it were so," she confesses wearily, ignoring the ache in her hands. She's been gripping the hilt of her dagger for so long, the blade's almost pierced her skin. "Alas, it is not."
The Emperor meets her gaze, but not completely - out of guilt? Fear? Anger?
She does not have the time to ponder meaningless questions.
"I despise you with every fiber of my being, you coward," Akita snarls, some of the anger she has become so accustomed to bleeding its way into her words. "But I will not tarnish my hands on someone as worthless as you, when you presently pose no threat to me."
The words spill from her mouth, but she almost wants to stuff them back inside at that very second.
This isn't why I came here! This isn't what I was supposed to do-
Another voice cuts through the one in her head, a weary confession from someone she knew nothing and everything about.
"Don't give them the satisfaction of it - by your own hands.
The next words she utter fill the room - steady, unwavering.
"Leave our world, and never return. Never. You have treated my people as if you are a monster, yet you say that you are sorry. As if you could ever care - after everything you have done to us!"
Akita sheathes her dagger, indecision still weighing heavily on her mind.
"I hope that you are as haunted by your time here as we all are," she spits, walking towards the door. She does not look behind her, but packs as much bitterness as she can into the last word she utters before the door closes behind her.
"Emperor."
---
A/N - I know this wasn't great, but honestly, it was really interesting to write and challenged me to think about certain things quite a bit. If you did read it, thank you so much!:D
