#the preakness

[popsixsquishcicerolipschitz]

The Preakness x Zed Run Collection

[godmods]

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panda bear // the preakness

[whitemaxima]

the preakness

[meysq]

I’m not here to pass on a judgment of passion

[christopherkess]

A Photo Finish?

Word came down late last week that what might have been considered a hail mary outcome, the Preakness remaining in Baltimore on a permanent basis, had taken a huge step towards becoming a reality. Stronach Group, the owners of Pimlico Race Course, and Baltimore Mayor Bernard “Jack” Young came to an agreement that fundamentally changes Pimlico and keeps the Preakness at “Old Hilltop,” where it’s…

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[acerobbiereyes]

I just got followed by the Preakness Stakes Instagram

[deanlawrencekowalski]

Justify Wins Preakness, Keeping Triple Crown Hopes Alive | NPR The heavy favorite, led by veteran trainer Bob Baffert, became the 36th horse to win both legs of the Triple Crown. Baffert is one race closer to claiming his second series win. Source: Justify Wins Preakness, Keeping Triple Crown Hopes Alive

[racingtoaredlight]

The Preakness 2018 Preview, The Who Gives A Fuck Middle Child Of Races

Frankly if you haven't drunkenly whipped yourself on the side of your ass with a rolled up racing form yelling at a ThunderCow, "Get on yer fucking bike" you have haven't truly lived. I was wearing my Mother Fucking Kentucky Derby t-shirt chugging a mint julep when I realized I might have gotten my friend Pav addicted to gambling. She had never punted in her life but took Promises Fullfilled which ran out to an early lead. Amongst the fascinators, blazers and sun dresses she shouted at the TV transfixed. She was winning. Her horse sadly ran out, the lack of fulfillment bothered her and she demanded to know when the next race was on. "Uh for an important one two weeks..dude....I should tell you now that gambling is about managing your losses" but I could tell my platitude fell on deaf ears. Pav was already dreaming about future winnings and how to spend them. She was hooked.

She's not wrong.

The Race  

“The Preakness is run on a distance of 9.5 furlongs.” What. What in the shit is that? “9.5 Furlongs is 1 mile 330 yards or 1 3/16 or a mile.” What the fuck are you talking about? “1 3/16 miles” English motherfucker, do you speak it? Goddamit. So a mile is 1600 metres, so divide 1600 by uh 16…that’s 100 metres times 3 sooooo…….1900 metres? The race is 1.9 kilometres.  JUST. FUCKING. SAY. 1.9 KILOMETRES. [screams into pillow, slowly regains composure]  I swear if you use metric a gulag won’t spring up the next day. You won’t have to call Paris, ‘Pay-reee.’ You will not be forced to use public transportation. No one will make you go to art galleries. You can still eat hamburgers for breakfast. I promise you.  It’s no wonder why America is a failing empire of fat, poor morons. Do you obese, destitute dullards refer to the 100 metre dash as a 16th Of A Mile? You cunts. 

What Happened at The Kentucky Derby

This win was a drunken accident, I bet the wrong number. I am not kidding. 

This win Good Magic was my friend Tee who has won money two years in a row, she picks based on name. She is also not wrong. 

The Irish horse Mendelsson showed up drunk and came last because frankly the Irish are about as reliable as a monocrop of potatoes. I plan to win my money back by taking Yes +120 in the upcoming Irish Abortion Referendum. 

ThunderCow Field 1 Quip 12-1

2 Lone Sailor 15-1

3 Sporting Chance 30-1

4 Diamond King 30-1

5 Good Magic 3-1

6 Tenfold 20-1

7 Justify 1-2

8. Bravazo 20-1

Who We Got

Ghost of Mole CODENAME DIAMOND KING ms621 (who legally has to say 1000 metres away from all horses)  Lone Sailor.  (editors note: A lone sailor willing to wear a tail and horse mask?)  Stark Bravazo because that’s the kind of horse that can shit in a Tim Horton’s and fling it. Feel free to just change the name to any other horse if somebody likes Bravazo for a better reason. I just keep watching that pooping lady video

Cody I'm siding with Good Magic, because I can no longer sit idly by while Horse Voldemort terrorizes stables the world over. Butters Since my Billy Dee Williams horse from the Derby has since been turned into dog food I go with Quip who was named after my strengths as a blogger. Spencer Didn’t we just do this? /waves glue factory flag

WHO I GOT 

Good Magic is a mudder and the forecast calls for rain, essentially I have a parlay with a tall cow and mother nature. Gambling is fantastically stupid nonsense. I also took the world’s most obvious exacta like some typical yuppie slag. 

Whatever, I'm going to go drink Arak until Tuesday. 

Odds I puke from Arak: 2-1.  Post time: May 19th, 6:48. 

Best of luck punters.